Although fewer young people are getting married today than ever before, research suggests that getting and staying married is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

As the New York Times recently concluded, "being married makes people happier and more satisfied with their lives than those who remain single — particularly during the most stressful periods, like midlife crises."

If you wait until you're 23 to commit, you're less likely to get divorced.

A 2014 University of Pennsylvania study found that Americans who cohabitate or get married at age 18 have a 60% divorce rate. 

But people who waited until 23 to make either of those commitments had a divorce rate around 30%.

"All of the literature explained that the reason people who married younger were more likely to divorce was because they were not mature enough to pick appropriate partners," the Atlantic reports.

The 'in love' phase lasts about a year.

The honeymoon phase with its "high levels of passionate love" and "intense feelings of attraction and ecstasy, as well as an idealization of one's partner," doesn't last forever. 

According to a 2005 study by the University of Pavia in Italy, it lasts about a year. 

Eventually you realize that you're not one person.

Once you start living together, you realize that you have different priorities and tolerances — like, for instance, what does or doesn't consitute a mess. 

"People have to come to terms with the reality that 'we really are different people,'"says couples therapist Ellyn Bader. "'You are different from who I thought you were or wanted you to be. We have different ideas, different feelings, different interests.'"

It's a stressful — and necessary — evolution. 

Dr. Helen Fisher is a biological anthropologist and author of "Why Him? Why Her?: Love By Understanding Your Personality Type". She told us how long the initial euphoria of falling in love lasts, and how long you should wait before knowing your significant other is the one.

Produced by Devan Joseph & Alana Kakoyiannis

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When I moved to New York three years ago I knew about six people.

One from my hometown, a few from school, and a few more from when I was living abroad. 

So, as a contemplative weirdo tends to do, I became a regular at my friendly neighborhood meditation center — Shambhala in Chelsea.

Among other amazing humans, I met Gustavo, an artist from Brazil, and Sarah, a yoga teacher from upstate New York. 

We would run into each other at the same meditation classes. Still do. 

They've become two of my best friends, the kind of people you turn to when going through a breakup or trying to sort out a career decision. When Gustavo had his son Theo, Sarah and I both joyously freaked out.

But I never would have met them through the social networks I came to New York with. I had to become a regular. 

It turns out that my experience is backed up by the research. 

For decades, sociologists have known that friendships develop when people have the right mixture of proximity, privacy, and unplanned interactions. 

But those things are increasingly scarce in adulthood, what with everybody being so insanely busy. 

This is unfortunate, given how friends give us jobs, make us happy, help us kick bad habits, get better ideas, and introduce us to potential mates. 

Becoming a regular somewhere helps alleviate those grown-up problems. By returning to the same yoga studio, gym, cafe, or restaurant, you're close to the same people, have unplanned interactions with them, and have the privacy to exchange confidences.

Most of all, you just keep seeing the same people. 

According to a 2011 study led by University of Rochester psychologist Harry Reis, simply interacting with people repeatedly is enough for you to increase your opinion of them.

He and his colleagues asked strangers to talk to each other in real life and online — and in each case, people rated each other more highly after having several conversations. 

That's the power of becoming a regular: In returning to a place, you become familiar with the space. And the people in it. 

SEE ALSO: 9 Research-Backed Strategies For Making Friends When You're A Grown-Up

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LinkedIn Influencer Bernard Marr published this post originally on LinkedIn.

I'm sure you've heard it before that it only takes six seconds for someone to form a first impression. So how can you use those six seconds to your best advantage? Be prepared. If you know you're going to be meeting someone new, it pays to come to the meeting prepared.

I've gathered six simple suggestions that can help you feel more prepared for that next important first impression — whether you're headed for a job interview, a new client meeting, or a party with a lot of people you don't know well, these steps can help ease your nervousness and help you nail those six seconds.

1. Smile.

People like other people who are friendly and open, and a nice smile can open a lot more doors than your resting grump face. Smiling also projects confidence and makes you appear trustworthy.

2. Be prepared.

Whatever the situation, follow the Boy Scout motto and be prepared. If it's a job interview that might mean you practice answering questions, familiarize yourself with the company, bring any required paperwork, and have a few backup copies of your resume on hand. For a presentation, practice (a lot), have all the tech you could possibly need, arrive early, know what questions are likely to be asked, and so on.

3. Do a little research.

If you know you're going to be meeting someone new, do a little research ahead of time. Find out their hobbies, associations they're a part of, or causes they support. LinkedIn makes this easy, but there are also apps, like Refresh, which can deliver a dossier on your contacts before any meeting automatically. Of course, don't act like a stalker; keep the topics to things that make sense in a business setting, like asking about a board they serve on, rather than complimenting them on their latest Facebook photos.

4. Arrive early.

You may have heard the old saying, "To be early is to be on time; to be on time is to be late; to be late is to be sorry!" It's especially apt when meeting someone new. Being on time shows that you're responsible and respectful, but if you arrive a few minutes early, you'll have time to use the restroom, check your appearance, and compose yourself before your meeting. It's important to add extra time in case of inclement weather, traffic, finding parking, etc.

5. Turn off distractions.

There's nothing more embarrassing than having your phone go off in the middle of an important introduction or meeting — unless it's actually checking your phone during said meeting. Set your phone to silent before you ever arrive, and, if the vibrations letting you know you've been retweeted are still too big a temptation, turn the whole thing off.

6. Be curious.

When it comes to conversation skills, simply being curious will help you truly engage with the person you're speaking to. Ask thoughtful questions and really listen to the answer, instead of using the time to plan your response.

These are just a few of my own ideas, and I'd love to hear yours. What's your best advice for making a good first impression? Let us know in the comments below.

More from Bernard Marr:

• How NOT To Introduce Yourself
• Career Choices You Will Regret In 20 Years
• The One Interview Question Most People Are Not Prepared For!

SEE ALSO: 5 Keys To Making A Great First Impression

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Relationship problems. Everybody has them. And sometimes you have them over and over and over.

Most of the people giving advice don't know the research. So where are the real answers?

I decided to call an expert: Dr. John Gottman.

You might remember him as the researcher in Malcolm Gladwell's "Blink" who, after just a few minutes, could predict whether a couple would end up divorced.

John is a professor emeritus at the University of Washington and co-founder of the Gottman Institute. He's published over 190 papers and authored more than 40 books, including:

• "Principia Amoris: The New Science of Love"
• "The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work"
• "The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships"

He's also a really cool guy. John's gained powerful insights from studying couples that thrive (who he calls "Masters") and couples that don't (who he calls "Disasters.")

So what are you going to learn here?

1. The four things that doom relationships.
2. The three things that prevent those four things.
3. The most important part of any relationship conversation.
4. The single best predictor of whether a relationship is working. (It's so easy you can do it yourself in 2 minutes.)

Want to be a Master and not a Disaster? Let's get to it.

The four horsemen of the relationship apocalypse

John has studied thousands of couples over his 40-year career. Four things came up again and again that indicated a relationship was headed for trouble. The Disasters did them a lot and the Masters avoided them:

#1: Criticism

This is when someone points to their partner and says their personality or character is the problem. Here's John:

Criticism is staging the problem in a relationship as a character flaw in a partner. The Masters did the opposite: they point a finger at themselves and they really have a very gentle way of starting up the discussion, minimizing the problem and talking about what they feel and what they need.

Ladies, are you listening? Because criticism is something women do a lot more than men. (Don't worry, we'll get to how the guys screw up soon enough.)

#2: Defensiveness

This is responding to relationship issues by counterattacking or whining. Here's John:

The second horseman was defensiveness which is a natural reaction to being criticized. It takes two forms: counterattacking or acting like an innocent victim and whining. Again, the Masters were very different even when their partner was critical. They accepted the criticism, or even took responsibility for part of the problem. They said, "Talk to me, I want to hear how you feel about this."

#3: Contempt

It's the No. 1 predictor of breakups. Contempt is acting like you're a better person than they are. Here's John:

Contempt is talking down to their partner. Being insulting or acting superior. Not only did it predict relationship breakup, but it predicted the number of infectious illnesses that the recipient of contempt would have in the next four years when we measured health.

#4: Stonewalling

It's shutting down or tuning out. It passively tells your partner, "I don't care." And 85% of the time it's guys who do this.

(Want to know a shortcut to creating a deeper bond with a romantic partner? Click here.)

Okay, that's what kills a relationship. Naturally, you want to know what stops those things from occurring, right?

3 things that make horsemen go bye-bye

From looking at the Masters, John saw what prevented the downward spiral of the 4 Horsemen:

#1: Know thy partner.

John calls this building "love maps." It's really knowing your partner inside and out. It was one of the Masters' most powerful secrets. Here's John:

A love map is like a road map you make of your partner's internal psychological world. The Masters were always asking questions about their partner and disclosing personal details about themselves.

Why is this so rare? It takes time. And the disasters didn't spend that time. In fact, most couples don't spend that much time.

John cited a study showing couples with kids talk to each other about 35 minutes per week. Yeah, 35 minutes.

And even most of that was just logistics — "When will you be there?""Don't forget to pick up milk."— not deep personal stuff like the Masters.

#2: Responding positively to "bids."

No, this has nothing to do with eBay. We all frequently make little bids for our partner's attention.

You say something and you want them to respond. To engage. It can be as simple as saying, "Nice day, isn't it?"

It's almost like a video game: when the person responds positively ("turning towards a bid") your relationship gets a point.

When they don't respond, or respond negatively, the relationship loses a point… or five. Here's John:

The couples who divorced six years later had turned toward bids only 33% of the time. The couples stayed married had turned toward bids 86% of the time. Huge difference.

Couples with high scores build relationship equity. They're able to repair problems. They're able to laugh and smile even when arguing. And that makes a big difference. Here's John:

If you turn toward bids at a high rate, you get a sense of humor during conflict. Humor is very powerful because it reduces physiological arousal during arguments and that's been replicated in several studies.

#3: Show admiration.

Ever listen to someone madly in love talk about their partner? They sound downright delusional. They act like the other person is a superhero. A saint.

And research shows that is perfect. Masters see their partner as better than they really are. Disasters see their partners as worse than they really are.

(For more on the science of sexy, click here.)

Admiration is about the story you tell yourself about your partner. And that leads us to how to predict whether your relationship is working…

The best predictor of how good a relationship is

You can do this yourself: have someone ask you about the history of your relationship. What kind of story do you tell?

When your partner describes your relationship to others, what kind of story do they tell?

Does the story minimize the negatives and celebrate the positives? Did it make the other person sound great?

Or did it dwell on what's wrong? Did it talk about what that idiot did this week that's utterly wrong?

This simple "story of us" predicts which relationships succeed and which fail. Here's John:

Our best prediction of the future of a relationship came from a couple's "story of us." It's an ever-changing final appraisal of the relationship and your partner's character. Some people were really developing a "story of us" that was very negative in which they really described all the problems in the relationship. They really emphasize what was missing. Masters did just the opposite: they minimized the negative qualities that all of us have and they cherish their partner's positive qualities. They nurture gratitude instead of resentment.

(For more on what research says makes love last, click here.)

Is there a part of a relationship conversation that's critical? Actually, there is.

The most important part of a relationship conversation

It's the beginning. 96% of the time John can predict the outcome of a conversation within the first three minutes. Here's John:

Negativity feeds on itself and makes the conversation stay negative. We also did seven years of research on how Masters repair that negativity. One of the most powerful things is to say "Hey, this isn't all your fault, I know that part of this is me. Let's talk about what's me and what's you." Accepting responsibility is huge for repair.

How you start those serious relationship discussions doesn't just predict how the conversation goes — it also predicts divorce after six years of marriage.

Via "Principia Amoris: The New Science of Love":

…it went on to predict with high accuracy their fate over a 6-year period of time. The predictions we made about couples' futures held across seven separate studies, they held for heterosexual as well as same-sex couples, and they held throughout the life course.

So you're talking and you're starting off positive and calm. Great. Now you should stop talking. Why?

When I asked John what the best thing to do to improve a relationship he said, "Learn how to be a good listener."

The Masters know how to listen. When their partners have a problem, they drop everything and listen non-defensively with empathy. Here's John:

In really bad relationships people are communicating, "Baby when you're in pain, when you're unhappy, when you hurt, I'm not going to be there for you. You deal with it on your own, find somebody else to talk to because I don't like your negativity. I'm busy, I'm really involved with the kids, I'm really involved with my job." Whereas the Masters have the model of, "When you're unhappy, even if it's with me, the world stops and I listen."

And sometimes the best thing to do at the beginning of a relationship argument is to end it immediately. Why?

69% of a couple's problems are perpetual. They won't be resolved.

Beating a dead horse, asking someone to fundamentally change who they are isn't going to work — but it will make them angry. Here's John:

In the studies that Bob Levenson and I did, we brought couples back into the lab every couple of years to find out what they are arguing about. And people resolved only about 31% of their disagreements. You can edit these videotapes together and it looked like the same conversation over and over for 22 years. Masters learn to accept what will not change and focus on the positive. They seem to say, "There's a lot of good stuff here and I can ignore the annoying things."

(For more on how to listen like an expert, click here.)

Okay, that's a lot of great stuff. Let's round it up and finish with the thing John said that impressed me the most.

Sum up

So here's what John had to say:

1. The four things that kill relationships: Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt, and Stonewalling.
2. The three things that prevent them: Know your partner, respond positively to "bids", and admire your partner.
3. The best predictor of relationship success is how you and your partner tell your "story of us."
4. The beginning of the conversation is crucial. Negativity compounds. Keep a cool head and resist emotional inertia.

One last thing that really blew me away: what makes for happy relationships sounds a lot like what makes for happiness in general.

Research shows, happy people seek out the positive and are grateful for it. Unhappy people find the negative in everything.

There's a very similar dynamic in relationships: Masters scan their relationship for good things, disasters are always noting the bad.

And not only that — the Masters' way of looking at the world is actually more accurate. Here's John:

People who have this negative habit of mind miss 50% of the positivity that outside objective observers see. So the positive habit of mind is actually more accurate. If you have a negative habit of mind, you actually distort toward the negative and you don't see the positive. People with the positive habit of mind, it's not that they don't see the negative — they do, they see it — but they really emphasize the positive in terms of the impact on them. That's the difference.

Choose to see the positive. It can cause a cascade:

• It's fuel for your good "story of us."
• You'll probably start relationship conversations on a good note.
• You'll admire your partner.
• And on and on…

Some of the same things that make you happy can improve your relationships — and vice versa. What's better than that?

John and I talked for over an hour, so there's a lot more to this.

I'll be sending out a PDF with more of his relationship tips in my weekly email (including the two words that can help make arguments dissolve.) So to get that, sign up for my weekly email here.

Join over 145,000 readers. Get a free weekly update via email here.

SEE ALSO: Science Says Lasting Relationships Come Down To 2 Basic Traits

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"Make the most of yourself....for that is all there is of you." —Ralph Waldo Emerson

We've all made mistakes throughout our lives that haven't exactly put us in the best light — like bullying someone in school or telling what seemed like a little white lie. Chances are, however, you probably felt a little guilt and grew because of the situation.

I'm an average guy trying to become better in both my work and home life. I'll never be perfect, but it doesn't mean I won't try.

If you want to continue to grow as a person, here are 15 ways to make the most of yourself.

1. Compliment Yourself

Every morning before you go on with your daily routine, take a couple of minutes to give yourself a compliment. Whether you compliment your outfit, haircut, or how you recently completed a task using your unique skill sets, giving yourself a little emotional boost will make you happy. And, when you're happy with yourself, that emotion can be contagious to those around you. Inspirational speaker Tony Robbins has a mantra he says aloud to himself most days to put him in a peak performance state.

2. Don't Make Excuses

Blaming your spouse, boss, or clients is fruitless and won't get you very far. Instead of pointing fingers and making excuses about why you aren't happy or successful in your personal or professional life, own your mistakes and learn from them. When you do this, you will become a better person. When I personally started living up to my mistakes and downfalls, my life turned itself around. I became happier and healthier, and my relationship with my wife improved. We are happier than ever.

3. Let Go of Anger

Letting go of anger is easier said than done. While anger is a perfectly normal emotion, you can't let it fester. When this happens, you may make unwise decisions, and more important, it may affect your health. Research suggests pent up anger can cause digestive problems, difficulty sleeping, and even heart disease.

To help you let go of anger, Roya R. Rad, MA, PsyD, suggests you write your feelings down, pray or meditate, or begin to manage your thoughts.

4. Practice Forgiveness

Joyce Marter, LCPC, suggests you forgive and let go of resentment. She notes, "If for no other reason than for yourself, forgive to untether yourself from the negative experiences of the past. Take time to meditate, and give thanks for the wisdom and knowledge gained from your suffering. Practice the mantra, 'I forgive you and I release you.'"

5. Be Honest and Direct

How would you feel if a loved one or business partner lied to you? Chances are you would see that as a violation of your trust. If you want to be a better person in either your personal or professional life, you should always tell the truth and state as clearly as possible what you are trying to convey. Learn to articulate your thoughts, feelings, and ideas in an open and honest manner.

6. Be Helpful

Whether giving up your seat to an elderly person on the subway, assisting a co-worker on a project, or carrying in the groceries when your spouse comes back from the store, being helpful is one of the easiest and most effective ways to practice becoming a better person. I find that the more I help others, the better I feel about myself and everyone around me.

7. Listen to Others

As Jeet Banerjee notes on Lifehack, "listening to people and giving everyone a voice is one of the greatest things you can do." He adds that he "got to meet some of the most amazing people, close some of the biggest deals, and develop connections that will last me a lifetime all because I took time to listen to people. Being a good listener can change your life in a positive manner."

8. Act Locally

It may not seem like a big deal, but supporting a local cause, donating clothes, or buying from local farmers' markets or businesses are simple ways you can help your specific region. You may not be able to save the world, but you very well could make a difference in your neck of the woods. Get to know and care about your community.

9. Always Be Polite

How much effort does it take to say, "Thank you," or to hold the elevator door open for someone? Not much at all. However, these acts of kindness can make someone's day. I decided a few years ago that it doesn't matter if someone is ultra rude, condescending, or worse. The way someone else behaves is not going to determine my behavior.

10. Be Yourself

Tiffany Mason has five excellent reasons on Lifehack why you should be yourself. These include being able to align yourself with your values and beliefs, establish your identity, build courage, create boundaries, and find focus and direction.

11. Be Open to Change

Whether trying a new restaurant, traveling to an unknown part of the world, or doing something that has always scared you, you should always be open to change. This allows you to grow because you experience something new. It helps you be high functioning and self-confident if you are not wary of change.

12. Be Respectful

How would you feel if you had just cleaned your home and someone came in and tracked mud everywhere? You'd probably be a little ticked that they hadn't taken off their shoes. Take this mentality and apply it to everyday life. For example, don't toss your trash or cigarette butts on the floor of public restrooms or sidewalks just because someone else will clean it up. Be respectful of others' time, thoughts, ideas, lifestyles, feelings, work, and everything else. You don't have to agree with any of it, but people have a right to their opinions and yours is not necessarily correct.

13. Don't Show Up Empty-handed

Going to a party this weekend at your friend's apartment? Make sure you don't arrive empty-handed. Even if you've been assured that there will be plenty of food and drink, bring along a little something to show you appreciate being invited.

14. Educate Yourself

If you don't understand why one country is invading another, take the time to educate yourself on the current event. Ask a person intimately connected with the event for his or her thoughts. Remember, we're all interconnected, and being aware of different cultures, different people, and what their lives are like can make you a more well-rounded individual. This will also help you understand points of view different from your own.

15. Surprise People

How good does it feel to make someone smile? It feels pretty good, right? Surprise your loved ones or co-workers now and then, with a gift, a night out on the town, or by offering help when you know they could use it.

Becoming a better person doesn't happen overnight, but it is possible. Believe in yourself and know that it is possible!

What other tips have you found useful for becoming a better person?

SEE ALSO: Most good people have the same basic life story

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Whether you're building a business, a network, or friendships, you always want to look for people who are genuine.

After all, nobody wants to work or hang out with a phony. On the flipside, that goes for you, as well. Bet you never considered that. 

In case you're wondering, genuine means actual, real, sincere, honest. Genuine people are more or less the same on the inside as their behavior is on the outside.

Unfortunately, it's a tough quality to discern. The problem is that all human interactions are relative. They're all a function of how we perceive each other through our own subjective lenses. 

Being genuine is also a rare quality. In a world full of phony fads, media hype, virtual personas, positive thinkers, and personal brands — where everyone wants what they don't have, nobody's content to be who they are, and, more importantly, nobody's willing to admit to any of that — it's becoming more and more rare all the time.  

To help you identify this rare breed — in yourself, as well — this is how genuine people behave. 

1. They don't seek attention. They don't need constant reinforcement of their own ego. Where attention seekers have a hole that constantly needs to be filled, genuine people are already filled with self-confidence and self-awareness.

2. They're not concerned with being liked. The need to be liked is born of insecurity and narcissism. It creates a need to manipulate your own and other's emotions. Confident and authentic people are simply themselves. If you like them, fine. If not, that's fine, too.

3. They can tell when others are full of it. Perhaps naïve folks can be easily fooled, but genuine people are not naïve. They're grounded in reality and that gives them a baseline from which they can tell when things don't add up. There's a big difference. 

4. They are comfortable in their own skin. In his late 70s, actor Leonard Nimoy said he was closer than ever to being as comfortable with himself as Spock appeared to be. Most of us struggle with that. As Henry David Thoreau observed, "The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation."

5. They do what they say and say what they mean. They don't tend to overreach or exaggerate. They meet their commitments. And they don't parse their words or sugarcoat the truth. If you need to hear it, they'll tell you … even if it's tough for them to say and for you to hear.

6. They don't need a lot of stuff. When you're comfortable with whom you are, you don't need a lot of external stuff to be happy. You know where to find happiness — inside yourself, your loved ones, and your work. You find happiness in the simple things.

7. They're not thin-skinned. They don't take themselves too seriously so they don't take offense when none is intended.

8. They're not overly modest or boastful. Since they're confident of their strengths, they don't need to brag about them. Likewise, they don't exhibit false modesty. Humility is a positive trait but it's even better to just be straightforward.

9. They're consistent. You might describe genuine people as being weighty, solid, or substantial. Since they know themselves well and are in touch with their genuine emotions, they're more or less predictable ... in a good way. 

10. They practice what they preach. They're not likely to advise people to do something they wouldn't do themselves. After all, genuine people know they're no better than anyone else so it's not in their nature to be self-righteous.  

All those seemingly different behaviors have the same thing at their core: self-awareness that's consistent with reality. Genuine people see themselves as others would if they were objective observers. There's not a lot of processing, manipulating, or controlling going on between what's in their head and what people see and hear.

Once you get to know them, genuine people turn out to be more or less consistent with the way they initially hold themselves out to be. What you see is what you get. It's sad that, in today's world, such a positive quality is at risk of becoming endangered. Not only is it harder to find in others, it's becoming harder to be genuine ourselves. 

SEE ALSO: 6 habits of the most likable people

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Dr. Helen Fisher, a Senior Fellow with the Kinsey Institute, discusses her latest insights on singles in America based on a study she conducted with Match.com.

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In the US, between 40% and 50% of marriages in end divorce. 

While people break up for lots of reasons, some behaviors are more destructive than others. 

Peter Pearson, the cofounder of the Couples Institute in Menlo Park, California, says that he sees four relationship killers in his couples counseling practice. 

It's frightening stuff, since these "assassins of marriage," as Pearson calls them, have a way of sneaking up on you. 

They are:

1. Keeping a "why should I have to change" attitude.

Pearson says that when a couple comes in to get counseling, there's often one person who's experiencing their partner as critical, demanding, insulting, withdrawing, or disengaging. That person tries to do everything to handle the criticism or get the partner to re-engage — with little success.

"By the time I've come in, they say, 'I've done everything, it's time for me to get relief,'" Pearson says. "'Now you, the therapist, change my partner.'"

If that attitude gets entrenched, look out.

"Basically, they're saying, 'My partner needs to change, and if I like the changes they're making, I'll make changes myself," Pearson says. 

That attitude handicaps the whole process, since both people are going to have complaints. 

Pearson tries to nip it in the bud: When he starts working with a couple, he tells them to start changing in parallel, not sequentially.

2. Withdrawing into a "bubble." 

Another toxic behavior: hiding out in a protective bubble. 

People withdraw into protective bubbles because they're afraid of showing any vulnerability. 

But the bubble has risks of its own.

"The price for leaving your bubble is the risk that you might get rejected, and that it takes effort to manage your emotional reactions," Pearson says. "You pay a price if you stay hunkered down, since the partner then has their rationale for not changing." 

So if you're going to start changing in sequence, both people need to emerge from their bubbles. Because as sociology has discovered, vulnerability supplies the bandwidth to a relationship in the same way that a modem gives bandwidth to the internet.

3. "Just getting used to it."

It's a familiar story: Two people meet, fall in love. They get hitched. They have kids. Their careers advance. Kids leave home, and the parents say to themselves, I married a stranger.

It's a sense of "I married my partner for life," Pearson says, "but not for lunch. I don't know what to do with them." 

So what happened? 

While two people might live together, they don't automatically share one another's lives. 

Slowly, the energy animating the relationship ebbs away.

"That sets the stage for a lot of affairs," Pearson says, echoing the research. "Where you're just kind of numb in your marriage, then one partner meets somebody, and they start to feel alive again. It's not just a sexual-driven experience. Most of the time, affairs are an attempt to feel alive again." 

The withering comes from a lack of conscientiousness about the relationship itself — and an unhelpful assumption that if you've known your partner for years, then they should automatically know what you want. 

"Telepathy is an enormously unreliable form of communication," Pearson says, but "that doesn't stop people from wanting it or thinking that their partner should have that skill."

4. Adapting too much.

Being in a relationship means two individual humans living in the same space and doing all sorts of things together. Naturally, those individuals aren't going to fit together like gears inside a watch — people have different habits, preferences, and value systems. 

"It's going to require some adaptation to the other person from the start," Pearson says. "But when you start to resent the amount of adaption you have to do and you don't bring it up, that's when the trouble starts." 

That behavior comes from three assumptions:

• "I have to please my partner in order to be accepted." 

• "We can't want different things, because if we want different things, the relationship won't last." 

• "If I speak up, I'll be criticized. The consequences will be too negative." 

If these assumptions take hold, the relationship can get stuck in toxic dynamics, like hostile-dependent, where one person dominates the other, or conflict averse, where no one brings anything up. 

While it takes a lot of time and effort to re-calibrate these assumptions, Pearson says that learning the basics of compassionate — or at least non-triggering — communication is a start.

To reverse that trend, Pearson offers the following guideline to his clients:

When you want to bring something up that you think is going to be a problem for your partner to hear, I want you to say it in a way that doesn't make your partner look bad or feel bad. 

Pearson says that his clients often struggle with figuring out how to express their feelings without making the other person look bad. But even if it doesn't go smoothly every time, it can be beneficial to the relationship — since it allows either person to bring up issues that would have otherwise been avoided or triggered a fight. 

"If you're giving an account of your experience without making the other person look bad, then you've got a bullseye," he says. But "if in recounting my experience, I do a fair amount of finger pointing, then we don't get too far."

SEE ALSO: Marriages Fail When Couples Get Stuck In These 2 Toxic Relationship Dynamics

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NOW WATCH: Here's what it takes to master any job — not just be good at it

This Saturday is not just Valentine's Day — it's also opening night for "Fifty Shades of Grey."

The film is based on the titillating book published in 2011 that attracted over 100 million readers, many of them women.

The raunchy romance novel involves dominance/submission partnerships, sadism and masochism, and other sexual practices that, while not necessarily uncommon, had not previously been the focus of a best-selling book.

Author Erika Mitchell (who wrote the book under the name E.L. James) may have just recently shown the world exactly how popular fantasizing about S&M is, but scientists have known for decades what men and women like to fantasize about.

Since the 1970s, social scientists have been studying sexual fantasies. And while it is impossible to accurately study the varied fantasies of millions of people across numerous cultures, several studies suggest that when it comes to sexual thoughts and desires, the divide between men and women is strong.

Researchers at the University of Quebec investigated which specific sexual fantasies were most prevalent among a sample of 1,516 men and women living in the province of Quebec, most of whom were between the ages of 20 and 40. They published their results late last year in the Journal of Sexual Medicine.

The subjects reported whether they had or had not fantasized about numerous scenarios the researchers provided in an online questionnaire. According to the study, the 10 things women fantasized about the most included being dominated sexually and sex in a romantic location. The chart below shows all 10:

In contrast, men fantasized more about different partners and more than one partner at a time:

The fantasies that ranked in the top 10 for both sexes were:

• "having sex in an unusual place" (an office, for example)
• "having sex in a romantic location"
• "masturbating my partner"

One important distinction that the Quebec team discovered from the survey was that most women said they did not want to experience their fantasies in real life, whereas the men said they did. So while between 30% and 60% of women reported fantasizing about some form of submission (being tied up, spanked, or forced to have sex), most said they preferred to read and think about it rather than to live it.

The Quebec team's results echo the findings of an earlier study published in the Journal of Sex Research in 1990. Regarding the different types of sexual fantasies between men and women, the authors wrote:

• "Male sexual fantasies tend to be more ubiquitous, frequent, visual, specifically sexual, promiscuous, and active. "
• "Female sexual fantasies tend to be more contextual, emotive, intimate, and passive."

The researchers surveyed just 182 females and 125 males — most between 17 and 29 years old — all of whom were attending a California state university or junior college at the time.

From the subjects' responses to a paper-and-pencil questionnaire, the researchers found, among other things, that women were more likely to see themselves as the objects of sexual desire in their fantasies. Men, on the other hand, often saw their partners, not themselves, as sexual objects and were more likely to fantasize about different people. In fact, one-third of the males reported having fantasized about more than 1,000 partners over the course of their life.

Both studies surveyed a small, select group who were mostly heterosexual. The results probably don't accurately capture the fantasies of different, more diverse groups.

To learn more about the types of sexual fantasies men and women told the researchers about, check out the list of questions that the Quebec team asked their participants. How do your fantasies compare?

CHECK OUT: What Men Fantasize About

LEARN MORE: Scientists Have Discovered How Common Different Sexual Fantasies Are

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NOW WATCH: Research Reveals Why Men Cheat, And It's Not What You Think

Who doesn't desire power?

There's a little Frank Underwood in all of us.

At the beginning of "House of Cards,"Kevin Spacey's character explains why power beats money

Money is the McMansion in Sarasota that starts falling apart after 10 years. Power is the old stone building that stands for centuries. I cannot respect someone who doesn't see the difference.

But should you find and hold power — as Underwood so deliciously does— it's going to do some really weird things to your perception of yourself and others.

Here's what the research says:

If you feel powerful, you're more inspired by yourself than anybody else.

According to a 2015 study led by Gerben A. Van Kleef at the University of Amsterdam, powerful people find themselves more inspiring than anybody else. In a study of 140 undergraduates, he found that people who agreed highly to statements like "I can get others to do what I want" were more inspired by talking about their own life-changing experiences than hearing other people discuss theirs.

To Research Digest blogger Alex Fradera, it's indicative of self-sufficiency.

"As a matter of course, powerful people don't expect others to fulfill their needs, and may therefore find it difficult to consider anyone else a worthy source of inspiration,"he writes."It's a little like a child for whom no one in the playground is up to scratch, so they become their own best friend."

If you feel powerful, you're the first to act.

In a 2003 study led by Columbia University psychologist Adam Galinsky, people who felt more powerful than their peers were more likely to take a card in a game of blackjack, fix an annoying fan in a room, and take action in social dilemmas. A 2007 study coauthored by Galinsky added to that theme, finding that powerful people are more likely to act first in a negotiation.

In 2012, the University of Texas' Jennifer A. Whitson found an explanation as to why:Powerful people are less likely to perceive — and remember — constraints to their goals.

It's like how eagles and alligators evolved to have their eyes close together.

"The vision of predators is fixated on their object of pursuit — their prey — leaving little visual room for unexpected danger or potential threats in their surroundings,"she and her authors write."This directed focus allows them to pounce into action to secure their meal."

Same for CEOs.

If you feel powerful, you're more likely to cheat.

It's not that men are more disposed to having sex outside of their marriages than women.

According to a 2011 study led by Joris Lammers at Tilburg University in the Netherlands, it's that powerful people are more likely to cheat.

His team surveyed 1,561 professionals, asking how high up in their organizations they were and their history or interest in cheating.

"Results showed that elevated power is positively associated with infidelity because power increases confidence in the ability to attract partners," they wrote. "This association was found for both actual infidelity and intentions to engage in infidelity in the future."

Gender didn't matter.

Powerful women were just as likely to have or pursue affairs as powerful men. This goes against a commonly held assumption about cheating. It's not that men are inherently more likely to cheat than women, it's just that men are more likely to hold powerful positions.

"As a social psychologist, I believe that the situation is everything and that the situation or instance is often stronger than the individual,"Lammers said in a statement."As more and more women are in greater positions of power and are considered equal to men, then familiar assumptions about their behavior may also change."

If you feel powerful, you feel distant from other people.

According to Joe Magee at New York University and Pamela Smith at the University of California at San Diego, powerful people feel more socially distant than non-powerful people.

It happens for a few reasons:

• People become close to one another when they are "symmetrically dependent" on one another and have repeated interactions, Magee and Smith say. You and your boss aren't symmetrically dependent; you depend on her approval more than she does yours. But you and the other people on her team are symmetrical, so you're likely to become close over time.

• Research indicates that powerful people don't need to associate with others in the same way.

• Powerful people have to think more abstractly than everybody else. They're concerned with meeting goals more than developing relationships.

So the isolation is a result of the social situation that power puts you in — and the need to get things done.

It works for Mr. Underwood.

SEE ALSO: Science says these 9 tactics will help you win any argument

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NOW WATCH: Here's what successful people do on the weekend

All business owners want to be good bosses. But, the road between desire and reality is not easy to traverse. Not everybody can be a good boss and far fewer become truly successful bosses.

As somebody who is running the show, you must have a finger on the pulse of your employees. Knowing what they want from you is the first step towards being an inspiring leader. For example, 90% of employees expect their bosses to be honest, while a good 76% want them to be genuine.

The question is — How do you come good on employee expectations?

The answer is simple. You will have to work hard at it.

Related: Seven Tips for Becoming a Better Boss

While you might think leadership comes naturally to some people, the truth is every person aspiring to be a leader needs to keep building his/her leadership skills. It is a never ending process. There are two critical stages of this process:

• Learning
• Implementation

You first learn specific skill sets and you then implement this learning.

You can read management books or spend hours attending relevant lectures that impart the necessary skills that can help you lead from the front; or you could also try out a few unconventional ways of becoming a better boss. They are fun, interesting and you will enjoy giving them a try:

1. Amateur theater

"What's that? Theater! You must be joking."

No, it's not a joke. Taking up theater as a hobby is a great way of boosting your confidence levels. What you are essentially doing is getting up there and "presenting an idea" to your audience. Their reception depends on your performance. As can be imagined, you need truckloads of self-discipline and self-motivation to perform in a way such that your idea makes an impression on your target audience.

If you learn how to motivate yourself, you will know how to motivate your employees. What's more, the fact that you've learned to have a stage presence means you can use this learning while giving those "talks" exhorting your employees to perform better.

Related: 10 Awesome Tips for Being a Better Leader

2. Play video games

If you want to become a better leader, there is nothing better than spending a few hours every day playing video games.

Really, video games? Yes, video games.

There are plenty of benefits of playing video games from the leadership skills point of view. Think about it. Many games expect players to not only think about their immediate objectives but also their long-term goals. They make you take strategic decisions that are aligned with your short and long term objectives; this is something that every leader is expected to do in a challenging business environment as well!

Multiplayer games where you are a part of a team or leading a team help you hone your team management skills and learn how to encourage cooperation between various team members. There are plenty of video games available on the market; find and play games that will help improve your leadership skills in some way or form.

3. Love the great outdoors

Get away from it all and make it a point to go hiking, camping, fishing or just spend time alone in the great outdoors. There are plenty of life lessons you can learn when you do this and many of them will help you become a better boss.

When you are alone, surrounded by the nature in all its glory, your mind will be more attuned to look inwards. You are in a position to identify your faults, recognize your strengths and chart a course correction, if needed.

Escaping your regular work environment can help you understand yourself better and whether you are on the right track, as far as your professional goals are concerned. You can sort things out in your head in a stress-free manner. That helps you take the right decisions and perform your role of a leader with renewed vigor.

The great thing about being a boss is that you don't have to ask anybody for a leave. If you think you need to take a break and it will help improve your leadership skills, take it.

At first glance, these methods might seem like a bit of a stretch, but chew on them a bit and you'll find they are not such a bad idea after all. No harm in giving them a try.

Related: The 5 Secrets of Great Bosses

SEE ALSO: This Is The Difference Between A Good And Bad Boss

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NOW WATCH: What the Chinese saying 'The ugly wife is a treasure at home' actually means

A new set of studies just published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences concludes that when we are on the verge of entering a new decade in our chronological age (i.e., when we are ages 39, 49, 59, etc.), it prompts us to reflect upon the meaningfulness of our lives.

This search for meaning leads some to the happy conclusion that their lives do indeed have meaning. For others, however, it leads to despair because they conclude that their lives lack meaning (which some might call a "midlife crisis").

In the latter situation, people can respond to this in one of two ways. Some will react in an adaptive fashion by pursuing behaviors that ultimately give their lives meaning or provide a sense of accomplishment, while others will respond in ways that are counterproductive and may hurt their chances of finding meaning. Of particular relevance to readers of this blog is the finding that one of those maladaptive coping mechanisms appears to be seeking out an affair.

In one of the studies reported in this article, the researchers gathered data from an online dating website that caters to people who are currently in relationships but are looking for, um, "extracurricular" activities. Specifically, they looked at the profiles of 8,077,820 men from this website who reported being between the ages of 25 and 64. They then examined the number of men who reported ages ending in each digit from 0 to 9 in order to determine whether people who had an age ending in 9 were statistically over-represented relative to other ages.

What they found was that ages ending in 9 appeared at an unusually high rate, comprising 952,176 total profiles. This is 18% higher than what would be expected if age had been randomly distributed.

The researchers focused on men in this analysis because they argued that men are more likely than women to have and seek affairs due to social constraints on female sexuality and also because affairs are more characteristic of the classic male "midlife crisis." That said, they reported that an analysis of female profiles from this same site yielded similar conclusions, but the effect was not quite as robust.

Could these results be due to people lying and reporting ages ending in 9 in order to appear more attractive in their dating profiles?

Probably not.

The researchers conducted a separate study in which they asked 259 people between the ages of 25 and 64 to create a fake online dating profile designed to "fool a potential dating match into believing they were as young as possible while avoiding obviously fabricated responses because they might later meet that person."

Ages ending in 9 comprised only 6% of responses in this case. Statistically speaking, people were most likely to select a fake age ending in a 5 (21.5% of responses).

The results of this research are consistent with the idea that when people are on the verge of entering a new decade in life, they search for meaning in various ways. Although we focused here on how this may lead some people to seek out affairs (an approach that has a lot of potential to backfire), the researchers also found that others cope in more adaptive ways, such as by entering their first marathon.

Thus, the implications of one's search for meaning can be wildly different from one person to the next and having an affair may be just one of many ways that people act out.

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology ? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook (facebook.com/psychologyofsex), Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit (reddit.com/r/psychologyofsex) to receive updates.

To learn more about this research, see: Alter, A. L., & Hershfield, H. E. (2014). People search for meaning when they approach a new decade in chronological age. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences.

NOW READ: 5 ways to tell if someone is cheating on you

UP NEXT: Scientists say one behavior is the 'kiss of death' for a relationship

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NOW WATCH: Research Reveals Why Men Cheat, And It's Not What You Think

Some of my colleagues and I have published a series of studies on friends with benefits (FWBs) over the last few years, which I have written about before on the blog (see here and here).

Among the many things we have found in our research is that people get into these relationships for a range of reasons and, as a result, sometimes have wildly different expectations for what they hope will happen to their FWB in the future.

For instance, some people hope that their FWB will become a romantic partner, others hope to go back to being "just friends," whereas some simply want to remain FWBs for as long as possible.

These findings led us to wonder what ultimately happens to FWBs over time and how likely it is that different relationship transitions will occur. We recently completed a one-year longitudinal study of FWBs that we presented at the November 2014 meeting of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality. Below, I will summarize some of the key results from this research.

In this study, 191 people who were currently involved with a FWB completed two online surveys about one year apart. The sample was predominately female-identified (70%), White (74%), and heterosexual (72%), with an average age of 30. Participants reported that they had known their FWB in some capacity for about three years on average before the study started.

In the first survey, participants were asked what they hoped would happen with their FWB in the future. They were also asked a range of other questions including how satisfied they were with their relationship and how much they communicated about relationship rules and boundaries. In the second survey, we asked whether the nature of their relationship was the same, or if it had changed.

So what did we find? First, we discovered that some relationship outcomes were more likely than others. After one year, 26% were still FWBs, 15% had become romantic partners, 28% had gone back to being just friends, and 31% reported having no relationship of any kind with their former FWB. As you can see, most participants reported continuing at least some type of relationship after that year had passed — but there wasn't a lot of commonality in terms of what happened.

However, these results do reveal that it is at least possible to remain friends after a FWB ends.

Second, we found that some relationship goals appeared to be more attainable than others. Those who wanted to go back to being just friends appeared to be the most successful, with 60% of those who desired that outcome at Time 1 attaining it at Time 2. Those who wanted to remain FWBs long-term were somewhat less successful, with 40% of those desiring it at Time 1 reporting that they were still FWBs at Time 2. Lastly, those who wanted to transition into romantic partners were the least successful, with just 15% of those who initially wanted that outcome reporting such a transition.

One other finding worth noting here is that among those participants who reported maintaining at least some kind of relationship with their partner over time (whether it was sexual or non-sexual in nature) reported more communication about setting ground rules at Time 1. Those who were less communicative in this regard were more likely to report having no relationship whatsoever at Time 2.

What these findings suggest is that there are a lot of different ways that FWBs can go in the long run; however, if you're looking at your FWB as a means of starting a romance, you might want to think again because the odds seem fairly low. And if you want to maintain at least some type of friendship or relationship with your FWB down the road, the key appears to be communication.

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology ? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook (facebook.com/psychologyofsex), Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit (reddit.com/r/psychologyofsex) to receive updates.

SEE ALSO: Your friends have a surprising amount of influence on your relationship

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NOW WATCH: Scientists Discovered The 2 Personality Traits For Lasting Relationships

Let me start by explaining how this happened: My boyfriend, let's call him "Dave," and I are in a long-distance relationship. Therefore, we have to come up with activities that we can do together without actually being together.

Last month, he suggested we read a book. After discussing possible genres, then arguing over what constitutes a "good" mystery novel, I only half-jokingly suggested "Fifty Shades of Grey." After all, it was just in time for Valentine's Day and I had been seeing the seductive trailers for the film "Fifty Shades of Grey," based on the 2011 novel. I was admittedly more than a little curious.

To my surprise, Dave agreed, after a few seconds of hesitation. And here we are, more than 500 pages of mediocre plot and cringe-inducing porn later, and I must say that our relationship is better for it. Here's why:

Experts will tell you how important communication is for a healthy relationship, and while E.L. James's novel isn't the best piece of literature around, it's a classic example of a relationship gone sour because of poor communication.

As we read the book, Dave and I could objectively discuss where the main characters went wrong, who was to blame, and ultimately what they could have done to avoid the miserable situations they find themselves in by the end.

Over the course of our five-year relationship, Dave and I have had our fair share of arguments. Many of them spawned from miscommunication by one or both of us. And if you and your partner have ever fought because of some kind of miscommunication, then you know how difficult it is to see any side but your own.

Reading "Fifty Shades of Grey" gave Dave and me the unique chance to see each other's perspective on how couples should communicate.

More importantly, we were detached from the characters, thanks to their bizarre qualities and poor character development. This detachment meant that if we disagreed how one character acted or miscommunicated we could calmly discuss our opinions without getting into a heated dispute where someone's pride was left beaten on the floor.

During one memorable conversation we even managed to resolve a major misunderstanding we had early in our relationship.

About two-thirds into the story, the two main characters, Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey, have an in-depth discussion on Steele's feelings about their relationship, which at that point has escalated from just sex to semi-serious. The discussion, however, is conducted through a series of back-and-forth emails.

Dave strongly felt a conversation like that should take place in person and did not understand why the author had it happen any other way. While I agree a topic that important should be discussed in person, the emails were a perfect example of Steele's inability to express herself when she's with Grey.

As it turns out, I sent a few angry emails to Dave during our first year together because I, too, used to struggle with communicating my emotions. (I eventually stopped when I learned those emails ruined his entire day.)

As we discussed the example in the book, I mentioned my angry emails as a way to defend both the author's choice and Steele's actions. To my surprise, Dave had thought that I was sending those emails to be a killjoy. To his surprise, I'd sent those emails to communicate.

Needless to say, I was reminded of the importance of clear communication in a relationship and it all came from a very unexpected source. Thanks, E.L. James.

CHECK OUT: How 'Fifty Shades of Grey' would be different if it were written for men

LEARN MORE: Science explains how to make a long-distance relationship actually work

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NOW WATCH: Learn what all the fuss is about — here's the regular guy's guide to 'Fifty Shades of Grey'

The research suggests that men are more likely to cheat on their spouses than women. 

Not only that, they're also more like to "poach" somebody else's mate.

But according to a 2011 Dutch study, those behaviors aren't due to men's insatiable appetites for flesh, but because they're more likely to hold powerful positions in the world. 

Tilburg University psychologist Joris Lammers and his team surveyed 1,561 professionals, asking how high up in their organizations they were and their history or interest in cheating.

"Results showed that elevated power is positively associated with infidelity because power increases confidence in the ability to attract partners," they wrote, adding that the association held for a personal history of cheating and an intention of doing so in the future.

The gender that a person was born into did not predict cheating. It was the station they held in life. 

"The relationship between power and infidelity was the same for women as for men," the authors wrote. "These findings suggest that the common assumption (and often-found effect) that women are less likely than men to engage in infidelity is, at least partially, a reflection of traditional gender-based differences in power that exist in society." 

The study adds to a growing wealth of information around how power effects people's behavior. Beyond being more likely to cheat on their spouses, people who feel powerful are more likely to commit traffic violations, feel distant from other people, and find their own life story more inspiring than anybody else's. 

"As a social psychologist, I believe that the situation is everything and that the situation or instance is often stronger than the individual,"Lammers said in a statement. "As more and more women are in greater positions of power and are considered equal to men, then familiar assumptions about their behavior may also change."

Which would be an unexpected fallout of gender equality, to say the least.

SEE ALSO: Science says these 9 tactics will help you win any argument

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NOW WATCH: Here's what successful people do on the weekend

Esther Perel, relationship therapist and author of Mating in Captivity, explains the overlap of innate values we desire in our romantic partners and office colleagues. 

Produced by Alana Kakoyiannis. Camera by Jason Gaines.

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Love may be blind, but a study by University of Chicago researchers has found one unit of measurement that might help us know whether it's love or lust at first sight, and, baby, it's all in the eyes.

According to the study published in Psychological Science, where your blind date looks at you could indicate what exactly the other person is really thinking about when it comes to the future.

Since little is known about the science of love, a research team, led by Stephanie Cacioppo, decided to dig into the matter.

They showed students from the University of Geneva a series of black-and-white photographs of people they had never met. In the first part of the study, the students viewed photos of young, adult heterosexual couples who were looking at or interacting with each other. In the second part of the study, the students viewed photographs of individuals of the opposite sex who were looking directly at the camera/viewer. And yes, this was a PG study: none of the photos contained nudity or erotic images.

As the photographs popped up, participants were asked to decide as rapidly as possible whether they perceived each photograph or the persons in the photograph as eliciting feelings of sexual desire or romantic love.

Remarkably, this type of automatic judgment can happen in as little as half a second.

The analysis? The eye-tracking data from the two studies revealed that noticeable differences in eye movement patterns based on whether the students reported feeling sexual desire or romantic love.

For instance, if a person's eye patterns concentrate on a stranger's (otherwise known as your date's) face, the onlooker sees the person as potential for romantic love. But, if the viewer's eye patterns concentrate on the other person's body, they're probably thinking more along the lines of desire and lust.

This may all seem obvious on some level, but according to co-author of the study, John Cacioppo, "By identifying eye patterns that are specific to love-related stimuli, the study may contribute to the development of a biomarker that differentiates feelings of romantic love versus sexual desire. He also noted, "An eye-tracking paradigm may eventually offer a new avenue of diagnosis in clinicians' daily practice or for routine clinical exams in psychiatry and/or couple therapy."

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NOW WATCH: The 6 basic elements of a thriving relationship

Today, about 3 million married Americans and as many as half of US college students are in a long-distance relationship— but don't feel too bad for them.

Studies show that couples in long-distance relationships can be equally, if not more, satisfied as geographically-close couples. Not only that, long-distance couples are more likely to share meaningful thoughts and feelings, and therefore, experience a deeper sense of emotional intimacy, according to one study of 63 college students.

But not everyone can thrive in this kind of romantic commitment.

Emma Dargie, a PhD student in clinical psychology at Queen's University who has studied hundreds of long-distance daters, says that the single best advice for maintaining a healthy, long-distance relationship is communication.

"Establish the needs of each partner early on, practice working towards meeting those needs, and give feedback about which needs are still being unmet," Dargie told Business Insider in an email.

These needs can include agreeing on anything from on how often the couple communicates to how frequently they take time to see each other in person. In fact, it's important to set dates for meet ups, Dargie said. Going long distance with no end in sight can be trickier.

"Those who are certain of when they will be in the same city as their partner … seem to cope better with the distance," she said.

The hardest part

Dargie, along with a team of researchers at Queen's University, published a paper last year that compared relationship quality between long-distance couples and geographically-close couples.

In their study, the researchers gave 474 females and 243 males in long-distance relationships a series of questions on topics including intimacy, commitment, communication, and sexual satisfaction (or lack thereof). The researchers asked the same questions of 314 females and 111 males who lived near their partner.

In the end, Dargie and her colleagues found no difference in the quality of the relationship for either type of couple. Oddly enough, they found that for long-distance couples, the farther apart each partner was from the other geographically, the higher their level of satisfaction, intimacy, and communication was.

This suggests that the hardest part about long-distance relationships is not the distance itself, Dargie said.

"According to our research, it's not necessarily how far apart you are or how little you see your partners," she explained. "It's more about the discrepancy between your expectations for relationships and the reality of your current situation."

In addition to her research, Dargie is an expert on long-distance romance from personal experience. In fact, part of the reason she began researching this type of relationship is because she was in a long-distance relationship at the time.

"There was not, and still is not, a great deal of research on the topic, so my partner and we were just stumbling through as best we could. Ultimately, that relationship ended," Dargie said. "Although it would be tempting to blame the long distance for that dissolution, I now see that the relationship had just run its course."

Technology to the rescue

While long-distance relationships are nothing new and faraway lovers have historically stayed in touch via letters and phone calls, recent technology — especially the internet — means it's possible to regularly see and communicate with your partner even if you can't be with them physically.

The study of 63 couples, published in the Journal of Communication in 2013, found that digital media, like video chatting and texting, may help couples achieve healthy long-distance relationships — at least among younger daters. (The average age of research participants was 21, and the authors cautioned in the paper that "the sample of tech-savvy college students may limit the generalizability of the conclusions.")

The study analyzed 876 diary entries detailing the couples' day-to-day interactions. Roughly half of the couples were in long-distance relationships. Although the people in a long-distance did not interact as frequently throughout the day, their interactions were longer and more intimate.

"If being geographically apart is inevitable, people should not despair," Crystal Jiang, an assistant professor at City University of Hong Kong and coauthor of the paper, told the Huffington Post. "They are capable of communicating intimacy."

Some more advice

In any relationship, but especially in long-distance relationships, it's important to understand that your partner has a life outside of the relationship. While making time for talking and being together is crucial, it's also important to spend time with friends and family.

"There is likely little that people will be able to do in order to change their long distance status, but if they devote their time to filling their lives with good people and fun activities, that absence may feel less pronounced," Dargie told Business Insider. "Plus, that gives much more to talk about during phone and/or Skype dates!"

SEE ALSO: Here's why marriage is harder than ever

LEARN MORE: Why you should never give your partner the silent treatment

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NOW WATCH: Research Reveals Why Men Cheat, And It's Not What You Think