- According to a survey by eHarmony, people are taking longer to say "I love you" than they did in 2014.
- They're now waiting four and a half months to express their feelings.
- It could be because modern dating is tough, and it's scary to be honest with someone new about how you feel.
- There's every chance they might be dating other people, or looking around for someone better.
- The only way to combat the fear is to be bold — if you love someone, tell them.
- If they're right for you, they won't run away.
I can't remember the last time I told a romantic partner I loved them. That might be because I'm perpetually single, but it could also be because the moment of telling someone how you feel has been hijacked and blown out of proportion by fiction.
Saying "I love you" feels monumental in romantic comedy films and television shows, but in reality, it probably doesn't have to be such a big deal.
Being upfront and honest about everything — including your emotions — should be a bare minimum in a relationship. But modern dating culture escalates our emotional hangups, with all the mind games and rules to stick to.
This is just one of the many reasons saying those three little words can seem so scary right now.
According to a new study from eHarmony, people are taking longer to say "I love you." In fact, they're taking nearly a month longer than they did four years ago.
Having been on the dating scene for over two years, I can understand why. When you meet someone new, you don't immediately know if you're one of three other people they're dating, or whether they're going to sack you off as soon as someone more interesting comes along.
You don't know until it's too late whether someone is going to ghost you, or string you along for months simply out of boredom. It's really rough out there, and it's pushing us apart.
By surveying over 2,000 adults, eHarmony found Brits wait 137 days into a relationship (four and a half months) to say "I love you" for the first time. In 2014, it was 112 days, or just under four months, which is still a fairly long time. So what are we so scared of?
Psychologist Emma Kenny said although dating apps have given us a greater range of options, it also means the scene is infinitely more competitive.
"Singles are faced with a 'paradox of choice,' expanded by online and app dating," she said. "This can mean people are afraid to take the risk and say 'I love you' for fear that doing so too early and coming on too strong may backfire and push a partner away, rather than cementing the relationship."
The paradox of choice essentially means always thinking the grass is greener on the other side. But if you're always holding out for something better, chances are you could end up with nothing.
Perhaps that's why people are more wary of saying "I love you" than they used to be — they're holding off because they might meet someone better looking, funnier, or more successful. Or maybe they're scared they're the one who is a placeholder for their current partner, who is scouring their dating apps for a better option.
By living in fear, people are putting up barriers for really getting to know each other. The only way to combat the fact dating apps are destroying our chances for happiness is to be brave and to tell someone the moment you think you're falling hard.
"It’s vital to have courage in your convictions when telling someone you love them," said Kenny.
"If you feel that now is the right time and suspect the sentiment is mutual, then be bold — telling somebody you love them is a necessary stage in building a close, long-term connection."
Even if it does turn out to be too soon, at least you took the risk. And when you're ultimately with the right person, you won't be timid about your feelings, and you'll be glad you didn't wait around.