This article was originally published on KyleBenson.net.

Anyone who finds themselves in a dysfunctional relationship will either try to make their soulmate “perfect” by changing them, or try to change themselves to be the “perfect” partner.

Here’s the truth:

• Every person is imperfect.
• You can’t make a person change.
• Therefore, you must love an imperfect person you can tolerate – or even appreciate.

With that said, whoever you choose to love, realize that you are also choosing to love a set of problems. There are no problem-free candidates.

Problems are a part of any relationship, and you will have some sort of problems no matter who you love.

For example:

Lacey married Andrew, who tends to be a tad loud at parties. Lacey, who is shy, hates that.

But if Andrew had married Molly, he and Molly would have gotten into a fight before they even got to the party. That’s because Andrew is always late and Molly hates to be kept waiting. If someone is late, Molly feels taken for granted; something in her childhood made her sensitive about that. If Molly were to confront Andrew on being late, Andrew would have believed her complaining was an attempt to dominate him. That’s something he gets upset over rather quickly.

If Andrew had married Leah, they wouldn’t have even made it to the party, because they would be fighting about Andrew’s lack of help with the housework. This makes Leah feel abandoned, something that makes her stomach queasy. And Andrew would have seen Leah’s complaining as an attempt to dominate him.

Since we are never perfect and our soulmates are never perfect, our imperfections are bound to cause two types of problems: solvable problems and unsolvable problems.

Solvable conflicts can be as simple as setting up a relationship ritual such as a five minute coffee chat to feel more emotionally connected. Solvable conflicts reach a resolution and rarely get brought up again.

The soulmate conflict

Meet John Gottman. He is the Muhammad Ali of relationships. During 40+ years of research on happily married couples, John was able to create a combo of techniques that produced a ridiculous 90% 1 knockout rate in predicting whether couples would divorce within 10 years or not.

His heavyweight title showed that the happiest couples have persistent unresolved conflicts.

In each one of John’s books, he points out this: The idea that couples must resolve all their problems is a fairytale.

In fact, relationship conflict is natural and has functional, positive aspects. When we fight and argue, it teaches us how to love better, how to take a step back from the “problem” to understand our partners better. It teaches us how to work with change in our relationships as it evolves. It reminds us of why we choose our soulmate, and allows us to renew our relationship over time.

The never-ending fight

According to John Gottman, couples disagree on unsolvable never-ending issues 69% of the time.

These perpetual conflicts are a byproduct of the fundamental differences between soulmates. Differences in personalities, needs, and expectations that are fundamental to their core definitions of self.

Despite how much we want the problems to go away, they never will.

The emotionally clogged relationship

If couples cannot start talking about the unsolvable problem in a healthy way, the conflict may make the relationship emotionally clogged.  Unable to drain the tension between soulmates.

The topic of the conflict doesn’t matter in terms of knowing if the problem clogs the relationship or not. It can be about anything. To an outsider it may seem like a very small issue, like not vacuuming the house. But within the relationship, it feels like a monster in the closet; too scary to open up.

When a relationship is clogged, partners feel rejected by their lover. They feel like they can’t get through, like their soulmate doesn’t care or like to talk about the issue.

Ironically the more partners ignore the conflict, the more they have the same conversation over and over again. It’s like a dog chasing its own tail.  Over time soulmates become more and more entrenched in their positions and the friction between them grows. It may hit a point where there’s no possibility of compromise.

Conversations turn into the perfect storm – no shared humor, affection, or appreciation. Just winds and rains of frustration and hurt. If the storm lasts long enough, people start vilifying one another.

Their thoughts become negative. They turn against each other. They see each other as selfish.

All of this clogging eventually leads to a clog in trust.

Breaks in trust tend to push soulmates away from each other. It doesn’t take a couple’s therapist to realize that the likelihood of infidelity and divorce is directly proportional to how miserable the relationship is.

Talking about the issue is like taking a plunger to the toilet. It releases all of the built up emotional tension.  Despite the unpleasantness of the never-ending problem, lasting happy couples are able to talk about the issue with a lot of positive emotions – laughter, affection or even appreciation.

Lack of safety = lack of communication

Often times these perpetual problems never get talked about because one or both partners never feel safe enough to bring it up. Sometimes it’s due to past experiences in our relationships (even childhood) and other times it’s due to partners feeling neglected and lacking connection. This can prevent partners from being vulnerable enough to open up.

When a relationship achieves a certain level of safety and one soulmate clearly communicates that he or she wants to know about the underlying meaning of other partner’s position, the other partner can finally open up and talk about their feelings, dreams and needs.

The goal is for each soulmate to understand the other’s dreams behind the position on the issue. For example: one partner may wish to save for traveling during retirement. The other may want to spend that money on an exotic trip now.

You can continue to talk about the same issues, occasionally improving the situation for a short time, but the problem will always re-emerge.

When choosing a long-term partner, you are choosing a set of problems you’ll be grappling with long-term

The whole goal should not be to solve every problem. It should be to work with each other in order to improve the relationship to the extent that you are left with a set of unsolvable problems that both your partner and you can learn to tolerate, and even cherish.

Kyle Benson writes at the KyleBenson.net, where he uses science and life experiences to help those in troubled relationships get the love, respect and passion they dream of. To leverage his relationship advice to enhance the quality of your love life by 15x, join his free newsletter.

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Some of my colleagues and I have published a series of studies on friends with benefits (FWBs) over the last few years, which I have written about before on the blog (see here and here).

Among the many things we have found in our research is that people get into these relationships for a range of reasons and, as a result, sometimes have wildly different expectations for what they hope will happen to their FWB in the future.

For instance, some people hope that their FWB will become a romantic partner, others hope to go back to being "just friends," whereas some simply want to remain FWBs for as long as possible.

These findings led us to wonder what ultimately happens to FWBs over time and how likely it is that different relationship transitions will occur. We recently completed a one-year longitudinal study of FWBs that we presented at the November 2014 meeting of the Society for the Scientific Study of Sexuality. Below, I will summarize some of the key results from this research.

In this study, 191 people who were currently involved with a FWB completed two online surveys about one year apart. The sample was predominately female-identified (70%), White (74%), and heterosexual (72%), with an average age of 30. Participants reported that they had known their FWB in some capacity for about three years on average before the study started.

In the first survey, participants were asked what they hoped would happen with their FWB in the future. They were also asked a range of other questions including how satisfied they were with their relationship and how much they communicated about relationship rules and boundaries. In the second survey, we asked whether the nature of their relationship was the same, or if it had changed.

So what did we find? First, we discovered that some relationship outcomes were more likely than others. After one year, 26% were still FWBs, 15% had become romantic partners, 28% had gone back to being just friends, and 31% reported having no relationship of any kind with their former FWB. As you can see, most participants reported continuing at least some type of relationship after that year had passed — but there wasn't a lot of commonality in terms of what happened.

However, these results do reveal that it is at least possible to remain friends after a FWB ends.

Second, we found that some relationship goals appeared to be more attainable than others. Those who wanted to go back to being just friends appeared to be the most successful, with 60% of those who desired that outcome at Time 1 attaining it at Time 2. Those who wanted to remain FWBs long-term were somewhat less successful, with 40% of those desiring it at Time 1 reporting that they were still FWBs at Time 2. Lastly, those who wanted to transition into romantic partners were the least successful, with just 15% of those who initially wanted that outcome reporting such a transition.

One other finding worth noting here is that among those participants who reported maintaining at least some kind of relationship with their partner over time (whether it was sexual or non-sexual in nature) reported more communication about setting ground rules at Time 1. Those who were less communicative in this regard were more likely to report having no relationship whatsoever at Time 2.

What these findings suggest is that there are a lot of different ways that FWBs can go in the long run; however, if you're looking at your FWB as a means of starting a romance, you might want to think again because the odds seem fairly low. And if you want to maintain at least some type of friendship or relationship with your FWB down the road, the key appears to be communication.

Want to learn more about Sex and Psychology ? Click here for previous articles or follow the blog on Facebook (facebook.com/psychologyofsex), Twitter (@JustinLehmiller), or Reddit (reddit.com/r/psychologyofsex) to receive updates.

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There are plenty of traits and behaviors that can make you look worse— and chances are, you’re guilty of at least one.

Read on and find out how you might be sabotaging your own sex appeal.

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Why wait for someone else to put a ring on it when you can do it yourself?

That's the idea behind the Self Love Pinky Ring, a new jewelry concept dreamed up by Melody Godfred and Samira Far of Fred + Far, Racked reports. 

The ring is meant to remind women to love themselves — and to take time out of their busy lives to actively nurture this love. Godfred got the idea last year, when she noticed that her own commitment to herself was lacking. 

"By early 2015, I had hit every milestone: education, career, marriage, mortgage, motherhood," Godfred wrote on the company's website. "But with each one my commitment to others grew, while my connection with myself dissipated. What made me happy? Who was I after all the labels were stripped away? So I decided to wear a new ring on a new finger."

That's when the idea for the ring was born. 

Here's the "Pinky Promise" that comes with each purchase: 

The business officially launched in April 2016, and it's already caught the attention of celebs like Amber Rose and Lucy Hale. Each ring features a 1.5-karat lab-grown sapphire, and the band comes in a choice of sterling silver ($150) or 14-karat gold ($325). 

"Unlike an engagement ring, which requires being chosen by another and can only be worn by a select group of women, this commitment ring is one that can be worn by any woman, at any stage in her life,"Far told Racked. "The beauty is that these two commitments are not mutually exclusive, and in fact we believe committing to yourself makes you a better partner."

Shop Fred + Far's ring collection right here. 

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Often, how successful you are in a salary negation comes down to how you frame your request.

Using four simple words — When, I, feel, and need — could mean the difference between an open communication with your boss, and your requests falling on deaf ears.

Dr. Michael McNulty, a master trainer from the Gottman Institute and founder of the Chicago Relationship Center, tells Business Insider that, when you want to express a concern in any relationship, you should do so in a positive manner, avoid blaming language, use mostly "I" statements, and discuss your perspective, feelings, and needs, which is called the "gentle start-up" technique.

It looks something like: "When X happens or happened, I feel Y, and I need Z."

Here's how you might ask for a raise using the "gentle start-up" technique:

"When I look at my credentials and how hard I am working and compare my salary to others in my field...

"I really feel discouraged.
"I feel worried about my family's financial future.
"I feel kind of sad, because I want to stay here.
"I like the people and the company.
"I do not feel like my contributions are seen or understood.
"I feel resentful.

"I need my salary to be reviewed.
"I need a higher salary.
"I need the opportunity for bonuses or profit sharing."

"This technique is so helpful in relationships of all kinds," McNulty says. "It helps to guard against the tendency that people feel to justify their feelings and needs so much so that they come off as critical or blaming to the other person before they are able to express what they feel and ask for what they want."

Brain experiments show, when people begin to feel under attack, the parts of their brains that handle reason and logic go to sleep, while the parts of their brain responsible for our fight-or-flight response light up.

As Harvard Business School lecturers John Neffinger and Matthew Kohutobserve observe in their book, "Compelling People: The Hidden Qualities That Make Us Influential," when a discussion becomes an argument, it's no longer an exercise in logic and reasoning.

One surefire way to make your boss feel criticized and defensive and ultimately shut down the discussion before it ever begins is to use what relationship experts call a "harsh startup."

According to McNulty, in a salary negotiation this might sound like: "You and this company just don't seem to care at all about my needs. How am I supposed to support a family on this? Who knows how anyone gets a raise around here anyway? If something does not change, I am gone!"

In romantic relationships, "if partners start a conversation in a negative manner, 97% of the time that conversation will end negatively," McNulty says. And as psychologist, couples counselor, and relationships researcher for 40 years John Gottman posited in his book, "The Relationship Cure," the same principles that make marriages work also hold true for many other kinds of relationships, like work relationships.

One way to avoid a harsh startup is, as soon as you legitimately feel you're underpaid, ask for a raise. This may seem like simple advice, but the majority of Americans have never even asked for a raise.

The goal is to express your needs sooner to avoid pent-up emotions getting the better of you.

"We're very conflict avoidant in our culture, and so people sometimes are afraid to speak up about what they need from one another," McNulty says. "And then what tends to happen is, people store up their complaints, and they have to almost build up a sense of self-righteousness before they allow themselves to even express their needs and their feelings."

SEE ALSO: 21 ways to negotiate the salary you want

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Somewhere inside me, the brace-faced 13-year-old who hasn't yet learned that brushing curly hair is literally the worst thing you could do to yourself shrieked.

I was on the phone with Dacher Keltner, a psychologist at the University of California, Berkeley, and we were talking about his new book, "The Power Paradox."

The paradox in the title is based on Keltner's observation that the positive traits that help us ascend to power are often the same traits we lose once we get there. In other words, nice guys gain influence quickly — but then they go on a power trip and start acting mean.

The key to gaining and keeping power, Keltner argues, is empathy, or being attuned to what other people are feeling. And that's equally true whether we're talking about middle schoolers or working professionals.

Now for the insight that really rocked my teenage self's world (and my current one): Popularity — at school or at work — is on some level about having social influence. And while mean people may be well-known, they aren't necessarily well-liked or considered influential members of the community.

Here's Keltner:

"Everybody knows who the Machiavellian guy is at work, and they talk about him, and … he gets this attention, he has this allure, if you will.

"But if you ask someone, 'Would you collaborate with that guy?' They're like, 'No way.'

"And often he or she (more likely he) is kind of in the periphery of the social organization. So they do get attention but it's not clear they have influence."

A growing body of research helps back up his point.

A study by psychologists at Yale and the University of New Hampshire, for example, found that more emotionally intelligent fifth- and sixth-grade students tended to have better social and leadership skills and healthier social relationships. (Emotional intelligence is related to empathy.)

Keltner explained: "The empathetic kids who know how to read other people's emotions and are aware of the emotional dynamics of social life … also get the status and respect of other kids. They have power."

A recent Wall Street Journal article highlights the difference between two types of popularity among kids: There's "perceived popularity," which describes the high-status mean kids, and "sociometric popularity," which refers to the nice kids who everyone likes.

This distinction is just as relevant in the workplace. Researchers at the University of Surrey, Yale University, and an executive-coaching organization found that more emotionally intelligent and empathetic employees got along better with colleagues and had achieved higher company rank.

Meanwhile, other research suggests that highly empathic managers lead better-performing teams.

In "The Power Paradox," Keltner offers some tips on becoming more empathetic, and in turn more powerful: Ask open-ended questions, listen actively, and ask others what they would do in a particular situation before offering advice.

Instead of teetering at the top until you fall from grace, you'll be securely positioned in the center of your community.

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When I was younger, I watched a lot of television that made me think my career would be nothing but a competition against my future colleagues. We'd all fight for pay raises, promotions, and the right to be considered the apple of our boss' eye.

However, when I started my career, I quickly realized that was not the case.

If anything, not only were my co-workers incredibly friendly for the most part, but they also had a lot of wisdom to share with me.

So, while it might seem uncomfortable to ask the people you work with for insights, here are a few things you should feel totally empowered to ask your colleagues.

SEE ALSO: 13 things you should never say to a new coworker

1. Can you show me how to do this?

You're on the same level as quite a few of your colleagues on your team, so there couldn't possibly be anything that one of them knows that you don't understand, right? Well, if this is something you believe, you are ridiculous.

Your coworkers might be in the same salary range, but you all bring different things to the table. Recently, I asked someone I work with to walk me through Google Analytics. And not long after that, she was promoted. You might be thinking, "Rich, you were probably so jealous when that happened."

And sure, I'd like to be where she is at some point, but here's the thing — I'll never get there unless I ask people like her for help sometimes. So, if you're afraid of asking your colleagues for a hand every now and again, you're only stunting your own career growth.

2. Do you want to grab lunch?

This might sound basic but think about all those times when you thought, "Ugh, I'm so swamped. I'll just grab something and eat at my desk." Early in my career, I did this almost every day. And while I took some time to surf the internet while I ate, I was missing out on getting to know my teammates.

At first, this didn't seem like such a bad thing, especially since so many other people were doing the same thing. But eventually, a few of us started grabbing lunch on a regular basis, and I learned something — my coworkers were fun to hang out with, even outside the office. In fact, some of them are still close friends.

So, as scary as it might seem to step out of your comfort zone and ask a few people to hang during your lunch break, take a risk and see if someone on your team is up for getting away from the office for a few minutes for a meal.

3. How do you unplug when you're not here?

If you're anything like me, there are times when you're awful at leaving work at work. Emails start piling up on weekends, and you just can't help but look. But take a closer peek at all the "work" that's piling up when you're not at your desk.

I'm willing to bet a lot of it isn't from the people on your team. So, if you're feeling unsure about how to unplug from your job, ask how they do it. Do they set aside time on weekends to look through their inbox, or are they cool as ice about the whole thing? Do they get back to your boss right away, or do they want until Monday morning because they know she doesn't care about immediate responses?

Do they even have work applications installed on their phones? There's no way for you to know if you don't ask. And if you're afraid of making your team think you're lazy, don't worry — they're most likely wondering how you're trying (and sometimes failing) at having a healthy work-life balance, too.

Navigating relationships between you and your colleagues is undeniably tricky. You don't want to sound incompetent or lazy, and you absolutely don't want to do anything that would disrupt your (or their) normal workflow. However, the truth is that you spend more time with the people you work with than, well, just about anyone else. And because of that, it's important to set aside any preconceived notions you have about the questions you can and cannot ask your teammates. Not only might you be missing out on information you didn't have previously, but you're probably also missing out on getting to know some pretty amazing people, too.

You know who's the worst?

People.

Seriously. Have you ever dated a person? Forget that — have you ever tried to find a person to date?

Over at The Washington Post, Jeff Guo highlights research that helps illustrate just how awful people — and dating them — can be.

A group of scientists at Queen Mary University of London, Sapienza University of Rome, and Royal Ottawa Health Care Group studied the behavior of Tinder users and found that women generally swipe right only for men they're seriously interested in, while men are less picky. That ultimately leads to a frustrating experience for everyone.

For the study, the scientists created 14 fake profiles of male and female Tinder users and set them loose in New York and London. The fake users liked everyone — thousands of people — within a 100-mile radius.

The researchers were interested specifically in how many "likes" each profile would rack up (i.e. how many matches they'd make) and how many messages they would receive from users they'd matched with.

Results showed stark gender differences.

The fake men only matched with others 0.6% of the time. The fake women, on the other hand, matched with others 10.5% of the time. 

Interestingly, most of the matches for the fake women and fake men came from men, suggesting that homosexual men are more willing to swipe right than heterosexual women are.

As for messages, just 7% of male matches sent a message, compared to 21% of women.

In other words, men aren't so choosy about who they swipe right for — but they're rarely invested enough in the person to send a message. By contrast, women only swipe right when they're really interested in someone.

The researchers say there could be a "feedback loop" happening here. They write: "Men see that they are matching with few people, and therefore become even less discerning: women, on the other hand, find that they match with most men, and therefore become even more discerning."

In fact, several Tinder users told the researchers as much in a separate survey. As many as 80% of male users who admitted to "casually" liking most profiles said they swipe right on more than half of all the women they see — and that's because they so rarely match with anyone.

Other dating apps may do a better job of stopping this vicious cycle before it starts.

Bumble, for example, only allows women to message men they're interested in, and not the other way around.

Research suggests that women may be more choosy simply because of social norms about men having to initiate contact. In one speed-dating study, women rotated around men — instead of men rotating around women, as per usual — and gender differences in selectivity disappeared.

Meanwhile, on OKCupid, where men and women can message each other, women gain an advantage when they send a note to men instead of waiting to receive one.

Another interesting finding from the new Tinder study: The researchers say most Tinder activity happens around 9 a.m. and 6 p.m., or regular commuting times. So perhaps, for some people, Tinder is more like a game than anything serious — just a way to pass the time and maybe get something out of it.

If that sounds like you, and you're not especially frustrated by your online dating experience, then more power to you. But if you're investing time and energy into finding love on Tinder to no avail, at this point it might be worth looking into other options.

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If you’ve never been traveling as a couple, you’re in for a massive surprise when you finally do. No, we don’t mean a trip from LA to Vegas. What we mean is an extended holiday where you find yourselves in a country neither of you have ever been to, hearing a language you don’t understand, and engaging in activities you’ve never even fathomed.

We’ve had many experiences that really show the reality of traveling as a couple.

Kiersten will attest to this wholeheartedly… travel is not all glamour. While we travel a bit differently (as most of our travel is together), the fact remains that the reality is not always what you see on the blog, Instagram, Facebook, or other social media outlet.

Relationships in and of themselves are hard work, so one must expect traveling as a couple to be extremely hard work.

Finding oneself in a challenging situation often changes temperaments and can lead to misunderstandings. Different agendas often lead to calendar conflicts and the inability to visit every site you hoped to see.

We’ve had times where one of us wants to explore an art museum while the other is only interested in finding the best gelato and exploring the city by foot. Be sure to remain flexible and open to each other’s suggestions. It will make for a smoother trip filled with unexpected surprises.

Let’s face it, in life there is good and bad. Without the bad, we don’t know what the good truly is. Without sadness we have no idea what true happiness is. Without stress and challenge we have no appreciation for calm and ease.

So embrace the times you miss that train or get caught walking 2 miles back to your villa in the pouring rain! You may stumble upon the most breathtaking beach you’ve ever seen or discover your new favorite cafe!

The reality of traveling as a couple is the reality of a relationship.

Challenges inevitably arise, and ultimately some couples choose to end their relationships while others like us stand the test us time and emerge stronger, deeper in love, and even better of a team.

There’s no doubt that you will see your partners true colors while on the road and ultimately discover if you are a true match or not.

However, on that same note, the reality of traveling as a couple is the reality of a relationship – and it’s absolutely one of the most rewarding and memorable things you’ll ever do.

Our travels have challenged us, taught us a multitude, and brought us closer in every facet of our relationship (physically, from sharing twin beds, to being emotionally connected on a deeper level).

The bottom line is this: traveling as a couple is imperative to the success, strength, and happiness of any relationship. 90% of our travels have been filled with absolute joy, love, adventure, and are literally the best memories of our lives.

The truth is, looking back on all of those challenging moments, we wouldn’t want it any other way. Those are the moments that add to your story as a couple. Those are the moments that you’ll look back on as the best of your life.

So book a trip with your boyfriend, girlfriend, fiancé, husband, wife, or whatever you call your significant other and go have the time of your life! Face the challenges and grow from the experience.

We have been together for 3 years and we can confidently claim that our travels are our fondest memories. We have done some incredible things together these past few years, but a strong majority of our conversations are about our travel experiences. Life is all about memories and experiences!

So go! Just go!

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You can drive yourself crazy deciding whether to marry your partner.

Can you two really survive a lifetime together?

I mean, you adore them ... but they constantly leave hair in the shower. They tell the worst jokes ... but they're always there to comfort you after a hard day.

Perhaps it would help to turn to the scientific research, which has pinpointed specific factors that can make or break a romantic relationship.

Below, we've rounded up 15 non-trivial things you might want to keep in mind before hiring a wedding planner.

This is an update of an article originally posted by Drake Baer.

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If you wait until you're 23 to commit, you're less likely to get divorced

A 2014 University of North Carolina at Greensboro study found that American women who cohabitate or get married at age 18 have a 60% divorce rate. 

But women who wait until 23 to make either of those commitments have a divorce rate around 30%.

"The longer couples waited to make that first serious commitment [cohabitation or marriage], the better their chances for marital success,"The Atlantic reported.

The 'in love' phase lasts about a year

The honeymoon phase doesn't go on forever. 

According to a 2005 study by the University of Pavia in Italy, it lasts about a year. After that, levels of a chemical called "nerve growth factor," which is associated with intense romantic feelings, start to fall.

Meanwhile, psychologist and relationship expert Helen Fisher told Business Insider that it's unclear when exactly the "in love" feeling starts to fade. But it does so "for good evolutionary reasons," she said, because "it's very metabolically expensive to spend an awful lot of time just focusing on just one person in that high-anxiety state."

Two people can be compatible — or incompatible — on multiple levels

Back in the 1950s and '60s, Canadian psychologist Eric Berne introduced a three-tiered model for understanding a person's identity. He found that each of us have three "ego states" operating at once: 

• The parent: What you've been taught

• The child: What you have felt

• The adult: What you have learned

When you're in a relationship, you relate on each of those levels: 

• The parent: Do you have similar values and beliefs about the world?

• The child: Do you have fun together? Can you be spontaneous? Do you think your partner's hot? Do you like to travel together?

• The adult: Does each person think the other is bright? Are you good at solving problems together?

While having symmetry across all three is ideal, people often get together to "balance each other out." For instance, one may be nurturing and the other playful. 

Prepare to have your faith in true love restored. 

Joe and Wanda of Jewett, Texas, have been married for 63 years, BuzzFeed reports. They met when Joe saw Wanda walking down a street, pulled over, and asked her out — simple as that. They were married in 1952.

To honor their lasting marriage, the couple's granddaughter (and pro photographer) Shalyn Nelson arranged a special portrait session. 

“I knew I wanted to create something special, and celebrate what true love was to me. And that for me, was my grandparents,” Nelson told BuzzFeed. “They are without a doubt the best people I know.”

As part of the shoot, Nelson also asked her grandparents to write love letters to each other. 

"I love you as much today as the day I married you," Joe wrote in his letter to Wanda. "And just think, the license only cost $2.00. The best bargain I ever made."

Here are a few more shots from their adorable photo session: 

See more of Nelson's work on Instagram. 

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In 2015, dating site Match questioned 5,500 American singles about their romantic preferences.

The sixth annual Singles In America survey found that eating sushi on a first date can up your chances of having a second one by a whopping 170%. And a quarter of respondents say they've turned a one-night stand into a full-fledged relationship.

Who knew?

Perhaps the most intriguing findings focused on the link between singles' political leanings and their dating personality. Read on to find out what it really means if the person you're sharing an avocado roll with says they're into the Donald or #imwithher.

As it turns out, Match isn't the only dating service to get curious about what your political affiliation says about your love life. OKCupid recently learned that, at least among OKCupid users, liberals looking for love are more likely to mention crying and yoga on their profiles, while conservatives looking for love are more likely to bring up the shooting range.

Of course, the big question is: Do people really care who their date is planning to vote for? Science says probably.

A 2013 study, for example, found that on OKCupid, men were more likely to send a message to a woman, and women were more likely to respond to a message from a man, if they'd listed similar political views on their profiles. Meanwhile, a 2016 study suggests that people find others less attractive if they're voting for a different presidential candidate.

That could be because we're genuinely turned off by their different political preferences. Future research is necessary to figure that out — until then, these stats should make for some good conversation starters.

SEE ALSO: 10 myths about dating too many people believe

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Most everyone has been in a situation where the person you're dating, or interviewing, or arguing with makes a comment and something just feels ... off.

Perhaps it's less about what they said explicitly and more about how they looked while they said it. As in, their gaze was freakishly fixed on your face or their left leg kept jiggling.

Scientists have spent decades trying to figure out what these nonverbal displays really mean.

And while sometimes they mean absolutely nothing, in other cases they can reveal a lot about what the person is thinking or feeling. Maybe they're super nervous, or maybe they're trying to trick you.

Below, we've rounded up 18 of the most useful scientific insights into the significance of body language, pulled from Psychology Today, research journals, and a few awesome books.

Keep in mind that context is really important — for example, you can interpret crossed arms to mean that someone's closed off, or that they're cold. Use your own judgment.

This is an update of an article originally posted by Drake Baer and Max Nisen.

SEE ALSO: 8 body language tricks to instantly appear more confident

The shoulder shrug is a universal signal of not knowing what's going on

According to Barbara Pease and Allan Pease, authors of "The Definitive Book of Body Language," everybody does the shoulder shrug. 

The shrug is a "good example of a universal gesture that is used to show that a person doesn't know or doesn't understand what you are saying," they write.

"It's a multiple gesture that has three main parts," they continue. "Exposed palms to show nothing is being concealed in the hands, hunched shoulders to protect the throat from attack, and raised brow, which is a universal, submissive greeting." 

Open palms are an ancient display of honesty

Ever notice how when someone swears to tell the truth in a court of law, they put one hand on a religious text and raise their other hand into the air, palm facing whoever they're speaking to? 

That's because, the Peases write in "The Definitive Book of Body Language," an open palm has been associated with "truth, honesty, allegiance, and submission" throughout Western history. 

"Just as a dog will expose its throat to show submission or surrender to the victor," they write, "humans use their palms to show that they are unarmed and therefore not a threat." 

If their voice goes up or down, they're likely interested

Whether you know it or not, your vocal range shows your interest.

"Once a conversation begins, besotted women slip into sing-songy voices,"Psychology Today reports, "while men drop theirs an octave." 

This is the fourth installment of our series Into the Black, where we hear from people who found ways to pay off serious debt. This week we talked to Kyle Pendergrass, whose debt management has improved his mental and physical health, but who lost some friends in the process.

Kyle Pendergrass, 26, Tucson, Arizona

Past debt: $16,000
Source: Student loans, $6,000 of which was credit card debt, because Pendergrass unwisely used a credit card to pay some of his student loan debt
Past job: Waiter at Turquesa Latin Grill
Past salary: Approximately $800 to $900 every two weeks, or $22,000 annually (including tips)
Current job: Research associate II at Ventana Medical Systems
Current salary: $50,000 a year, plus a 5 percent annual bonus dependent on personal and company performance
Current debt: $3,000

How he pulled it off:
Graduation was supposed to be a celebration, but I was depressed when I graduated from college.

Americans have this mentality that a college degree will solve everything.Take out thousands of dollars in loans. Don’t worry, it’s fine. You’ll get a well-paying job right after you graduate. You’ll pay off your debt in no time.

But that was all bulls---. The ramifications of taking out loans were never explained to me in actual dollars-and-cents terms. I was never told, “If you take out X much in loans, at Y interest rate, you’re going to end up paying Z in the future.”

Relatively speaking, my student loan debt was low—$16,000. But thousands of dollars is still a significant amount of money, and trying to pay it down felt daunting. Even the idea of getting a well-paying job felt hopeless, because most of that money would go to my debt.

Not having a job at graduation really put me in a slump. I spent the first year after college waiting tables at Turquesa Latin Grill, a restaurant in the nearby Ritz Carlton, earning just $400 to $450 a week (including tips).

I drank a lot that year, mostly to avoid the fact that I was in a dead-end job. And going out drinking was not cheap, so I was making no headway on my debt. I was sad and angry at the world for pressuring me to get an education that the job market deemed worthless. And that was even with a science degree: ecology and evolutionary biology.

I spent at least 10 hours a week job-hunting. I searched Monster.com, Career.com, Glassdoor. I sent out probably 40 résumés that year and had six job interviews, some of which did not go well. I interviewed with a local laboratory that does blood and urine screening for other companies, and I tried to negotiate them up to $10 an hour in the first interview. They didn’t appreciate that.

The sixth interview was my last. It was for a temp job at a biotech firm, filling in for a lab assistant who was on maternity leave. It paid little more than I was making as a server, and I was told it would last six to 12 months, with zero chance of me being brought on full-time. I took the job because I wanted it, but also because I was desperate. If if it didn’t work out, I figured I’d at least have some kind of formal work experience.

I went out of my way to impress everyone I worked with. I learned everything I could about the company and what my team was doing, specifically. I spoke to my bosses regularly and asked them follow-up questions and made it clear I was interested and enthusiastic. No one wants to work with a person who obviously doesn’t give a shit. And if it’s evident you do care, people will naturally want to give you more work.

Still, my salary came to about only $24,000 a year, which just wasn’t enough to pay down my debt. I was making only the minimum payments, putting nothing toward my principal.

In fall of 2013, six months into the job, things started going south at the company, and it ended up being the best thing that could’ve happened to me. My team was developing a test that would help identify specific kinds of cancer cells, and was painfully behind schedule. So they asked me to take on a bigger role. I said, “Absolutely,” and I immediately asked if it could lead to a full-time job.

“If you do this well, I think we can get you a permanent position,” my boss said.

I went from organizing tissue samples to being directly involved with product development. By April 2014, I was promoted to research associate, earning $40,000 a year.

That’s when I fell victim to lifestyle inflation — my spending increased along with my income, such that I wasn’t saving any more money than when I was working as a temp. I splurged. I ate out a lot, spent more on drinks, bought clothes and a new TV. I was making more, but had nothing to show for it.

I tried to get serious about my finances in September 2014, after stumbling on the r/personalfinance subreddit and reading all these stories about people setting budgets and paying down debts. I downloaded the budgeting app Mint and set a personal budget, but I couldn’t stick to it. It was a mental thing — I spent willy-nilly on food and alcohol, even though I knew, in the back of my mind, I was spending too much.

The following January, I thought to myself, Enough with this sh--. I’m paying off my debt. I was tired of the fees, of the bad credit score.

I set a strict budget: $755 a month for rent, $500 for food and alcohol, $140 for gas. I cut out all unnecessary expenditures—video games, clothes. That left me with $800 a month to put toward my debt. That means I had been wasting $800 a month on superfluous expenditures.

Before, I went out drinking three to four times a week. After, I went out once every two weeks, and would only buy a drink or two when I did.

Before, I went out to eat whenever the hell I felt like it. After, I did it once a week, maximum.

I compensated by making more visits to friends’ homes, or texting and calling more.

Despite that, I lost about six friends amid the process. They came from more affluent backgrounds and just couldn’t understand that some people have to say “no” to things so they can pay off their debts.

My new lifestyle gave me a lot of free time. I started reading, mainly books about science and the history of scientific discovery — A Brief History of Time,Quantum Electrodynamics — and Chuck Palahniuk books. I trained for my first half-marathon and lost 15 pounds.

Most profoundly, I learned I was an introvert. There was a part of me that had long felt uncomfortable being alone with my own problems, and spending time alone helped me be at ease with myself. I realized I could be a flaky, undependable person. Having to be accountable to my financial guidelines taught me how to be dependable to others.

Within 10 months, I had completely paid off my credit card. I decided to tackle that first because the interest rate (22.99 percent) was higher than my student loans (about 5 percent). I was elated. I didn’t know who to tell, but it felt like this tension release from my chest.

At the end of 2015, I got another promotion, upping my title to research associate II and my salary to $50,000. I thought, I’m not going to change anything. I’m going to stick with the same budget, and use my extra income to attack my debt even harder.

I’ve since paid off more than $7,000 of my student loan debt. I plan to have the remaining $3,000 paid off by October this year. I don’t have plans to celebrate, but I know I’ll be relieved. It’s just so weighty to owe someone something.

SEE ALSO: I grew up poor but now have $200,000 in the bank — here's why talking about money with friends is harder than ever before

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What could be more terrifying than talking to someone you're attracted to? 

Luckily, social science has figured out what makes flirting work — or not.

Below, we've rounded up some of the most intriguing findings on the art of flirtation, so you can saunter over to the object of your affection with confidence.

This is an update of an article originally posted by Drake Baer.

SEE ALSO: 15 relationship facts everybody should know before getting married

People flirt for six different reasons

In a 2004 review of the literature on flirting, Northern Illinois University professor David Dryden Henningsen identified six different motivations for the behavior: 

• Sex: trying to get in bed
• Fun: treating it like a sport
• Exploring: trying to see what it would be like to be in a relationship
• Relational: trying to increase the intimacy of a relationship
• Esteem: increasing one's own self esteem
• Instrumental: trying to get something from the other person

In that study, Henningsen asked 101 female and 99 male students to write out a hypothetical flirty conversation between a man and a woman, then identify the motivations for the things they said. 

The behaviors broke down along gender norms: Men were significantly more likely to have a sexual motivation, while women tended to have a relational one.

Couples need to flirt, too

Like Tinder, cats, and dying alone, flirting is usually associated with single people. 

But couples need to know how to flirt, too.

After studying 164 married people for a 2012 study, University of Kentucky researcher Brandi Frisby noted that most of them flirted — by playing "footsies" or whispering in their partner's ear, for example — as a means of maintaining and emphasizing intimacy. Oftentimes, she wrote in her paper, married couples flirted to "create a private world with the spouse." 

Some conversation starters are better than others

For a study in the journal Sex Roles, University of Alaska psychologist Chris L. Kleinke asked 600 respondents to rate the effectiveness of three varieties of opening lines in a flirtatious situation: 

• "Pick-up" lines like "You must be a librarian, because I saw you checking me out" 
• Open-ended, innocuous questions like "What do you think of this band?" or "What team are you rooting for?"
• Direct approaches like "You're cute — can I buy you a drink?" 

The responses were pretty evenly split along gender lines: While the men in the study tended to prefer the more direct approach, the women tended to prefer the open-ended, innocuous questions. Not surprisingly, very few people said they preferred the pick-up lines.

The first two years of a relationship are usually considered the most exciting. After that, according to psychotherapist and author M. Gary Neuman, couples have to work to maintain that initial level of intimacy and excitement.

Neuman conducted a research experiment with 400 women who were either happily or unhappily married to find out how much sex happy couples should have every month.

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After just three weeks of playing, I'm convinced "Pokémon GO" is one of the best things to happen to my relationship.

The general consensus on the internet so far has been that "Pokémon GO" is bad for couples. An article on BuzzFeed names the "29 Relationships Already Ruined By Pokémon Go." On Twitter, players recount the horrors of losing their significant other to a handheld device.

"Pokémon GO" may have edged some relationships to the end, while stomping out others before they even began.

My boyfriend of three years and I have shared a different experience. If anything, "Pokémon GO" has brought us closer.

Typically, Saturdays are our day to be super-extra lazy.

Kyle and I roll out of bed around 10, make breakfast, and settle into the couch for what often becomes an all-day marathon of TV. We squeeze in some VR time. As day morphs into night, we change our PJs for real-people clothes and catch dinner and a movie. Work waits till Sunday.

Two weekends ago on a Saturday, we laced up our sneakers just after 1 and hit the pavement. Our new external battery charger in tow and our "Pokémon GO" apps open, we walked — for over three hours.

We took the scenic route around Lake Merritt, a large lake near our home in Oakland, California. It was sure to draw all types of Pokémon given its diverse landscape and popularity as a running destination.

The waterfront was rich in Slowpoke, Sandshrew, and even Starter Pokémon that warm, sunny day. We talked the whole time, mostly about Pokémon. With every catch, we celebrated each other's victories.

We were our own soundtrack, singing (off-key) the lyrics to Evanescence's "Bring Me to Life," inspired by this tweet that made us giggle.

When it came time to pick our team — Mystic, Valor, or Instinct— we discussed the values of each before coming to a decision. We went with Instinct, the Hufflepuff of the gang, because we wanted to be different.

Last weekend, I was away at San Diego Comic-Con (you can check out Tech Insider's coverage here). Within minutes of my return, we were curled up on the bed sharing our most impressive catches of the week. (Mine, a 513-level Machoke; his, a newly leveled up Slowbro).

I've walked some 14 miles since downloading the app on July 8, and much of the distance was accomplished with my man by my side.

We get out more. We breathe fresh air. We strike up conversations with strangers huddled around the same lure module, even letting them juice up with our external battery charger before continuing on.

Yes, most our time trying to be "the very best, like no one ever was," is spent with our heads down, looking at our phones. But "Pokémon GO" gave us a new shared interest, and it's one that shakes up our "Hey, how was your day?" routine and gets us far from the couch.

Besides, I would walk 500 miles (and I would walk 500 more) just to be part of the couple who caught a Ditto.

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Humans are notorious for thinking they're better than everyone else.

When asked to rate themselves on attractiveness, intelligence, driving ability — you name it — they consistently say they're above average, which obviously isn't mathematically possible.

So it makes sense that people also believe their relationships are healthier than other folks'.

Specifically, people think their own romantic partner has a much lower chance of cheating than the average member of the opposite sex.

That's according to recent research, cited on Science of Relationships, from the University of Calgary and McMaster Children's Hospital. For the study, researchers recruited about 200 university students who'd been involved in heterosexual dating relationships for at least three months.

Those participants filled out an online questionnaire related to their beliefs and expectations about infidelity. (The researchers note that they didn't explicitly define the term "infidelity," so participants were left to use their own interpretations.)

Participants reported that they believe there's about a 42% chance that the average person of the opposite sex either has cheated on their partner or will do so at some point.

But when it came to their own partners, participants estimated that there was about a 5% chance that their partner had already cheated on them and about an 8% chance that they would cheat on them in the future.

So how many participants said they'd actually gone and done it — cheated on their partner? 9%.

Interestingly, even though these couples were dating, and not married, they were just as confident (some might say delusional) in the stability of their relationships as married couples surveyed in other studies.

These findings jibe with other research that found, even after years of dating, couples don't know each other nearly as well as they think they do. So you might think everything is peachy keen in the relationship, when in fact your partner's feeling lonely or frustrated.

Perhaps the most important insight to come out of this research is that even though nearly every person surveyed said it was important that their partner doesn't cheat on them, fewer people said they'd talked about infidelity with their partners.

Less than two-thirds had talked about what constitutes cheating, but even fewer said they'd reached an agreement with their partners about it.

Maybe we hedge the subject because it doesn't occur to us that our partner could possibly stray; or maybe it's because we're afraid of what we'll find out when we broach the topic. Either way, it helps to remember that your partner, like everyone else's partner, is human, and there's a chance — albeit a small one — that they'll be unfaithful at some point.

As the write-up of this study on Science of Relationships concludes: "[T]he findings do highlight the degree to which people are motivated to really want to believe their relationships and partner is better than others. And that wishful thinking may blind individuals to real warning signs."

SEE ALSO: 15 relationship facts everybody should know before getting married

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