The INSIDER Summary:

• Todd Fisher, brother to Carrie Fisher, said that he is amazed by how much Taylor Lautner has stepped up to support Billie Lourd in the wake of her mother and grandmother's passings. 
• Lautner, 25, and Lourd, 24, started dating shortly before the "Scream Queens" actress lost her mother and grandmother in December.
• Fisher called Lautner "spectacular" and a "really deep person." 
• He also shared that he gave Lourd a letter from her late grandmother, Debbie Reynolds, meant to be opened by Carrie Fisher in the event of Reynolds' death. 

It is never easy to work through grief and loss — especially as major as losing multiple loved ones. But, having a strong partner by your side supporting you can make a huge difference. 

Todd Fisher, brother to the late Carrie Fisher, said that Taylor Lauter is doing just that in being a "spectacular" partner to Billie Lourd in the wake of her mother and grandmother's deaths. He called Lautner's support "amazing" in an interview with E! News Monday.

Fisher admitted he was skeptical of Lautner when they initially began dating, but that seeing how Lautner has been there for Lourd like "a husband would," has showed him Lautner's true colors. 

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Anyone who's been in a relationship knows that a person's "work personality" doesn't always match up to their "home personality."

As in: There's a slim chance your partner would blow up at a coworker for playing his music slightly too loud. But she might very well let into you for listening to an annoying podcast without headphones while she's trying to sleep.

In his 2012 book, "Search Inside Yourself," former Google engineer Chade-Meng Tan shares how he's learned to take parts of his work personality home with him.

Tan, who was Google employee No. 107, is also the creator of the wildly popular emotional-intelligence course by the same name as the book, which he taught to thousands of his coworkers. (The course has since spread across the globe.)

In the book, Tan explains how an adaption of the "Just Like Me/Loving Kindness" practice, which he teaches in SIY, has benefitted his interpersonal relationships — specifically, his marriage.

Tan writes:

"Whenever I have a fight with my wife or a co-worker, I go to another room to calm down and after a few minutes of calming down, I do this exercise in stealth.

"I visualize the other person in the next room. I remind myself that this person is just like me, wants to be free from suffering just like me, wants to be happy just like me, and so on. And then I wish that person wellness, happiness, freedom from suffering, and so on.

"After just a few minutes of doing this, I feel much better about myself, about the other person, and about the whole situation. A large part of my anger dissipates immediately."

Tan goes on: "I reckon this practice is a major reason being married to me does not totally suck."

This exercise can be harder than it sounds. When you're in the middle of a heated conflict with your partner, you'll have to override the natural impulse to shout something cruel and hurtful. It'll take some time before it becomes a habit.

But this exercise is also a neat example of how you can help defuse a conflict by working on your own response. Instead of focusing on changing your partner's behavior, you're reframing the way you see the situation — which, in the end, is really all you can control.

SEE ALSO: 'It takes literally one second': A former Google engineer just gave me the best meditation advice I've ever heard

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The INSIDER Summary:

• Kylie Jenner just got the cutest tattoo of a butterfly on her ankle.
• Jenner's new tattoo matches her boyfriend Travis Scott's tattoo and references his song, "Butterfly."
• Jenner previously got a tattoo of the letter "T" when she was with her ex-boyfriend Tyga.

Kylie Jenner is constantly changing her look.

Now, the reality TV star has a new tattoo. She posted a photo of her new ink — a small butterfly just above her ankle — to Snapchat on June 13.

Kylie got the tiny tattoo to match with her boyfriend, Travis Scott. The musician also has a butterfly tattooed on his ankle.

Here's what they look like:

The couple’s ink references Scott’s song “Butterfly Effect.” Fans think that the song is about Kylie, as it was released in April when the couple was first rumored to be together, according to Harper's Bazaar.

This isn't the reality TV star's first romantically inspired tattoo.

In December 2016, she got a "T" tattooed on her left ankle while she was dating her ex-boyfriend Tyga. 

Here's Kylie's "T" tattoo. It's so tiny that it looks like a freckle or speck of dirt on her ankle.

Kylie and Tyga split up in April, and it's not clear if she has gotten the commemorative ink removed.

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The INSIDER Summary:

• Dating website Plenty of Fish analyzed 60,000 messages to see which words were most likely to start a conversation.
• Compliments go a long way when flirting over text.
• For women messaging men, the top words that led to conversations were "nice,""love,""handsome," and "great."
• For men, calling women "beautiful" led to a conversation nearly 20% of the time.

What if there were a proven way to guarantee that the person you have your eye on will text you back?

Science isn't quite there yet, but a recent analysis from dating website Plenty of Fish offers a few useful insights into how to start a conversation and avoid the dreaded "seen" marker with no reply.

Plenty of Fish randomly selected 60,000 in-app messages from users that led to responses and analyzed their contents (apart from standard words like "hey,""hi,""you," or "me") to determine what words helped ensure that the first message became the first of many.

For men, calling a woman "beautiful" led to a conversation nearly 20% of the time."Love" was the runner-up at 13%, followed by "nice" (7.4%) and "gorgeous" (6.7%).

The success rates were much lower overall for women messaging men."Nice" garnered the most responses, but the success rate was just 2%. "Love" came in second with 1.94%, then "handsome" with 1.26% and "great" with 0.91%.

From this analysis, it seems that women respond to messages on dating apps more often than men do, but that leading with a compliment is the best way to go no matter who's reaching out first.

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The INSIDER Summary:

• Cheating does not have to be physical.
• In fact, the most increasingly common type of affairs are emotional ones. 
• Emotional cheating means crossing the boundaries of friendship and developing romantic or sexual feelings for someone who is not your partner. 
• It's important to communicate and define your emotional needs in a relationship.

When you think about an affair, you probably think of something physical. Your mind may go to two people meeting in a grimy hotel room to secretly hook-up behind their partners' backs. The narrative about affairs is most-often about sex. 

But the most common way to cheat may mean that you never even touch the other person.

Emotional affairs are defined as platonic or friendly feelings towards another person that gradually turn into romantic or sexual ones while you're in a monogamous relationship with someone else. Simply put: An emotional affair crosses the boundary of friendship and veers off into an inappropriate path. 

These types of affairs are increasingly common. Around 45% of men and 35% of women have admitted to having some sort of emotional affair, which is more than 20% more than people who admit to having a physical affair. 

One reason for the commonality is that many people don't view emotional cheating as cheating. People can obviously have close friendships with people of the same genders they're attracted to, but having an emotional affair skirts a line further than friendship — and not everyone knows when they've crossed that line. They can easily connect with a new person on social media or simply through a text, which makes an emotional affair easier to achieve and easier to hide.  

Another reason is that people are busy and don't take the time to emotionally connect with their partners. Because of this, they may not view them as someone they can still connect with on an emotional level. 

"In the tasks of daily life, our emotional needs often get pushed to the side," Lynn Saladino, a clinical psychologist, told me. "We stop seeing our partner as an emotional being and more as a person who helps us complete tasks and meet obligations. When this happens, it can be very tempting to seek support elsewhere."

This type of emotional attachment is scarily-easy to achieve and can even rear its ugly head in situations as simple as people being distracted by their phones.  

"Emotional disconnection is a breeding ground for affairs. In today's world, it's so easy to be emotionally disconnected from others," relationship expert and psychologist Vijayeta Sinh told INSIDER. "We can be eating dinner with a friend, and chatting with another on Facebook. Most of us wake up and check our phones before we even say good morning to the person sleeping next to us. This kind of being-far-away while still-being-close allows us to hold secrets from people we care about, and hide things conveniently. It's actually quite dangerous because it makes us think we are close to someone when in fact we may not be."

Despite many feeling like a emotional affair may not even be cheating, the damages it can have may even be worse than a physical affair.

About 88% of women said that they were more concerned about their partners being engaged in an emotional affair than a physical one.

"I think emotional affairs are worse," Brian Kearney, a single man, told INSIDER. "Human beings have sexual needs, and although there’s no excuse in my eyes, physical affairs can be purely physical, while emotional affairs are connecting with someone on a level deeper than a purely physical affair could offer."

An emotional affair usually begins when you become close to the other person. Maybe you begin to look forward to your chats, become eager to get their input on a difficult decision in your own life. You might begin to hold their opinion highly above others'. This can be from anyone from a coworker — 60% of emotional affairs begin at work— to someone you're chatting with online.

"They are common because many people are emotionally distant from their partners because of their busy and distracted lives," David Bennett, counselor and co-author of the site "The Popular Man," told INSIDER. "Some partners may literally go days without a significant, distraction-free, emotional interaction with each other because of careers, hobbies, etc., so they seek it elsewhere."

But then something shifts. You may begin fantasizing about them sexually or thinking about what it would be like to date them. Your attraction to them becomes more romantic than friendly and you begin to rely on them emotionally because of the connection you've formed. 

From there, the affair can go even further — this is usually when people become consciously aware that they are having an emotional affair. You begin to engage the other person by flirting, expressing your romantic feelings to them or eventually even turning the affair physical. 

These are similar to the signs of a "normal" physical affair, and should be treated as such. Once you recognize you're having an emotional affair, you need to assess if you want to stay in your partnership or terminate the relationship. Either way, you need to come clean to your partner. 

"If you've been caught, the first thing you do is own up to it. All of it," said Michelene M. Wasil, a licensed marriage and family therapist. "Stop trying to lie and cover up, it only makes things worse in the long run.  Your partner will eventually find out, especially if you decide to try and save the marriage."

If you do try to salvage your relationship, it's important to attempt to identify why you strayed from the relationship. It's not your partner's fault that you cheated, but an emotional affair can be indicative that some emotional need is not being met in your relationship. This can be the result of a partner's actions or your own unwillingness to be vulnerable with your partner. 

"While it’s common to assume that people cheat because they feel like they had no other choice or, rather, cheat because their partner made them feel invisible, emotional cheating also happens because the person cheating does not know how to let their partner in entirely," said Chelsea Leigh Trescott, a relationship advice columnist and breakup coach. "From this perspective, emotional cheating happens not because their partner isn't showing up for them and another person will, but because the person who is cheating is running away from showing up for themselves and their partner when they need to most."

Emotional affairs may be easier to slip into than a physical one, but there are ways to prevent this decline.

Have a talk about what you define as cheating and encourage your partner to check in about how they're feeling and what you can both do to connect more. 

"Couples begin taking each other for granted, leaving one or both parties feeling undervalued in the relationship,"Kayce Hodos, a professional counselor, told INSIDER. "If someone else comes along who is willing to listen and invest time, it can feel refreshing. Talk to your significant other the minute you sense some distance because it will only get worse if you don't confront it."

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The INSIDER Summary:

• A company surveyed men and women to find out the differences in how and why they cheat.
• Men tend to cheat for physical reasons and women tend to cheat for more emotional ones, according to the survey.
• The same survey suggests women are more likely to emotionally cheat.
• Men surveyed are slightly more likely to engage in physical acts and not consider it cheating.

Everyone has different reasons to cheat — maybe they were drunk and stupid, have been feeling unfulfilled in the relationship, or maybe they just couldn't help hitting up that hot person on Instagram. 

But a new survey suggests the reasons behind why people cheat may actually have a lot to do with their gender. 

The survey, conducted by Superdrug Online Doctor, polled over 2,000 Americans and Europeans and found that the reasons why men and women cheat are actually really different. 

When asked the reasons why they strayed in the relationship, people who identified as women in the US and Europe had the same #1 answer: They felt that their partner had stopped giving them the attention they needed.

The other top answers differed a bit between American and European women, but some of the other answers included that the person they cheated with was there for them, the other person was hot, and that they were having doubts about their relationship. 

When the people who identified as men were asked the same question, however, the top answer was very different. Both European and American men said that the top reason they cheated was because the person they cheated with was attractive.

Some of the other top reasons why men cheated were that they weren't having enough sex, people were hitting on them, and the person they cheated with was there for them. 

Based on this survey, the men's answers focused more on the physical act of cheating while the women's answers gravitated towards emotional cheating. Men also cited much more frequently that they couldn't resist when a person in public was hitting on them, which the authors of the survey then linked to a different study about women having more self-control than men do. 

The study also surveyed the same 2,000 people on times when they feel they pushed the limit, but didn't cheat. They found that women were more likely than men to get emotionally close to someone — the most common form of cheating— or spoon. They also found that men were slightly more likely to have vaginal intercourse or engage in "heavy petting," but not consider it cheating. 

So while this isn't a perfect methodology, it does help us confront some tough things about relationships and societal expectations of men and women. If you or your partner have been unfaithful, these answers may help you get some perspective on why the infidelity happened and help you address the issue in your relationship — be it a lack of emotional or physical closeness — should you want to stay together and work it out. 

SEE ALSO: The most insidious type of cheating isn't physical — and it's increasingly common

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First dates are stressful. From deciding what to wear to making sure you don't have a giant zit that wants to join in on the fun (been there), you have enough to worry about. The last thing you want to stress over is making a mess of dinner, or your food making you feel more uncomfortable than you already are.

And while we would never dissuade you from ordering that messy cheeseburger, here are some first date foods that will help you keep clean, fresh, and comfortable.

Bite-sized pasta

Pasta seems like a no-no to order for a first date. But chances are you're going to find yourself at a place with pasta. Bite-sized pasta like ziti, penne, and farfalle can be a great choice, since you can stab them with your fork and that good grip will help save your outfit from stains.

If you're set on long noodles, stay away from red sauces and order a cream or oil-based sauce in case you do spill. Just be sure to pop a mint after dinner if you order a garlic-heavy dish.

Sushi

Sushi is clean, beautiful, and easy to eat. As long as you can master chopsticks, sushi makes a great first date option. You won't have to worry too much about spillage if you're careful with your movements and go light on the soy sauce.

Ginger, which is often found in sushi dishes and on the side, is great for digestion and can calm your stomach if you get the first date jitters.

Sushi offers a wide variety of options, so even if your date is vegetarian or the thought of raw fish freaks you out, you can still find a roll that works for you.

Chicken

Since red meats can leave you feeling bloated and fish can leave you smelly, chicken is the perfect option. Almost any restaurant will have a chicken dish on the menu. Just go light on the sauce if you get it, or ask for it on the side to avoid mishaps.

Fried chicken was even voted the best first date food. Which makes no sense to me, since I usually look like a wild dog when attacking a plate of fried chicken, but hey, to each their own!

At my friends' wedding a few years ago, the officiant shared some thoughts on what it really means to love someone.

Love, he said, is a commitment. There will be mornings when the kids are screaming, and the dog needs to be let out, and your partner is hogging the bathroom, and you're not exactly feeling "in love"— and still, you stay with your partner because you've agreed to love them.

It was hardly the most romantic image he could have painted, and maybe that's why it's stuck with me since then. I thought about his words again this week, when I spoke with Pamela Regan, a psychologist at California State University, Los Angeles who studies romantic relationships.

Regan and her colleagues published a paper in 2012 with findings that surprised even them. After comparing Indian-American individuals who were in arranged and love-based marriages, they'd found no difference between the two groups when it came to commitment, love, or marital satisfaction.

Regan was careful to caveat that all participants in her (relatively small) sample were educated and highly assimilated to life in the United States. The same findings might not generalize to people of different socioeconomic status, living in other countries.

But that research helped shape her view on relationships today:

"I think of [relationships] as being on a sea, like waves. They go up; they go down. Things like passion, things like desire, things like romantic love and satisfaction — the good stuff, the positive, the warm fuzzies that we seek to find in our relationship — these things aren't absolutes. They're not there or not. They are more or less, depending upon the day."

It's something that couples in arranged marriages probably understand, she said. Presumably, they don't feel much passion, desire, or romance at all when they first meet their partner — but they know that those feelings can develop.

Indeed, research by the psychologist Robert Epstein and colleagues found that love does grow over time in arranged marriages.

Regan suggested that it's easy to leave or give up on a relationship prematurely. She's not advocating that people stay in unhappy or unfulfilling relationships — there's no shame in calling it quits.

But if you and your partner are having a rough day, or even a rough few months, that doesn't mean there's something wrong with your relationship. It's worth remembering that sea metaphor.

If you hold fast to the belief that, "when I find the right person, I will always be happy; I will feel passionate desire for this person always," she said, you're pretty much "doomed to disappointment because life isn't like that."

Again, it's not the most romantic insight. It's easy to believe that your relationship will be different — the one where the spark doesn't fade over time, as psychologists say it almost always does.

Because arranged marriages tend to be more about the needs of the families than the individuals, Regan said, people generally stay in the relationship.

Obviously, this isn't always a good thing — but what those couples know that everyone else could use to learn is: "Even when maybe passion isn't very high, they don't leave. And what they may find is that it comes back."

SEE ALSO: 15 relationship facts everybody should know before getting married

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Money and marriage can be a tricky business. A survey by SunTrust found that couples gave finances as the main cause of stress in their relationships.

That doesn't have to be the case with you.

Over the last few years, I've interviewed couples who've done some big things with their money, like getting out of six figures of debt, starting a business together, and retiring early.

A huge key to making those dreams happen was being able to work together on their finances. If you're looking to merge your money, here are five crucial steps to help make the process go smoother.

SEE ALSO: 7 questions successful couples should be able to answer

1. Create and design your dream plan

First things first, let's start defining what your goals are as a couple. Why? Too many couples don't have a clear idea of where they want their money to go. They're living paycheck to paycheck because they are trying to do everything and they end up doing nothing well.

They're living paycheck to paycheck because they are trying to do everything and they end up doing nothing well.

Part of the problem with getting their finances squared away is how they approach it. For many couples, it can be a chore. The truth is many times, it's described like one. Take retirement.

How would you plan for retirement? Would you pull up one of those free calculators with a ton of questions that are supposed to get you to think about every possible expense and scenario?

If so, you probably were overwhelmed by everything you think you have to consider and surprised by the number spat out that you ‘need' to save.

And looking at that number isn't really motivating, is it?

You two could do more if you thought of your financial goals in terms of planning an epic vacation.

One of the first steps in preparing for a trip is figuring out where you want to go and what you want to do.

For us, we usually have a couple of places in mind, so we start digging in and googling “[name of place] + awesome things to do.” We then sit down and talk about our options.

Sometimes we make compromises, other times we win each other over with why our idea is better. After we have a destination and a few ideas of what we want to see and do there, we then start working the trip into our budget.

You can do the same thing with your big goals. Yes, there's a financial component to them, but you begin with defining what you want to do and then you can discuss hows about the money.

If you haven't already, set aside some time so you two can share what you'd like to accomplish.

Planning your retirement is a smart move, but I admit it can seem too far away to picture clearly. In that situation, I'd suggest bringing the goal in closer and make a plan for the next year or two.

You probably have a few things you do agree on and that's what you should begin. You may agree that the credit card debt is draining you and getting rid of it is a priority.

Having some wins with your money (including smaller ones) as a couple can strength your relationship and help you get more comfortable communicating.

2. Build a financial snapshot

The second key with merging your finances is knowing where you're starting from. This can be scary, especially if you haven't talked about this before.

When we were engaged it was an eye opener and I admit it was awkward, but that initial conversation helped us to see what we needed to work on and it was an opportunity to come together.

Knowing your net worth isn't complicated (basically assets- liabilities), but if you have several accounts between the two of you, it can be cumbersome.

Today there are many free and low-cost tools that can pull your accounts and give your numbers quickly and easily.

Some of my favorite choices out there now are:

• Personal Capital

• Mint

• Tiller

Which one you choose is up to you, but make sure it's a system you find easy. That'll make your money dates go smoothly.

3. Build a budget you both love

Budgets and spending plans – they seem to stress people out. No matter what you call it, just know that's your plan for your money. You can make it as detailed or as big pictured as you want.

The key is getting a budget that is easy for you to maintain and that fits your personalities.

If you're not a fan of traditional budgets and find them too difficult to track, here are a few ideas that may be a better fit for you.

50/20/30: This three bucket system allows you to take care of the bills, save for your future, and have some fun now. If you need to keep tabs on certain areas, like eating out, apps like ProActive Budget can help.

Zero-Based: Each one of your dollars has a purpose on this plan. While doing it manually can be a bit much there are some great tools like EveryDollar, You Need a Budget, and Tiller that can make the process much easier and pretty much automatic.

One Income Living: If you two would like to retire sooner, then budgeting all of your essentials under one income is the simplest route to go. Justin and his wife from Root of Good were able to retire in their early thirties because of they kept their expenses low. You can use that second income to pay off your debt faster, save for a house, and increase your retirement contribution.

Even if one of you loves to make and update the budget, you should both be in the loop. It'll keep both of you accountable and you can offer up suggestions to make the budget a better fit.

For a single person, there are few experiences more frustrating than having someone break things off without explaining why. One day you two are really vibing; the next you get a "let's just be friends" text.

We're not promising to have uncovered the reason why things went south with the object of your affection. But it's worth checking out the list below to see if perhaps you've been guilty of any of these unappealing behaviors.

To compile said list, we asked a panel of dating and relationship experts to tell us about the biggest turn-offs in budding relationships. Some have to do with your physical appearance; some have to do with the way you treat the other person.

Read on to learn about some potentially huge obstacles standing between you and true love. And if you're getting paranoid, remember: most of these things are easily fixable.

SEE ALSO: 12 things that can make you less attractive, according to science

Bad self-care habits

Examples include bad breath, body odor, terrible hygiene, and lack of etiquette.

"These are qualities that are seen early in the dating process," said Dr. Terri Orbuch (PhD), relationship expert, Oakland University professor, and author of "Finding Love Again: 6 Simple Steps to a New and Happy Relationship." "They are obvious right away."

"They turn people off because they seem simple to attend to or address. It doesn't take that much effort to have good hygiene. And people infer that the bad self-care habits infer something about the person's habits in a relationship.

"The potential partner can't or doesn't have the time/effort/inclination to take care of him/herself — why then would they have the care/effort/inclination to put forth with someone else?!"

Criticizing or trying to control the other person

"People don't like being told what to do," Orbuch said, "particularly at the beginning of a relationship — and to do that at the beginning seems too self-centered and ego-oriented.

"Also, negativity and criticizing you at the beginning isn't what people are attracted to. In general people are attracted to the opposite — positivity, optimism, and giving compliments!"

Emotional neediness

"We don't like constantly having to support someone who's not available to support us," said Hal Runkel, marriage and family therapist and author of "Choose Your Own Adulthood."

The INSIDER Summary:

• A recent study suggests that creative, open-minded people actually see the world differently.
• They experience "binocular rivalry"— seeing two different images as a combined one.
• Where others switch back and forth between two conflicting stimuli, open-minded people combine them into something harmonious, which researchers interpret as a form of creative thinking.

Creative people can literally see things that others can't.

A new study published in the "Journal of Research and Personality" suggests that people who display high levels of openness in a personality test (which researchers say is the driving force of creativity) also experience a unique phenomenon called "binocular rivalry."

Binocular rivalry happens when each eye is shown a different image and the brain melds them into a single unified one —  a form of creative thinking.

Most people's brains can only process one image at a time. When faced with two different images (in this study's case, a red patch and a green patch on separate eyes) most people's eyes switched back and forth to focus on one or the other, unable to merge two conflicting stimuli.

The study found that particularly open-minded people saw a combined red and green patch. Their brains took the two incompatible images and turned them into something harmonious, which researchers interpret as a form of creative thinking.

In other words, creative people actually see and perceive the world differently.

It is worth noting, though, that high levels of openness have also been linked to proneness for hallucination in some cases, when seeing things that others don't just means seeing things that aren't really there.

So there's nothing wrong with you if you don't experience binocular rivalry — it's probably just your personality.

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Arguments with your partner don't have to be devastating.

In fact, couples who follow two basic rules when they argue tend to stay together longer than couples who do not, according to research from University of California, Berkeley psychologist Robert Levenson and University of Washington psychology professor John Gottman.

Those rules include addressing disagreements quickly and approaching an argument with an open mind. Those two things are almost always easier said than done, but here are some easy ways to incorporate both into your relationship.

Stabilizing a rocking boat

Over 14 years, Gottman and Levenson studied nearly 100 married couples living across the Midwestern US. Among the couples they studied, roughly 20 divorced before the study's end. Comparing the pairs who stayed together with the ones who split up allowed the researchers to make some key observations.

First, they found that arguments could either be used positively to "stabilize a rocking boat"— as Gottman called it during a call with Business Insider — or they could be used negatively, potentially leading the vessel to capsize. If an argument quickly follows a disagreement, it can be used to stabilize the boat. On the other hand, an argument that blows up after hours, days, or weeks after an initial disagreement will send the boat rocking.

Gottman suggests talking with your partner immediately and openly about a disagreement. This requires recognizing that both of you are partially responsible for the problem and both of you are responsible for making amends, he said.

A recent study of 145 couples published in the Journal of Counseling Psychology also found that couples who received trainings on how to address conflicts immediately and clearly felt more satisfied with their relationship a year down the road. Couples who didn't receive the training were also more likely to see their interactions deteriorate during the year they were reporting back to the researchers.

Going into it with an open mind

Gottman and Levenson also observed that the couples who divorced over the study period frequently had arguments that involved cutting each other off. Usually, the comments the individuals made to stop the conversation were unhelpful and insensitive, Gottman said.

"If you tell someone they're not being logical or say something like 'you're getting off track,' it just doesn't work. It makes people angry," he said.

On the other hand, couples who stayed together tended to approach an argument with a more open mind. Partners were usually willing to take responsibility for their actions and listen to what their partner had to say, Gottman said. Couples who do this might use language like, "I can see that this is really important to you; tell me more."

A 2010 study published in the Journal of Marriage and Family looked at the argument patterns of nearly 400 married couples. The results suggested that when both partners engaged "positively" during an argument— meaning they discussed the topic calmly and made an effort to listen — they were far less likely to divorce than couples in which one or both partners didn't exhibit positive engagement. Those results held steady as long as 16 years down the road.

So next time you feel an argument escalating, you might want to put one of these tactics to use. It could restore some calm to your relationship, or even help keep your boat from capsizing.

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The INSIDER Summary:

• Josh Duhamel stars in the new "Transformers" movie, "Transformers: The Last Knight."
• He has been married to former "Black Eyed Peas" singer Fergie since 2009.
• The two have a son named Axl.
• Duhamel tells INSIDER the two make their relationship work by keeping their professional lives separate and their private lives private.

Josh Duhamel is back in theaters this month in the new "Transformers" movie.

While Duhamel plays a lieutenant colonel onscreen in the "Transformers" universe, offscreen he's married to singer Fergie. The two met back in 2004 on his show "Las Vegas" after Duhamel coordinated an appearance by the Black Eyed Peas.

"I wanted to meet her so I talked to the producers to get the Black Eyed Peas on the show," Duhamel told INSIDER recently. 

The two have been together since, marrying in 2009, and having son Axl Jack in 2013. Duhamel says one thing that helps make it work between the two is having their own passions and keeping their work lives separate from their personal ones.

"We just have a lot of fun together and we really like each other and we've got that little boy that we just adore," said Duhamel. "She does her thing professionally and I do my thing professionally and what we have at home is our own little private life."

While you'll see a few snaps of the two together, you won't see too much of Fergie and Duhamel on each other's Instagrams. Sometimes the two will talk to each other on the platform through their son, Axl. It’s absolutely adorable.

Here's Fergie giving Duhamel some love for his upcoming "Transformers" movie. 

And here are Duhamel and Axl singing Happy Birthday to Fergie.

Duhamel explained why its easier to keep their careers separate. 

"I think we like to kind of keep it that way," Duhamel told INSIDER. "I don't get involved with her stuff and she doesn't get involved with mine and I think that helps because once you start intermixing profession and getting ideas and ... I tried that for a little bit. I tried saying, 'I think this would be great,' and she said, 'Listen. I've got plenty of people telling me about how my opinions are supposed to be. You just be my husband.' And I'm like, 'Okay!' We just keep our professional stuff private or separate and we keep our private lives private."

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Renowned couples therapist Esther Perel recently came out with a new audio series, "Where Should We Begin?" The premise: Listeners follow along as Perel counsels a struggling couple. (The couple is anonymous.)

If you listen to the series' first episode, "intense" is pretty much the only fitting description. A husband and wife come to Perel a year after the wife discovered her husband's infidelity— and while the wife says she was once "uncontrollably angry," now she's more numb to the whole situation.

For both partners, there are still a lot of unresolved issues.

Throughout the episode, both partners talk about how lonely they felt before the husband's affair, and how each one disappointed the other.

At one point, the wife says: "I felt like we had a difficult life — difficult, but leaning to good, right? So I was willing to work for it, and I was happy in that. But after you betrayed me, I was like, 'What was all that hard work for?'"

The husband responds quickly: "I mean, I understand how you feel because I felt the same way."

Perel doesn't interject that often — but she does here. "It's very hard," she tells the husband, "because you want to equalize it. Let it exist in its own unique experience. But if you keep saying, 'Me too,' then her answer is going to be, 'But I didn't do this.' Together we're going to aim for a different conversation, a different exchange."

The husband is flummoxed. "Okay," he says. "How do I do that?"

"One of the things you can do that may be useful," Perel says, "just reflect back. You just repeat to the other person: 'So what I'm hearing you say is…' That forces you to stay on the other side a little bit longer. You don't have to agree with anything. You just have to be open and curious."

In other words, you'll have to override your natural impulse to jump in and start talking about all the ways your partner hurt you that were just as distressing as the way you hurt them. If you can manage that, you'll be giving your partner some space and allowing them to feel heard.

The first thing I thought about when I reached this point in the episode was "mindful conversation," a technique I learned in an emotional-intelligence course last fall. The gist is that Partner A stays completely silent while Partner B shares; A reflects on what they heard B say; and B clarifies anything that A misunderstood.

I didn't learn about mindful conversation in the context of romantic relationships per se, but it seems like a handy skill for any couple struggling to communicate. ("Your communication is terrible," Perel tells the couple towards the end of this episode.)

The strategy Perel's suggesting is somewhat counterintuitive because you're changing the natural flow of a conversation — or an argument. You have to actively prevent yourself from cutting the other person off and sharing your experience, no matter how much you want to.

In an aside, Perel tells listeners: "You have both people continuously saying, 'You don't understand how lonely I felt. And every time one person says, 'I felt lonely,' the other person says, 'I felt more so.' And it's breaking that 'the more, the more' type of cycle where they compete rather than empathize."

Listen to the full podcast episode »

SEE ALSO: A relationship expert says one word can defuse a fight with your partner — but most people don't use it enough

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The INSIDER Summary:

• Taking a break from dating can help you get your self-esteem back.
• It can also help you be the best version of yourself. 
• Many people take breaks for different reasons — emotional, financial, physical.
• Nearly every single person can benefit from a dating break.

Dating can be a lot of fun, but it can also be really exhausting and even demoralizing. It's easy to lose yourself in the constant rejection, waiting for texts, ghosting, and awkward conversations, all of which can take a hit on your self-esteem. 

Lots of us have gotten to the point where if we see another dating app or go on another first date, we'd scream. The tendency can be to try to power through and not give up. But what if giving up, at least for a while, is the best thing for you? 

Self-imposed dating hiatuses can be invaluable in the search for a romantic partner. 

I was skeptical, but experts and people who've tried it have all sung its praises to me. After countless disappointments, rejections, crummy matches, and awkward first dates, it's easy to get discouraged and taking a break can help.

All the negativity that can come with frequent dating can weigh you down and make you less likely to find a partner who suits you because you're not putting your best foot forward. So, even if you're searching high and low for The One, you're actually less likely to find them if you don't take care of yourself first. 

"If you get burned out, are tired of being rejected, or meet a lot of undesirable people, it might be time to take a break," speaker and spiritual counselor Davida Rappaport told INSIDER. "No one likes to be put in a position where people can and do attack you, lead you on or disappear. Your self-esteem may take a hit and if you continue dating at this point, you tend to not trust anyone and may not present yourself in the best possible way."

A cycle of small breaks in dating is what helps keep Jennifer Lourie's spirits up while participating in the tumultuous world of dating. 

"When I first started dating, I would get so excited to meet new people and excited when I felt like we had a great date," she told INSIDER. "However, most dates did not lead to real connections and my dating ROI has had a 0% conversion rate to boyfriend since I have been single for the last two years."

"It depressed me to be treated in ways that I thought were unkind and impolite to treat another human. I would take a break and then put myself back out there again after having some distance, with a renewed spirit," she told me. 

In addition to the tiring world of casual dating, taking a break after a long-term relationship is invaluable to both your healing and knowing what you want. Experts recommend taking at least a month out of the dating scene after a breakup or possibly longer if you were dating someone for a long time. 

That kind of break can provide clarity after a painful breakup, Alyssa Kostick told me. She tried casually dating after a serious relationship didn't work out, but found that giving herself space from that world actually helped her focus more on important things in her life. 

"I had gone through a terrible breakup from a very serious relationship," she said. "For a few months, I tried casually dating but it felt very forced and I was not fond of the type of men I kept meeting. I could tell I wasn't making any genuine connections. It was incredibly discouraging; I started to believe there were no good guys out there.

"I decided to cut dating out of my life to focus on other things like my career, my apartment, friends, and family," she continued. "I figured the right person would find me eventually, but I was done expending energy searching."

Kostick said that her dating hiatus, which lasted about 6 months, benefited her by teaching her invaluable lessons about herself and what she was looking for in a partner. Her hiatus ended when she met her now husband. 

"It really taught me how much more there is to life than dating. I had such a solid foundation with myself which made getting into a relationship worlds easier," Kostick told me.

Kostick told me that her relationship is proof that the old adage — "you find love when you least expect it"— is true. And while, everyone may not be so successful in finding love without trying for it, there is definitely something to be said for working on yourself, and maybe getting some optimism back, before you get back into the dating pool. 

"The truth is when you are okay just on your own, you are far less likely to date someone out of desperation or settle of a relationship that falls far short of your expectations,"Regina DeMeo, a divorce and mediation attorney who took her own dating hiatus, told INSIDER.  "So it is really good to spend time alone, and just be comfortable on your own."

Nick Hart, a man who is currently on a year-long dating hiatus echoed this advice. After dealing with several toxic relationships, he said that he needed to take some time away in order to make things right with himself first. 

"My trust is broken and it can only be repaired and healed with time," he told INSIDER. "I'm slowly starting to love myself again. I told myself to take this whole year (2017) and be single. If you can't love yourself how the hell are you gonna love someone else, you know?"

Dating hiatuses can also give you perspective on what type of relationship you want and what limits you're comfortable with, John Nero told me. He said that after getting out of a bad relationship, he took a relationship hiatus, which he is still on indefinitely.

His last relationship showed him that he actually does not believe in a relationship that's part of a "toxic monogamy culture." He said he's learned that he doesn't believe in physical monogamy in the same ways that his past partners have and that his next relationship will be with someone who is open to a relationship that is free of these constraints. Quitting dating, at least for now, is helping him find someone who he'd be more compatible with. 

"I'm done dating," he said. "I'm tired of doing all the emotional labor and being more progressive in my understanding of people and relationships as complex, nuanced things. Monogamy is not for everyone, at least not physically. Some relationships run their course, others can last much longer. The more people let go of hetero-normative, toxic monogamy ideas of relationship, the more likely I am to find someone I am compatible."

If you're still not convinced a break is right for you, Weena Cullins, marriage and family therapist, told me that the financial effects of dating make taking a break worth it for many. In fact, a recent Match.com study found that the average single person spends $1,596 a year on dating alone. 

"Consistent dating can be expensive," Weena Cullins, marriage and family therapist, told INSIDER. "Many individuals I treat cite that the stress of starting dating relationships with new people is a big concern. Before any rules are established, many individuals pay for themselves or offer to pay for the entire date; especially if they were the initiator. This can be extremely costly if one rarely settles down long enough to establish a system that allows them a financial breather. Taking a break from dating for that reason alone can be worth it, literally."

But no matter why you may be considering it, Hart said that he strongly encourages anyone debating on taking a hiatus from dating to do it, not only to get some increased perspective on your own feelings and emotions, but to spend less time glued to your phone in anticipation of that next text or online dating message.

"Take the time to enjoy your life," he said. "Get off Tinder and Bumble or Grindr. Look up and away from your phone. Take a trip. Be present with your friends and family. It's so so refreshing. Our generation is so obsessed with social media and the world online. I don't have one good example of a relationship I see on first-hand that hasn't had problems with being present in the real world."

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The INSIDER Summary:

• A dating ad from 1865 is going viral. 
• People are swooning over the man who has a a "good set of teeth" and promises to buy his love hoop skirts. 
• One man even put the ad as his Tinder bio. 

Get yourself a man whose buckwheat looks first-rate. 

Twitter had a field day when Max Roser, a researcher for the University of Oxford, shared a snippet of a dating ad published in a newspaper in 1865. The ad, titled "Chance for a Spinster," featured a young man touting his best traits in the hopes that he would find a wife. 

And this young lad really had it all going for him. He's patriotic (he believes in the Star Spangled Banner!), he's well-off (he has nine sheep, a bull, and 2 heifers), he wants to buy you a hoop skirt, and he even has a good set of teeth! Your Tinder date could never.

 The full ad reads: 

CHANCE FOR A SPINSTER — A young man in Aroostook County, Maine, advertising for a wife speaks of himself as follows: 'I am eighteen years old, have a good set of teeth, and believe in Andy Johnson, the Star Spangled Banner, and the 4th of July. I have taken up a State lot, cleared up eighteen acres last year, and seeded ten of it down. My buckwheat looks first-rate, and the oats and potatoes are bully. I have got nine sheep, a two-year-old bull, and two heifers besides a house and a barn. I want to get married. I want to buy bread-and-butter, hoop-skirts, and waterfalls for some person of the female persuasion during life. That's what's the matter with me. But I don't know how to do it.

After the ad surfaced, Twitter was thoroughly taken with this young man and wanted to begin courting right away. 

One man even followed his lead and made the ad his Tinder bio. No word if he's found someone to share his buckwheat with yet. 

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This post from Tim Berry, an angel investor, member of Willamette Angels, and founder and president of Palo Alto Software, originally appeared on Quora as an answer to the question, "What is the best way to build strong business relationships so that you can leverage those relationships when you network for jobs or opportunities?"

You asked for my answer, so I'm going to give you my opinion straight out.

Forget networking. "Networking" as a business activity is a hoax.

Business relationships that you build as business assets are meaningless. As soon as you use this vocabulary, it's self serving, superficial, and ineffective. The people being used as assets know it and are not fooled by it. So "networking" doesn't work.

Instead, just be a decent person.

Meet people because you want to. Listen to them when they talk. Do them a favor when you can and it's not weird or out of balance. Be a friend.

Friendship can't be done as a business task and relationships intended as assets mean nothing. Do favors for friends because they're friends, not as a deposit in some business asset bank. And — hooray for human nature — you'll enjoy that more, and when you need a push or some help, people you've done favors for will be happy to reciprocate. That's human nature.

The business types who started talking about "networking" 40 or 50 years ago did the world a disservice.

They didn't realize that all that was really happening was friendship, or nothing. They looked at friendship from the outside in, with business on their mind but apparently not humanity. So they parsed friendship into a business buzzword, misunderstood it, and named it networking. Then they decreed that it's a business task.

People aren't assets. Relationships aren't assets.

Nobody with any sense of self is going to Gollum themselves up to somebody in their so-called network to ask for favors, out of the blue, without having been a friend first. If you even try, it's obvious, and it's off-putting, so it doesn't work. Google glad-handing.

SEE ALSO: Why networking is a waste of time

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The INSIDER Summary:

• Nick Cardello and Kurt English have been together for 25 years.
• They recreated a photo of themselves marching for LGBTQ+ rights in 1993.
• The photos went viral.

Nick Cardello and Kurt English met at church 25 years ago and have been together ever since. They were legally married in 2008 in Boston, and then again in their home state of Florida when same-sex marriage became legal in 2015.

In 1993, they marched for LGBTQ+ rights on the National Mall in Washington, DC, and snapped an affectionate picture together. When they returned this year to participate in the Equality March for Unity and Pride, a friend suggested they recreate the photo 24 years later.

Cardello shared the two pictures on Facebook.

Then friends began to see them appearing on other platforms. A tweet by @tagyourheathen with the sarcastic caption "it's just a phase" went viral on Twitter.

The couple told the New York Daily News that they've been moved to tears by the outpouring of love in the internet's response.

"People need to see same sex couples just being couples — those images are missing from the media," Cardello said. "We need to get more images like this out there so the youth today can have positive role models. Suicide is a real threat to our LGBTQ youth. If one kid can find hope, that's all that matters."

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The INSIDER Summary:

• Chris Porsz photographed eye-catching strangers in the 1970s and 1980s.
• Thirty years later, he tracked people down and recreated the photos in the same spots.
• He compiled the images into a book called "Reunions."

Photographer Chris Porsz used to wander the streets of Peterborough with his camera in the 1970s and 1980s taking pictures of whoever seemed interesting enough to photograph.

He put his passion for photography on hold for 25 years as he raised a family and worked long hours as a paramedic, but published some of his old work in a local paper. When people started recognizing themselves in the photos, he decided to pick up his camera once more and try to reunite with his subjects almost 40 years later.

Through Facebook, geneologists, and old-fashioned detective work, Porsz recreated enough photos to fill a book called "Reunions." 

Here are 10 photos that show just how much of a difference decades can make — and how some things never change.

Chris Porsz spent five years pointing his camera at society as a street photographer in the 1970s and 80s.

On his days off from working as a casualty porter at Peterborough District Hospital, he would walk the streets of Peterborough and photograph eye-catching strangers.

"I was always looking for people who stood out from the crowd — characters," he told INSIDER.

He didn't pick up his camera again for 25 years as he became busy with a career as a paramedic and raising his children.

Business Insider UK spoke to Richard Stephens, author of the book "Black Sheep: The Hidden Benefits of Being Bad" and psychologist at Keele University, about how swearing can be a helpful tool in establishing social relationships.

Here's a transcript of the video:

How swearing can be a sign of belonging? Everyone swears in lots of different situations and for lots of different reasons. You sometimes find that people in groups would swear to each other but not necessarily to other people.

They do that because it seems to be kind of a shared code. It's kind of odd because in that situation swearing – which is normally considered to be incredibly rude – can actually be a form of politeness.

If people didn't swear, it would be: "What's wrong with them?" There's a really nice study of some soap factory workers in New Zealand. They were organised in teams and worked together for a long period of time.

Within a team, they swore at each other like nobody's business but if they spoke to somebody outside the team the swearing completely disappeared.

It would have been if they had not sworn to one of their colleagues, they'd have been saying: "What's wrong with them? They're in a funny mood today."

In that situation, swearing was almost a form of politeness.

Produced by Claudia Romeo. Filmed by Joe Daunt.

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