- Celebrities seem to be getting engaged at an alarming rate.
- Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin, Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson, Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra, and Ellie Goulding and Caspar Jopling are some of the most recent pairings.
- Celebrities may grow up quicker than regular people, hence wanting to get married sooner.
- Also, it may be their impulsivity that has helped them become successful.
- Shotgun marriages don't always work, but sometimes they do, if both people in the couple are in an emotionally healthy place, and they bond over something they care about.
- Research shows couples who know each other for two years before getting married have the happiest marriages.
The world of celebrities is rife with shotgun engagements right now. Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin, Ariana Grande and Pete Davidson, and Nick Jonas and Priyanka Chopra are some of the couples on the way to tying the knot after just a few weeks of dating.
In theory, shotgun marriages are destined to fail. The assumption is couples jump into a serious commitment because they're caught up in the whirlwind of romance. That, or they are trying to heal themselves from a messy previous relationship breaking down.
But like with a lot of things, celebrities and normal people differ. Melissa Hobley, the CMO at OkCupid told INSIDER that while it looks like people are suddenly rushing to get engaged, it may just be because those in the public eye are used to moving at a quick pace.
"I think it's more of a Hollywood trend than a real life trend," she said. "We see that people talk about speedy engagements, but it isn't as common as it appears to be."
She added that some people do rush into speedy engagements, and "when we see celebrities or people in the spotlight doing something, you do see people mimic that."
But generally, the trend isn't moving towards people wanting to get hitched as soon as possible, she said. In fact, the data shows how people — especially millennials — are holding off on getting engaged, and some are choosing not to get married at all.
"There's been a huge decline in the percentage of people who are getting married, period," Hobley said. "Younger generations, they are more reluctant to get married than older people. The age of marriage is rising all the time."
So what's with all the celebrity shot-gun engagements? And why are some of them so young? Hobley said it could be down to a couple of reasons.
1. To be famous, you have to be bold
To become a big star, and to be that famous, Hobley said you have to be bold and take risks. Otherwise, there isn't much chance you'll make it. When it comes to relationships, this impulsivity manifesting inside celebrities may leak out into their personal lives.
"And so it does make sense that some of the celebs getting into these quick engagements, like Justin Bieber and Hailey Baldwin, now Ellie Goulding, you can kind of understand how they might be bold and impulsive in their lives because that's one of the things that probably helped them become successful," she said. "You don't look at celebrities and think they're really thoughtful decision makers."
2. Growing up in the public eye can mean maturing faster
Stars like Justin Bieber and Ariana Grande began their careers very young. If you're selling tickets to your shows in your early teens, that's likely to have an impact on how quickly you grow up, Hobley said.
"They've been around adults so much, a lot didn't go to a typical high school, so a lot grow up faster," she said. "So I think that's part of it. Hailey Baldwin is young, she's only 22, but she's been in very influential circles for a long time. So I think in some cases they are leading adult lives before the rest of us."
A whirlwind romance seems romantic — but two years is the ideal time to wait
Part of what drives speedy marriages is the idea of love at first sight and being swept away. But in reality, the research shows that speedy engagements don't have a good track record, said Hobley.
Anecdotally, you have the likes of Russell Brand and Katy Perry, Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee, Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, Britney Spears and Kevin Federline, being just a few of the couples who committed after weeks — sometimes even days — of meeting each other. And none of them worked out.
"There's a reason why... the number of those people who are still together is pretty low," Hobley said. "Speedy engagements often don't work out because you haven't gone through life. I'm sure you've been in a relationship with somebody and then s--t hits the fan — losing a job, losing a friend, whatever. That's when you learn the most about someone, when life gets tough."
The first few months of a relationship are the easiest and the most fun, because your life is full of new experiences, and your body is filled with dopamine and oxytocin.
As Claire Stott, a relationship psychologist and data analyst at Badoo told INSIDER in a previous article, it's not all about the butterflies [you get at] the beginning. "A good relationship is a slow burner," she said.
Further down the road, when you lose a parent, a pet dies, or you're in an accident — that's when you really learn the most about each other.
And while infatuation is irresistible, it's the long term connections that really matter when choosing to spend forever with someone else, according to Hobley.
"If you look at the research, people who date for at least two years before they get engaged do have happier marriages," she said. "It's hard to put an exact timeframe on that, because some people get to know each other a lot faster than others... But that's what the data will show, that people knowing someone for a couple of years before making that commitment have the happiest marriages."
Still, short engagements can work
Not every speedy engagement is doomed — just look at George Clooney and Amal Alamuddin, and Elsa Pataky and Chris Hemsworth. They can work, provided you bond over something other than the initial rush of hormones flowing through your veins.
"When you look at the research, folks who have dated less than six months before getting engaged, the data is all over the place," said Hobley. "Some are happy some are very unhappy. What we know is that if people connect over something they care about, and tell each other who they are, those are the kinds of things that help those couples work out."
Also, it's important not to rush into something new if you still have feelings for your ex. That way, you're simply masking your hurt by seeking attention from someone else.
"Dating after a breakup is ok, jumping into something really serious isn't," Hobley said. "Oftentimes, we might not even realise we're not over it. I'm sure there are some exceptions... but it's not great."
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