Study gives science-based online dating tips

The dating world can be a grind. So researchers at Queen Mary University in London decided they would use an “evidence-based approach” to help you convert your online dating candidates into IRL dates.

Published, appropriately, in the journal Evidence Based Medicine, the study analyzed 86 previous studies and their findings in order to draw a few conclusions for the questions plaguing lonely hearts everywhere (or at least with internet access): what’s the key to attracting the right people and getting a response from the people you’re attracted to? And even more importantly, how do you convert that initial contact into an actual date?

The following advice—although kinda obvious, funny and a little upsetting for those of us who would hope humankind could break from the shackles of gender stereotypes and mediocre rhyming (you’ll see)—stems from actual data. So take notes all you Casanovas!

1. Go with a cheesy username

It may go against every grain in your being, but according to the analysis, the best usernames for women looking to attract men include physicaltraits like “Blondie” or “Cutie” (think I just threw up in my mouth)—but basically any middle school AIM screen name will do.

On the other hand, women like something that shows a guy is smart. Using an adjective like “Cultured” will go over well (apparently). That said, if you are not a cultured, blonde or cute, do not use such descriptors (you’ll find out why later).

2. Don't be afraid to get playful with that cheesy username

You should positive and playful with your profile names, choosing ones like “Fun2bwith” over those with words like “Little” or “Bug” in them, which could be interpreted negatively. Sorry to all of the “LittlePrincesses,”  “LadyBugs,” and “InaBadMood4evers” in the world.

3. Start your username with a letter from the top of the alphabet

Probably the most interesting piece of advice from the study is that according to the study’s lead author,Khalid Khan, in the digital environment, people are more attracted to names that start with letters from the first half of the alphabet. For whatever reason, people tend to associate letters from the beginning of the alphabet with being more prestigious, educated and wealthy. Plus, search engines run alphabetically. Stay within the A-M range. Sorry N-Z.

4. Be attractive in your photo

Before you say “duh,” the study advises us to search through and mimic the profile names and pictures of people you find attractive. “It seems obvious to say an attractive photo is best, but try and include features such as a genuine smile that crinkles up the eyes, and possibly a tilt of the head. Women seeking men should wear red to boost the level of interest,” Khan added.

5. It’s not all about the selfie

Being in a group photo, especially in the middle with your hand touching another person’s upper arm—ONLY THEIR UPPER ARM—will show how awesome you are. Women become even more attracted to guys when they see other women smiling at their possible date.

6. Pretentiousness not welcome

To all of our language lovers out there, sorry, but using big words in your headline is a big no-no. People are most likely to remember and respond to you if the words you use are easy to remember.

7. The stereotypes are true

According to this study, men look for physical attributes in the women they consider. Ladies, on the other hand, look below the surface to character traits, but not necessarily the ones you’d expect: women prefer brave and risk-taking men to kind and charitable ones. Ouch.

8. Tell the truth

This one pretty much speaks for itself, but the study’s leader summarized it perfectly: “Steer clear of fiction in your profile: written information could come back to bite you.” Same advice your mom probably gave you.

9. Show the funny

Write a cheeky profile instead of explaining how funny you are. Amazingly enough, a real laugh may actually get someone to respond to you. Ha!

10. The weird and wonderful extra tidbits

• Feel free to use rhyming poetry in your initial messages
• Make sure you personalize your messages to your date
• You can respond as quickly as you want. It turns out eagerness isn’t a turn-off
• Write decent sized responses to show you’re interested but avoid writing as creed
• Actually share details about your life and interests
• Don’t try to convince your date that you’re rare and valuable (You’re not! Just kidding. You are.)
• Don’t try to make yourself look perfect or they’ll get suspicious (i.e. Ted Bundy)