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We've grown way more accepting about certain kinds of sex since the 1970s

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masters of sex

We've come a long way since the days of "I Love Lucy" when the idea of sex on TV was so taboo that even married couples were shown sleeping in separate beds.

Since then, our ideas about sex have opened up a lot — we've become far more accepting of everything from sex before marriage to sex between same-sex couples, and those trends have picked up pace since the 1970s.

But in a few areas, like sex outside of marriage, we've actually grown a tad less accepting.

At least that's according to a recent study in the Archives of Sexual Behavior which looked at data from a huge sample of Americans included in the General Social Survey (GSS).

Here are its biggest findings:

We've grown more accepting of sex before marriage

In the early 70s, just 29% of Americans (35% of men and 23% of women) thought it was okay to have sex before your wedding day. To be more exact, when given options on a scale of 1-4, with 1 being "always wrong," and 4 being "not wrong at all," less than a third of people would choose "not wrong at all."

About a decade later, this percentage grew to around 42%, where it stayed through the 90s. In the 2000s, it rose to nearly half (49%), and in the 2010s it hit 55% (59% of men and 52% of women).

sex chart

We've grown more accepting of gay and lesbian sex

Acceptance of sex between gays and lesbians has tripled since the 70s, with the most growth happening amongst young people. Just over 1 in every 5 young people who were between 18 and 29 in the 1970s said sex between people of the same gender was "not wrong at all." By the 90s, this percentage rose to 26%. By the 2010s, more than half of Millennials (56%) approve of sex between same-sex partners.

and...

We're reporting having more sexual partners

In the 1980s, people said they had an average of 7 sex partners since age 18 (roughly 11 for men and 4 for women). In the 2010s that number rose to 11 (roughly 18 for men and 6 for women).

We're reporting having more casual sex

Just about 35% of 18-29 year olds in the late 1980s said they had sex with a casual date (44% of men and 19% of women). Yet nearly half (45%) of Millennials in the 2010s (55% of men and 31% of women) said they'd had sex with a casual date.

These increases don't necessarily mean we're simply having more casual sex or sex partners, and could also be a result of people being more comfortable about admitting they've had more casual sex or sex partners in the first place.

but...

We've grown less accepting of sex outside of marriage

Although levels of acceptance regarding sex between two people who are married to other people has stayed relatively low throughout the years, acceptance rates have declined pretty significantly since the 1970s.

About 4% of adults said sex between two people who were married to other people was "not wrong at all" in 1973 (6% for men and 2% for women), compared to just 1% of people in 2012 (2% for men and less than 1% for women).

NOW READ: It turns out it's scientifically possible to have twins who have different dads — and this woman just did it

SEE ALSO: Here's how common open relationships really are

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: Spontaneous sex is a myth — here's how a 'sex schedule' could save your relationship


The biggest difference between being a single woman and a single man in 2015

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Kate BolickMore than half of American adults are single

According to the US Census, 53% of singles are women, 47% are men. 

But the way American culture treats single people of the different genders is — unsurprisingly — different. 

To Kate Bolick, author of "Spinster: Making a Life of One's Own," it has a lot do with pressures around marriage. In "Spinster," Bolick traces the place and status of single women in American history.

While everybody grows up with the expectation that we'll one day get married, she says, the pressures are a lot more pronounced for women, and there's a lot more fear involved.

"I think that women tend to feel that they have less choice, that it’s something they have to do, and don't have control over when it will happen," she tells Business Insider.

Then there are guys.

"When it comes to men, from what I've witnessed, men tend to hit 'marriage o'clock' around their early 30s, where they just decide that it’s time to get married, and marry whoever they're dating," Bolick says. "So they have a much more relaxed attitude toward marriage; it's something that they'll do when they're ready and they feel like it, and women don't have as relaxed a relationship to the idea of marriage." 

You can also see it in the words we use for singles — bachelor and spinster.

In "Spinster," Bolick unpacks the differences.

Here's the history of bachelor:

Bachelor originally referred to men of inferior status in professions so demanding they precluded marriage. In thirteenth-century France this meant, for instance, a theological candidate who held merely a bachelor's degree instead of a master's.  

Around 1300 the word crossed into English to describe low-ranking knights. Much later, Victorian matchmakers appropriated the term and added eligible, for an unmarried man blessed with financial and social inducements, and confirmed, for any who wanted to remain that way. By the late nineteenth century the term had neutralized to simply mean "unmarried man," as it still does today.

And spinster:

[Spinster] originated in fifteenth-century Europe as an honorable way to describe the girls, most them unmarried, who spun thread for a living — one of the very few respectable professions available to women. By the 1600s the term had expanded to include any unmarried woman, whether or not she spun. 

Not until colonial America did spinster become synonymous with the British old maid, a disparagement that cruelly invokes maiden (a fertile virgin girl) to signify that this matured version will never outgrown her virginal state, and is so far past her prime that she never will. 

At a time when procreation was necessary to building a new population, the biblical imperative to "be fruitful and multiply" felt particularly urgent, and because only wives, of course, were allowed to have sex, the settlers consider solitary women sinful, a menace to society. If a woman wasn't married by twenty-three she became a "spinster." 

If she was still unwed at twenty-six, she was written off as a hopeless "thornback," a species of flat spiny fish — a discouraging start to America's long evolution in getting comfortable with the idea of autonomous women. 

Other cultures are even more brutal to single women. In South Korea, for instance, women who die without ever being married become Cheonyeo gwishin, or maiden ghosts — since they never served their purpose in life of winning a husband. 

While not quite as intense as in Confucian societies, the historical legacy in America is that the right role of women is to serve her parents, husband, and children. Because how else would the colonies have enough humans to continue to exist? While the pressure isn't as acute as it was in the 18th and 19th centuries, 21st century women still feel a greater pressure than guys to get hitched — though singles are increasingly able to create meaning in their lives beyond those primary relationships

SEE ALSO: 4 things single people should know about living alone

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NOW WATCH: Here's how much sex happy couples have every month

How to deal with coworkers who are willing to do anything to get ahead

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Rainn Wilson Dwight Schrute The Office

There's one in every office. The hotshot: the guy who has an exalted view of his own opinions and claims all great ideas are his; or the woman who lets everyone know she's the "go-to" person on … well, everything.

They pursue a land grab and overstep your boundaries with no authority — as they attempt to climb the corporate ladder.

Despite all their blustering, however, you can mitigate all the disruption.

Signs of a Power-Hungry Coworker

The tell-tale signs of overly ambitious employees are abundant. They initiate projects to peers or may even attempt to do so with those in other departments. They're blind to the rules of engagement. At meetings, they'll tell peers or even more senior coworkers, "That's a great idea, why don't you take the lead on it?"

The power-mongering worker can get the boss's attention and, unfortunately, can be encouraged by senior managers who see a personal advantage to promoting the employee's status. This authority-grabber can help build the boss's fiefdom, leaving you in the dust. It's lethal to coworkers and hurts the organization, because they wield excessive power without oversight — until enough complaints emerge.

Who doesn't want enthusiastic employees? If you get sucked in, you end up feeling like a doormat. Management may see your attention-hungry coworker as the ultimate go-getter, the leader of the pack, and a "can-do kinda person."

The Fallout

In reality, this employee is an office tyrant in the making. Coworkers like this dampen the dedication of others behind the scenes — those doing the real work. As they make strides to dole out work, seldom do they also dole out credit (that is counterproductive to their agenda!)

And being that many companies today are matrix organizations, this behavior can slip through the cracks of the org chart.

In extreme cases, these wannabe success stories can bully others into feeling they must cooperate on certain projects — when in fact other employees are barely handling their own workloads. You may feel eclipsed by this star of the show, and because he's the boss's "chosen one," you may feel that you have few options.

Especially if you've stated your case, but the status quo remains the same. As long as things are perceived as running along smoothly, your boss may turn a blind eye to the misbehavior.

Take Your Power Back

The good news is that after enough people are on to the façade and come forth, the disruption becomes more transparent to management. That former behavior can dissipate in minutes.

Sometimes employees try to placate the power monger so they can ride on the coattails of their success. But they eventually find that they're only adding more fuel to the fire — and expending wasted energy. In time, it is likely that both you and management will realize that this solo flyer's power is built on silt. It's a case of the "Emperor has no clothes." Here are some ways to re-establish control:

1. Diplomatically question their authority

  • Don't be afraid to confront the ladder-climbing coworker and question further how and why it is that you're getting orders — or ask diplomatically if they're aware of something that you're not. Don't hesitate to ask them where their expertise or authority is coming from.
  • If you know they're out of control, tell them that you appreciate their input and will take it under consideration.
  • Check with your boss before you agree to work on anything from a coworker who seems to hold "self-perceived" authority.

2. Speak up

  • The sooner you speak to your real boss about the matter, the better off you are.
  • Don't be afraid to push back in meetings, questioning and clarifying roles and responsibilities, even if just for the record and to the benefit of others.
  • Rather than get caught up in what you think is useful inside information, don't start schmoozing with "puffer fish" employees to theoretically advance your career. Stay focused. If their comments or directives are more fluff than substance, find ways to avoid them. And if you cross paths, you can politely diffuse their authority, or with, "Oh really? That's great," or "Oops, sorry — I have a deadline to meet."

3. Gather the forces

  • There is power in numbers; talk to others and you'll likely confirm that this person is a fantasy commander. Go to your mutual managers en force if your workflow is being disrupted.
  • If you find you're not being copied on emails where an action involving you is suggested or your comments or ideas are made public, ask to be. Conversely, if you're listed on a team you had no intention of being on, respond immediately.
  • Clarity will always save you time and angst. If the situation goes beyond a mere self-promoter, find out the real agenda of the power-monger coworker — and how much they really impact your job.

Employees looking for shortcuts to the top at any expense are challenging. But with your high-road approach, you'll cut out a lot of disruption, allowing you to thrive in your job.

SEE ALSO: 23 simple ways to deal with your annoying coworkers

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NOW WATCH: Here's how to form better habits faster

The FDA just backed a drug people are calling 'female viagra'

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Denmark blonde girl sexy

The US FDA just agreed to back an experimental drug that's being called "female Viagra" and is designed to increase a woman's sexual desire.

The FDA panel voted 18-6 in favor of approving the pill, called flibanserin, so long as its manufacturer makes a plan to limit its safety risks.

It's a far cry from "female Viagra," however.

How it works

Unlike Viagra, which helps men get and keep an erection by directing blood flow to that area of the body, this new drug, called flibanserin, is designed to help boost a woman's psychological desire for sex. In order to do that, this drug is taken daily and, over time, can affect the levels of certain chemicals in the brain.

"It's beyond ridiculous that this is being called 'female' Viagra,'" Bat Sheva Marcus, a sexual dysfunction specialist at the Medical Center for Female Sexuality in New York, told Business Insider. "This isn't about blood flow. It's got nothing to do with blood flow."

Pfizer, the makers of Viagra, tried marketing plain old "male" Viagra to women in 2004. It failed. The drug increased blood flow to women's genitals, but that had zero effect on their desire for sex.

That's where flibanserin is different.

Flibanserin targets two neurotransmitters in the brain that can help inspire sexual desire. The first is dopamine, which helps control the brain's reward and pleasure centers and could help drive up our interest in sex. The second is norepinephrine, which affects parts of the brain that control our attention and our response to things in our environment and could help direct our attention to a sexual partner.

Many women — some studies estimate this number is as high as one-third of all adult women— suffer from a condition known as female hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD). The essential feature of HSDD in women is a lack of desire for sex that causes distress. According to Marcus, women with HSDD still enjoy sex when they have it, but the inspiration to have it in the first place simply isn't there.

"I see this all the time where a woman, she enjoys sex and gets aroused and orgasms, but she absolutely just doesn't want it anymore — she's just not interested," said Marcus. "It's something that's going on in the brain."

This drug, which is supposed to be taken daily, would ideally target a mix of neurotransmitters so as to give that desire a boost. "It's trying to change the parts of the brain that don’t light up, the ones that aren't responding," said Marcus.

How well does it work?

People aren't sure how well flibanserin works just yet. Although it's been through several trials, its benefits are still controversial.

Masters of Sex

For one thing, flibanserin comes with side effects, just as any drug would. These side effects include fainting and drowsiness, especially if taken with alcohol. Some have said these aren't severe enough to merit blocking it, while others say there could be unforeseen problems that haven't yet been accounted for. And there are concerns about potential problems with alcohol given how much the average American drinks.

Plus, its success is somewhat disputed.

Although it was effective in trials in raising the number of times a woman has satisfying sex (which the scientists label "satisfying sexual episodes") it didn't improve sexual desire — the very thing the drug was designed to do.

Women in the trials taking flibanserin saw an increase in the number of times they had satisfying sex from roughly 2.8 times per month to an average of 4.5 times per month, an increase of about 1.7 times.

Here's the problem: Women taking just a placebo in drug trials had more SSEs too, albeit by a slightly smaller number. Women taking a placebo saw their number of SSEs went up from an average of 2.7 per month to 3.7, an increase of 1.

In other words, controlling for the placebo effect, flibanserin's effectiveness amounted to roughly one extra episode of satisfying sex each month, reports David Kroll in Forbes. This was likely one of the reasons the FDA has rejected pharma companies' petitions for it twice, according to Fierce Biotech.

Yet the company making the drug, Sprout Pharmaceuticals, says this is enough of an increase to make it available to women. 

And today, the FDA appeared to agree.

"It's clear to me that there were very consistent benefits in measures we understand for some portion of women," and no benefits for others, advisory committee member Kevin Weinfurt said.

SEE ALSO: We've grown way more accepting about certain kinds of sex since the 1970s

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: Spontaneous sex is a myth — here's how a 'sex schedule' could save your relationship

Improving your sex life could be as simple as having this conversation

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couple 4

Talking about money could improve your sex life?

That's a new one.

However, it's the implication of a new poll from MONEY, which surveyed 500 millennials and 500 baby boomers about relationships and money. 

The poll found that people who trusted their partners with money were more likely to report that their sex lives were "hot" or "very good," while those who were less confident in their partner's financial skills — or reported fighting with their partners about money — were also less satisfied with the more private side of their relationship.

Kerri Anne Renzulli and Susie Poppick write on MONEY:

In general, couples who saw eye to eye on retirement savings, emergency savings, investment decisions, major purchases, and retirement age fought less often, trusted each other more, and reported higher levels of bedroom bliss.

Renzulli and Poppick are clear that the poll only implies a correlation, not a causal relationship (agreeing about money won't necessarily improve your sex life; conversely, a great sex life doesn't always mean you'll agree about money).

Bearing in mind that disagreements over money are one of the leading causes of divorce, the poll's findings provide another good reason to get on the same financial page as your partner.

If you're considering marriage, take a look at the three essential money conversations couples should have before getting married. If you're in any stage of your relationship, try the six money conversations every serious couple should have.

Can't hurt, right?

SEE ALSO: 6 money lies that can destroy your relationship

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: JAMES ALTUCHER: Why investing in a 401(k) is a complete waste of money

How to make friends when you're a grown-up

I make over 50% more than my husband — here's how we make it work

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couple

I earn 55% more than my husband.

That's a big difference, and our situation is growing less unique by the day.

The percentage of women breadwinners has been rising steadily over the past 30 years.

And as women continue to earn more higher-education degrees than men, it's likely this "trend" isn't going away.

But it's one thing to talk about changing social norms when you're dealing with statistics — and another thing to handle them in a real relationship.

Because of the difference in what my husband and I earn, I'm frequently faced with adjusting my goals or finding a way to negotiate our feelings.

In my experience, communicating our needs early and often is a great way to minimize frustration, hurt feelings, and hurt pride.

Here are five conversations we have that keep things running smoothly.

Short-term goals

We all have things we look forward to, and sometimes the anticipation that comes with saving for something we want brings us as much happiness as the goal itself.

For me, that goal is travel.

I'm willing to save all year long if it means I'll be able to take an amazing trip. This is a challenge because my husband enjoys traveling, but not as much as I do. He'd rather save for something he finds more personally rewarding, and because he earns so much less than I do, he can't afford to split the cost of traveling 50/50.

Our solution: Since my husband does enjoy traveling, we share the cost, just not evenly. Most of the time, that means I pay for the elements of the trip that tend to cost the most and need to be decided in advance, like flights and hotels.

When we're actually on the trip, we evenly split expenses that are easier to decide on an individual basis, such as whether to splurge on a specific meal or special experience. Because I shoulder so much of the expense of traveling, I don't contribute financially to my husband's short-term goals; they don't interest me to the same degree that traveling interests him. I do, however, support his personal projects in other, nonfinancial ways: by contributing my time, energy, and skills. For example, one of my husband's past short-term goals was to make a small indie film. I didn't contribute to the film's budget, but I did help by editing the script and crowdsourcing the equipment.

What I learned: Talking about our personal short-term goals frequently means we both know about and respect each other's current projects. We're clear on the fact that traveling is more my passion than his, so there's none of the hurt pride that might have come with his not being able to evenly split all the expenses, and no resentment that could have accompanied spending all his disposable income on something that brings me more happiness than him. Instead, he has his own short-term goals to look forward to, and he knows that I am ready to be an active participant in them.

house

Long-term goals

Like many couples, my husband and I both share a desire to own a home. When we discuss the financial challenges we will have to overcome in order to buy a place of our own, our conversations always come down to two main goals: saving for a deposit and paying our future mortgage. Because of our disparate incomes, it's impossible for us to save up equal amounts for our deposit.

However, things are less clear about how even or uneven our incomes might be throughout the 20 or 30 years we'll be paying our mortgage. Because my husband is still a student (and is fortunate enough to know he will most likely have a job upon graduation), it's likely that our incomes will become more similar down the line.

Our solution: We've decided that I will be putting aside money for the deposit, while my husband will not. His income is low enough that if he were putting aside money right now, he could not afford to save for any short-term goals (like filmmaking, or adding to his impressive collection of '70s and '80s horror movies). Because our short-term goals contribute so much to our happiness as individuals, and because my income is enough to allow for both short-term and long-term savings, I'm happy to be the one to helm this ship.

Part of the reason I'm comfortable with this is because I know that my husband's income will most likely increase significantly within the next three to four years, so the inequality of our contributions does have a foreseeable expiration date.

But what if his future income doesn't allow him to split the cost of our mortgage with me 50/50 while simultaneously making student loan payments? We recognize that this is one of the money discussions that we will have to revisit from time to time.

What I learned: When it comes to an expense that lasts 20 or 30 years (or more!), it's hard to determine exactly what's going to happen. The fact that my husband is a student means there are still elements of our financial future that are not definite. Even if no decisions are being made right this moment, it's still valuable for me to check in with my own feelings periodically.

wedding couple on beach

Student loans

Through a combination of scholarships, informed decisions, and extremely generous parents, I'm fortunate not to have any student loan debt.

My husband is a different story.

He enrolled in a costly private college right after high school and, after two years of less-than-stellar grades, decided that school wasn't for him. He left college to work for a couple of years, and when he felt motivated to continue, enrolled at a less expensive city college for the remainder of his undergraduate career. He is now a graduate student. The cost of city and state college is a lot less than a private institution, but it still adds up. Combined with the two years he spent at a private school, he'll have approximately $300,000 of student loan debt when he graduates.

Our solution: Because he owes so much and feels the reason his debt is so considerable is a result of his own poor choices, he is not open to me contributing to the cost of his loan payments.

If he continues to feel this way and is unable to split our future mortgage payments with me 50/50, I know that the option to put the house in my name is there. But who knows what the future holds; he could one day become comfortable with the idea of his debt becoming "our" debt. Or I may, when the time comes, realize I'm not comfortable paying debt that isn't mine. This is another one of those conversations we will have to revisit.

What I learned: If we had not made it a point to talk about our long-terms goals, we would not have the understanding that we could (if necessary) put just my name on the deed. Of course, it's not what we prefer, but it's good to have something to fall back on.

couple talking

Everyday expenses

There are a lot of little things we pay for that contribute to our basic cost of living: rent, utilities, groceries, and dining out are big ones for us. We would also love to one day adopt a dog, which would mean additional costs (pet food, grooming, vet bills, emergencies).

Our solution: My husband and I split the cost of our rent and utility bills evenly, but because doing so consumes such a big chunk of my husband's monthly income, there are some tradeoffs. We split groceries 70/30. When we go out to eat we split the bill evenly, but we also limit the number of times we dine out each week to once or twice, and only on weekends. We rely on our groceries to get us through the week, including bringing lunch to work.

Splitting our rent and utilities evenly comes with sacrifices elsewhere in our budget; because of the strain owning a pet would put on my husband's wallet, we've put that on hold for the foreseeable future. If we didn't split those two big-ticket expenses, that might make owning a dog more affordable. But for us the simplicity and equality is more important for our mutual peace of mind right now.

What I learned: When we first moved in together, my husband and I split the cost of our everyday expenses 50/50. As time has gone on and we've become more comfortable talking about money and what we can each afford, we've tweaked things.

We started splitting our groceries unevenly about a year ago after we decided to make an effort to buy better quality meats and produce, upgrades that can add up over the month. Also, we've learned that it's okay to break the rules every now and then.

Maybe he decides to buy something for lunch rather than eat whatever we'd packed for ourselves. Or maybe we both had a bad week and need to just go have a nice meal. We figure it out. The cost of treating ourselves once in a while is what makes it easier to stick to our plans in the long run.

couple park bench

Personal spending

Personal spending is the way we use our money to treat ourselves. For me, that means occasionally ordering sushi at work, or splurging on new books and clothes. For my husband, that means rare Blu-rays of vintage horror movies. To each their own!

Though the things we're buying are small and don't individually impact our lives much, the freedom to treat ourselves makes a big difference in our overall happiness. But given the disparity in our paychecks, how often (and on what) my husband and I can afford to treat ourselves doesn't always match up.

Our solution: My husband and I had a conversation about money when we decided to move in together, and again four years later when we got married. Both times, we decided to keep our finances separate; he has his checking account and I have mine. Though we obviously know how much the other earns, having separate checking accounts means that neither of us could monitor each other's spending, even if we wanted to. And because my treats come out of my pocket and his treats come out of his, we have no reason to care. We both have the freedom to treat ourselves when and how we want, without any reason for the other person to be affected or concerned.

What I learned: I want the power to spend my money how I like and the ability to save a safety net should anything in my life not go as planned. Having the ability to do so is a big deal, and I'm happy with the way that keeping our finances separate has allowed me to do that — without answering to anyone by myself.

SEE ALSO: This financial expert earns much more than her husband — here's how they manage their money

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: Two models in Russia just posed with a 1,400-pound bear

10 ways ​to become incredibly charismatic

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dicaprio gatsby glass 2

Some people instantly make us feel important. Some people instantly make us feel special. Some people light up a room just by walking in.

We can't always define it, but some people have "it"— they're naturally charismatic.

Unfortunately, natural charisma quickly loses its impact. Familiarity breeds, well, familiarity.

But some people have the ability to maintain real charisma over time. They build and maintain great relationships, positively influence the people around them, and consistently make people feel better about themselves. They're the kind of people everyone wants to be around … and wants to be.

Fortunately we can all be more charismatic, because charisma isn't about our level of success, or our presentation skills, or how we dress, or the image we project — charisma is about what we do.

Here are ways you can be more charismatic:

1. Listen way more than you talk.

Ask questions. Maintain eye contact. Smile. Frown. Nod. Respond — not so much verbally, but nonverbally.

That's all it takes to show the other person they're important.

Then when you do speak, don't offer advice unless you're asked. Listening shows you care a lot more than offering advice, because when you offer advice in most cases you make the conversation about you, not them.

Don't believe me? Who is, "Here's what I would do …" about: you, or the other person?

Only speak when you have something important to say — and always define important as what matters to the other person, not to you.

2. Don't practice selective hearing.

Some people — I guarantee you know a few like this — are incapable of hearing anything said by the people they feel are somehow beneath them.

Sure, you speak to them, but that particular falling tree doesn't make a sound in the forest, because there's no one actually listening.

Incredibly charismatic people listen closely to everyone, and they make all of us, regardless of our position or social status or "level," feel like we have something in common with them.

Because we do.

3. Always put your stuff away.

Don't check your phone. Don't glance at your monitor. Don't focus on anything else, even for a moment.

You can never connect with others if you're busy connecting with your stuff, too.

Give the gift of full attention. That's a gift few people give. That gift alone will make others want to be around you and remember you.

4. Always give before you receive — knowing you may never receive.

Never think about what you can get. Focus on what you can provide. Giving is the only way to establish a real connection and relationship.

Focus, even in part and even for a moment, on what you can get out of the other person, and you show that the only person who really matters is you.

Just give. Be remarkably giving. Don't worry about whether you will someday receive.

5. Don't act self-important …

The only people who are impressed by your stuffy, pretentious, self-important persona are other stuffy, pretentious, self-important people.

The rest of us aren't impressed. We're irritated, put off, and uncomfortable.

And we aren't too thrilled when you walk in the room.

6. … Since you know other people are more important.

You already know what you know. You know your opinions. You know your perspective and point of view.

That stuff isn't important, because it's already yours. You can't learn anything from yourself.

But you don't know what other people know, and everyone, no matter who they are, knows things you don't know.

That automatically makes them a lot more important than us because they're people we can learn from.

7. Shine the spotlight on others.

No one receives enough praise. No one. Tell people what they did well.

Wait, you say you don't know what they did well?

Shame on you — it's your job to know. It's your job to find out ahead of time.

Not only will people appreciate your praise, they'll appreciate the fact you care enough to pay attention to what they do.

And they will feel a little more accomplished — and a lot more important.

8. Choose your attitude — and your words.

The words you use affect the attitude of others — and they affect you.

For example, you don't have to go to a meeting; you get to go meet with other people. You don't have to create a presentation for a new client; you get to share cool stuff with other people. You don't have to go to the gym; you get to work out and improve your health and fitness.

You don't have to interview job candidates; you get to select a great person to join your team.

We all want to associate with happy, enthusiastic, fulfilled people. The approach you take and the words you choose can help other people feel better about themselves — and make you feel better about yourself, too.

9. Don't discuss the failings of others …

Granted, we all like hearing a little gossip. We all like hearing a little dirt.

The problem is, we don't necessarily like — and we definitely don't respect — the people who dish that dirt.

Don't laugh at other people. When you do, the people around you wonder if you sometimes laugh at them.

10. … But readily admit your own failings.

Incredibly successful people are often assumed to have charisma simply because they are successful — their success can seem to create a halo effect, almost like a glow.

The key word is "seem."

You don't have to be incredibly successful to be extremely charismatic. Scratch the shiny surface, and many successful people have the charisma of a rock.

But you do have to be incredibly genuine to be extremely charismatic.

Be humble. Share your screwups. Admit your mistakes and be the lesson learned.

And definitely laugh at yourself. When you do, other people won't laugh at you. They'll laugh with you.

And they'll like you better for it … and want to be around you a lot more.

SEE ALSO: 9 Things Incredibly Attractive People Do

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7 tips that will help you make a great first impression every time

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professional,happy,smile

First impressions dictate our professional careers. The first impression you make on your interviewer could determine whether or not you get hired for a job.

The first impression you make with your coworkers could affect how well you fit into the culture.

The first impression you make on a new potential client could make or break your ability to close the sale.

Unfortunately, some elements of a first impression come down to luck and are impossible to control, but let's not focus on those.

Instead, let's focus on the elements of a first impression you can control. These seven keys to landing a great first impression will help you in every stage of your career, from job interview to ongoing success in leadership:

1. Nitpick Your Appearance

Appearance shouldn't matter as much as a personality or interaction, but it does. In fact, the way you appear often forms the very first impression in the other person's mind. This should go without saying, but practice good personal hygiene and make sure to dress appropriately for whatever event you're attending — and of course, remember overdressing is better than underdressing.

Give yourself a double-check before entering the room, if possible, looking for any stains, stray hairs, or anything that might make you appear disheveled or that you don't pay attention to details. Those details matter, whether you like it or not.

2. Use Confident, Controlled Body Language

Your body language says as much about you as your spoken language does — sometimes more. Keep your posture open and inviting; otherwise you could come off as cold and distant. Use your hands and arms to gesticulate when you speak, especially to punctuate important points in your conversation, but be careful not to exaggerate your movements too much, or you could come across as a raving lunatic.

Make eye contact occasionally, with multiple people if you're in a full room, without breaking too quickly or too slowly. Finally, make sure you stand (or sit) tall, with your shoulders back. It's a confident posture that can also help you breathe and speak better.

3. Loosen Up With Natural Conversation

Don't jump right into the super-professional conversation, and don't remain quiet either. When you first meet somebody, talk to them like you'd talk to a friend or a casual acquaintance — in other words, talk to them like a person. Loosen up the meeting with a natural, interpersonal conversation. Some people call this small talk, but it's actually a very socially important element of interaction.

Ask how they're doing, talk about the weather, about sports, or about the venue where you're meeting. It makes you seem more personable, and forms a better overall first impression — as long as you don't ramble.

4. Be Mindful of Your Emotions

It's easy for your emotions to take over when you're having a bad day, even when you don't mean for them to. Let's say you're dealing with personal stress, you fought traffic on the way over, and you just got a text that your weekend plans are ruined.

Your emotional distress can easily work its way into your voice, your actions, and your body language, even if you don't intend for it to. To avoid this, take a few minutes before any meeting to clear your head with mindfulness meditation or visualization exercises that help you quarantine those bad emotions and focus on the positives in front of you.

5. Smile and Laugh

These could technically be filed under the point on body language, but they're so important that I feel they deserve a separate entry. Smiling and laughing are contagious; the more you smile and laugh, the more likely it is that the person you're meeting will do so too.

girl drinking coffee smiling

Then, that person will subconsciously associate meeting you with experiencing positive emotions, and he/she will leave with a much better impression of you. Plus, smiling and laughing shows that you're fun and easy to get along with.

6. Actively Listen

People like to be heard when they speak. Never interrupt a person or give an indication that you aren't paying attention; doing so can ruin their first impression of you. Instead, take careful effort to actively listen to that person.

Show signs of listening like nodding your head, making eye contact, and giving verbal recognition between sentences, and summarize what he/she is saying to prove you truly heard what he/she said. Doing so makes you seem like a great listener, and therefore, a great person.

7. Be Yourself

This final, and most important piece of advice, is a bit of a clich, but it's all too often neglected by over-eager young professionals. Practicing good body language, small talk, and personable laughter is all good, but it can also make you seem over-rehearsed or robotic.

Don't put on your corporate mask and bury your personal identity; be yourself! Act naturally, and show off the personality traits that make you who you are. People appreciate sincerity and loathe artificiality.

Put these seven keys for making a great first impression to good use, and don't be afraid to practice! Practicing these behaviors and habits in a mirror, or with a friend or family member, can help make them feel more like a natural part of you.

In time, they'll become a natural part of your personality, and you'll have an ingrained tendency to make better first impressions no matter where you go.

SEE ALSO: 18 Body-Language Tricks To Make A Great First Impression

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Psychologists say you need these 3 compatibilities to have a successful marriage

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william middleton wedding kiss

Although fewer young people are getting married today than ever before, research suggests that getting and staying married is one of the best things you can do for yourself.

As The New York Times recently concluded, "being married makes people happier and more satisfied with their lives than those who remain single — particularly during the most stressful periods, like midlife crises."

But how do you know if you should get hitched in the first place? 

We asked Peter Pearson, couples therapist and cofounder of the Couples Institute of Menlo Park, California. 

Chemistry was his first answer. 

"Chemistry is not everything," he said, "but if the chemistry is not there, that's a tough thing to overcome. If the chemistry is more there for one person than the other, that's tough to overcome. It's hard to build passion if it's low at the beginning. If I could find a way to build passion where passion was low, I'd be richer than Bill Gates."

But it's not just sexual chemistry, Pearson said. What you might call social chemistry plays a crucial role — the way you feel when you're with the other person. In his experience, when people have affairs, it's more than simple lust — it's also about the way they feel when they're around the other person. 

That sense of "how I feel" can be investigated further by looking at the work of Canadian psychologist Eric Berne. Back in the 1950s and '60s, Berne developed "transactional analysis," a model that tried to provide an account of how two people in a relationship interact, or transact.

His popular books about the model became bestsellers, namely "The Games People Play." Drawing somewhat on Sigmund Freud, his theory argued that every person has three "ego states":

• The parent: What you've been taught

• The child: What you have felt

• The adult: What you have learned

When two people are really compatible, they connect along each tier. Pearson gave us a few questions for figuring out compatibility at each level: 

• The parent: Do you have similar values and beliefs about the world? 

• The child: Do you have fun together? Can you be spontaneous? Do you think your partner's hot? Do you like to travel together? 

• The adult: Does each person think the other is bright? Are you good at solving problems together? 

While having symmetry across all three is ideal, Pearson said that people often "get together to balance each other." One person might identify as fun-loving and adventurous, while the other takes on the role of nurturing and responsible. 

While that divvying up of roles makes for good odd-couple romantic comedies, it's not ultimately sustainable.

"That works until someone gets tired," Pearson said — until one partner is shouting, "I'm tired of being the responsible person here!"

When that happens (or ideally, before that happens), a couple has to go through the "differentiation" process.  

In another interview, Pearson's wife and Couples Institute cofounder Ellyn Bader described how the high-tension phase of differentiation works: 

People have to come to terms with the reality that "we really are different people. You are different from who I thought you were or wanted you to be. We have different ideas, different feelings, different interests."

Differentiation has two components. There is self-differentiation: "This is who I am and what I want." This refers to the development of an independent sense of self: to know what I want, think, feel, desire...

The second involves differentiation from the other. When this is successful, the members of the couple have the capacity to be separate from each other and involved at the same time.

For couples to survive that differentiation process and maintain their compatibility, the real secret sauce is effort. 

But despite all these theoretical models, Pearson said the clues about what predicts true compatibility are much more of a felt sense than something you reason out. 

He provided a litmus test. "If you're living together and your partner is away for a couple days and you see a favorite scarf, a pair of shoes, or another article of clothing that's important to them, how do you feel?" Pearson asked. "Do you feel annoyed that you have to pick up the clutter, or does it bring up happy memories?" 

The answer can tell you a lot about how your parent, child, and adult are getting along with theirs. 

SEE ALSO: Marriages And Businesses Fail For The Same 3 Reasons, Says A Silicon Valley Couples Therapis

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Psychologist says these 2 patterns of behavior are the most common signs that a couple is going to divorce

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Hilary Duff and Mike Comrie

Ever been in the middle of a heated argument and thought: "Does this mean we're going to break up?"

If you're in a stable relationship, chances are the answer is no. But if things have been going downhill for a while and you're worried you might be headed toward splitting up, you may have started to notice some red flags in how you or your partner behave toward each other.

We spoke recently to John Gottman, a psychologist at the University of Washington and the founder of the Gottman Institute and asked him about this.

Gottman said there are two main patterns of behavior that serve as telltale signs that all is not well with a married couple. While the first pattern typically ends in an early divorce (typically just a few years after the wedding), the second one can drag on for years, ultimately resulting in a long and drawn-out breakup.

Here's Gottman on the two types of behavior that commonly end in a split:

1. The couple gets stuck in a negative cycle

"Early divorce is predicted by partners who get stuck in a negative cycle and aren't able to repair the relationship. For these couples, entering negativity is like stepping into a quicksand bog. It's easy to enter but hard to exit. You see that their repair processes — [the techniques they use to makeup after a conflict] — are failing. 

"That’s what leads to early divorce: this negativity becomes all-encompassing. They check in but they don't check out. It's like the roach hotel model. There's a rapid deterioration of intimacy and friendship where they become one another's adversary instead of one another's friends."

2. The couple agrees to disagree

"With couples who divorce later, this results from people agreeing to disagree ... withdrawing from conflict. They can stay together longer, but then around midlife they start having this realization that their life is very empty.

"They're kind of like those couples that come in at dinner and don't talk to each other the entire time. We call them hostile detached couples. They can last a long time.

"In these cases, the couples generally last about 16 years after the wedding. Quite often by the time they end up divorcing they have teenage children. Especially when they have teenagers, they wind up thinking things like, "Boy when I was that age I had a lot of hope, and now I've wound up in this sort of empty marriage." So they wind up identifying with their adolescent and exiting the relationship. Oftentimes there's also an affair. And that's what ends the relationship."

UP NEXT: Science says these 5 things happen to couples who have been together a long time

SEE ALSO: Here's the secret to falling in love

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11 habits of the most irresistible people

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dicaprio gatsby glass 2LinkedIn Influencer Dr. Travis Bradberry published this post originally on LinkedIn.

Some people, regardless of what they lack — money, looks, or social connections — always radiate with energy and confidence.

Even the most skeptical individuals find themselves enamored with these charming personalities.

These people are the life of every party. They're the ones you turn to for help, advice, and companionship.

You just can't get enough of them, and they leave you asking yourself, "What do they have that I don't? What makes them so irresistible?"

The difference? Their sense of self-worth comes from within.

Irresistible people aren't constantly searching for validation, because they're confident enough to find it in themselves. There are certain habits they pursue every day to maintain this healthy perspective.

Since being irresistible isn't the result of dumb luck, it's time to study the habits of irresistible people so that you can use them to your benefit.

Get ready to say "hello" to a new, more irresistible you.

1. They Treat EVERYONE With Respect

Whether interacting with their biggest client or a server taking their drink order, irresistible people are unfailingly polite and respectful. They understand that — no matter how nice they are to the person they're having lunch with — it's all for naught if that person witnesses them behaving badly toward someone else. Irresistible people treat everyone with respect because they believe they're no better than anyone else.

2. They Follow The Platinum Rule

The Golden Rule — treat others as you want to be treated — has a fatal flaw: it assumes that all people want to be treated the same way. It ignores that people are motivated by vastly different things. One person loves public recognition, while another loathes being the center of attention.

The Platinum Rule — treat others as they want to be treated — corrects that flaw. Irresistible people are great at reading other people, and they adjust their behavior and style to make others feel comfortable.

3. They Ditch The Small Talk

There's no surer way to prevent an emotional connection from forming during a conversation than by sticking to small talk. When you robotically approach people with small talk this puts their brains on autopilot and prevents them from having any real affinity for you.

Irresistible people create connection and find depth even in short, every day conversations. Their genuine interest in other people makes it easy for them to ask good questions and relate what they're told to other important facets of the speaker's life.

4. They Focus On People More Than Anything Else

Irresistible people possess an authentic interest in those around them. As a result, they don't spend much time thinking about themselves. They don't obsess over how well they're liked, because they're too busy focusing on the people they're with. It's what makes their irresistibility seem so effortless.

cocktail party socializing

To put this habit to work for you, try putting down the smart phone and focusing on the people you're with. Focus on what they're saying, not what your response will be, or how what they're saying will affect you. When people tell you something about themselves, follow up with open-ended questions to draw them out even more.

5. They Don't Try Too Hard

Irresistible people don't dominate the conversation with stories about how smart and successful they are. It's not that they're resisting the urge to brag. The thought doesn't even occur to them because they know how unlikeable people are who try too hard to get others to like them.

6. They Recognize The Difference Between Fact And Opinion

Irresistible people handle controversial topics and touchy subjects with grace and poise. They don't shrink from sharing their opinions, but they make it clear that they're opinions, not facts. Whether discussing global warming, politics, vaccine schedules, or GMO foods, irresistible people recognize that many people who are just as intelligent as they are see things differently.

7. They Are Authentic

Irresistible people are who they are. Nobody has to burn up energy or brainpower trying to guess their agenda or predict what they'll do next. They do this because they know that no one likes a fake.

People gravitate toward authentic individuals because they know they can trust them. It's easy to resist someone when you don't know who they really are and how they really feel.

8. They Have Integrity

People with high integrity are irresistible because they walk their talk, plain and simple. Integrity is a simple concept but a difficult thing to practice. To demonstrate integrity every day, irresistible people follow through, they avoid talking bad about other people, and they do the right thing, even when it hurts.

9. They Smile

People naturally (and unconsciously) mirror the body language of the person they're talking to. If you want people to find you irresistible, smile at them during conversations and they will unconsciously return the favor and feel good as a result.

10. They Make An Effort To Look Their Best (Just Not Too Much Of An Effort)

clooney amal george

There's a massive difference between being presentable and being vain. Irresistible people understand that making an effort to look your best is comparable to cleaning your house before company comes — it's a sign of respect for others. But once they've made themselves presentable, they stop thinking about it.

11. They Find Reasons To Love Life

Irresistible people are positive and passionate. They're never bored, because they see life as an amazing adventure and approach it with a joy that other people want to be a part of.

It's not that irresistible people don't have problems — even big ones — but they approach problems as temporary obstacles, not inescapable fate. When things go wrong, they remind themselves that a bad day is just one day, and they keep hope that tomorrow or next week or next month will be better.

Bringing It All Together

Irresistible people did not have fairy godmothers hovering over their cribs. They've simply perfected certain appealing qualities and habits that anyone can adopt as their own.

They think about other people more than they think about themselves, and they make other people feel liked, respected, understood, and seen. Just remember: the more you focus on others, the more irresistible you'll be.

What other qualities make people irresistible? Please share your thoughts in the comments section below as I learn just as much from you as you do from me.

Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the #1 bestselling book, "Emotional Intelligence 2.0," and the cofounder of TalentSmart, the world's leading provider of emotional intelligence tests and training, serving more than 75% of Fortune 500 companies. His bestselling books have been translated into 25 languages and are available in more than 150 countries. Dr. Bradberry has written for, or been covered by, Newsweek, BusinessWeek, Fortune, Forbes, Fast Company, Inc., USA Today, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The Harvard Business Review.

More from Travis Bradberry:

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3 phrases to use in a happy relationship

Ask your date these three questions if you want to know whether they're relationship material

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dating

When it comes to first dates, a lot of guys have a routine — a preferred restaurant, a trusted bottle of wine, a short list of questions and topics of conversation.  

In a recent New York Times op-ed, comedian Aziz Ansari and social scientist Eric Klinenberg, authors of the new book "Modern Romance," pointed out three questions you might want to add to your routine:  

1. Do you like horror movies?

2. Have you ever traveled around another country alone?

3. Wouldn’t it be fun to chuck it all and go live on a sailboat?

According to OkCupid trend research done in 2011 by one of the company's founders, Christian Rudder, how closely you and your date's answers to these questions align could determine how well you'd function in a relationship.  

To figure this out, Rudder analyzed 34,260 real-world couples who met on OkCupid. He found that 32% of successful couples agreed on all three questions, which is "3.7 times the rate of simple coincidence," writes Rudder.

It's interesting that all three questions seem to deal with how a person handles stress and anxiety, and their tendency to plan things out. So with that, you could say that two people who deal with stress similarly might make a good couple. 

For Ansari and Klinenberg's purposes — the op-ed about "How to make online dating work"— Rudder's study is used to reinforce the argument that algorithms can predict whether you might want to go on a date with someone. However, as the two end up concluding, online dating allows for way too much filtering and you're "better off vetting dates in person." 

SEE ALSO: The 4 Most Common Relationship Problems — And How To Fix Them

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9 facts about flirting that single — and married — people should know

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fallon miller laugh

What could be more terrifying than talking to someone you're attracted to? 

Luckily, social science has figured out what makes flirting work — or not.

Couples need to flirt, too.

Like Tinder, cats, and dying alone, flirting is usually associated with single people. 

But couples need to know how to flirt, too.

After studying 164 married people for a 2012 study, University of Kentucky researcher Brandi Frisby noted that most of them flirted as a means of maintaining and emphasizing intimacy. Oftentimes, she wrote in her paper, married couples flirted to "create a private world with the spouse." 



People flirt for six different reasons.

In a 2004 review of the literature on flirting, Northern Illinois University professor David Dryden Henningsen identified six different motivations for the behavior: 

• Sex: trying to get in bed 
• Fun: treating it like a sport
• Exploring: trying to see what it would be like to be in a relationship
• Relational: trying to increase the intimacy of a relationship
• Esteem: increasing one's own self esteem
• Instrumental: trying to get something from the other person

In that study, Henningsen asked 101 female and 99 male students to write out a hypothetical flirty conversation between a man and a woman, then identify the motivations for the things they said. 

The behaviors broke down along gender norms: men were significantly more likely to have a sexual motivation, while women tended to have a relational one.



Some conversation starters are better than others.

For a study in the journal Sex Roles, University of Alaska psychologist Chris L. Kleinke asked 600 respondents to rate the effectiveness of three varieties of opening lines in a flirtatious situation: 

• "Pick-up" lines like "You must be a librarian, because I saw you checking me out" 

• Open-ended, innocuous questions like "What do you think of this band?" or "What team are you rooting for?"

Direct approaches like "You're cute — can I buy you a drink?" 

The responses were pretty evenly split along gender lines: While the men in the study tended to prefer the more direct approach, the women tended to prefer the open-ended, innocuous questions. Not surprisingly, very few people said they preferred the pick-up lines.



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This viral Facebook quiz will reveal your soulmate

5 important lessons I learned from a millionaire who owns 10 companies

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tony probst sailing

This man, who shall remain nameless, keeps a very low profile. I happened to run into him and strike up a conversation, which led to another conversation over lunch.

We sat down at an organic food market for lunch and he began to tell me his story.

He was a writer and senior lead auditor of the ISO 9000.

The ISO 9000 is a globally-adopted, quality business management standard used by huge brands with support businesses located internationally. The reason why it exists is so stakeholders can believe with confidence that a manufacturing plant located in another country will produce exactly what the contract says, without having to travel to that plant to conduct a huge inspection. If the plant is ISO 9000- or ISO 9001-certified, then they know it will perform to standard.

The ISO 9000 is based on 8 quality management principles. Adherers include companies in the automotive, chemical, and aerospace manufacturing industries such as GM, Chrysler, Boeing, General Electric, Northrop Grumman, Alibaba, and Eastman Chemical Company.

This man told me that he applied the quality management principles he helped establish in the ISO 9000 to the ten separate businesses he operates today. His businesses include a skateboard and BMX shop, a network of pawnshops, a consulting practice, a musical instruments shop, an Internet sales business, a real estate development and management firm, a firearms shop, a marine products online store, a standup paddleboards shop, and a visual displays store.

You would think these ten companies would dominate his time. Not so. He spends his time sailing around the world with his wife and family in one of his sailboats, the “Zephyr” or the “Whispering Eye.”

Here’s what he told me about life and business. Visualize everything below in quotes.

Multiple Revenue Streams

Waterfalls

If you were to look at just one of the ten businesses I have, it would not be that impressive. It would provide for a simple, decent living for a small family, not much more than that. It’s an unglamorous yet stable, small and focused, profitable operation.

By itself, it’s basic and ordinary. You young, startup-crazy whippersnappers want something so high-profile and instantly viral. My businesses aren’t viral, but they help a specific type of person by providing a quality solution, over and over again.

Multiply a small, quaint, and profitable business by ten and you’ve got a diversified, multi-million dollar portfolio.

Do Not Partner

If you can help it, do not partner with anyone. The more partners you have, the more you have to split the pie. The more partners you have, the more you have to fight for your point of view. The more partners you have, the more time it will take to execute anything. Co-founding is overrated.

Learn the skills yourself, bootstrap, and then hire the right people (see below).

Study the Market

We are in a small market. We are not in San Francisco, Paris, or New York. I’ve seen that smaller markets are two to three years behind the larger markets; whatever is selling in the big cities, will not be selling in ours at the same time. But give it two to three years and it will be selling like hotcakes.

Find out what this is, and be the first to open a shop in your small market.

Be Very, Very Careful With Who You Hire

interview conversation work

My employees are transferable between business lines. Each employee is multi-skilled. The girl behind the counter is doing social media marketing online in between customers checking out.

Each business has a manager with a bank card. Each manager is trained in the same principles of the ISO 9000 and is given full control of their business. Through a tight incentive plan, I make sure that if the business does well, they do well. If they want to order the hottest, new products to sell in their shop, they have to sell enough to fill up the bank account, to purchase the inventory.

I look for people who are independent and responsible, who take complete ownership of their business. This allows me to travel the way I do, because I know my employees are working hard for themselves.

Oh, and we have parties OFTEN. We casually share ideas about what marketing tactics are working in one business that may work in another, we have performance awards, and we do fun things together.

How to Do Well in Business

Here is the mission statement for all of my companies, it’s very simple:

To provide our customers with value-added services and quality products.

To be successful in business does not mean changing the world. It means meeting a need (regardless of size) well and dependably over time.

Sell something. If it’s a product, make sure its quality, then sell it at a fair price, and make sure the breakeven point is doable for you as the business owner. If it’s a service, make sure there is added value, as in you are very good and knowledgeable in your field, and the service provided is unique, at least in your market.

As he was speaking to me, I tried my best to maintain eye contact while thumbing words furiously into an Evernote note. We finished lunch and said our goodbyes. Thankfully, I’ve kept that note and I wanted to share it with you.

Perhaps, one day I’ll be sailing across the world in one of my sailboats with my family while running ten businesses… but until then, I’ll keep writing about the people who do.

 

Follow David Schools on Twitter.

SEE ALSO: 16 things successful people do on Monday mornings

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We need to change the way we think about one night stands

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disappointed woman couple in bed

When a couple tells the "how we met" story, chances are that story doesn't start with one too many drinks at the bar and end with a one night stand.

That might be the true version, but one night stands carry a huge stigma, and most of us probably wouldn't be eager to admit that's how one of our relationships got started.

And that's a real shame, according to relationships expert Dan Savage, who appeared on a recent episode of Neil deGrasse Tyson's StarTalk Radio show.

Savage said one night stands that blossom into long-term relationships happen a lot more than we realize. About 60% of Americans have reported having a one night stand, according to biological anthropologist Helen Fisher, who also appeared on the show. And of the people who had a one night stand, over 30% actually ended up in a long-term relationship because of it.

It's just that no one wants to admit that.

"People who have sleazy meetings, they don't tell their kids about it," Savage said. "So we have this distorted view of how a decent loving relationship must start."

And telling a more innocent, if untrue "how we met" story comes with serious consequences, Tyson said.

"Because if we give the view of love and romance that we want to be true, and that's what percolates, then we establish cultural and social mores based on that," Tyson said. "So then if anyone is different from that, you get ostracized."

But that's not even the most damaging part about our messed up perception of one night stands, Savage said. It changes our opinion of the person we just slept with in a very negative way.

He articulated what many people might be thinking about their partner after a one night stand:

"This might have been someone I would date but look at what they did," Savage said. "Like, I couldn't date this person. We had a one night stand and no decent relationship can grow from a one night stand."

In reality that's completely untrue, Savage said. Decent relationships grow out of one night stands all the time. And Fisher pointed out that there's a good biological reason for that.

First of all a one night stand is almost never a strictly casual encounter.

"Casual sex is not casual unless you're so drunk you don't remember it," Fisher said.

Sex activates brain circuits that make us feel attachment to our partner.

"Any stimulation of the genitals drives up the dopamine system and that can push you over the threshold into falling in love," Fisher said. "And then with orgasm there's a real flood of oxytocin giving you feelings of deep attachment."

The bottom line is that not all couples have an innocent, "meet-cute" story to tell about how they met, and that's okay.

Listen to the full StarTalk episode below:

SEE ALSO: Anthropologist explains why we cheat on people we love

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A German man took revenge on his ex-lover by sawing everything they own in half and selling it on eBay — and the resulting images are splendid

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Breakups can be messy — especially when your jilted ex-lover owns a saw.

A German man supposedly took revenge on his former partner by slicing everything they owned together in half, the Daily Mail reports.

The man used a range of power tools to divvy up various furniture and electronic items, including a couch, an iPhone 5, a TV set, a teddy bear, and even a car.

TV Set

You can watch the massacre on YouTube, posted by user "Der Juli." A caption under the video reads: "Thank you for 12 'beautiful' years Laura !!!!! you've really earned half."

eBay

If you've been in the market for a maimed teddy bear or you only need the front hood of a car, all of the items are now up for sale on eBay.

It's unclear if this is all a stunt and the images are Photoshopped — for example, how is the car able to support itself without the back wheels? But the premise is comical nonetheless. 

Here are a few examples of what's available to buy. Unfortunately, it doesn't look like these items ship to the UK.

Price tag:€59 (£42 pounds, $66)

eBay

Price tag: €5,50 (£3.92, $6.22)

eBay

Price tag:€51,00 (£36.37, $57.69)

eBay

Price tag:€13,10 (£9.34, $14.81)

eBay

Price tag:€12,50 (£8.92, $14.14)

eBay

Watch the YouTube video below:

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Here's why some people believe in love at first sight and others don't

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Woman Flirting

When Neil deGrasse Tyson brought up Tinder during a recent episode of his StarTalk Radio show, it inspired a hilarious discussion. But the dating-based-on-looks-alone app also brought up an interesting question: Is love at first sight real?

It depends on your personal experience and how you define love, according to two experts that Tyson had on the show.

"Some people believe [love at first sight] is true because it jives with their personal experience," relationship expert Dan Savage said. "But it's a logical fallacy because you may have had the exact same initial feelings for somebody and it didn't work out. Love at first sight, hate and divorce court 15 years later."

It's easy for people to focus on the times when love at first sight lasted, and to forget about the times when they felt love at first sight toward someone who turned out to be a jerk, Tyson added.

"They remember the hits not the misses," Tyson said.

But the bottom line answer is that biologically speaking, love at first sight can absolutely happen. It just might not be true love that lasts a lifetime, said biological anthropologist Helen Fisher.

"The brain system for romantic love is like the fear system," Fisher said during the show. "You can be scared instantly and you can fall in love instantly."

Many people claim that love at first sight is really just lust at first sight. Fisher has an explanation for that too. Love and sex are very closely related in the brain, she said.

"So it's very often both," Fisher said. "You can trigger the brain circuitry for romantic love and then everything about that person is sexy from that moment on."

It works the other way too. Lust at first sight can very quickly turn into love.

"And then you can go to bed with somebody and trigger the brain circuitry for romantic love," Fisher said. "So [love and lust] can be very well-connected."

So it seems love at first sight can sneak up on us any time with very little warning.

You can listen to the full StarTalk Radio episode below:

SEE ALSO: Here’s what happened when someone explained Tinder to Neil deGrasse Tyson

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