We looked at a handful of studies from universities and scientists from around the world and the results are in. These five things will make you appear more attractive to others.

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Scientists seem to love studying sex. Whether its to find out when it was invented, why people are having it, and how much they should be having. A recent study in the British Journal of Psychology looked at personality traits of people having sex, to find out if certain personalities had more sex than others.

Produced by Darren Weaver. Original reporting by Jessica Orwig.

Sources: British Journal of Psychology, Science of Us

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It's easy to look at a couple and see if they have chemistry or not. It's often harder to look inside your own relationship to see if that chemistry is there. Couples therapist and "Mating in Captivity" author Esther Perel explains five things you should have in common with your partner to ensure a happy and thriving relationship.

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Most of us remember high school as a pit of hormones, drama, and despair. But sometimes — just sometimes — it's the place where lasting partnerships first begin to blossom. 

Nobody expects high school relationships to last (and plenty of parents actively hope that they don't). But the truth is that many high school sweethearts stay together, happily in love, for decades. Sometimes you just know.

Meet 11 exceptional couples who met in high school and are still together:

Jack and Haley Venditti, both 27, first met in middle school and married in 2014.

"We're a lot more patient with each other now," Haley told INSIDER. "And overall, we've learned to be more respectful of each other."

Kim and Doug Heaton, both 53, went to a high school dance as friends. Later, they fell in love and married after they'd both graduated from college.

You already know the basics of solid relationships, like trust, respect, and good communication. But there's another crucial ingredient in successful partnerships that you may not know about.

It's called emotional intelligence, explains psychotherapist Dr. Deborah Sandella, and the more you have, the better off you and your partner will be.

Emotional intelligence (EI for short) is best explained as heightened awareness of your feelings moment to moment. Most people react immediately to physical sensations like pain, discomfort, or dizziness. An emotionally intelligent person, however, will also notice and react to their feelings with the same immediacy, rather than ignoring or burying them.

"EI means we are in touch with our feelings, can communicate with others about our feelings, and appreciate others’ feelings," Sandella told INSIDER. 

And that's really important when you're trying to form a relationship with another person. 

"When a couple’s combined emotional intelligence is higher, their relationship has more depth, less conflict, and fewer negative qualities — all making them more likely to stay together," Sandella said.

So how do you figure out your own level of EI? This simple quiz from Dr. Sandella can help. Sit down with your partner in a fun, informal setting (don't make it feel like an interrogation!) and ask each other these questions. Answer instinctually — don't think too much before you respond. 

1. On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the highest) how in touch are you with your feelings from moment to moment?

2. What is your favorite feeling? What is your scariest feeling? Why?

3. On a scale of 1 to 10  (10 being the highest), how lovable do you think you are?

4. On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the highest), how much do you allow yourself to receive help and support from others?

This series of questions does two things: First, it forces partners to be vulnerable with each other — and this kind of confessions can fosters greater intimacy.

"Vulnerability helps us to soften and feel more understanding," Sandella said. "We can start to have more empathy for the other person."

Second, it gives both partners an idea of how emotionally intelligent they are. The higher you score yourself on the three ratings questions, the higher your emotional intelligence. 

The good news is that both partners don't need to have high scores for a relationship to work. Sandella cited research that found couples with one emotionally intelligent partner are just as successful as couples with two emotionally intelligent partners. 

"It only takes one," she said. "The partner with high EI, over time, will teach the other person."

Plus, you can improve your own EI — here are seven practical ways to do it. 

Want a more fine-tuned reading of your EI? Dr. Sandella has an extended quiz you can take. 

SEE ALSO: The professor of one of the most popular classes at Harvard says 'I love you' is often a lie — and that's a good thing

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NOW WATCH: Four signs your relationship is headed toward its demise

I may write a lot about personal finance, but it wasn't until about eight years ago that I made my first wise, budget-driven decision — which also turned out to be the biggest regret of my life.

In 2008, my sister Cheryl asked me to go with her to Buenos Aires, Argentina, and I said no. My credit cards were maxed out and I had no savings, besides a little in my retirement accounts, which I knew not to tap for travel. Instead, I promised we would go on vacation together another time.

A little over a year later, my sister died at 35. My promise (and heart) broke. I will carry this regret as long as I will love her: forever.

And that is why I save. For the past five years, I have been socking away money into what I call my "no-regrets fund," which is earmarked for travel and any other fun stuff my loved ones might want to do. I never want finances to be the reason I have to say no again.

Here's what I'm doing to make that a reality.

1. I have a budget.

You can't know where to trim your spending and how much you can save if you don't know where your money is going. My finances have fluctuated since I started budgeting, but having a plan in place has provided a great starting point and made it easier to figure out how my no-regrets fund fits into my overall goals.

Right now I'm putting about 20% of my income toward a variety of savings priorities in addition to the no-regrets fund, including my emergency account, retirement, and my kids' college fund.

Happily, my retirement and kids' college savings are on track; less happily, I have recently drawn down my emergency account and zeroed out my no-regrets fund (more on that in a bit). So I'm rebuilding my emergency fund to three months' worth of expenses, at which point I will resume divvying up my dollars more evenly.

2. I cut big costs.

My biggest expenses are the same as a lot of people with kids: housing and childcare. To minimize both and save more, I have made some compromises.

When my husband and I bought our first house, we would have loved to stay closer to the main hubs of D.C. But instead we focused our search outside the Beltway, where prices were much lower. Ultimately we found a home that demanded just about 20% of our household income — an amazing feat (if I do say so myself) in a metro area where plenty of people spend more than half their pay on rent. Having the extra breathing room in our budget let us continue to live comfortably and save at the same time.

As for childcare, when our daughter was first born, we (OK, I) got sucked into the highly competitive sport of child rearing. We enrolled her in a variety of classes and activities and hired a part-time nanny, who I insisted teach her Tagalog (the national language of the Philippines, which is where my parents are from). At 2 years old, we sent her to the best Montessori school in the area even though it cost more than other options.

Then we had a second baby. He went to far fewer activities and did not have a nanny. For a few months he went to a great daycare that came with a reasonable price — until my dad retired, and my parents offered to watch him free. They even teach him Tagalog. And guess what? They're both amazing children.

When we moved to New Jersey last fall, we found a new school for our daughter that costs less than half her old tuition. It doesn't have a name-brand philosophy, but her teachers are attentive and caring, and she's learning, active, and happy. That's really all we need.

The extra cash goes straight into savings each month — split evenly between my emergency and no-regrets funds.

3. I make more.

As they say, the best way to save more is to make more— and fortunately, my income has grown substantially since my entry-level-salary days of 2008. With the Great Recession in full swing, it wasn't a steady march up the pay scale. But I worked hard, jumped at new opportunities and asked for raises when I felt I had earned them.

Whenever possible or necessary, I have also picked up extra money on the side, periodically selling old CDs, videos, DVDs, books, and clothes. I babysat. But mostly I freelanced. Lucky for me, I love to write. Before I had kids, I never minded doing extra assignments for more dough after putting in eight hours at my day job. Today, freelancing is my main gig, and I still take on as much work as possible to maximize my income — which has more than doubled in the past eight years.

4. I remember my priorities.

I used to have a serious shopping problem. I would frequently buy nice clothes and shoes that I would rarely wear, music and movies I had never heard of or seen before, and even furniture that didn't really fit in my apartment.

But now I resist all that (still-tempting) stuff by reminding myself that things aren't more important than adding to my no-regrets fund. When I do feel the need to go fancy, like for a big holiday party, I rent the dress. I satisfy my love of movies and music with affordable streaming subscriptions. And through many moves, I have kept the same furniture I bought all those years ago.

Changing my spending habits in these ways has saved me from continuously maxed-out credit cards and the monstrous interest payments they used to accrue. Instead I am able to save for the things that matter — without feeling as if I am depriving myself at all.

In fact, this summer, my family — including my parents and my eldest sister and her family — and I are going on a nice, tropical vacation for the first time ever. It is not a cheap trip, and it is the first time I have completely drained my no-regrets fund. But, hey, that's what it's for — so I can afford to say yes.

SEE ALSO: Renting everything from a car to clothing saved me $5,000 in a year

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NOW WATCH: Samsung now says it's too dangerous to even turn on your Galaxy Note 7

October 3 is Barack and Michelle Obama's wedding anniversary — and today, the first couple has been married for 24 years. 

So how do they do it? By loving and respecting one another.

The Obamas have come a long way since they first met at a Chicago law firm, where Michelle was already a practicing lawyer and Barack was a summer associate.

And the couple has maintained a strong relationship despite the life-changing transition from Chicago to the White House. In fact, the Obamas are often photographed or caught on video displaying affection — and every time they're interviewed about their relationship, they never fail to produce adorable quotes about each other.

But in one interview — on a 2011 episode of the Oprah Winfrey show— Michelle got the chance to explain exactly why she and Barack have had long-term success in their marriage.

Oprah began with a simple question: "What do you know for sure about marriage, being married now 18 years?"

Here's how Michelle answered:

It has to be a true partnership, and you have to really, really like and respect the person you're married to because it is a hard road. I mean, that's what I tell young couples. Don't expect it to be easy, melding two lives and trying to raise others, and doing it forever. I mean that's a recipe made for disaster, so there are highs and lows. But if in the end you can look him in the eye and say, "I like you."

The Obamas aren't just in love — they genuinely like each and respect each other. (For what it's worth: Respecting your partner is also a secret of couples who've been together since high school.)

"I stopped believing in love at first sight," Michelle continued. "I think you go through that wonderful love stage, but when it gets hard, you need a little bit more."

That "more" is liking your partner in addition to loving your partner. And when you see photos of the Obamas interacting, it's clear that they're doing both.

In that same Oprah episode, Barack also elaborated on his relationship with the First Lady. 

"Obviously I couldn't have done anything that I've done without Michelle... not only has she been a great first lady, she is just my rock," he said. "I count on her in so many ways every single day."

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NOW WATCH: Here's what it's like to have a drink with President Obama

It’s date night at the Museum of Broken Relationships in Hollywood, and Patrick and I are poring over the museum’s collection, reading the stories attached to each artifact with lurid fascination. There’s an awkward vibe of sexual tension among our fellow museum-goers. With linked arms or hands cupped over their mouths to suppress a giggle, most of them are probably wondering if they’ll get laid afterward.

“You can get some great gift ideas here,” Patrick jokes as we snake our way through the clusters of couples. Patrick and I aren’t on a date — not in a romantic sense. That’s because we’re exes.

Patrick is one of my favorite people. But when we broke up six years ago, we were mired in a jumble of frustration and anger. At the time, our relationship simply lacked momentum.

The original permanent museum was founded by a Croatian ex-couple who were trying to give new purpose to objects that were significant during their relationship. After touring internationally, the museum put down roots with a permanent location in Zagreb in 2010.

The second permanent location opened its doors in Los Angeles during this past May. And when one walks through the exhibit, what could easily be mistaken for a collection of quaint curios is transformed into a hall of horrors for the heartbroken.

If placed in an everyday context, many of the pieces in the exhibit’s collection are mundane and ordinary at best: a jar of pickles, a nearly used-up tube of toothpaste, an engraved Zippo lighter. But placed under acrylic cases with stories on card stock, along with the location and time frame of the relationship, they’re painful reminders of infidelity, ugly breakups, unrequited love, remorse and plain ol’ fucked-up situations.

With Wedding Dress in a Jar, what looks like a dense wad of napkins stuffed in a jar turns out to be the result of a scorned wife who could not bear to see someone else wear her dress, so she crammed the entire thing into an empty pickle jar.

Fake Breast — a pair of sculpted breasts — was bequeathed to the museum by a wife who was made to wear them because, well, they were larger than hers and turned her husband on.

Blue Jeans is a pair of tattered jeans representing a husband who suffered brain damage as the result of a motorcycle accident.

It seemed a bit perverse to glean such intimate deals of an unknown person’s life. But it was comforting to know that these items were donated anonymously, given away in the name of art and novelty, and in an effort to forget. It’s comparable to the ceremonial cleansing of bad spirits with sage.

I thought about the box I kept in my bedroom closet with stuff from past relationships. I’ve never been very sentimental, but after a breakup, I do allow myself to keep a couple of items and discard the rest. As I was going through the stack of cards, handwritten notes, music mixes and plushies, I realized that my romantic history seems pretty mundane.

But of course, there are things that aren’t tangible and can’t be neatly contained in a box. How can we ritualistically erase memories of experiences? Unfortunately, the memory-erasure procedure in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind does not exist. And what about ephemera left strewn across the Internet? For instance, Patrick designed the logo for my blog, which I still use.

And in our digital age, do we ever fully close the door on someone? Whether they were casual encounters or long-term, serious partners, we remain connected to them on Facebook or spy on them by way of Instagram.

My reconnecting with Patrick had taken the form of a slow dance. We saw each other at mutual friends’ barbeques and at weddings. Earlier this year we started up weekly phone calls, during which we informally talk about money advice.

Our thoughts and feelings are fluid, and they change all the time. If we choose, the same can go for our relationships.

After agreeing that we could both use a breath of fresh air away from the crowded museum, Patrick and I headed out to the back patio. It was a brisk evening. While the patio was lit with dangling strands of lights, it was oddly dark for being in the heart of the bustling, touristy part of Hollywood. Fellow patio loafers looked like faint outlines in motion. A couple snuck up a staircase. We sat on the stairs, waxing philosophic. Maybe we were there as “just friends,” but isn’t friendship an awesome thing in and of itself?

It turns out that that same evening, several blocks away from where we were, Patrick’s friend fell off the roof of a three-story apartment building. After a series of futile surgeries, he passed away the day after. His friend had recently reconnected with an old flame, who was there with him during this tragic occurrence. After Patrick’s friend hit the pavement, the girl hurried to his side. She told him she loved him, and although he was immobile and didn’t speak, he looked at her as if he understood. When Patrick recounted this to me over the phone, I could tell he was crying. “At least he died knowing someone loved him.”

This piece originally appeared on The Bold Italic.

Jackie Lam is a freelance personal finance writer. She writes fiction and helps freelancers and artists with their money at Cheapsters.org.

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NOW WATCH: Turns out LA’s shade balls actually worked

Even the briefest lull in a conversation can prompt some people to wonder: "Am I boring?"

The honest answer is that you're probably perfectly fascinating — but you can always become more so. It's a question of collecting new skills, knowledge, and experiences and learning how to share them with others.

Over on Quora, dozens of people have answered the question, "How do I become a more interesting person?" with creative insights based on their own experience. We sifted through their responses and pinpointed the most practical advice.

Read on for ways to leave every social gathering feeling confident that you captured people's interest and won their admiration.

1. Develop new skills

Ensure that other people find you interesting by making yourself helpful in any situation. That's why Quora user Anthony N. Lee suggests learning as many useful skills as you can, from web design to sewing.

That way, you'll always be the go-to person, whether a friend needs to create a website for her new business or a blanket for her baby niece.

2. Be curious

One way to ensure that you're not interesting is by closing yourself off to differing opinions and viewpoints. Instead, you should actively seek out new ideas and experiences that will change the way you think and feel.

Sudhir Desai advocates being a "lifelong learner."He writes: "Keep an open mind, be curious. Allow for a complex world with multiple interpretations. Learn things to deepen and broaden your perspectives." 

3. Learn how to tell a good story

Maybe you've amassed a ton of information and experiences — but if you can't communicate them to other people, you're sunk.

That's why Marcus Geduld says you should learn how to be a storyteller: "You don't just dump whatever is on your mind into the conversation; you purposefully shape it to make it interesting. … Start thinking of your life as a gift you can give to others. Wrap it in the finest paper you can find."

Geduld says that means you need to learn how to read your audience to see how long they'll be able to pay attention and tease your listeners with clues to the end of the story. 

Interestingly, recent research found that men who can tell a good story are also seen as more attractive by women. The study authors say that's possibly because skilled storytellers may seem better positioned to influence others or gain authority.

4. Have three good stories ready to share

Knowing how to tell a story spontaneously is a handy skill — but if you're nervous about that, arm yourself with a few personal anecdotes you can use to liven up an otherwise dull interaction.

Writes Devesh: "Comedians don't just talk about anything when they're onstage. They have their act rehearsed. You don't just trot into a job interview and say whatever's on your mind. Always have three good stories on hand that reliably entertain, inform, or engage."

5. Listen and show compassion

A striking number of Quora users mentioned that one way to seem interesting is to be interested in others.

This idea was popularized by Dale Carnegie in his 1936 bestseller "How to Win Friends and Influence People."Carnegie wrote: "You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you."

Writes Quentin Hardy, deputy tech editor for The New York Times: "Listen carefully to others, and try with some compassion to understand their motives and actions. Few of us are really good at this. Everyone becomes nearly infinite in their experience of life, if we listen to them with enough imagination. Working that out grows ourselves. Wondering if you're wrong helps, too."

6. Ask good questions

At a party, you don't need to say much about yourself for people to believe you're interesting. Instead, engage them in deep conversation about their lifestyle.

"Ask thoughtful (not prying) questions, as needed, about them and their interests and priorities,"says Stephanie Vardavas. "Really listen to the answers. Follow up with more thoughtful discussion and necessary questions (again, not prying). By the end of the evening they will remember you as one of the most interesting people they ever met."

Don't be embarrassed to ask seemingly simple questions, either. As Evan Ratliff, a journalist who's written for publications including The New Yorker, told Fast Company: "There's typically no point in pretending you know something when you don't. As a reporter the goal is to gather information, not to impress your subjects. You'd think it would be different in business, but it's not."

By asking those simple questions, you may end up impressing your new acquaintances, anyway.

7. Say what you think

Kat Li says people who don't opine on or disagree with anything can be boring.

"You feel like you can't really ever have a conversation with them," she writes. "You should try to say what you really think about some things, even if other people won't like it."

8. Follow your interests

Instead of learning about a ton of dull topics just for the sake of being knowledgeable, pursue areas that you actually find stimulating. That way, you'll sound animated and engaging when describing them to other people.

"I don't think it's as much a matter of trying to be interesting as much as it is naturally following what you enjoy, being an avid student and collector of information that interests and excites you,"writes Renee Nay.

9. Read a lot

If you have the time and money to travel the world, great. But even if you don't, you can still learn about different cultures and historical periods by reading everything you can get your hands on.

Books, blogs, periodicals — expose yourself to as many new stories and ideas as possible.

Based on a review of the past decade of research on the psychological effects of reading fiction, Keith Oatley told The Washington Post: "People who read more fiction were better at empathy and understanding others."

"Read a lot — it opens up multiple new worlds to us,"says Chaitra Murlidhar.

10. Display a sense of humor

Awdesh Singh suggests developing a sense of humor in your interactions with others. "Learn to see the lighter side of the life," he writes, "and develop a habit to be happy even in your failings."

Bonus if you're trying to impress a date: Research suggests men who are funny are perceived by women as more attractive, possibly because they seem more intelligent.

11. Spend time with other interesting people

Singh adds that the company you keep influences your own personality. "If you are in the company of boring people, disgruntled people or serious people, you are likely to become like them very soon," he says. "The same is true when you have the company of interesting people."

Consider joining a Meetup or another group of people who are motivated to pursue their interests and passions.

12. Dig deep into one of your interests

You might be tempted to become a dabbler in many fields, developing a little bit of knowledge about everything. Instead, consider knowing a lot about one topic and flaunting your expertise in that area.

April Fonti says she finds people interesting when they "really pursue one thing with great intensity and depth over a long period of time. They could be very successful scientists or just quiet loners. It doesn't matter."

13. Take an improv class

Comedian Bill Connolly told Fast Company that practicing the art of improvisation can help improve your communication skills in daily life. One reason why is that it makes you a better listener, focusing on what the other person is saying instead of what you're going to say next.

Ken Gregg says:

"Even if you're shy and have no intention of ever performing publicly, comedy improv will loosen you up, help you 'think faster,' re-learn how to be playful (something most adults have lost), and make you feel more comfortable making a fool of yourself in front of other people (a life skill that comes in handy frequently). It can open you up and help you become more engaged when interacting with other people."

14. Run with a different crowd

Perhaps the real reason you don't feel interesting is because you're spending time with people who don't appreciate you. In that case, you should find a different community who understands how much you have to offer.

Writes Travis Biziorek: "Challenge yourself to meet new people, hang out with a different crowd, and experience people with different outlooks and views on life. I promise you'll find people that interest you and those that find you fascinating."

SEE ALSO: 17 psychological tricks to make people like you immediately

SEE ALSO: 10 habits of extremely boring people

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NOW WATCH: Fashion icon Nicole Miller reveals the keys to long-term success

People gain weight for a variety of reasons: genetics, illness, too much fried food, lack of exercise, and yes, the monster that is stress. Researchers have been warning us for years that chronic stress can lead to extra pounds on the scale. But according to a new study, it’s not just our own stress that can negatively impact our jean size—our partner’s stress may influence it, too. Womp womp.

For the study, researchers at the University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research followed 2,042 married individuals from 2006 to 2010 to explore how chronic stress and negative marriage quality might affect their waistlines. For the purposes of the study, “negative marital quality” was defined as the extent to which one’s partner is critical, disappointing, irritating, or demanding. On average, couples had been married for 34 years at the start of the study—which made the participants a markedly older crowd. But if you’re someone who plans on getting and staying married, or at least settling down with a long term partner, you should keep reading.

During the four years that the study took place, the researchers met with couples once every two years. At each meeting, they measured their waistlines, performed a physical assessment, and conducted face-to-face interviews. The couples also answered a slew of questions about their stress, their partner’s stress, and marital quality.

To measure stress, participants were asked about physical and emotional problems they were dealing with, drug or alcohol abuse, difficulties at work, financial strain, housing problems, and sick friends or family. To measure negative marital quality, couples answered questions about how often and to what extent their spouse criticized them, demanded too much of them, let them down, or got on their nerves. Fun day, right?

So what did the researchers find?

To begin with, they found that both genders endured significant stress over time and both genders saw their waist circumferences grow. For context, at the start of the study, 59% of husbands and 64% of wives were at an increased risk of obesity and disease, but by the end of the study, 66% of husbands and 70% of wives were at an increased risk of disease. Not only that, nearly 10% of participants increased their waistline by more than 10%, which is an average increase of four inches over four years.

But the point of the study was not to confirm that people gain weight during marriage—it was to figure out why. So what role did stress and marital quality play?

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NOW WATCH: The last harvest moon eclipse of the decade has come and gone — here’s what a harvest moon actually is

Dates in the future may not happen in coffee shops — instead, you might just sit in your living room with a virtual reality headset, according to a recent report from Imperial College London and eHarmony.

Released in late 2015, the report predicts how relationships will change over the next 25 years (and discusses how they've already changed in recent years) using eHarmony's user data; historical accounts; and interviews with anthropology, technology, and biomedicine experts. 

"People want to be matched — and ultimately form relationships with — like-minded people in the most efficient way possible," eHarmony's UK director Romain Betrand tells Business Insider. "What’s different is how people will go about it, redefined by advances in science and everyday consumer technology."

Here's how dating and relationships could look by 2040.

Dates in virtual reality.

Forget swiping right on Tinder — dates in VR could make things a whole lot easier.

In 2016, people have already popped the question in VR. By 2040, you may be able to hold someone's hand before you actually "meet" them IRL, according to the report.

With new VR technology, we might not only be able to see and hear other people, but touch and smell them too.

"Nobody would be really too far away to have a relationship with," Betrand says. "It would be like your partner is in the room with you when you want them around."

The ability to see how our partners feel.

In the future, we may be able to physically see a person's emotions, the report says.

New Deal Design, the designers behind Fitbit's trackers, are working to create a "tattoo" embedded under the skin that visualizes health and emotions.

When someone touches or feels something, the tattoo, called UnderSkin, will glow a personalized pattern. For example, when a person holds their partner's hand, the tattoo may glow in the shape of a pentagon to express love.

The designers believe they could build UnderSkin by 2021.

Relationships with robots.

When we're feeling introverted, we could one day turn to robots instead of humans.

Interacting with a robot, rather than a partner, could create less emotional pressure, says managing director of Silicon Valley Robotics Andrea Keay. By 2029, the report predicts we could have two soul mates: one human and one robot.

In an with Sophia Amoruso on the #Girlboss Radio podcast, Whitney Wolfe discussed the experiences that motivated her to found Bumble, a dating app through which women can ask out men — but not the other way around.

Wolfe told Amoruso why the app "really turns the rules on society's head":

"I can't tell you how many times in college I had a crush on a guy, or I thought a guy was cute, and I would text him, and my friends would be like, 'You just committed the ultimate sin.' Like, 'What have you done? You texted him first?'

"No thank you. … It's so outdated, and it's so needed for something to come in and say 'enough.'"

Wolfe's experience is hardly unusual. The dating website Match told Business Insider that straight women initiate only about 18% of emails between straight women and straight men on Match.

So what happens when women do break with tradition and make the first move?

According to the most recent "Singles in America" survey, for which Match questioned more than 5,000 singles (not just Match users), a whopping 90% of men said they're comfortable with a woman asking them out.

Of course, the men in the survey were answering hypothetically, and it's possible they were simply responding in a way that would make them sound enlightened.

But if you assume that most of these men were telling the truth, then there's a huge gap between the number of women who initiate dates and the number of men who would be totally open to it.

In fact, according to a recent OkCupid study, women on that site who make the first move can wind up with more attractive partners than women who wait for men to ask them out.

That's because women generally message men who are five points more attractive (as rated by OkCupid users) than they are, while they typically receive messages from men who are seven points less attractive.

There's no clear psychological reason why women don't initiate relationships with men more often. One potential explanation is evolutionary.

In a 2011 Psychology Today column, Michael Mills, a professor of psychology at Loyola Marymount University, proposed that when a woman asks out a man, it suggests that she'll do so again, with other men. That might make the man less inclined to believe she'd be a faithful partner — and research has found that men desire sexual fidelity in women.

But given the fact that 90% of the men survey respondents say they're comfortable being asked out by a woman, it may be more that women think men would see them negatively if they initiated a date ... which means everyone might be better off when a woman sends that text.

SEE ALSO: This mathematical theory explains how women can be more successful on dating sites

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NOW WATCH: Bumble founder: Men should stop putting these 4 things in their profiles

Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist and author of "Anatomy of Love," says people cheat for a variety of reasons. But, a few may not be what you were blaming.

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When reality TV dumpling Honey Boo Boo Child declared that "everybody's a little bit gay" three years ago, she was unknowingly taking a page out of sexologist Alfred Kinsey's book. His famous Kinsey scale, which identifies people's levels of same- or opposite-sex attraction with a number from zero to six (zero being exclusively straight, six being exclusively gay), has been a favorite cultural metric for measuring sexual orientation since it was created in 1948.

But even though asking someone where they fall on the Kinsey scale is now a common dating website opener, the Kinsey scale is far from an all-inclusive system. As Southern California man Langdon Parks recently realized, the scale fails to address other aspects of human sexuality, such as whether or not we even care about getting laid in the first place.

So Parks decided to develop a more comprehensive alternative: the Purple-Red Scale of Attraction, which he recently posted on /r/Asexuality. Like the Kinsey scale, the Purple-Red scale allows you to assign a number from zero to six to your level of same-sex or heterosexual attraction, but it also lets you label how you experience that attraction on a scale of A to F. A represents asexuality, or a total lack of interest in sex "besides friendship and/or aesthetic attraction," while F represents hypersexuality.

Pick your letter-number combo below:

Parks told Mic that he came up with the idea for the Purple-Red scale after learning about asexuality and realizing that he was a "heteroromantic asexual, or a B0 on the scale"— someone who is interested exclusively in romantic, nonsexual relationships with the opposite sex.

"I then thought, not only are there sexual and asexual people, [but] there are different kinds of sexual people as well," he said. "I thought of adding a second dimension to Kinsey's scale to represent different levels of attraction." (As for the color scheme, Parks opted for purple because of its designation as the official color of asexuality, while "'red-blooded' is a term often used to describe someone who is hypersexual.)

The scale represents all possible degrees of sexual attraction, from those who only want to have sex when they're in a relationship to those who are ready and rarin' to go pretty much whenever. For instance, if we use Sex and the City as an example, Carrie would likely be an E1, while the more prudish Charlotte is probably more of a D0 and uptight Miranda an E0. Our beloved bisexual, sex-crazed Samantha? Totally an F2.

Busting myths about sexual attraction

Back in 1978, Dr. Fritz Klein tried to update the scale to make it more inclusive of a wider range of sexual experiences, as well as sexual fantasies. His final product, the Klein Sexual Orientation Grid, came out a bit clunky, however, and was still based on the assumption that everyone using it was capable of experiencing sexual attraction in the first place.

Parks' Purple-Red Scale accounts for those who experience sexual attraction at different times in different contexts, as well as those who don't experience it at all. That's notable in part because although asexuality is not exactly rare — according to one estimate, approximately 1 in 100 people are asexual, though they might not self-identify as such — it's one of the most widelymisunderstood sexual orientations, with many people assuming that asexuals are just closeted gay people or too socially awkward to have sex.

But asexuality is a legitimate sexual orientation with many unique shades of its own. As the Huffington Post reported back in 2013, many asexual people don't just identify as asexual. For instance, they can also self-identify as "heteroromantic" (meaning they're interested in having exclusively romantic, nonsexual relationships with members of the opposite sex) or "demisexual" (meaning they're open to experiencing sexual attraction within the context of a strong emotional connection or committed relationship).

"Some people don't want to have sex in a relationship at all, and others view it as the whole point of the relationship," Parks told Mic. "Yet others typically start off having no feelings but build them up over time. Still others don't want sex for themselves, but are still willing to have it for other reasons," such as to procreate or make their partner happy.

That's why Parks' Purple-Red scale is so important: It acknowledges the shades of grey in sexual orientation and sexual interest. Both, he explained, are fluid and largely dependent on context.

Why do we need scales in the first place? While the Purple-Red scale is helpful in classifying sexual attraction, some people might argue that we don't need a cut-and-dry system for classifying our sexuality in the first place. If the burgeoning "label-free" movement of sexual fluidity is any indication, coming up with clinical labels like "E2" or "B0" might be purposeless or even counterproductive to achieving true sexual freedom.

But Parks believes that having a simple tool like the Purple-Red Attraction Scale can be useful, particularly as a way to improve communication in the dating world. "The scale was designed to provide a quick and easy way of scoring a person's view of relationships on forums and dating sites," he said. Imagine, for instance, if you logged onto OkCupid and entered your sexual orientation as D5, instead of simply self-identifying as "gay,""straight" or "bisexual."

Parks also noted that the Purple-Red scale is a great way to match partners who have similar or compatible sex drives. "Attraction type is every bit as important as orientation," he told Mic. "We see it all the time: John wants sex, sex, sex, while Jane doesn't have the feeling right away."

Because discrepancies in sex drive can cause problems in same-sex and opposite-sex relationships, Parks wants people to use the scale as a way to establish sexual compatibility right off the bat.

"Instead of relying on assumptions like 'Oh, he's a guy, go for it!' or 'She's a woman, wait for it,' people can now use their letters to describe their basic outlook on relationships," he said.

Perhaps one day, we'll live in a world where we don't need something like the Purple-Red scale to tell us about our own sexuality; a world where we don't need to fit who we want to have sex with into boxes or spectrums or scales. But for the time being, whether you're a B2 or an F5 or a D6, it's cool that we have something like Parks' scale to help us answer the nagging questions about sexual orientation that our culture keeps asking us to answer — and maybe it can help us find out a little bit more about ourselves.

h/t GayStarNews

SEE ALSO: The founder of a popular dating app wants to see more people committing the 'ultimate sin' in romance

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The INSIDER Summary:

• Ryan Lochte, 32, got engaged to Kayla Rae Reid, 25, in Los Angeles, California.
• Lochte and Reid reportedly met in January 2016 at an LA nightclub.

It's been a wild year for Ryan Lochte: He won a gold medal at the Rio Olympics, lost major sponsors after his drunken gas station fiasco, became a contestant on Dancing With The Stars, and was charged by a pair of anti-Lochte protesters right on the show's stage.

But it seems things are looking up for the 32-year-old swimmer as 2016 winds down: He's given up on Tinder and is now engaged to former Playboy model Kayla Rae Reid, 25.

The pair met this January in a Los Angeles nightclub, the Associated Press reports. 

On Sunday, Reid posted a photo on Instagram to announce the engagement. It shows the couple kissing — and a large diamond rink on Reid's left hand. "Speechless. Absolutely beautiful. So in love with YOU," she wrote in the caption. 

"Memories forever!!!"Loche wrote on his own Instagram celebrating the engagement. He used the hashtag: #TheLochtes.

Earlier this month, Lochte announced that he was ready to propose to Reid. "My family says, 'Don't you think it’s a little too soon?' I'm like, 'Can you put a time on love? Can you?'"he told USA Today Sports. 

He also said that he realized Reid was "the one" when she supported him throughout his Rio controversy.

"From the very first time I met her, everything has like clicked,’" Lochte continued. "She doesn't care about my fame...All she cares about is me being happy."

No word yet on whether they'll swap out the traditional "I do" for Lochte's favorite catchphrase, "Jeah."

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NOW WATCH: Watch a Ryan Lochte protester rush the stage during his appearance on 'Dancing with the Stars'

The INSIDER Summary:

• If there are no sparks, that's not a good sign.
• Constant fear of judgement makes it hard to grow together.

So you've found yourself in a relationship, and are currently wondering if this person is your soulmate. You love the idea of finding "the one," and are highly suspecting this person could be it. And yet, there's a nagging sense that maybe they aren't as great as they seem.

In those first few weeks (or months) of love, it's totally normal to feel all sorts of confused. Usually it's because things are so great, that you feel kind of dumbstruck. The sex is amazing, the conversations are thrilling, and you really can't get enough of each other. After all, that's why you're spending so much time together and contemplating things like "soulmates." But soon, the questions start to arise — is he or she the one, the only, the betrothed?

Not everyone believes in soulmates, but it can be a nice thing to think about. It's the idea that someone loves you no matter what. They understand you, they support you, and they will gladly big spoon/little spoon even when you're sick or smelly. (You know, true love type stuff.) All of that is nice, and something you want in a long-term partner, and yet there still may never be an answer to the eternal question of soulmates. There are, however, some definite signs that someone isn't one. Check them out below.

1. They Can't Read Your Mind

Literally being able to read each other's minds is a lot to ask. In fact, it's pure fantasy, and never happens in real life. But there is such a thing as a "knowing look," and it feels damn near-magical when it happens. In fact, you know you've found a good one when a single glance communicates all of your thoughts, according to Kelsey Borresen on HuffingtonPost.com. When such glances go unread or unrecognized, however, it can be a sign the two of you are simply not on the same page.

2. There's Zero Chemistry

Of course, the knowing look can be considered good chemistry. But there's sexual chemistry to take into account, too. Are you guys constantly blundering through romantic evenings? Do you feel zero sparks when you kiss? If so, that's not a good sign. (And not very much fun, either.)

3. They Don't Compliment You, Ever

A sweet and loving SO will do his or her part to make you feel amazing about yourself, and they'll do so as often as possible. After all, healthy partnerships are based on recognizing and making the other person feel good, according to psychologist Dr. Sherrie Campbell, on eHarmony.com. When you haven't found a good match, your SO may be oblivious to such things. Or, they may even try to bring you down. Either way, it's a sign the relationship meant to last.

4. You Constantly Feel Judged

Even on the best of days, you notice there's a constant underlying sense of judgment. Maybe you feel afraid to reveal your movie tastes, or you find yourself hiding certain quirks. "Soulmates connect with ease right off the bat and let their true colors show without fear of judgment," said Borresen. If that's not the case, it's possible they aren't "the one."

5. Your SO Seems To Forget You Exist

Your soulmate should be obsessed with you (in a healthy way, of course). Signs of this include calling at night to hear about your day, or appearing truly interested in what you have to say. On the flip side is something way less adorable — a nagging feeling that they often forget you exist. "If thoughts of you seem to vanish from [their] mind when you are not around ... it is time to walk away, regardless of how good you feel ... when you do spend time together," said Campbell.

6. You Type And Retype Texts

When it comes to communication, do you find yourself second guessing every text and voice mail? (Did it sound right? Will it make them mad?) If that strikes close to home, you clearly aren’t fully comfortable with your partner, according to Ashley Fern on EliteDaily.com. And that's definitely not a feeling you want to put up with for all eternity.

7. You Have To Constantly Explain Their Actions

When you're with the wrong person, you may find yourself constantly explaining everything to friends and family, according to Fern. If your partner was a good match, there would be no need to justifyanything to your friends and family. Not his or her actions, or words, or choices — nothing.

8. He Or She Doesn't Put In The Work

Relationships are not easy. Even if you are with your soulmate, there will still be arguments to overcome, and obstacles to navigate. The difference, though, is that a soulmate will be willing to put in the work. "If you find you have to fix everything ... you are setting a pattern of being with someone who has no desire to help fix or nurture the relationship," Campbell said. And that's not someone you want to build a life with.

9. They Don't Light Up

This may sound like some romantic comedy BS, but a true soulmate will absolutely light up when you enter the room. It doesn't matter if you've been gone a day or a week, he or she will be happy to see you, according to an article on TheFrisky.com. Of course, the aforementioned arguments may temporarily dampen the effect, but the right person will still be glad to see you.

10. They Don't Seem Interested In The Future

Someone who isn't exactly soulmate-y might think of their life as a solo event. Maybe he or she talks about their future in the singular tense, or they seem hesitant about things like marriage. A true soulmate (read: life partner) will be all sorts of excited about the future, and will be clear that they see you in it.

11. You Don't Feel Secure

A feeling of security is perhaps the be all and end all of healthy, happy relationships. So a lack of it isn't a good sign. "It’s obvious when you’re with the wrong person; you are insecure about the relationship and worry that one false move will turn your partner off," Borresen. "That’s not the case for soulmates."

When you've found your person, everything will feel easy and right. It will be obvious that this guy or gal has "soulmate" written all over them. When that's not the case, you'll likely know. So trust your gut, and don't be afraid to move on.

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Ever wonder if your significant other isn't being entirely truthful?

First of all, there's a good chance you're right — it's perfectly normal to lie.

But if you're worried that someone's fibbing extends into the important stuff, like happiness or fidelity, you might have considered trying to catch them in a lie.

Unfortunately, science can't tell you if your partner is sleeping around, but it is getting better at spotting when someone — especially a significant other — is being deceptive.

Here are seven ways to tell if your partner might be keeping something important from you.

SEE ALSO: Psychologist says these 2 patterns of behavior are the most common signs that a couple is going to divorce

READ MORE: 5 things that happen to couples who've been together a long time

Ask a friend.

Other people — strangers, even — have an uncanny ability to detect when something's not right in someone else's relationship.

BYU psychologists tested out this idea by having couples draw an object together, with one participant blindfolded and the other one giving instructions on what to draw. The whole thing was videotaped. Before they started, the scientists had the couples answer a few questions about their relationship in private, including whether or not they'd ever cheated. 

Then, the researchers had a group of strangers watch the footage and guess which couples included a partner who'd ever cheated. The volunteers were surprisingly accurate.

Although preliminary, the research suggests that, simply by watching a couple doing something that requires working together, an outside observer may be able to detect infidelity or unhappiness.

"People make remarkably accurate judgments about others in a variety of situations after just a brief exposure to their behavior," the researchers wrote in the study.

Mull it over while doing something else.

People are generally bad judges of character — consciously, at least. When we are given time to process another person's actions subconsciously, however, we're far better at telling truth from deceit.

In 2013, a team of psychologists had a panel of student judges watch people give testimony and decide if they'd lied or told the truth. The students who were given time to think before they made a decision — so long as they were made to think about something other than the case they were assessing — were better at figuring out whether the person they were judging had been deceitful.

"These findings suggest that the human mind is not unfit to distinguish between truth and deception," write the researchers in the study, "but that this ability resides in previously overlooked processes."

Listen carefully to the words they use.

For a recent study, Southern Methodist University professor of psychology James W. Pennebaker looked at some data he and his colleague Diane Berry had gathered from a text analysis program. They found that some specific patterns of language were helpful at predicting when someone was avoiding the truth.

Liars, they found, tended to use fewer of the following three types of words:

• First person words, like "I,""me," or "my"
• Cognitive words, like "realize" or "think"
• Exclusive words, like "but" or "except"

But they tended to use more of the following types of words:

• Negative emotion words, like "hate,""anger," or "enemy"
• Motion verbs, like "walk" or "move"

Maybe it's because a journalist, but the way I know I'm in a good conversation is that I unconsciously start to reach for my notepad, because everything we're discussing fascinates me so.

On the one hand, I want to take notes on what we're talking about — maybe they're telling me about an awesome vacation they took or maybe I'm telling them about my relationship with my family.

But on the other hand, I want to record those subtle strategies they're using to guide the interaction. How did I wind up gripping my chair in suspense? Or, how did they get me to open up like that?

I imagine I'm not the only one who's had these questions. So I turned to some Quorathreads for insight into the most common behaviors that make someone a pleasure to talk to.

Read on to find out what those excellent conversationalists do — and how you can start emulating them.

SEE ALSO: 10 ways to get better at small talk

1. They learn what you care about — and let you talk about it

Quora user Rajesh Setty says it's important to allow your conversation partner to reveal what interests them.

"You will be tempted to interrupt and share what you care about every now and then," he says. "The trick is to hold off and focus on the other person first. You will get your chance."

In fact, recent research suggests that talking about yourself is inherently pleasurable; it stimulates the same reward centers in the brain that are lit up by sex, cocaine, and good food. So it makes sense that people would feel positively about a conversation in which they held the spotlight.

2. They show their emotions

Max Lukominskyi writes:

It is difficult to overestimate the importance of emotions during the dialogue. While talking, accompany your words with corresponding gesture and feelings. Meanwhile, as a listener show your reaction and let your partner know how you feel about what she says.

Research backs him up: One study found that people who suppress their emotions are often perceived as less likable than those who express their feelings.

3. They find something they have in common with you

Brian Blose recommends that you "find ways to transition conversations to areas of mutual interest."

Blose says he often starts out by asking what his conversation partner does for a living; other times he mentions a new restaurant he visited.

"You might have to try a few topics before you find something you have in common."

Psychological research helps explain why this strategy might work — according to the similarity-attraction effect, we tend to gravitate toward people who are just like us, and especially when we share similar attitudes and values.

Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist and author of "Anatomy of Love," says heartbreak has physiological effects on our minds and bodies. There's a scientific reason it hurts so much.

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One of the major milestones in any romantic relationship occurs when one of the participants steps up and says those three powerful little words: "I love you."

A article by Jenna Birch printed in the October 2016 issue of "Psychology Today" examines some academic studies focused on understanding the reasons people say it when they do, and why they sometimes wait to confess their feelings.

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