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People with these jobs are most likely to marry someone in a totally different profession

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wedding surprise airplane

As they say, birds of a feather flock together, which might help explain why so many teachers wind up marrying other teachers or why farmers tend to marry farmers.

But not all occupations see common matchups between people with the same or similar jobs.

By scanning US Census Bureau data covering 3.5 million households, Bloomberg compiled this interactive chart that shows how people are pairing up by profession.

You'd be better off explaining these matchups with another old cliché — perhaps opposites do attract:

 

SEE ALSO: 7 ways being married influences your success

DON'T MISS: People with these jobs are the most likely to marry each other

CEOs

Male CEOs who marry women are most likely to marry elementary- and middle-school teachers.



Flight attendants

Female flight attendants who marry men are most likely to marry managers.

Male flight attendants who marry men are most likely to marry elementary- and middle-school teachers.



Registered nurses

Female registered nurses who marry men are most likely to marry managers.



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

Michael Phelps' fiancée says breaking up made their relationship stronger

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Michael Phelps Nicole Johnson

When Michael Phelps was winning medals during the Rio Olympics, his fiancée Nicole Johnson and their baby boy, Boomer, were cheering him on.

It was clear from her excitement in the stands, as well as the sweet post-medal kisses they'd give each other, that the two are very in love.

Yet, their relationship hasn't always been smooth sailing. In fact, Johnson and Phelps were dating on-and-off for eight years before getting engaged in 2015 — and even broke up for three years.

In an interview with Cosmopolitan, Johnson admitted that the split was tough, but said it ended up being one of the best things to happen to their relationship.

"It was definitely bad timing. Michael and I both know that had we tried to have a child and get married in the previous time we were together, it probably would not have ended pretty," Johnson told Cosmo. "We both had a lot of growing up to do."

My happy lil family 😍 @m_phelps00 #proudfiancé #family #bestfriend

A photo posted by Nicole Michele Johnson (@nicole.m.johnson) on Aug 16, 2016 at 3:26pm PDT on

Johnson revealed that there were times during their split that she "hated" him — even though she still wanted to be with the swimmer.

"We were at odds at times. Even when I loathed him, there were still times when I was like, 'God, I wish I was with him,'" she said.

But at the end of the day, Johnson knew that both she and Phelps needed to work on themselves before they could truly commit to each other.

"I don't think you can be in a good relationship unless you love yourself to the fullest and you want to help the other person become a better person," Johnson said. "We definitely needed that time apart to recognize that about ourselves and to appreciate one another."

The pair are currently smack dab in the middle of planning a "small and intimate" wedding.

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NOW WATCH: A dentist reveals the most effective way to whiten your teeth

You can learn a lot about finding a great job from the science of arranged marriages

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arranged marriage

I've been reading "A Book About Love," the journalist Jonah Lehrer's new exploration of the different forms love can take and how it makes our lives worthwhile.

In the chapter on marriage, Lehrer cites some fascinating research on the nature of love in arranged marriages: Apparently, they're just as happy and satisfying— if not more so — as free-choice marriages.

In fact, Lehrer highlights a few studies that found love can and does grow over time in arranged marriages. Even if you don't love your partner the minute you meet them, 10 years later, there's a good chance you will.

When I dug into some of these studies, I started to feel a little bit of research deja vu — as if I'd come across these findings before. I hadn't.

Eventually, I figured out that these results seemed remarkably similar to research I covered last year, on how people develop passion for their job. According to that study, led by Patricia Chen at the University of Michigan, people who believe that they can grow passionate about their job over time wind up just as happy as those who believe they have to find the ideal job that ignites their passion right from the start.

Let me be clear: I'm not suggesting that, based on this science, you take a lousy gig or propose to a random person you meet on the street, assuming your passion and love will blossom in time. You shouldn't.

For me at least, the key takeaway from all this research is that the development of love and passion — for your partner or your job — takes effort.

Lehrer interviewed a couple whose marriage was arranged, and the wife said of her husband that she would always be getting to know him, as long as they were together. In other words, as Lehrer says, romantic attachments require "endless work."

Even in free-choice marriages, Lehrer says it's hard work maintaining romantic love and avoiding habituation — a.k.a. getting used to the person you married and watching the sparks fade. That work can involve making an effort to say something nice to your partner regularly or sharing the housework equitably.

In other words, even if you choose your partner thinking they're your soulmate or at least someone well-suited to you, marriage isn't a sit-back-and-enjoy-the-ride kind of thing. Long-term love doesn't happen to you; you make it happen.

meeting coworkersThe same idea applies to work. In Chen's study, people who believed they could develop passion for their job over time were more likely to say they'd take a high-paying, less-enjoyable position than people who believed they had to be passionate about their job from the start.

But presumably, they wouldn't just accept that their job would satisfy them on a financial level and leave them bored and frustrated on a personal level. They would put in effort to make their job more stimulating and fulfilling, so that it satisfied all their needs.

Maybe that means engaging in what psychologists call "job crafting," or tweaking aspects of your jobs so that it's more meaningful and lines up better with your personal values.

In one study, members of a hospital cleaning crew performed behaviors that weren't included in their job descriptions, like spending time with distressed patients. Those employees found their work more meaningful than those who said they were there mainly for the money. Job crafters went out of their way to find meaning, and perhaps even passion, where they otherwise wouldn't have existed.

I can't emphasize enough that if you're in an unhappy marriage or a soul-sucking job, there's no shame in leaving or looking for other options. But if you see every relationship and job as potentially perfect for you — especially if it once was or if it satisfies certain needs of yours — you'll be more likely to work on making it so.

It's not the most romantic take on love and passion. In a perfect world, we'd all be living with our soulmates and working our dream jobs. And maybe there are some lucky people out there, who feel like they don't need to work to stay happy and fulfilled.

But for the rest of us, it helps to know that happiness and fulfillment are within our reach, if we're willing to stick out our arm and grab them.

SEE ALSO: Psychologists just debunked the idea that you have to find the perfect job fit to be happy at work

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NOW WATCH: A relationship expert reveals the 6 ways to keep your relationship interesting

A relationship expert reveals 5 traits of successful couples

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It's easy to look at a couple and see if they have chemistry or not. It's often harder to look inside your own relationship to see if that chemistry is there. Couples therapist and "Mating in Captivity" author Esther Perel explains five things you should have in common with your partner to ensure a happy and thriving relationship.

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Scientists say men with one intriguing characteristic are more attractive to women

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man speaking

Take a look at a bunch of women's OkCupid profiles and you'll be hard pressed to find one that says, "I'm looking for a guy who makes me laugh, loves trying new foods, and — oh! knows how to spin a mean yarn."

And yet new research suggests that storytelling prowess is a desirable quality in a guy — possibly because it signals that they're high-status. Men, on the other hand, don't seem to be fazed by women's ability to tell a good tale.

Researchers at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill and SUNY Buffalo came to these conclusions after conducting a series of studies with hundreds of male and female undergrads as participants.

In one study, undergrads read descriptions of men and women, some of which specified that the man or woman tells great stories. Results showed that women found men who were good storytellers more attractive as long-term partners than men who were only decent storytellers, or men whose bios didn't mention storytelling ability at all.

Men, on the other hand, didn't rate women more attractive when those women were described as good storytellers.

The researchers also asked the participants to indicate whether they thought the man or woman would be popular, admired, and a good leader. Answers to these questions indicated how high-status the person seemed.

Sure enough, men who were supposedly good storytellers were perceived by women as higher status. Again, though, women who were supposedly good storytellers were not perceived by men as more attractive or of higher status.

At this point, it's hard to say for sure why women are drawn to men who can tell a good story. The authors suggest that "storytelling ability reflects a man's ability to gain resources. Good storytellers may be more likely to influence others or to gain positions of authority in society."

Previous research has found that women prefer high-status guys, so this isn't especially surprising — what's new is the idea that storytelling ability is an indicator of status.

Of course, future research is necessary to see if watching and listening to a man tell a story is as appealing as reading a story he's written.

Yet this study adds to a growing body of research on the nonphysical characteristics that can make men attractive to women, like mindfulness and altruism. In some cases, these attributes seem to be even more important than a man's looks.

Bottom line: Women might not explicitly reveal that they're looking for a guy who can tell a good story — in fact, they might not even realize that's what they want. But if you want to impress a woman, consider ditching the pickup lines and starting with "Once upon a time ..." instead.

SEE ALSO: We're on the cusp of an explosive change in how we treat one of America's most ignored health problems

DON'T MISS: 17 science-backed ways men can appear more attractive to women

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NOW WATCH: What you should talk about on a first date, according to research

Constantly texting your partner could be a sign of something worse than boredom

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woman on smartphone texting

It seems weird to think that, at some point in recent human history, you had to call your partner's work phone to talk to them during the day — and only if something was really important.

Today, you can shoot off a quick kissy face to let them know that, hey, you're thinking of them, and how great they are, and that's it.

But alas, love is complicated. I recently wrote an article on ways to ruin your relationship and discovered that — you guessed it — frequent texting could be a big one.

Men who send or receive a lot of texts tend to be less satisfied in their relationships.

That's according to a 2013 study of men and women between the ages of 18 and 25 ("emerging adults") in committed relationships.

For the study, researchers had participants, who were recruited in couples, answer questions about how often they talked via text and social networks, and what kind of messages they sent. Most people said they had multiple text exchanges with their partner every day.

Participants also filled out questionnaires about how satisfied they were in their relationship, how many times they'd considered breaking up, and how much their partner paid attention to and listened to them.

As it turns out, women who texted their partner a lot said their relationship was more stable. But men who frequently sent or received texts from their partner were less satisfied with the relationship — and so were their partners.

The lead study author, marriage and family therapist Lori Schade, told NPR: "Maybe it was a way for them [men] to check out or not have to show up, by using their cellphone instead."

What's more, women were more likely to try to hash out tough topics via text — but those who used this strategy were generally less satisfied with the relationship.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, sending negative messages was also linked with a lower-quality relationship, while sending affectionate messages was linked to relationship satisfaction.

The takeaway here isn't that you should delete your partner from your phone. The researchers can't draw a direct cause-and-effect link between frequent texting and relationship problems — the data only suggests that the two are related.

But if you're or angry or if you need to talk about a serious issue, it's probably best to save it for an IRL conversation.

And if you notice that you and your partner have sent about 100 texts back and forth today alone, but haven't had a heart-to-heart in a while, it might be time to carve out some "us" time to reconnect — maybe by trying something new and exciting.

SEE ALSO: 7 ways to ruin your relationship for good

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: A relationship expert reveals how to keep the spark in a long-term relationship

A sex expert reveals something surprising about casual sex

10 facts about divorce every couple should know before getting married

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Ben Affleck Jennifer Garner divorce

In the US, the divorce rate has been steadily declining since the 1980s.

Research reported in The New York Times suggests that about one-third of current marriages will end in divorce — not the 50% statistic you've likely heard time and time again.

Unfortunately, that means there's still a decent chance you and your partner will split up, even after pledging lifelong devotion to each other. That idea leaves room for a lot of questions:

What makes a divorce more likely? What will happen to our kids if we do split up? What will happen to my health?

To help address some of these queries, Business Insider dug into years of research on the predictors and consequences of marital dissolution and highlighted the most intriguing findings below.

Keep in mind that all these studies offer general takeaways about modern relationships — no one can predict with 100% accuracy what will happen to yours. 

SEE ALSO: 7 ways to ruin your relationship for good

Couples who marry in their late 20s may be less likely to divorce

Research led by Nicholas Wolfinger, a professor at the University of Utah, found that contrary to a long-held belief, waiting longer to wed doesn't necessarily predict a stronger marriage.

Instead, the best time to marry seems to be between the early 20s and early 30s. If you wait until you're older than 32, your chances of divorce start to creep up (though they're still not as high as if you get married in your teens).

As Wolfinger writes on the Institute for Family Studies blog, "For almost everyone, the late twenties seems to be the best time to tie the knot."



Couples may be most likely to divorce in March and August

2016 research presented at the American Sociological Association found that March and August bring spikes in divorce filings.

The researchers say it's meaningful that March and August follow holiday or vacation periods. In the paper, they suggest that holidays represent something like "optimism cycles"— we see them as a chance to start anew in our relationships, only to find that the same problems exist once they're over.

The researchers also suspect that oftentimes our holiday experiences can be stressful and disappointing, laying bare the real issues in our marriage. As soon as they're over, we're ready to call it quits.



Married people who watch porn may be more likely to divorce

A recent study, which was presented at the American Sociological Association, found that married people who start watching pornography are about twice as likely to get divorced as those who don't.

The study, which hasn't yet been peer-reviewed, involved about 2,000 participants over the course of nearly a decade. It found that the effect was even stronger for women, who were about three times as likely to get divorced if they started watching porn during the study period.

But, as Elizabeth Nolan Brown points out on Reason, it's possible that taking up a porn habit may signal that something else is going wrong in your relationship. Maybe you're dissatisfied with your sex life or maybe you and your partner aren't communicating well.

In other words, it might not be the porn, per se, that's causing marital problems. It might be a symptom of other underlying issues.



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

8 traits people hate in a coworker

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angry coworker office mad

LinkedIn Influencer Bernard Marr published this post originally on LinkedIn.

It's true that we can't choose our families, but in most cases, we also don't get to choose our work colleagues — and many of us spend more time with the people at work than we do with our blood kin!

According to a UK study, one in five office employees say they hate one or more of their coworkers. A third of people in the study said they dislike their colleagues so much that they would never even consider socializing with them outside of work.

Bosses and senior management emerged as the most hated group overall, but no one was immune. The study found that media was the most vicious field to work in, followed by accounting, IT, and sales. Nursing came in as the nicest field.

No matter what your job, this study suggests that some people, somewhere in your office may really dislike each other … And these could be some of the reasons why.

SEE ALSO: 21 subtle signs that your coworkers hate you

DON'T MISS: 7 signs you can't trust your coworkers

Disregard for shared spaces

Every office has an office slob. They may be able to find what they need in that landfill they call a desk, but it may offend or inconvenience their colleagues — especially if they can't find what they need when they need it. If someone's mess goes beyond papers and files to include food wrappers and dirty dishes, closest neighbors may not appreciate the smell or potential for vermin. And if their mess extends to shared spaces like the kitchen or breakroom, well, now then they are just being inconsiderate.



Lack of email etiquette

Please tell me people at your work are not sending funny cat videos and spammy chain emails to their office mates… Even if someone's email game isn't that bad, they may still be annoying people if they habitually 'reply all' on emails when everyone does not need the reply, use all caps or no punctuation at all, or habitually send novels when a single sentence or two would suffice.



Know-it-all

Yes, clearly there are some people who are simply the smartest person in any boardroom, but no one else wants to be reminded of that. In fact, some have been so busy being right that they failed to notice that they have completely alienated their entire team, and that no one wants to implement their ideas just to spite them. Rather than having the answer for everything, why not let someone else have a go?



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

Here's why I think everyone should travel alone — even when they're in a relationship

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solo travelLast year — for the first time — I traveled solo throughout Eastern Europe while I had my then-fiancé/now-husband waiting for me back home in Australia. To solo travel voluntarily while in a relationship isn’t something that seems to be on many people’s agenda. The assumption is that once you’re in a long-term relationship, it’s expected you’ll travel together but what if you simply want, or need, to go traveling on your own without your partner in tow?

 In preparation for my solo travels, I attempted to read up on the topic of solo travel while in a relationship but there was a noticeable lack of articles addressing this subject. There are countless articles extolling the virtues of singles solo traveling but hardly anything on solo travel while in a relationship. It’s widely accepted for someone unattached to be traveling on their own but it’s not as common to come across someone in a relationship who is traveling alone. Yet, the reasons behind the decision for a single person to solo travel are equally applicable to why a person in a relationship would choose to solo travel. After my brief brush with solo travel, I now realize how beneficial solo travel can be not only for yourself but also for your relationshipHere’s why. 

1. Solo traveling will let you reconnect with yourself.

It happens to the best of us. In a long-term relationship, you can unwittingly find you and your partner turning into an entity rather than two separate beings. It’s a natural progression when you spend a lot of time with someone. However, in the midst of all of this, you can sometimes forget yourself, your goals and those dreams that you harbored before you met your partner.

 Solo travel allows you to reconnect with yourself, to reflect and evaluate on personal endeavors and ambitions. What is it that you really want in life? What do you want to do with your time? Are you happy plodding along the path you’re currently on? Solo travelers often speak about going on a journey of self-discovery and this is especially important for those in a relationship in order to remind yourself about what matters to you.



2. You’ll have permission to be selfish (for a little while).

Relationships are based on the fundamental principle of compromise and every relationship would fail miserably if it were completely one-sided. Solo travel allows you to be selfish and to think only of yourself – if only for a little while. There’s no needing to meet halfway, there’s no needing to come to an agreement – it’s entirely up to you how you want to while away your days, whether that be indulging in retail therapy, trying out all of the gelato places in town or spending your afternoons reading in a bookshop cafe. It’s fine to be occasionally selfish: in fact, it’s healthy! There are times when we simply need to put ourselves first for our own self-preservation and there’s nothing wrong with that!



3. You’ll refresh your daily conversations with new stories to tell.

In long-term relationships, conversations about everyday occurrences such as grocery shopping and crabby co-workers become the norm, which isn’t to say that this is a bad thing – it’s just a reality of life! By solo traveling, you will return armed with stories about your adventures to share with your partner and ultimately refresh those daily chats. Solo travel can help inject spice back into long relationships as you swap stories from the road.



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

10 things that successful couples do to have a happy relationship

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GettyImages 84384136

Over lunch with a friend one day, Kevin was asked about the “secret of your obviously happy and healthy love relationship.”

Kevin responded, “I married a wonderful woman and made the commitment to apply myself to the relationship with the same energy that I place into other important areas of my life: school, work, health, friendships. I didn’t want to be casual about the relationship nor take it for granted. My partner has pretty much done the same thing. Consequently, we make a great team. I can’t imagine being without her.”

Highly successful couples like Kevin and his wife know that making the relationship a top priority is vital. They don’t allow it to derail. They know the ingredients that are necessary to keep each other content, happy, healthy and satisfied. To put it simply, philosopher Paul Tillich observed, “Any deep relationship to another human being requires watchfulness and nourishment.”

So listen up: Here are the 10 secrets of highly successful couples:

1. Successful couples enjoy each other.

It’s just that simple. They like to be together, talk together, do things together. Former Beatle Ringo Starr has been married to his wife Barbara for more than three decades. He says the “secret” to the couple’s longevity is this: “I’m just blessed that she puts up with me. I love the woman. She loves me. There are less down days than up, and we get on really well. We spend a lot of time together. That’s the deal.”



2. Successful couples fight skillfully.

“In conflict, be fair and generous,” is wisdom from The Tao. When two people live together, they are bound to have differences of opinion and disagreements. Successful couples fight but do it skillfully; in a way that leaves the relationship stronger, not weaker. One technique they employ is their choice of words. For example,University of California (Berkeley) researchers looked at “connected” couples and discovered that they tend to use plural pronouns (“we”, “us” and “ours”) rather than singular pronouns (“I”, “me” and “mine”). As a result, they were less likely to feel stressed out after the disagreement than couples who used singular pronouns. “Using ‘we language’ during a fight helps couples align themselves on the same team, as opposed to being adversaries,” notes lead author Benjamin Seider.



3. Successful couples seek and offer forgiveness.

They may not forgive and forget, but they do forgive and let it go. When they have done something wrong or hurtful, they offer an apology. When they are the wronged party, they accept the gift of an apology. Successful couples travel the pathway toward forgiving, which is outlined by author Clarissa Pinkola Estes, who cites these four stages for arrival at complete forgiveness:

Forgo: Take a break from thinking about the person or event for a while.

Forebear: Abstain from punishing, neither thinking about it nor acting on (the offense) in small or large ways. Give a bit of grace to the situation.

Forget: Refuse to dwell; let go and loosen one’s hold, particularly on memory. To forget is an active — not passive — endeavor.

Forgive: Make a conscious decision to cease to harbor resentment, which includes forgiving a debt and giving up one’s resolve to retaliate.



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

The most active cities for Tinder users reveal something intriguing about who's using the app

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Happy Couple on Date at Restaurant

It only takes one person to make your online dating experience a runaway success.

But statistically speaking, your chances of meeting that one person go up as the number of potential matches increases.

Business Insider asked Tinder to pull data on its top cities — the locales with the greatest number of active users.

Somewhat unsurprisingly, Los Angeles, New York, and Chicago were the top three.

The reason, however, is a little more intriguing.

Tinder's in-house sociologist, Jess Carbino, told us that it's not just because they're the most populous cities in the country — it's also because they're home to highly educated young professionals.

Carbino explained that highly educated people are generally more likely to use online dating services because they delay marriage and childbearing until they've achieved the "traditional markers of adulthood." Those markers include gaining independence from parents, completing an education, and establishing financial security.

"While you're in school, the opportunity to do that is diminished dramatically," she said. "Most individuals — mainly men — don't consider themselves to be marriageable until they have achieved a certain level of economic stability." (If the idea that Tinder users are thinking about marriage strikes you as weird, note that Tinder found that 80% of its users are looking for a meaningful relationship — presumably something that could lead to marriage.)

Here's the full list of the top cities for Tinder users:

  1. Los Angeles
  2. New York
  3. Chicago
  4. San Francisco/Bay Area
  5. Boston
  6. Phoenix
  7. San Diego
  8. Houston
  9. Seattle
  10. Dallas
  11. Miami
  12. Orlando
  13. Philadelphia
  14. Las Vegas
  15. Austin

What's more, Carbino said, highly educated people are more likely to rapidly adopt new technologies and new ways of meeting people.

But these findings come with a twist: In Provo, Utah, for example (population about 116,000), 51% of single people ages 18-24 have used Tinder. That's not too dissimilar to the 60% of single women and 80% of single men ages 18-24 who have used Tinder in New York City (population about 8 million).

In an email to Business Insider, Carbino said this phenomenon likely has to do with the "higher degree of embeddedness individuals have in their communities, institutions, and social circles" in cities like Provo.

In other words, using online dating is a way to widen the dating pool where it would otherwise be pretty small.

SEE ALSO: There's a key difference in how men and women use Tinder — and it makes the whole experience frustrating for everyone

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: A woman who's gone on 150 Tinder dates reveals the worst mistakes men make

Science reveals what it may say about your personality if you're still friends with your ex

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couple

If you recently noticed that your ex unfriended you on Facebook (go ahead and check — we'll wait), it could be because the person caught wind of new and somewhat disturbing psychological research.

A study published by researchers at Oakland University found that people with "dark" personality traits — i.e., those who are generally disagreeable, manipulative, and exploitative — were more likely to be friends with former flames for practical and sexual reasons.

Here's how the researchers arrived at those findings. First, they asked about 350 people to come up with a bunch of reasons for staying friends with an ex. They boiled those reasons down to about 150 factors and divided them into categories including reliability/sentimentality, pragmatism, and sexual access.

For example, "They were a great listener" would fall under reliability/sentimentality; "I wanted money from them" would fall under pragmatism; and "We still had sex from time to time" would fall under sexual access.

Then researchers asked another group of about 500 people to rate how important each of those approximately 150 reasons were in staying friends with a hypothetical ex.

Finally, the group of 500 took personality tests that measured dark personality traits as well as honesty.

Woman shadow unhappyResults showed that participants who scored high on measures of dark personality — in particular the "antagonism" dimension — were more likely to cite pragmatic reasons for staying friends with an ex. Meanwhile, participants who scored low on honesty and humility were more likely to cite reasons related to sexual access.

These results make sense, given that previous research has found that dark personality types value sex and short-term relationships over longer relationships, value money and power, and can be more manipulative.

Other interesting findings: In general, people rated reliability/sentimentality as the most important reason for staying friends with an ex. Pragmatism and sexual access were rated as the least important.

As for gender differences, men were more likely than women to say pragmatic factors and sexual access were important reasons for staying friends with an ex.

The takeaway here is not that if you're friends with someone you used to date, you should check them or yourself into a hospital. In fact, if your postrelationship friendship works fine and makes you happy, then you probably don't need to do anything.

But if you notice that your ex comes around only when he or she is in the mood, or broke, or when the person finds out you have a hot friend, beware. It could be a sign the person is not the most stable or benevolent person in your life — and that you'd do well to spend less time with that ex.

SEE ALSO: Psychologists figured out one trait that makes relationships last

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: Four characteristics of a doomed relationship

The vast majority of Tinder users aren't using the app the way you might expect

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tinder profile

Everyone knows someone — even if it's your cousin's coworker's daughter — who met their spouse on Tinder.

Usually these stories are touted as evidence of the fact that Tinder is not, as is commonly believed, solely geared toward hookups and one-night stands.

Unfortunately, happy as your cousin's coworker's daughter may be, her experience seems more like a fluke than the norm. Because we all know multiple people who each met multiple matches on Tinder and never heard from any of them after the first date.

But a recent statistic gives relationship-oriented folks reason to be hopeful and to see those Tinder marriages as less a glitch in the app's normal programming and more a real possibility. According to a Tinder survey, 80% of its users are seeking a meaningful relationship.

Of course, it's possible that these users were simply responding how they thought they were supposed to respond. But assuming that most of them were answering honestly, that's some pretty surprising news.

The real question is: Is it a waste of time for long-term-relationship-minded users to spend their evenings swiping left and right? Even if most people on Tinder want a relationship, is there any chance of actually finding one?

Take a look at recent research and the answers that emerge are: no and probably.

Depending on who you ask, either 12% or 33% of people who got married in the last five years or so met through an online-dating service (including, but not limited to, Tinder).

Interestingly, couples who meet onlinetend to find themselves at the altar sooner than couples who meet in person.

As Stanford researcher Michael Rosenfeld told The Washington Post, one possible reason why is that online-dating services allow you to select beforehand the characteristics you know you prefer in a mate. On Tinder, that might mean swiping left on the profiles that say "football fan" and right on those that say "science nerd" or vice versa.

At the same time, Rosenfeld did say that people looking for longer-term relationships tend to use the dating websites where profiles are longer and more text-heavy. So presumably not Tinder.

What's more, one study found that marriages that started online tend to be more satisfying than marriages that started offline. Again, that's possibly because you can sift through potential matches based on important criteria before you actually fall for someone.

Ultimately, there's no guarantee that you won't meet 10 people interested in hookups only on Tinder. There's definitely no guarantee that you'll wind up exchanging rings with someone you met on Tinder.

But perhaps the greatest takeaway from these findings is that online-dating apps aren't so different from meeting in person. There will always be people looking for flings, marriage, or something in between. It's just a matter of learning to quickly suss out who's looking for what so that no one's heart gets broken.

SEE ALSO: The most active cities for Tinder users reveal something intriguing about who's using the app

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: A woman who's gone on 150 Tinder dates reveals the worst mistakes men make

An etiquette expert explains how to handle stubborn people at work and in life

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As a parent, handling stubbornness pretty much comes with the territory.

And as a father of an eight-year-old and four-year-old, I'm earning my parenting stripes on a daily basis.

Yet, when my kids act stubborn, it's easy to shrug it off, since they're kids.

But when I see an adult act stubbornly — with no reason other than pure selfishness — I have absolutely zero tolerance for it.

In fact, allowing stubbornness is the only way that stubbornness grows.  

Stubbornness is not an excuse and, for the life of me, I can't stand when stubborn adults take pride in getting their way as if they've achieved something.

So, let's make a pact to stand up to stubbornness once and for all.

SEE ALSO: 19 types of coworkers you absolutely can't stand

1. The stubborn coworker

Stubbornness is defined as "refusing to change one's mind or course of action despite pressure to do so; unyielding or resolute." Ugh, even having to read and write the definition makes me want to vomit. Gosh, I can’t handle stubbornness!

OK, OK, enough venting, it’s back to business. And speaking of business, stubbornness in the workforce has two conflicting sides. First, let’s focus on my least favorite part of the argument for the "Pro Stubborn Debate." It goes something like, "If I really want something, I have to go for it and not let anyone stop me." Drop the mic, and walk off stage, right?

Seriously? Now, as a person who is driven in everything I do, I totally understand and can relate to that statement. But looking at being "stubborn" as a point of pride — as if not being stubborn is a sign of giving up and giving in — is not a free pass to be rude.

Usually what ends up happening is said stubborn person is perceived not as "driven" but rather as a colossal jerk. Using the argument for being a stubborn adult due to your "passion" is like saying your "love" for beer means it’s OK if you’re drunk all day.

Stubbornness — like any other crutch — is a negative attribute of a person's character, which affects others. And that is where I have a problem with the whole "stubborn-means-driven professional" excuse. If you’re stubborn all the time at work, you will alienate every single person around you, without fail.

For starters, you’ll look like someone who can’t collaborate with their peers. I mean, you’re always correct so how can anyone work with you, right? Also, it shows you’re a lousy communicator in general. After all, being stubborn means you don’t even listen to what others have to say. You may hear them, but won’t listen and that means you can’t connect.

And if those reasons aren’t enough, being stubborn shows you’re inflexible to change, or ideas other than your own. So, rather than stick with being stubborn, use your motivation to succeed on the inside; pushing yourself harder and harder, telling yourself you’ll be on top. However, don’t let your stubborn beliefs cloud your judgment of disconnecting with your peers … and ultimately tanking your career (hmm, I believe there’s a book about that).



Tip #2: The Stubborn Partner

Of all the stubborn characters out there, hands down the most difficult of all is the stubborn partner.

Whether you're married or just dating, when you are involved with a stubborn partner it will make working with a stubborn coworker seem like a piece of cake. In fact, it would make dealing with an entire corporation of stubborn colleagues seem like a piece of cake.

Care to argue this one? Not likely, since 99.9% of the entire dating world has at least once dealt with a stubborn partner who made the relationship more toxic than that the feces-infested waterways of the Rio Olympics (check out HBO's Real Sports to learn more. It's disgusting!).

So why on earth would anyone in their right mind insist on remaining stubborn when most likely they had nothing but misery from being on the receiving end? With that, if we can only take one thing from a failed relationship, it's how the rude actions of an unmannerly dater will teach you wonders about what you don't want in a partner. For many, it's stubbornness.

Please don't take this as me saying you should jump ship from a relationship the second your partner refuses to change their mind about not liking your buddy Jim or not wanting to go to the Opera. After all, in any relationship you will never see eye to eye on everything so pick your battles carefully.

With that, being stubborn once or twice does not make a partner terrible. However, the issue is the non-stop stubbornness where the relationship is about as one-sided as a sumo wrestler playing tug-of-war with a toddler.  This is where the main problem with being a stubborn exists: the inability to put your needs, wants, and desires aside for the happiness of someone you care about.

In fact, I'll argue that by not doing so, it means you don't care about that person in general. So, if anyone is reading this, then thinking of their partner, and nodding knowingly, please do not run for the hills quite yet. Instead, point out when someone is being stubborn, regardless of how many times you have to remind them.

In a situation like this, it's proper to make it known and discuss the issue. On the flip side, if you are a partner who insists on being stubborn because you insist on always getting your way, take note of this article and this tip in particular. Not doing so, and insisting on being stubborn could lead you to a standing table for one.



3. The stubborn in-law

The phrase, "You can pick your partner, but you can't pick your in-laws" is something every dater should remember.

The term in-laws refer to marriage, but even unmarried couples feel that their partners' parents have a big impact on both their lives, even if there is no ring yet. In fact, based off the wonderful emails I receive many of you feel like a prize fighter in a ring, having to dodge punches from stubborn in-laws on a regular basis.

Even though my in-laws are awesome (and I'm not just saying this because they read my work), trust me I'm well aware of what life is like on the other side. In fact, I discuss this in How to Handle Rude In-Laws, which outlined some horror stories of monster in-laws. So, whether you're the son/daughter in-law dreading the next family dinner with "those that will go unnamed," remind yourself of one key fact: You're an adult!

Stubborn in-laws are a breed of their own. They like things their way and they can't see why you can't figure that out "after all these years." It's draining, but you can't hide.

First, if you plan to marry once (as is the point), you're with them for life and you don't want to have a divide between you and your partner over their in-laws.  Yes, I understand it's your in-laws making the divide. Yes, I understand it's their fault. But just hear me out.

Being a proper son/daughter in-law means you have to take the high road. Don't pander to their every stubborn need, but don't be a jerk either. They insist on the same restaurant? Get together ahead of time with the other family members, and make reservations to beat them to the punch. Now it's a "group idea" rather than yours. There's power in numbers, folks.

They nag you about your job? Remind them that it makes you happy and that's what's most important. Don't let their opinion of how you should live change your mind about your plans.

And if they insist on being the third party to you and your partner's life decisions, kindly take their advice and do as you please anyway.

See, stubborn people will always be stubborn. You can't change them; you can only help to call them out. In-laws "influence" is figurative, kind of like a store clerk who says that shoes that cost $500 are the best in the world, but the ones you like for $50 will do just fine.

Properly take their advice, just not to heart. Nod, say thanks, and go on your way. They'll be gone in a couple of hours. 



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

Here's how American couples actually meet their significant others

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A friend of mine who's now engaged recently confided to me that she'd met her significant other online. I say "confided" and not "told" because of the way she said it — voice hushed, eyes darting to one side — made it sound like an embarrassing confession rather than just a personal detail.

I have to admit I was a bit surprised not by the information, but by the way she said it — as if I don't hear this all the time.

The reality is I do. In fact, the vast majority of my friends seem to be meeting their girlfriends, boyfriends, partners, and fiancées online, either via a dating service like OkCupid or Match.com, or on more traditional forms of social media like Facebook.

And a chart from a recent study published in the journal American Sociological Review suggests the trend extends far beyond my social network:

Screen Shot 2016 09 12 at 13.39.42

The study looks at how American couples met, between 1940 and 2010, using the How Couples Meet and Stay Together survey, a nationally representative Stanford University study of more than 3,000 American adults.

Based on the study's results, most couples meet through friends (represented on the chart by a diamond-shaped icon) — a trend that's stayed relatively constant for six decades.

But since the advent of widely popular forms of social media, in the 2000s, the popularity of meeting people online (shown on the chart with a gray triangle) has skyrocketed. In 2010, it nearly eclipsed the number of couples who met at a bar or restaurant (represented on the chart by the asterisk icon).

"Since 1995, the percentage of Americans meeting their partners online has risen dramatically, and the percentage meeting through almost all of the traditional ways has fallen," authors Michael Rosenfeld, a professor of sociology at Stanford University, and Reuben Thomas, who was at the time of the study an assistant professor of sociology at the City College of the City of New York and now teaches sociology and criminology at the University of New Mexico, wrote in their paper.

Among same-sex couples in the study, an even larger number reported having met their significant others online:

same sex couples who met online

"The internet flattens the social world ... and allows people to search for, to find each other, and to meet entirely without the intervention of friends, family, neighbors, or co-workers," Rosenfeld and Thomas wrote.

For a full list of the other icons on the charts and their meanings, take a look at the paper.

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: A relationship expert reveals 5 traits of successful couples

A top divorce attorney reveals the 3 biggest mistakes married couples make

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Elliot Polland has been practicing divorce law since 1968, and he's seen it all, from lovers' quarrels to full-blown implosions of people who wish they'd never said "I do."

According to the American Psychological Association, the divorce rate in the United States continues to hover around 50%, keeping him plenty busy.

Polland found a quiet spot in a New York City courthouse to talk to INSIDER about the most common pitfalls he sees couples experience — and how to avoid them.

Note: Elliot Polland is the father of INSIDER Deputy Editor Jennifer Polland.

Lack of communication

It's important to resolve disagreements right away and not let resentment build. Polland recommends taking time in the evening to right any wrongs that may have occurred during the course of the day.

"There's an old saying, 'Never go to bed angry with each other,' and I think that's true," he said. 



Ignoring red flags

"You have to be diligent in making sure that your relationship with your spouse hasn't gone awry," Polland said.

He described "aberrant or unusual behavior," such as changing passwords, making or receiving calls at hours that don't seem appropriate, or a sudden wardrobe overhaul, as tell-tale signs of an affair.

"Sometimes if you catch it early, you can resolve the relationship," he said. "The longer that extramarital relationship continues, the harder it is to unravel it."



Choosing the wrong partner in the first place

"A lot of times people choose somebody for the wrong reasons," Polland said. "You've got to have a solid foundation in the relationship so that the relationship can continue when some of the other factors start to erode."



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

How much sex you should be having in a healthy relationship

Four signs your relationship is headed toward its demise

My husband makes $240,000 and I make $36,000

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Earlier this year, we surveyed 656 millennial women to see how they feel about splitting the check on dates. As we started to look deeper into the numbers, however, another talking point came up — how much women make in comparison with their partners. Of the straight women surveyed, 55% of those coupled off had lower salaries than their respective partners. Only 24% of the straight women reported that they earned more than their significant others.

Even more interesting? More women were making significantly less than their partners. When we broke down the pay disparity, 31% of the women in the first group were making $75,000 or less than their partners a year. Of the latter group, only 5% percent of the women were making significantly more.

We decided to talk to a few of the women who make strikingly smaller salaries than their partners, and find out the stories behind the numbers. First up, an interview with a money diarist in Shanghai, a 22-year-old who earns $36,000 compared to her husband's $240,000.

How did you and your husband meet?
"We've been married for a little over a year, but we met when I was in high school, and he was in college. There is a five-year difference between us. In college, we started talking about what the future would hold for us. At the time, I was doing significantly better in school than he had done, and he had dropped out of college to take a job. Meanwhile I was planning to get a master's and PhD, so we kind of assumed I would be the one making more in the relationship."

So what happened once you graduated?
"I founded a startup, and that company sold for $600,000 after everything went through. My takeaway from that was $300,000. That's when I figured, this is the path I want to be on. I just really liked the startup environment."

shanghai

How did you end up in Shanghai?"My husband got an offer to go to China on an expat package — if he finished his degree. So he finished his degree, and I got a job here for six months. The job gave me an offer to transfer to San Francisco, but it made more sense for me to stay. It just wasn't worth being apart. I went freelance, and even though I'm making the same amount as before, for some reason it feels weird. The flexible schedule is great, but physically being at home more changes things. Laundry goes off, I go take care of it."How has going from being a primary breadwinner to being the secondary breadwinner affected you?"It’s been really, really hard emotionally for the relationship. For me, I always wanted to be a strong, independent woman. But I was the only one to get married out of all my friends, and there's just a stereotype to my position — being here and technically making significantly less than my husband. It plays a lot on my ego. When we go out to eat, I feel extremely guilty about ordering a more expensive drink than my husband, or if I make a big purchase I feel like I have to ask him first. He’s never said anything or alluded to anything ever; he's always reminding me that I made a huge contribution, but I just feel guilty."

fancy_dinner

Do you think this has affected your husband, as well?"When I was making more, we were perceived to be on his pay level and living a lower lifestyle, even [after I sold my startup]. Now that the roles have switched, we’re suddenly living the larger lifestyle. He perceives our wealth based on his paycheck, whereas I perceive it based on what we’re both bringing in. A lot of this has to do with my parents. My parents have been together their entire lives, and I grew up watching their spending dynamics. If one person brings in the money, it’s money for all of us. My husband, though, his parents were divorced before he was born, so the money was always separate."

It seems like he feels less guilty about spending the money you two are earning. Why do you think you're dealing with guilt?"I’ve thought about it a lot, and I feel like there’s a lot that goes into it. Is it because we should be feeling guilty about our finances? Should I be telling my husband to step back, too? But we save a lot; our finances are okay. So is it because I'm not getting paid as much as him? I don’t know. Maybe it's because our paycheck goes to the States and into bank accounts that my husband has a login for, so I’m not getting the emails or texts that show how much we do have. I have some access to it, but he’s keeping control of that."

bakerHow do you deal with the perceptions people may have about not earning as much as your husband?"The dynamic for expats here is that the man has the expat contract and the wife is here, but she legally cannot work in the country. The wife ends up doing freelance work, selling pastries, crafts, blogging, something on that end. They're a little looked down upon. I am physically able to work here, and the freelance work I am doing is contracted, legal, paid work, but I still feel like I’m getting lumped in with all these other women.

"Part of me feels like I don’t want to be a part of that group, and then I think, Am I a bad person for not wanting to be part of that group? Because a lot of the wives were primary breadwinners at some point in their relationship. One of our closest friends, the wife used to be a CMO at a major fashion brand, and she moved here so her husband could have more flexible hours. He makes a little less now, but they have more time to be together. It’s interesting that we’re all seen as housewives, even though we all make an active contribution — and we all have made contributions to our relationships. It’s just not currently as significant as the person who has the expat package that provides the driver and the housing."There were a few commenters in Money Diaries who wanted more context to your marriage, even hinting at some sort of trophy-wife status."I feel like if I read my diary, I would’ve been like, This is some gorgeous girl...who totally got lucky and married some rich guy, because that's how the diary comes off. We don’t talk about that stereotype, but sometimes I wonder, do people look at us and think, Why the hell did he pick her to marry? I find myself trying to fit into what a trophy wife 'should' be, even though literally a year ago I was making more than my husband. Like today, I was thinking about going to the gym, and thought, You know, I have a really rich husband. Is it expected of me to be beautiful?"It seems like you still have a conflicted relationship with being a woman who makes less than her husband."If you asked me a year ago, I would have said there’s nothing wrong with putting trophy wives down. I would’ve been one of the haters toward them. A year ago, I made fun of my sister-in-law who is a stay-at-home mom, but I feel completely different now. I have mixed emotions seeing myself as what some people could consider a trophy wife. In conversations, I don’t want to represent myself as one, but I’m looking at my situation, and I’m thinking, Is this really such a bad thing? I have made, and am making, an active contribution to society and to my relationship, and I plan on doing that in my future."

beach_coupleWould you be okay if the situations and paychecks were reversed?"There will be another moment in our lifetime where I will have to step up the game. He always says he's completely willing to be a stay-at-home dad. He’s always making sure my career path is still intact, even though we're living here. And I could go out and get a job making more than him. He looks at it like he expects me to make another contribution that’s larger than his, and for him to take a break, and for us to go back and forth. Having that as a plan for the future, in his head, helps him perceive our relationship differently than, 'I’m the sole breadwinner and I have to take care of her.' It’s more like, 'This is for us.'"

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity. This is part one of a series, Not A Trophy Wife, examining how women feel about money — especially when they make less than their partners.

Join the conversation about this story »

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