Elliot Polland is a New York divorce attorney with nearly 50 years of experience, so he knows a thing or two about what can make or break a relationship.

Polland spoke with INSIDER right after getting out of court about the biggest mistakes married couples make and the best things married couples should do to make sure their relationships will last.

Note: Elliot Polland is the father of INSIDER Deputy Editor Jennifer Polland.

Set up boundaries with in-laws and other family members.

While Polland said that family members' insights can be useful in noticing things about a person that their partner doesn't see, it's important to make sure they don't take it too far.

"There are many times where I've had clients coming in and saying that their in-laws have destroyed their marriage," he said.

It's ultimately up to the couple to decide what those boundaries should be.

"I don't know that there's any magic formula for that," he said. "Every situation is different."

Maintain an affectionate physical relationship.

It's the little things that go a long way.

"Obviously a sexual one is important, but even for older couples where that becomes less important, even the cuddling and the hugging certainly maintains that close connection that I think is very important for maintaining a relationship," he said.

Keep records of your assets.

"Banks and most other financial institutions don't maintain records beyond six years," he said. "If somebody claims that they came into the marriage with X dollars and tries to claim that that was their separate property if there were a divorce, if they didn't maintain those old records, they would have virtually an impossible task in proving that this was their pre-marital fund."

Polland advised scanning the necessary documents and entrusting them to a parent of sibling.

If your relationship has been struggling along, then you've likely experienced that sinking feeling that things might not work out. And hey — sometimes that feeling is 100 percent right. But if you and your SO are meant to be, there will be some pretty obvious signs your relationship is still worth working on.

I'm talking about the positive aspects that keep you and your parter sticking around, despite the bumps in the road. For a comparison, think back to your past relationships that didn't pan out. Can you see the difference? Those old flames were likely rife with unfixable problems — the kind that almost alwayscause a relationship to fail. As Irina Firstein, LCSW, explains in an email to Bustle, "Some ... deal breakers are lack of trust, numerous failed attempts at fixing it in therapy, [and] when the feeling is that there is no life or energy left in [the relationship.]"

When these types of problems abound, parting ways is usually the best option. But if there is still a spark, and love, and friendship, then it is possible to work things out. In fact, you guys should work things out, since no relationship comes without its fair share of problems. Read on for signs that you should do just that.

1. You Still Feel The Feels

It'll be obvious when a relationship is truly meant to be over. It'll just feel done, and watching your partner waltz out the door will be a relief. But if the thought of losing your SO keeps you up at night, then consider it a sign the love is worth salvaging. As Firstein says, "... if you feel you care and still have positive feelings and there is a genuine commitment on both sides, it is a good idea to try to make things better."

2. There's A Lot Invested

Of course you shouldn't stay in a relationship just because the thought of moving out seems annoying. But having a lot invested in each other should make you take pause. "Kids, pets, property… the more stuff you and your partner share, the more it’s worth it to try to salvage your relationship," Andrew Christensen, Ph.D., told Anna Davies on YourTango.com. After all, there's probably a good reason you guys got that involved in the first place.

3. You're Both Willing To Put In The Work

"In order to work on your relationship, there has to be a strong desire to do so and ability to be open to new ideas and new behaviors," Firstein says. Whether that means long chats every night, or seeing a therapist, it's a good sign if you're both game to make an effort.

While each relationship is unique, researchers have found some common, key traits of lasting relationships, such as kindness and generosity.

One of the biggest hurdles we face in any relationship is admitting when it is time for the next big step, whether it is moving in together, getting married, or separating.

So, we took a look at several big studies of lasting relationships and psychology and highlight some of the biggest signs that a relationship will last, keeping in mind that every relationship is different. Check them out in the graphic below:

READ MORE: Science says lasting relationships come down to 2 basic traits

SEE ALSO: A mathematical formula reveals the secret to lasting relationships

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NOW WATCH: A relationship expert reveals the 6 ways to keep your relationship interesting

Once upon a time, you'd solidify your adolescent relationship with a shout-out in an AIM profile. Now that we're in the era of "Facebook official" and selfie statuses, it's pretty clear that the comfort we take in being able to definitively label our relationships— something which can often feel so uncertain and be communicated poorly. Now, it's becoming increasingly common to frequently post about your relationship (and life). If it's not online, you don't have proof that it happened.

If you think of social media as the modern equivalent of a town square, the place where announcements are made and information is posted and communities are bonded over shared experiences, then it only makes sense that you'd be inclined to share the bits and pieces of your life that you perceive to be worthy of documenting. The point is to post the highlight reel. The concept is to share the parts of our lives that those who aren't immediately close to us otherwise wouldn't be able to see — and there is nothing wrong with this.

Yet social media has an added layer of nuance, as it is a supplement (if not a projection) of our identity, connectedness, and self-worth. We can piece together an image of ourselves, quantify how loved and seen we are by others, and ultimately begin to gauge and compare where we stand socially. It should come as no surprise that we end up addicted to the thrill that all the clicks and pixels give us, as those things that social media represents — personhood, connection, inherent worth — are struggles that are very deeply embedded in the human condition.

If you want to know how someone wants the world to see them, look no further than the patterns in their social media feeds. This is never more true (or interesting, to be honest) than when it comes to their most intimate relationships. While it's normal and even healthy to be proud and public about who you're dating, there is at the same time a clear connection between how genuinely content you are with your relationship and how often you post about it. Here a few reasons for this.

You can make yourself feel better about a part of your life simply by thinking that other people see it differently

In other words, if we aren't getting a "high" from the parts of our lives that we think are supposed to account for our emotional contentment, we seek that feeling elsewhere. Most commonly, this comes from how we think other people perceive the situation to be. (TL;DR: If we can convince ourselves that other people see our relationships happily, we feel happier about them, as we're subconsciously shifting our point of view.)

When you're happy with your life (or a relationship) you're naturally more present for it

It occurs to you less to take photos or check your social media feeds. It's not that you never do those things, but that your life is making you so happy, so why would you want to be distracted by it?

Any couple that keeps their intimate arguments or struggles offline is always better off

On the flip side of oversharing is going public with posting the things you're not so happy about. But no matter what the context, an issue hasnever been resolved well after someone aired the dirty laundry for all of their Facebook friends (and family) to see.

Earlier this year, we surveyed 656 millennial women to see how they feel about splitting the check on dates. As we started to look deeper into the numbers, however, another talking point came up — how much women make in comparison with their partners. Of the straight women surveyed, 55% of those coupled off had lower salaries than their respective partners. Only 24% of the straight women reported that they earned more than their significant others.

Even more interesting? More women were making significantly less than their partners. When we broke down the pay disparity, 31% of the women in the first group were making $75,000 or less than their partners a year. Of the latter group, only 5% percent of the women were making significantly more.

We decided to talk to a few of the women who make strikingly smaller salaries than their partners, and find out the stories behind the numbers. First up, an interview with a money diarist in Shanghai, a 22-year-old who earns $36,000 compared to her husband's $240,000. 

How did you and your husband meet?

"We've been married for a little over a year, but we met when I was in high school, and he was in college. There is a five-year difference between us. In college, we started talking about what the future would hold for us. At the time, I was doing significantly better in school than he had done, and he had dropped out of college to take a job. Meanwhile I was planning to get a master's and PhD, so we kind of assumed I would be the one making more in the relationship." 

So what happened once you graduated?

"I founded a startup, and that company sold for $600,000 after everything went through. My takeaway from that was $300,000. That's when I figured, this is the path I want to be on. I just really liked the startup environment."

How did you end up in Shanghai?

"My husband got an offer to go to China on an expat package — if he finished his degree. So he finished his degree, and I got a job here for six months. The job gave me an offer to transfer to San Francisco, but it made more sense for me to stay. It just wasn't worth being apart. I went freelance, and even though I'm making the same amount as before, for some reason it feels weird. The flexible schedule is great, but physically being at home more changes things. Laundry goes off, I go take care of it."

How has going from being a primary breadwinner to being the secondary breadwinner affected you?

"It’s been really, really hard emotionally for the relationship. For me, I always wanted to be a strong, independent woman. But I was the only one to get married out of all my friends, and there's just a stereotype to my position — being here and technically making significantly less than my husband. It plays a lot on my ego. When we go out to eat, I feel extremely guilty about ordering a more expensive drink than my husband, or if I make a big purchase I feel like I have to ask him first. He’s never said anything or alluded to anything ever; he's always reminding me that I made a huge contribution, but I just feel guilty."

Do you think this has affected your husband, as well?

"When I was making more, we were perceived to be on his pay level and living a lower lifestyle, even [after I sold my startup]. Now that the roles have switched, we’re suddenly living the larger lifestyle. He perceives our wealth based on his paycheck, whereas I perceive it based on what we’re both bringing in. A lot of this has to do with my parents. My parents have been together their entire lives, and I grew up watching their spending dynamics. If one person brings in the money, it’s money for all of us. My husband, though, his parents were divorced before he was born, so the money was always separate." 

It seems like he feels less guilty about spending the money you two are earning. Why do you think you're dealing with guilt?

"I’ve thought about it a lot, and I feel like there’s a lot that goes into it. Is it because we should be feeling guilty about our finances? Should I be telling my husband to step back, too? But we save a lot; our finances are OK. So is it because I'm not getting paid as much as him? I don’t know. Maybe it's because our paycheck goes to the States and into bank accounts that my husband has a login for, so I’m not getting the emails or texts that show how much we do have. I have some access to it, but he’s keeping control of that."

How do you deal with the perceptions people may have about not earning as much as your husband?

"The dynamic for expats here is that the man has the expat contract and the wife is here, but she legally cannot work in the country. The wife ends up doing freelance work, selling pastries, crafts, blogging, something on that end. They're a little looked down upon. I am physically able to work here, and the freelance work I am doing is contracted, legal, paid work, but I still feel like I’m getting lumped in with all these other women.

"Part of me feels like I don’t want to be a part of that group, and then I think, Am I a bad person for not wanting to be part of that group? Because a lot of the wives were primary breadwinners at some point in their relationship. One of our closest friends, the wife used to be a CMO at a major fashion brand, and she moved here so her husband could have more flexible hours. He makes a little less now, but they have more time to be together. It’s interesting that we’re all seen as housewives, even though we all make an active contribution — and we all have made contributions to our relationships. It’s just not currently as significant as the person who has the expat package that provides the driver and the housing."

There were a few commenters in Money Diaries who wanted more context to your marriage, even hinting at some sort of trophy-wife status.

"I feel like if I read my diary, I would’ve been like, This is some gorgeous girl...who totally got lucky and married some rich guy, because that's how the diary comes off. We don’t talk about that stereotype, but sometimes I wonder, do people look at us and think, Why the hell did he pick her to marry? I find myself trying to fit into what a trophy wife 'should' be, even though literally a year ago I was making more than my husband. Like today, I was thinking about going to the gym, and thought, You know, I have a really rich husband. Is it expected of me to be beautiful?

It seems like you still have a conflicted relationship with being a woman who makes less than her husband.

"If you asked me a year ago, I would have said there’s nothing wrong with putting trophy wives down. I would’ve been one of the haters toward them. A year ago, I made fun of my sister-in-law who is a stay-at-home mom, but I feel completely different now. I have mixed emotions seeing myself as what some people could consider a trophy wife. In conversations, I don’t want to represent myself as one, but I’m looking at my situation, and I’m thinking, Is this really such a bad thing? I have made, and am making, an active contribution to society and to my relationship, and I plan on doing that in my future."

Would you be OK if the situations and paychecks were reversed?

"There will be another moment in our lifetime where I will have to step up the game. He always says he's completely willing to be a stay-at-home dad. He’s always making sure my career path is still intact, even though we're living here. And I could go out and get a job making more than him. He looks at it like he expects me to make another contribution that’s larger than his, and for him to take a break, and for us to go back and forth. Having that as a plan for the future, in his head, helps him perceive our relationship differently than, 'I’m the sole breadwinner and I have to take care of her.' It’s more like, 'This is for us.'"

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity. This is part one of a series, Not A Trophy Wife, examining how women feel about money — especially when they make less than their partners.

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"The Path," by Michael Puett and Christine Gross-Loh, is not exactly a self-help book.

It's an outgrowth of a Harvard course that Puett teaches, "Classical Chinese Ethical and Political Theory," which is currently the third most popular at the university.

Still, the book is full of ancient wisdom and insights that can help you rethink the choices you make every day so that they lead to greater happiness and fulfillment.

One idea in particular stood out to me as quietly revolutionary. It's based on the teachings of Confucius, specifically the "Analects," which is a series of dialogues between Confucius and his disciples.

As Confucius says in the "Analects": "Overcoming the self and turning to ritual is how one becomes good."

The authors use a real-life example to illustrate what that sentence means for contemporary readers. They write that people in intimate relationships are constantly constructing new realities by telling "white lies"— chief among them, "I love you."

Surely, they say, couples who say "I love you" every day don't feel fully loving all the time (emphasis added):

But there is a greater good in nurturing the relationship through such rituals that let them break from reality and enter a space where it's as if they do love each other fully and at every moment. At the moment that they express their love in an as-if way, they are really doing it.

In other words, in a committed relationship, behaving in a way you don't think you feel isn't necessarily artifice.

Maybe you aren't enamored with the way your partner is scarfing down a bag of potato chips — and spilling them all over the couch — this second. But if, instead of rolling your eyes, you verbally express your affection, then you change the dynamic of the relationship and perhaps even reignite those positive feelings in yourself.

As for the idea that you're being disingenuous, the authors interpret Confucius' teachings to mean that the notion of a "true self," and accompanying true feelings, is itself misguided.

What we think of as our self is essentially the product of our behavior patterns. According to Confucius, we are how we act — and since there are many ways to act, we have many possible selves.

Breaking free of our rote behaviors, and replacing them with new "as-if" rituals, is a way of recreating our self.

"A Confucian approach would be to note your patterns and then work to actively shift them," the authors write. "Over time you internalize a more constructive way of acting in the world instead of being led by your undisciplined emotional reactions."

This approach is considerably easier than trying to remember all of the things you love about your partner or find something endearing about the chip crumbs on their T-shirt. Change your behavior, Confucius might say, act as if, and your feelings and role in the relationship will likely shift accordingly.

"Little by little," the authors write, "you develop parts of yourself you never knew existed, and you start becoming a better person."

SEE ALSO: 10 quotes from ancient philosophers show they figured life out 2,000 years ago

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NOW WATCH: Happy couples have these 3 things in common

Even if you're in the healthiest and most loving relationship, there are going to be little snags. That's where some good, old-fashioned, easy relationship hacks come in. These really don't have to be rocket science — they can be super easy things that take little effort on your part, but maximize the enjoyment you (and your partner) wind up having in your relationship.

Think of how much it means to you when your partner does something small and special for you. This is the kind of thing I'm talking about. No grand gestures (though those are nice sometimes); this kind of relationship hack is all about simplicity, gentleness and kindness. Of course, it would be nice if we were all super on top of our game all of the time, but that just isn't life — sometimes we need some good reminders or ideas of things to do for our partners that will make them feel special. That's the great thing about a relationship hack: They're the kind of things that chop through our egos and just get to the meat of being a good partner. Though lots of relationship hack suggestions are more involved and require perhaps a bit more work, these nine ideas are all things you can do right now, today, this evening, to create a happier, healthier, more harmonious dynamic between you and your partner.

1. Watch The First Thing Someone Suggests

This is a fun game: Instead of endlessly browsing the TV or on your computer, just agree to the first show, movie, or documentary your partner suggests. It'll probably come as a shock, but it will certainly be appreciated — and you'll probably really enjoy it. You can always take turns doing this, which will allow for much less time spent scrolling movies and TV and much more time watching (and snuggling).

2. Don't Keep Tabs

It's practically impossible to go tit for tat on every little thing in a relationship — but in the end, it always winds up pretty fair. If you keep tabs on every little thing you pay for or every little thing you do, you'll end up resenting each other.

3. Random Acts Of Kindness...

...are the best.

In the best-case scenario, you go on a first date with someone, and you hit it off. The chemistry is off the charts, and you're never at a loss for what to talk about.

Sometimes (okay, most of the time), though, first dates aren't smooth sailing. That doesn't always mean you're incompatible — just that we are humans, and dating can be awkward. It can be hard to figure out what to ask without making it seem like you're interrogating your date. After all, the key to a good date is relaxed conversation, and the last thing you want is to recreate the beginning of this scene from The Holiday, in which Cameron Diaz essentially makes Jude Law's palms sweat from her interview-like first-date demeanor.

But whether you're trying to fill an awkward silence or just trying to get to know your date better, we have you covered. We sent out an anonymous survey to get people's best, most creative first-date questions. Ahead are the ones that stood out to us most. Check them out, and if you want, leave a comment with some of your own go-to conversation-starters.

What do you like to do when you're not working?

"I feel like living in NYC, everyone is pretty much married to their jobs, but even if you really love what you do, you've gotta have a life outside of that."

What kind of music do you listen to?

"Ask anyone who knows me: Music is the biggest part of my life. I love being able to share that with someone. If we don't [already] have any favorite artists in common, [introducing them to new stuff] can be a really great way to get to know each other."

Describe yourself in one word.

"It sounds really interview-y, so I only pull this one out when the conversation is dying and I'm trying to revive it."

You might think Silicon Valley's tech entrepreneurs and executives at companies like Google would use online dating to find a partner. But instead, many of them turn to professional matchmaking services to find love.

"They weren't the popular kids at school," said Charlee Brotherton, the founder and CEO of Executive Matchmakers, a matchmaking consultancy based in Redwood City, in northern California, that helps men working in business and tech companies meet women.

"They weren't the jocks at college and they weren't picking up girls all the time," Brotherton ;said, referring to her clients. "So romance is a new experience for a lot of them."

Brotherton, who comes from a family of entrepreneurs, has launched 23 separate matchmaking agencies since leaving her job as an accountant in 1999. She started Executive Matchmakers with dating consultant Megan Buquen, who is now the company's Vice President, in May 2016.

So far, the four-month-old company has helped executives at companies such as Google and Facebook — and even former politicians — find a partner.

For a fee of $20,000 (£15,300), Brotherton and Buquen arrange 24 first dates for each client over a two-year period. "It doesn't take them that long usually, though," Brotherton said. "They've normally found someone they like after a few dates."

To find a suitable match for its clients, Executive Matchmakers draws from a large database of single women registered with other matchmaking services, as well as from its own database of eligible women.

Brotherton also recruits Personal Scouts, who help to build the firm's database of single women through partnerships with other matchmaking networks.

The company boasts that around 90% of its clients end up in happy, long-term relationships. To maintain this high standard, Brotherton and Buquen meet their clients in person to make sure that they are serious about finding a partner and open to the firm's coaching sessions before taking them on. "We try not to work with clients who we can't do the job for," Brotherton said.

"We work with with the most interesting people," Buquen said. The firm's clients are a mix of executives, entrepreneurs and high net-worth individuals from a range of industries and social backgrounds. "We’re diving into the most intimate parts of their life and... helping them on a level that changes their lives."

To find a match for a client, Brotherton and Buquen like to know what his lifestyle is like and what he's looking for in a partner.

The matchmakers said that executives in Silicon Valley are turning to introduction agencies over online dating because of a lack of confidence.

"They understand business and they understand technology. They've become rock stars overnight," Brotherton said. "But now they’re open to finding love which is a new world to them a lot of the time." She added that their lack of experience with dating means that some of her clients are very shy around women.

"They can assume things about their date or talk about the wrong things," Buquen said. The matchmakers advise their clients to avoid talking about previous relationships and politics on a first date, and help them choose a venue to set the right tone.

Brotherton said that their main job is to "help them build their self-esteem. We help them arrange the date, talk to them beforehand and right after. We're like their cheerleaders."

Though many of Executive Matchmakers' tech clients are the new "rock stars," Buquen said they "don't just want arm candy."

"They want to meet their equal. They don't necessarily want someone who works in tech, but an understanding of it is a plus because it's something they're passionate about."

The matchmakers said that many of their successful clients are looking for an intellectual partner, and some have asked for specific university qualifications, but the most important thing to them is shared values.

"We mostly match them on their lifestyle compatibility and their interests," Brotherton said. "They want someone they can connect with intellectually, spiritually, and on all levels."

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Even if you get along with your boss, your relationship is most likely not always going to be sunshine and flowers. Tension has a way of arising in any office relationship — especially if you're both passionate about your work. 

However, most of the time, those conflicts are temporary and relatively minor. 

But what if your boss really just doesn't like you? Some managers are obvious about which workers they're not crazy about. But others are more subtle.

How can you tell if you're permanently on the outs?

Ceros CEO and founder Simon Berg notes that if your boss stops being open with you, that's a bad sign.

There are a few ways this can happen. For example, your boss may stop joking around with you and suddenly becomes all business, all the time. Or, they may stop sharing important information with you or inviting you to team meetings. 

If you notice that your boss is fairly open with your colleagues, but seems closed off in his or her interactions with you, there's a good chance they don't like you.

"If there's a personality conflict between you and your boss, the best solution is usually to part ways," Berg says. "While it's possible to adjust certain behaviors that may annoy your boss, you can't change who you are — nor should you."

SEE ALSO: A CEO says this is the No. 1 sign your boss is impressed with you

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Psychologists have suspected for a while now that money changes the way people act toward others.

Studies have found, for example, that wealthier people are less compassionate and more likely to check out during social interactions.

Recently, a pair of researchers at Emory University and the University of Minnesota set out to extend these findings by measuring the relationship between how much money you have and how social you are.

They found that the wealthier you are, the less time you spend socializing.

For the study, cited on Vox, the researchers looked at two huge sets of data: Nearly 30,000 respondents from the General Social Survey, which has been administered to American adults once or twice a year since 1972, and nearly 90,000 people who responded to the American Time Use Survey between 2002 and 2011.

Surveys asked people to indicate their household income as well as how often they spent time with relatives, neighbors, and friends.

The researchers controlled for factors like living arrangements and childcare so as to make sure, for example, that lower-income people didn't spend more time with relatives and neighbors simply because they didn't have the funds to afford their own house or a babysitter.

Results indicated that people with higher incomes spent fewer total evenings socializing and a smaller portion of their day with others.

Specifically, the General Social Survey showed that people with high incomes (defined as about $125,000) spent about 217 evenings socializing a year, compared to about 223 evenings for people with low incomes (defined as about $40,000).

Meanwhile, the American Time Use survey showed that people with high incomes (defined as about $105,000) spent about 10 minutes more alone a day than people with low incomes (defined as about $12,000).

Interestingly, when the researchers broke it down by social category, they found that even though higher-income people spent less time with relatives and neighbors, they spent more time with friends.

It's impossible to say for sure why richer people spend less time with family and neighbors, but the researchers behind the study have some ideas.

As study coauthor Emily Bianchi told Vox, some of us can now pay for things that we used to rely on family and neighbors for. Think a home-alarm system instead of having a neighbor or relative look after your home while you're away, for example.

Bianchi also told Vox that as Americans get wealthier, we could see more "individualization." In other words, people may end up interacting less with others and become less involved in their communities.

There are two caveats to keep in mind here. First, the researchers acknowledge that they can't necessarily prove that high incomes cause people to spend less time with others — only that the two are linked.

Second, it's important to note that the surveys don't measure loneliness— which can be very different from spending a lot of time alone. So these findings don't necessarily imply that you're doomed to misery once you make a lot of money.

At the same time, it's worth keeping these findings in mind as your wealth increases. If spending time with family and neighbors is something you value highly, you can be proactive about making sure those connections don't weaken over time.

SEE ALSO: A doctor's 4 psychology-backed tips to combat loneliness

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NOW WATCH: Psychiatrist Reveals 5 Ways To Have Healthy And Meaningful Relationships

Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist and author of "Anatomy of Love," says heartbreak has physiological effects on our minds and bodies. There's a scientific reason it hurts so much.

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Dr. Bat Sheva Marcus, the clinical director of Maze Women's Sexual health, reveals why successful people tend to have more sex than others.

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A New York City couple's perfect wedding day got even more perfect when actor Tom Hanks crashed their Central Park photo session.

Bride and groom Elisabeth and Ryan (who have asked to be identified only by their first names) were posing for their photographer, Meg Miller, near the park's reservoir. Hanks happened to be jogging by, but slowed down and approached the couple without warning or fanfare. 

"He took off his hat and sunglasses and just leaned right in and said, like, 'Hi, I'm Tom Hanks,'" Miller told INSIDER. "He offered to do the ceremony for them; he said he was an officiant." (It's true: the Associated Press reports that he became an ordained minister last year in order to officiate the wedding of actress Allison Williams.)

"He asked them their names and he liked Elisabeth's name 'cause that's his daughter's name," Miller added. "We were all in shock." 

Luckily, Miller acted quickly to capture the moment.

"At that point I knew, the couple is going to definitely need this in their wedding album," she said. "I don't think I've ever photographed so quickly. I was just praying my [camera] settings were right."

Finally, Miller recalled, Hanks posed for a selfie, asked for the bride and groom's names one more time, and jogged off into the distance like nothing ever happened. 

This isn't the first time Hanks has wedding crashed: In 2008, while filming "Angels & Demons" in Italy, he personally escorted a bride to the church, People reported. 

Later, Hanks tweeted that very selfie with a sweet note to the couple:

Forget china and waffle irons — this is the greatest wedding gift of all. 

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How can you make a relationship last? Ask the people who've been in love since their teenage years.

We interviewed 11 couples who met in high school and asked them all the same question: What's made your relationship work so well for so long? 

Here's some of the advice that cropped up again and again.

Make time for each other.

"Continue to date each other and don't get stuck in the monotony of life. It's crucial to go on dates and be spontaneous with one another," Danielle Weibert, 31, who's married to her high school boyfriend James, 30, told INSIDER. 

High school sweethearts David and Lynda Olson, 76 and 77 respectively, still make a point of scheduling dates.

"Even today, Wednesday evening for us is reserved for dinner and a movie as best as we can manage," the couple said. 

But not too much time.

Spending some time away from your partner can be a good thing, too.

"Because we went to college so far apart, we grew up separately but never grew apart," Kirsten, 26, who's engaged her high school sweetheart Andrew, 27, told INSIDER. (For privacy reasons, Kirsten and Andrew asked that we use only their first names.)

"It gave us the opportunity to make our own friends, navigate adulthood, and learn independence," she went on. "We still try to encourage independence and growth. We don't feel guilty about doing things on our own."

Judy and John Caras, who've been together since their freshman year in 1971 (that's 45 years total!), echoed this sentiment.

"Many couples resent the time their spouse may have away from them. We have always encouraged and supported each other to get out more," Judy said. "If John wanted an weekend either golfing or fishing with his friends or I wanted a weekend away with the girls, it was viewed as a good thing and healthy for our relationship."

Communicate when it matters — but let the little things go.

No surprise here: The bedrock of a long-lasting relationship is open communication. And that doesn't mean nodding along while your partner talks, waiting for the first available moment to interject — it means really slowing down to hear what he or she is saying.

That's how Kim and Doug Heaton, both 53, make their marriage work.

"The best habit to keep a relationship long-lasting is a solid, open, and respectful communication line," they told INSIDER. "You must speak out on what you don’t like as well as what you do like and listen to one another. Sometimes this requires a little time to think about what the other one wants."

Other couples said there's value in knowing when to hold your tongue. 

"Obviously open communication in important, but at the same time, so is knowing when not to say something," said Haley Venditti, 27, who met her husband Jack (also 27) when they were both in middle school. "There are so many little things you could blow up and argue about, but sometimes you're better off just not saying anything."

How can you tell if your partner is the person you want to be with for the rest of your life, if you're into that kind of thing? Or, to rephrase, how do you know if someone is "The One"? Not everyone is crazy about that term — some argue that relationships should be more fluid, and that we might have multiple "Ones" in our lifetime. "As a relationship counselor, I’m one who does not believe in 'The One,'” marriage counselor Jessica Wade tells Bustle. "Many partners can be compatible options, and I think any couple willing to mutually put in the work to keep it healthy for both partners can have an amazingly enjoyable relationship."

Dawn Maslar, aka “the Love Biologist,” also isn't a fan of the phrase. "We're living much longer lives and we grow and change,"she tells Bustle. "'The One' in our twenties may not be 'The One' in our sixties," she says. "If you believe you found 'The One' and it doesn't work out, don't worry, you'll find 'another One.'" Phew! That is a great outlook, and helpful to anyone who has had or will someday have that experience.

But our purposes herein, let's say "The One" refers to a partner with whom you want to be for the long haul. And, it should be added, that person feels the same way about you. I asked some illustrious love and relationship experts how exactly they would advise you to discern whether or not you've found "The One" at last, and their answers struck me as being truly beautiful and poignant. In short, you know when you know, but there are tons of little things you can tune into if you're in a place where you'd like to ascertain whether you want to continue to move forward with this person, and whether you really think there is a future for you and your boo. Here are 11 ways to figure out if your partner is "The One" or not.

1. You Like The Person You Are When Your Partner Is Near

"It's really not about them, as it is about you,"life coach Kali Rogers tells Bustle. "It's all about what kind of person you are, become, and feel like when you're in their presence." How do you feel when they're near? Does your anxiety go up, or down? "Love can sometimes bring out our insecurities, and while it might feel good in the moment, it's not a good long term setup," Rogers says. "Love should bring forth confidence and security."

Pay attention to how you feel, and "when you're wondering about whether they are "The One," ask yourself instead, 'Am I the version of myself I want to be for the rest of my life right now?' That's the best way to tell," she says. So smart!

2. You Can Live With The 3 Things About Your Partner That Bother You The Most

"Everyone has an inner voice," Boston-based clinical psychologist Bobbi Wegner tells Bustle. "Follow it. Pay attention to the immediate feelings you have when you think of the person." Those feelings will lead you to the answer to this question.

"Next, realistically name the three things about the person that bother you, and expect that those will remain." Whoa — mind. blown. This is such a good suggestion! "If the feelings are there and you can live with those three bothersome traits, that is a good sign."

3. You're At Peace With Who They Are

"The person we dedicate energy to is The One for us,"zen psychotherapist and neuromarketing strategist Michele Paiva tells Bustle. Very zen. "If you find that it is easy for you to dedicate energy to their trials and tribulations and can be at peace with them as they are, then you might be with 'The One,' for sure." Just like Wegner, Paiva points out that you have to be able to accept your partner for who they are — with all of their great qualities andeverything that you perceive to be bad. If so, you're certainly in a great partnership.

Old-world customs are quickly falling out of favor in Japan.

Men and women no longer fall along typical gender lines of bread-winning and child-rearing. Instead, today's Japanese women are delaying marriage for their careers, while the country's bachelors are expected to lean into family life.

In 2010, the government launched the Ikumen Project, a campaign meant to teach single men the art of fatherhood and help them find wives. The name ikumen comes from a term coined by advertisers to describe men who take an active role in raising their children.

In a new workshop, put on by the Osaka-based company Ikumen University, men put on weight suits, change diapers on dolls, and learn what it takes to be a dad. Here's a look inside.

SEE ALSO: Japan's sex problem is setting up a 'demographic time bomb,' and it could be spreading

Fertility rates in Japan have been alarmingly low for years, primarily because people are losing interest in starting families.

Relationships may be in trouble, too. A new survey of people 18 to 34 years old found almost 70% of unmarried men and 60% of unmarried women aren't in a romantic relationship. 

Ikumen University wants to encourage men to re-enter the dating pool by showing them how rewarding fatherhood can be.

"I wanted to create a form of certification proving a man's child-rearing skills and support for married life," course instructor Takeshi Akiyama told Reuters.

The all-male course includes instruction on bathing and changing babies, and provides a simulation of what life is like as a pregnant woman.

Akiyama wants to help men offer a new perspective on adulthood and give them a leg up when searching for a partner.

"Matchmaking agencies can advertise such men as having 'extra value,' by letting potential partners know he will support the marriage," he told Reuters.

In Japanese, the term "ikumen" refers to men who participate in child-rearing activities — a relatively new concept in the country.

In 2010, when Japan launched the Ikumen Project, four fathers were selected as "the stars of ikumen."

They were heralded as role models of the way men should play with their kids and teach them valuable skills like reading and writing.

The Health, Labor, and Welfare Ministry also set up a page on the Ikumen Project website for declarations from ikumen about the joys of fatherhood.

Love and work — who knew that the two were so intimately connected? Based on research by Bloomberg Business, it turns out that your job could help you predict who you'll end up marrying.

By scanning US Census Bureau data covering 3.5 million households, Bloomberg compiled this interactive chart that shows how people are pairing up by profession.

Here are the most common matchups for 27 jobs:

SEE ALSO: A flight attendant explains how to make relationships work when you're away from home for days at a time

DON'T MISS: 7 ways being married influences your success

Elementary- and middle-school teachers

Female elementary-school teachers are most likely to marry male or female elementary- and middle-school teachers.

Male elementary-school teachers are most likely to marry female elementary- and middle-school teachers or male education administrators.

Financial analysts

Female financial analysts are most likely to marry male financial managers or female retail salespeople.

Male financial analysts are most likely to marry female elementary- and middle-school teachers or male operations research analysts.

Flight attendants

Female flight attendants are most likely to marry male managers or female flight attendants.

Male flight attendants are most likely to marry female flight attendants or male elementary- and middle-school teachers.

Earlier this year, we surveyed 656 millennial women to see how they feel about splitting the check on dates. As we started to look deeper into the numbers, however, another talking point came up — how much women make in comparison with their partners. Of the straight women surveyed, 55% of those coupled off had lower salaries than their respective partners. Only 24% of the straight women reported that they earned more than their significant others.

Even more interesting? More women were making significantly less than their partners. When we broke down the pay disparity, 31% of the women in the first group were making $75,000 or less than their partners a year. Of the latter group, only 5% percent of the women were making significantly more.

We decided to talk to a few of the women who make strikingly smaller salaries than their partners, and find out the stories behind the numbers. First up, an interview with a money diarist in Shanghai, a 22-year-old who earns $36,000 compared to her husband's $240,000. 

How did you and your husband meet?

"We've been married for a little over a year, but we met when I was in high school, and he was in college. There is a five-year difference between us. In college, we started talking about what the future would hold for us. At the time, I was doing significantly better in school than he had done, and he had dropped out of college to take a job. Meanwhile I was planning to get a master's and PhD, so we kind of assumed I would be the one making more in the relationship." 

So what happened once you graduated?

"I founded a startup, and that company sold for $600,000 after everything went through. My takeaway from that was $300,000. That's when I figured, this is the path I want to be on. I just really liked the startup environment."

How did you end up in Shanghai?

"My husband got an offer to go to China on an expat package — if he finished his degree. So he finished his degree, and I got a job here for six months. The job gave me an offer to transfer to San Francisco, but it made more sense for me to stay. It just wasn't worth being apart. I went freelance, and even though I'm making the same amount as before, for some reason it feels weird. The flexible schedule is great, but physically being at home more changes things. Laundry goes off, I go take care of it."

How has going from being a primary breadwinner to being the secondary breadwinner affected you?

"It’s been really, really hard emotionally for the relationship. For me, I always wanted to be a strong, independent woman. But I was the only one to get married out of all my friends, and there's just a stereotype to my position — being here and technically making significantly less than my husband. It plays a lot on my ego. When we go out to eat, I feel extremely guilty about ordering a more expensive drink than my husband, or if I make a big purchase I feel like I have to ask him first. He’s never said anything or alluded to anything ever; he's always reminding me that I made a huge contribution, but I just feel guilty."

Do you think this has affected your husband, as well?

"When I was making more, we were perceived to be on his pay level and living a lower lifestyle, even [after I sold my startup]. Now that the roles have switched, we’re suddenly living the larger lifestyle. He perceives our wealth based on his paycheck, whereas I perceive it based on what we’re both bringing in. A lot of this has to do with my parents. My parents have been together their entire lives, and I grew up watching their spending dynamics. If one person brings in the money, it’s money for all of us. My husband, though, his parents were divorced before he was born, so the money was always separate." 

It seems like he feels less guilty about spending the money you two are earning. Why do you think you're dealing with guilt?

"I’ve thought about it a lot, and I feel like there’s a lot that goes into it. Is it because we should be feeling guilty about our finances? Should I be telling my husband to step back, too? But we save a lot; our finances are OK. So is it because I'm not getting paid as much as him? I don’t know. Maybe it's because our paycheck goes to the States and into bank accounts that my husband has a login for, so I’m not getting the emails or texts that show how much we do have. I have some access to it, but he’s keeping control of that."

How do you deal with the perceptions people may have about not earning as much as your husband?

"The dynamic for expats here is that the man has the expat contract and the wife is here, but she legally cannot work in the country. The wife ends up doing freelance work, selling pastries, crafts, blogging, something on that end. They're a little looked down upon. I am physically able to work here, and the freelance work I am doing is contracted, legal, paid work, but I still feel like I’m getting lumped in with all these other women.

"Part of me feels like I don’t want to be a part of that group, and then I think, Am I a bad person for not wanting to be part of that group? Because a lot of the wives were primary breadwinners at some point in their relationship. One of our closest friends, the wife used to be a CMO at a major fashion brand, and she moved here so her husband could have more flexible hours. He makes a little less now, but they have more time to be together. It’s interesting that we’re all seen as housewives, even though we all make an active contribution — and we all have made contributions to our relationships. It’s just not currently as significant as the person who has the expat package that provides the driver and the housing."

There were a few commenters in Money Diaries who wanted more context to your marriage, even hinting at some sort of trophy-wife status.

"I feel like if I read my diary, I would’ve been like, This is some gorgeous girl...who totally got lucky and married some rich guy, because that's how the diary comes off. We don’t talk about that stereotype, but sometimes I wonder, do people look at us and think, Why the hell did he pick her to marry? I find myself trying to fit into what a trophy wife 'should' be, even though literally a year ago I was making more than my husband. Like today, I was thinking about going to the gym, and thought, You know, I have a really rich husband. Is it expected of me to be beautiful?

It seems like you still have a conflicted relationship with being a woman who makes less than her husband.

"If you asked me a year ago, I would have said there’s nothing wrong with putting trophy wives down. I would’ve been one of the haters toward them. A year ago, I made fun of my sister-in-law who is a stay-at-home mom, but I feel completely different now. I have mixed emotions seeing myself as what some people could consider a trophy wife. In conversations, I don’t want to represent myself as one, but I’m looking at my situation, and I’m thinking, Is this really such a bad thing? I have made, and am making, an active contribution to society and to my relationship, and I plan on doing that in my future."

Would you be OK if the situations and paychecks were reversed?

"There will be another moment in our lifetime where I will have to step up the game. He always says he's completely willing to be a stay-at-home dad. He’s always making sure my career path is still intact, even though we're living here. And I could go out and get a job making more than him. He looks at it like he expects me to make another contribution that’s larger than his, and for him to take a break, and for us to go back and forth. Having that as a plan for the future, in his head, helps him perceive our relationship differently than, 'I’m the sole breadwinner and I have to take care of her.' It’s more like, 'This is for us.'"

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity. This is part one of a series, Not A Trophy Wife, examining how women feel about money — especially when they make less than their partners.

Join the conversation about this story »

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Several months ago, we polled more than 500 women and found that when it came to dating, heterosexual women were oftentimes coupling off with partners who make significantly more money than them.

So we decided to start a series where we asked women with salaries much lower than their partners to share how they deal with money. In part two of our series, we interview Liz, a 30-year-old writer in Brooklyn with a salary of $80,000. Her boyfriend's salary? $160,000.

Tell me about your relationship. How long have you two been dating?

"I met my boyfriend about five years ago. We met on OkCupid and we've been living together for about a year."

How did the two of you handle money in the early stages of your relationship?

"Because of the way we met, we just split things. It wasn't like he asked me out and I said yes; we mutually went out. It never bothered me. In fact, I preferred it. Sometimes, he would treat me to dinner or I would treat him, but it felt very balanced."

Have things changed from the beginning?

"Well, when we first started dating, we were more on the same page, money-wise. It's changed a lot since then, especially in the last year or so. His salary has increased at a more rapid rate compared to mine."

Was there a moment when you realized, 'Oh, he's making much more than me'?

"I remember last Christmas, or two Christmases ago, our gifts to each other just started changing. He bought me a really nice bag and I think I bought him pajama pants. He was totally psyched about the pajama pants, but I felt so weird about having this bag that I couldn't afford to buy myself. It never bothered him — he was like, 'I have money, and I want to give you this thing' — but it bothered me a lot. I could feel the imbalance even then."

Can you talk about why it bothered you?

"I guess I'm just very aware of feeling like a kept woman, because I did survive on my own for a very, very long time. I moved to New York when I was 22, with $300, and I waitressed and interned full-time. I know how to do that, I've done it, and now I'm at a point where I don't have a low income, but still, compared to him, it's not as much."

How did you react to his increase in expendable income at first?

"It's hard if one person has enough money to live a certain lifestyle, and another person has money for a different kind of lifestyle. Like when he ordered Seamless, I wasn't going to be sitting next to him on the couch eating instant ramen. And if he wanted to go out to dinner, it was hard for me to say, 'I can't go out to dinner.' So it was easier to hide it, go out, and then when I was alone, eat eggs for dinner. I didn't want him to know that I couldn't afford it.

"So when he first started making a lot more money than I did, I opened a credit card, because I wanted so badly to not rely on him pay for stuff. I racked up a bunch of debt, like, $2,000, and I ended up just cutting it up. I paid it off, but I think I needed a bit of reality check."

Have you two started talking about it more or being more transparent about when you can afford something?

"I've gotten a lot more comfortable with it, and I think he understands my feelings better now, the fact that I need to pay for things sometimes. When we go on vacation, he'll ask me what I can afford. If he buys the plane tickets, I'll pay for the dinners, so it feels like I'm contributing. I'm not saying I accept gifts all the time, but if he does offer to pick up the check, when I can't afford to split it, I let him do that. But I would never accept money from him. If I had a dentist bill, which I need to split up into payments, I would never let him pay for that."

What about if you get married?

"That's something I've thought about. I think it would just depend on if we merge our finances or not. Because then, it would all feel the same, I guess. Hopefully, I just make a lot more money. I've found myself taking on more and more freelance work; it's not a bad thing, because it's what I enjoy doing. But I feel like I wouldn't run after opportunities that involve making more money if it weren't for the fact that he's chasing it, too."

How do you two handle paying for things now?

"For rent, I pay a little bit less than him. He pays for utilities, but I usually pay for the groceries. If we go out to dinner, we'll usually split it. Or say we do dinner and drinks, I'll pick up drinks and he'll pick up dinner. Big purchases, he generally pays for — if we go to a wedding, the hotel, flight, wedding gift, that kind of stuff. Things that would significantly hurt the way I spend money throughout the month. By now, it's almost an unspoken thing for us, where he can sense if I don't have a lot of money, but it's still something I think about a lot more than he does."

Have other things changed since you moved in together?

"Our lives are so intertwined now. I do things for him that aren't financial, but are on the same level. Like, I'll cook and he cleans, or vice versa. If you take away the stigma of money, it's just about supporting each other in different ways. And now, we're a lot better at communicating about it. Like if he wants to go someplace for dinner and I get the sense it's racking up, it's his decision. Sometimes, we'll still go out, or sometimes he'll say, 'Let's go home.'"

What about spending habits? I find that I buy more expensive foods from the grocery store when I'm cooking for two.

"I know. I think I had avocado toast for dinner at least three nights a week when I lived alone. But once, I made him avocado toast and he was like, 'This isn’t dinner.'"

This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity. This is part two of a series, Not A Trophy Wife, examining how women feel about money — especially when they make less than their partners.

Check out more Money Diaries on Refinery29!

Join the conversation about this story »

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