Quantcast
Channel: Relationships
Viewing all 3141 articles
Browse latest View live

More than 50,000 people want to get their hands on this wearable device for couples in long-distance relationships

$
0
0

Pillow Talk

A device that allows loved ones in long-distance relationships to listen to their partner's heartbeat was launched on the crowdfunding platform Kickstarter on Tuesday by a London startup.

Little Riot, a Telefónica-backed company, is looking to raise £75,000 ($113,000) for its "Pillow Talk" product, which picks up a user's heartbeat in real time and transmits it over the internet to a device under their partner's pillow.

The Pillow Talk kit, expected to retail at £65 ($89), consists of a wristband, a speaker and an app. 

The wristband detects the user's heartbeat, which is then sent to the speaker under their lover's pillow via the app.  

"Pillow Talk is not a conventional wearable; it's not a fitness or sleep tracker or any sort of 'qualified self' product," said 28-year-old interaction designer Joanna Montgomery, the founder and CEO of Little Riot. "Pillow Talk is about communication and feeling connected to someone."

Little Riot believes Pillow Talk will prove popular with military families in which one person in the relationship is based overseas for long periods of time. It could also take off with students that are in a relationship but studying at different universities, according to the company. 

More than 50,000 people are on the waiting list for Pillow Talk, but the only Pillow Talk device that has been manufactured to date is a £600 prototype. Little Riot hopes to use the Kickstarter funding to get more Pillow Talk devices made.

Little Riot has already raised £250,000 from private investors and is one of several early-stage startups based out of Telefónica's London startup accelerator, Wayra.

Gary Stewart, director at Wayra UK, said: "This product meets the needs and wants generated by the ever growing complexity of the digital world by presenting a new and previously unexplored way for humans to interact with technology, creating an immerse experience which currently cannot be matched."

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: Facebook and Instagram won’t let you mention or post links from this competitor


How to keep from fighting about money in your relationship

$
0
0

couple autumn

Ask almost any couple what they fight about and “money” is bound to be chief among the issues.

We all have our own ideas on how our financial future should play out, and when someone else’s ideas get in the mix, it’s easy for the relationship to temporarily derail.

Staying on track isn’t as hard as it seems, however, if you know how to pick your battles.

Here are nine ways to avoid fighting about money in your relationship.

SEE ALSO: 15 everyday expenses that eat away at your money

Recognize that money attitudes are predetermined.

Attitudes about money are likely adopted from our parents. Jon and Beverly Meyerson, authors of "Power Snuggles: Your Path to Vibrant and Lasting Love," agree. They say the sooner you recognize that much of the conflict regarding money concerns the different values formed in childhood, the better off you’ll be.

“In a calm time, have an open discussion about the messages you received from your parents regarding money,” the Meyersons suggest. “This will help each of you to understand how your partner is thinking and you will likely be more accepting of each other’s viewpoints.”



Be honest about your financial fears.

Money is frightening and if you don’t have a plan for spending and saving money, you and your partner will start to butt heads. But the Meyersons offer a solution.

“Discuss each other’s fears with respect to spending or saving money,” they say. “Your goal is to alleviate your partner’s fears, such as not having enough for retirement or for emergencies. Couples are more likely to compromise after this discussion.”



Keep separate accounts.

“Regardless of how much you each earn, make sure you both have a checking account to allow you the independence to make some purchases on your own and agree that no matter how you feel about small purchases you will accept the other’s desires,” the Meyersons advise.

My husband and I have a joint account for recreational funds, but we primarily keep separate checking and savings accounts. We’re not afraid to talk about how much money we have in those accounts — it’s not a secret we’re trying to keep from one another — but we both like to feel independent of each other financially even though if the going got tough, we’d have each other’s backs.



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

A woman who's gone on 150 Tinder dates reveals how men screw up their profiles

The author of 'Eat, Pray, Love' says earning a fortune taught her not to mix money and friendship

$
0
0

Elizabeth Gilbert

Over 10 million copies of Elizabeth Gilbert's 2006 memoir "Eat, Pray, Love" have been printed, and the story of her post-divorce search for meaning through Italy, India, and Bali was adapted into a film starring Julia Roberts in 2010.

Over on Wealthsimple, Gilbert discusses one specific effect of her book's massive success with Andrew Goldman: the money.

The entire story is worth a read — Gilbert talks about everything from her fear of "blowing through" the cash to why she spent four years renovating a house to perfection and then moved into a smaller one.

One of the most poignant insights, however, is her perspective on money and friendship: 

The most difficult and challenging part for me about suddenly coming into a giant pile of money was that I initially felt that I had to redistribute it among all my friends. I felt I had always been an artist living close to the bone, and I have so many friends who were living the same way. So I felt like, Wow, I got so lucky. This should be all of our good fortune. So I gave a lot of money away to friends of mine.

That had mixed results. In many cases, I had to really argue with some of my friends, to make them take the money, because wisely some of those people said, “This is going to really change our relationship.” But I said, “No, it won't. Just consider it a friendship dividend.” I'm such a utopian; I never anticipate bad results.

And bad results there were. She explains that while half of her gifts to friends were fulfilling and wonderful, some led to ruined friendships. "By giving money to my friends, I entered into their private lives far more intimately that I should have done," she says. "Suddenly a bunch of stuff became my business that should never have been my business in the first place."

She says that she accepts responsibility for that choice, but that sometimes, she wishes she could undo it. Now, she prefers to give her money to established, trustworthy charities. "I try not to mix money with friendship anymore."

Read the full story on Wealthsimple »

SEE ALSO: Too many people are pretending to be rich

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: Former Navy SEALs reveal what Hollywood gets wrong about the elite warriors

3 common thinking errors that ruin relationships

$
0
0

couple autumn

The beginning of a relationship is amazing. But often, it starts to fizzle out later on…

The things you used to love about them start to annoy you. They don't listen. They don't seem interested in meeting your needs. It doesn't feel reciprocal anymore.

What's the problem here? We all want to know how to make love last.

Aaron Beck is one of the heavyweights of psychology and he has a very interesting perspective on why things go wrong in relationships.

Everybody talks about feelings but what Beck says is key is learning the errors people make in thinking when it comes to love. And no, not just your partner's thinking — yours, too.

So let's learn what these errors are and the three ways to fix them so you can have a happy, loving relationship.

Where should we start? Well, this may sound terribly unscientific, but the first thing we need to talk about is mind reading…

You're a terrible mind reader

Beck says one of the key problems is that you're an awful mind reader — but unfortunately that doesn't stop you from trying to do it over and over again:

"She's quiet. She must be angry at me."

"He didn't take out the trash. He must not love me."

There could be a zillion reasons why people do what they do. But we think we know the answer. And we're usually negative. And we're usually wrong. And this is how many relationship problems start.

From "Love Is Never Enough: How Couples Can Overcome Misunderstanding":

When spouses' high expectations are thwarted, they are prone to jump to negative conclusions about the partner's state of mind and the state of the marriage. Relying on what amounts to mind reading, the disillusioned spouse jumps to damning conclusions about the cause of the trouble: "She's acting this way because she's bitchy" or "He's being this way because he's filled with hate."…Interpreting a partner's motives in this way is fraught with danger, simply because we cannot read other people's minds.

Ever wonder why drunks get in so many fights? Research shows that alcohol increases our belief that others did things intentionally. Somebody bumped into you? It wasn't a harmless mistake, it was disrespect.

And often we all act like drunks in our relationships. We assume benign errors are huge signs that someone doesn't love us.

From "Love Is Never Enough":

We can never really know the state of mind— the attitudes, thoughts, and feelings— of other people. We depend on signals, which are frequently ambiguous, to inform us about the attitudes and wishes of other people. We use our own coding system, which may be defective, to decipher these signals. Depending on our own state of mind at a particular time, we may be biased in our method of interpreting other people's behavior, that is, how we decode. The degree to which we believe that we are correct in divining another person's motives and attitudes is not related to the actual accuracy of our belief.

Now some might say, "Hey, I've been with this person a long time. I really do know what they're like."

In some cases you're probably right, but the more intimate a relationship, sometimes the more likely it is that people will misunderstand each other.

From "Love Is Never Enough":

In close relationships, we are less flexible in using our coding system than in more impersonal situations. In fact, the more intense a relationship, the greater the possibility of misunderstanding. More than any other intimate tie, marriage presents continual opportunities for the misreading of signs.

So you know you can't read minds, but what is actually going wrong here? What errors in our thinking lead to this? There are three little devils in particular we need to look at…

1. The wrong kind of bias

love is never enoughYour relationship may have clinical depression. Yes, relationships can have psychological disorders just like people do.

When individuals think negatively and assume the worst, it's called depression. And when you do this in a relationship, it has the same negative consequences.

From "Love Is Never Enough":

Distressed couples often react to each other as though they themselves had a psychological disorder. Their thinking about their spouse shows bias like that seen in people with anxiety and depression. To them, their beliefs are real, their minds are open. Actually, they have closed minds and a closed perspective where their partner is concerned.

When you first fall in love, the other person can do no wrong. And it feels so good. And this is actually quite a healthy perspective.

But that positive bias often changes. The "free-spirited" quality you loved so much is now called "flaky." The behavior didn't change much, but your interpretation did.

From "Love Is Never Enough":

The power of the negative is shown in a number of research studies. What most of all distinguishes distressed marriages from satisfactory marriages is not so much the absence of pleasant experiences but that interpretation. The improvements that couples show in counseling are accompanied more by a reduction in unpleasant encounters than by an increase in pleasant events. Happiness seems to come more naturally when the negative experiences and negative interpretations are diminished.

When our mind reading assumes the positive, as it does early in a romance, that's good. But when we shift to assuming the negative, things get bad.

So rose-colored glasses can help. What's another big problem with mind reading — one you have probably done or had done to you that really messed things up?

2. Unspoken rules

Tell me if this sounds like a prescription for a successful relationship to you:

I have a list of rules. But I'm not going to tell you what they are. If you violate them, I'm allowed to get angry. Also, even though I'm not going to tell you what the rules are, not knowing the rules is also a violation and I'm allowed to get angry at you for that too.

Hardly sounds fair, right? But we all do this at times. We have things we expect but never make clear.

And I know what some of you may be thinking: "But ____ really should be obvious. They should know that. I shouldn't have to say it."

"Should" is a really problematic word. You're saying the universe needs to bend to your will. Try the word "should" with the weather and let me know how that works.

What's obvious to you is not always obvious to others. We can all have very different interpretations of the same things. It's a lot better to make things clear than to assume that your needs are obvious and the other person is inherently evil.

From "Love Is Never Enough":

The assumption that one's expectations are universal leads to another problem. One partner will believe that the other should know what he or she wants without being asked. This expectation that the mate should be psychic is found frequently in distressed marriages.

You're not good at reading other people's minds and by the same token, you can't expect them to be good at reading yours. So unspoken rules are a bad idea.

The third problem answers a question we've all wondered about: "Why does my partner blow up about the stupidest little things sometimes?" There's an answer…

3. Symbolic meanings

You were late and your partner just explodes. Huh? When was the death penalty the punishment for lateness?

But to them, late means, "You don't care about me."

You know, the same way that "We didn't make love last night" means "You don't want me to be happy," and how "You didn't take out the trash" means "You're a malevolent demon in human form."

All of us attach symbolic meaning to certain actions. We're often terrible about communicating the importance of these minor things and yet we expect others to know just how vital they are.

From "Love Is Never Enough":

Because of the symbolic meanings attached to ordinary failings such as being late, one spouse may attach a great deal of significance to the other's tardiness: "Something may have happened to her" or "If he really cared about my feelings, he would be on time."

Any time you attach strong symbolic meaning to something very innocuous without telling your partner, you're expecting them to read your mind. And that, as we know, causes problems.

Couple Talking on Bench

Okay, so we've seen how being bad at mind reading and expecting others to read minds can lead to problems. How do we fix this? There are three steps…

1. Play "find the should"

You need to find your unspoken rules, your symbolic meanings, and all those nasty un-communicated "shoulds" you have regarding your partner.

Watch yourself next time you get angry or anxious. What is the "should" that you're expecting from your partner that you're not getting? What unspoken rules are you assuming are obvious that might not be?

And if you realize these expectations are irrational, guess what? You need to change them.

The problems couples experience usually aren't so much from actual behaviors as much as the anger over these broken "rules."

From "Love Is Never Enough:"

Much of the anger in distressed marriages springs from such broken rules rather than from objectively bad actions on the part of one of the mates.

Okay, so you've thought about your "shoulds", unspoken rules and symbolic meanings. What's next?

2. Communicate your needs (and ask for theirs)

Talk to your partner about these expectations. And past that, you want to learn the expectations that they have of you.

You need to double check your mind reading. You'll be surprised how wrong you've been about some things.

From "Love Is Never Enough:

Partners should check their mind reading, either by asking directly or by making further observations of their mate's actions. They will often find that their mind reading is incorrect. By disproving their interpretations based on mind reading, they have an additional payoff, namely, they can correct their coding system for understanding their spouse — reprogram their computer, as it were. This technique helps them to be more accurate in knowing what their partner is actually thinking and feeling so the relationship can be more harmonious.

How do you know when you really understand your partner? If you're able to paraphrase back to them their feelings and needs, you're in good shape.

And not only does this mean you understand, it lets them know you understand — which is almost as important.

From "Love Is Never Enough":

To be sure that you understand the precise nature of your mate's concerns, give him or her feedback, paraphrasing what seems to be the essence of the complaints. After further clarification, you should give your mate a summary of the complaints to determine whether you have understood them.

Relationship expert John Gottman talks about the importance of building a "love map"— knowing your partner so well you can build a map of their needs and how they think. It was something he consistently saw in the happiest couples.

So what's the final tip? Time to put those rose-colored glasses back on…

3. Correct your bias

Don't act like a drunk and assume every bad thing is intentional. Assume your partner wants the best for you unless the opposite is absolutely clear. And even then, ask.

Next time you assume the worst, try and reframe your perspective to explore other reasons why they may have done what they did.

Instead of assuming, "They yelled because they don't love me" it might be time to think "They did that because they're in pain. How can I help them?"

Another good thing to do is to start noting all the good things they do instead of the bad. Every time your partner does something that you're grateful for, write it down. This is similar to one of the most proven methods for becoming happier.

Okay, we've covered a lot. Let's round it up and learn an easy way to remember how to put it into action…

Sum up

Here's how to make love last:

  • You're a terrible mind reader: Stop assuming you know why they did something wrong. You don't. Want the answer? Ask.
  • Rose-colored glasses are good: If you're going to try to read minds, assume the best. Otherwise, why the heck are you with this person?
  • No unspoken rules: They can't read minds either. Stop thinking it's obvious. If it was obvious, you would not have this problem.
  • Symbolic meanings confuse people: To you "being late" means "you don't love me." To them "being late" means "being late." Clarify your interpretation or they'll think you're insane.

You're not a bad person. And neither are they. It's often just a misunderstanding. So treat it that way.

The secret to that crazy love is often just wearing those rose-colored glasses: believing your partner is the best and that they want the best for you. As J.D. Salinger once said: "I am a kind of paranoiac in reverse. I suspect people of plotting to make me happy."

Join over 225,000 readers. Get a free weekly update via email here.

SEE ALSO: 19 changes to make in your 20s to set yourself up for lifelong success

DON'T MISS: The 27 jobs that are most damaging to your health

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: TONY ROBBINS: These are the 2 most important keys to success

For $30, a new company will break up with your significant other so you don't have to

$
0
0

sad upset breakup divorce tragic cant handle the great gatsby

Breakups are messy — sometimes so messy that we drag on a relationship just to avoid the actual breaking up part.

The good news is that you never have to deliver the bad news again. The Breakup Shop, a new service based in Canada, will end things for you, Megan Garber of the Atlantic reports— for a small fee, that is.

For $10, you can buy a text or email sent to your significant other from The Breakup Shop informing them of your decision.

If a text or email sound too harsh, you can schedule a minute long phone call for slightly more — $29 — made by one of The Breakup Shop's two founders.

Or, you can you can go really old school and send them an actual letter. A standard letter will cost you $20, while a customizable letter — with explanations and more specific details — will cost you $30.

"People are already paying services like Tinder to get them in a relationship, why not pay a service to get you out of one?" co-founder Mackenzie, a 20-some Canadian who launched the company with his brother Evan, told Motherboard writer Emanuel Maiberg (Maiberg withheld their last name, as the brothers wish to remain anonymous).

Maiberg recently tried out the $29 breakup phone call on his girlfriend of five years (it was just an experiment and he warned her the call was coming).

The verdict? The method was efficient, but just as uncomfortable as telling her himself, Maiberg reported.

SEE ALSO: A 24-year-old Tesla engineer lived in a van for 5 months and paid off his $14,000 of student loans

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: This woman got a prime seat at a Trump rally, and spent the whole time reading a book about racism

How to make people like you in 4 seconds or less

$
0
0

Networking

Within seconds of meeting you, people are already making judgments about your personality.

Those assessments can influence whether they want to hire you, date you, or be your friend.

So you'll want to do everything you can to make the best impression possible — before it's too late.

To help you out on that front, we checked out "How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less" by speaker and author Nicholas Boothman. The book highlights a key strategy for ingratiating yourself with your conversation partner while greeting them. 

The best part? The whole process takes just four seconds. Read on to find out how to become instantly likable.

Step 1: Be open

Boothman says you'll want to open both your body and your attitude.

In terms of your body language, Boothman says you should aim your heart directly at the person you're meeting. Don't cover your heart with your hands or your arms. And if you're wearing a jacket, unbutton it beforehand. 

It's equally important to cultivate a positive attitude. While you're greeting the person, Boothman says you should feel and be aware of that positivity.

Step 2: Make eye contact

Boothman says you should be the one to initiate eye contact, and let your eyes reflect your positive attitude.

If you feel uncomfortable making eye contact, he suggests a strategy for getting used to it: When you're watching TV, note the eye color of the people on camera and say the name of the color in your head. The next day, do the same thing with every person you meet. 

Just make sure to look away at some point — as Carol Kinsey Goman writes on Forbes, too much eye contact can feel rude or intimidating for the other person. 

Nice and smiling

Step 3: Beam

Boothman advises being the first one to smile. You'll send the message that you're sincere. 

Research also suggests that smiling when you meet someone in a happy context is a useful way to get them to remember you. 

Step 4: Say "hello"

Whether you say "hi,""hey," or "hello," or use another salutation, you should sound delighted to be making this person's acquaintance.

Next, you'll want to extend your hand. Make sure to give a firm handshake, which generally creates a more positive impression. 

When the person you're meeting gives his or her name, try to repeat it a few times. For example, you might say, "Sara. Nice to meet you, Sara!"

If you're meeting multiple people and can't shake everyone's hand at once, Boothman says it's possible to conduct a "hands-free" handshake. Do everything you'd normally do while shaking someone's hand — point your heart in their direction, say hello, and smile — but don't extend your hand. 

Step 5: Lean in

There's no need to fall over into the person you're meeting. 

Boothman suggests an "almost imperceptible forward tilt" to show that you're open to and interested in what the person has to say.

SEE ALSO: 14 habits of the most likable people

DON'T MISS: The 27 jobs that are most damaging to your health

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: This is what makes charismatic people so attractive

Happiness and lasting relationships rely on one habit

$
0
0

couple

Think back to the last time your partner did something nice for you.

Now think about how you reacted to that little act of kindness.

Research suggests that people who are grateful — not just by saying a quick "thanks" but also by internally processing that gratitude — get a happiness boost.

More importantly, they also tend to feel more connected to their significant other and better about their relationship overall.

A recent study by Sara Algoe, a psychologist at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, found that on days when partners reported feeling more grateful for their significant other's acts of kindness, they also reported feeling more connected to that person. 

In other words, what mattered wasn't how often someone in the relationship did a thoughtful thing — it was how grateful the partner reported feeling about it. 

Amie Gordon, a psychologist at the University of California at Berkeley, has also studied how gratitude can affect couples. In a series of studies, she found that the more grateful couples said they were the time she first questioned them, the more likely they were to still be in that same relationship nine months later.

It's not just about saying thank you

couple autumnPsychologically speaking, processing gratitude may be different than simply expressing it. So rather than simply saying "thank you" to the person who held the door open, try focusing on how you feel about the person who did that kind act.

"My definition of gratitude," writes Gordon in a blog post for Psychology Today, "includes appreciating not just what your partner does, but who they are as a person. You're not just thankful that your partner took out the trash — you're thankful that you have a partner who is thoughtful enough to know you hate taking out the trash."

Researchsuggests that one of the reasons being grateful feels so good is because it helps kick-start a cycle of positive vibes. In other words, when we start beinggrateful, we're more likely to continue to feel positive in the minutes or months ahead. 

And the people around us probably feel it too.

UP NEXT: Scientists say one behavior is the 'kiss of death' for a relationship

DON'T MISS: Surprising science-backed ways to boost your mood

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: The one strategy couples should use to survive tough times in a relationship


Facebook makes it easier to see less of your ex after a breakup (FB)

$
0
0

twophones

Facebook's mission may be to make the world more connected, but the social network at least recognizes that it's sometimes better to create distance when a relationship ends.

On Thursday Facebook announced new tools in its mobile app that prompt you to see less of your ex after you change your relationship status.

"When a relationship ends, we’ve heard from people that they sometimes have questions about the options available to them on Facebook," Facebook product manager Kelly Winters said in a blog post.

Now Facebook can ask if you want to hide your ex's activity in your News Feed without you having to manually unfollow or block the person. Facebook will also not suggest your ex when trying to tag friends in photos you upload.

The app can also hide all posts of yours from said ex (unless the person is tagged) and prompt you to look back through and edit who can see past posts of the two of you together.

The new feature isn't the first time Facebook has addressed the delicate nature of breakups on its network. The "On This Day" feature that shows your past activity on the same day from years past can filter out individual people to keep them from showing up in your digital memories.

Facebook said it has begun testing its new breakup tools in the US on mobile and plans to "make changes and roll them out further based on people’s feedback."

changepastposts

inphone_limit

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: We asked a bunch of kids what they think about Facebook

A couples psychologist told us 4 simple words that can help any relationship

$
0
0

george amal clooney

It's amazing how much just a few words can make a difference. 

Especially when those words are "What do you think?"

According to Peter Pearson, a relationship psychologist and the cofounder of the Couples Institute in Menlo Park, California, attaching that helpful phrase can change the dynamic of what could have been a contentious conversation. 

Because while you can't change the person you're with, he says, you can influence them. 

"If somebody says to their partner, 'You don't care at all about how I feel,' that's quite the accusation," he says, "and the listener is going to respond with defensiveness." 

And the exchange isn't going to lead to anywhere but bickering. 

Thus the value of "What do you think?" 

Pearson says that if you change "You don't care at all about how I feel" to "You don't care at all about how I feel, what do you think?" then you can actually start a dialogue. It'll be more thoughtful, more productive. 

"'You don't care at all about how I feel' is a parental, scolding accusation," Pearson says.

"But if you say, 'What do you think,' if you say it with the right tone and facial expression, you're showing that you're interested in their perspective," he explains. "If you just blast out the accusation, there's no hint that the blaster cares about what the other person has to say other than unconditional surrender." 

Those four words — what do you think — help turn conflict into collaboration, demagoguery into democracy. More open to feedback, open to discussion. 

"It's kinda simple," he says. "If people can remember under pressure to say four words, you can prevent a lot of cross complaining." 

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: 14 things you didn't know your iPhone headphones could do

Hugh Hefner's son has a surprising and inspiring attitude toward women

$
0
0

During our trip to the Playboy Mansion in Los Angeles, we sat down with Cooper Hefner, who has been tapped by the company his father founded to act as a brand ambassador. Cooper grew up in the Playboy Mansion and was exposed to the world of Playmates from an early age. 


We were surprised to find out that he has a perspective on monogamy and relationships that couldn't be further from that of his dad, who famously enjoyed multiple girlfriends at the same time.

Produced by Graham Flanagan

Follow BI Video: On Facebook

Join the conversation about this story »

Scientists studied thousands of people to figure out the 'ideal' amount of sex

$
0
0

love couple kissing sex rain nyc

Spend any time reading grocery checkout line magazines or watching TV, and a ubiquitous theme emerges: More sex is better. Too little sex leads to sadness and desperation, and is a condition that must quickly corrected.

Oversimplification aside, is there any truth to this? How much sex is "too little," and do we have any idea how much sex is ideal for most people?

A team of psychologists at the University of Toronto-Mississauga analyzed data from more than 30,000 people in a series of three studies and came up with an answer: People are happier when they have more sex, but only up to a point, and only if they are in a relationship.

The magic amount of sex — after which no additional happiness was observed — is once per week.

Screen Shot 2015 11 23 at 9.06.10 AM

The results were published Nov. 18 in the journal Social, Psychological, and Personality Science.

Previous research has found that the average American has sex slightly less than this ideal, approximately 2-3 times per month (though that includes single people).

"It's important to maintain an intimate connection with your partner, but you don’t need to have sex every day as long as you're maintaining that connection,"Amy Muise, a post-doctoral fellow who led the study, said in a statement.

The once-a-week finding is pretty inclusive, too, being true "for men and women, younger and older people, and couples who had been married for a few years or decades," Muise noted in the statement.

The researchers suspect that since people who have sex at least once a week are happier in their relationships, and since relationship satisfaction is strongly linked to overall happiness, relationship satisfaction could be what's behind the link between sex and happiness.

Screen Shot 2015 11 23 at 9.12.28 AM

The new study can't say whether having sex at least once a week maximizes happiness, or if people who are already the happiest tend to be the ones having sex at least once a week. It's also based on people's self-reported answers, and it's widely known that survey respondents aren't always honest when dishing about personal topics, like their happiness and their sex life. People also don't always remember accurately when asked to recall their behavior throughout the previous year.

Finally, the study, while large, generalizes across a large number of people: Mileage will vary, often significantly, between individuals — some of whom, for example, may be happiest with no sex at all.

The idea that more of something good increases your happiness, but only up to a point, is not new though. Nobel Prize winners Angus Deaton and Daniel Kahneman found that more money is associated with more day-to-day happiness, but only up to $75,000 a year. More money can make people feel better about their lives, but it won't really change their mood on a daily basis.

Interestingly, however, Muise found that the happiness gap was greater with sex than with money. In particular, she found the difference was greater between people who had sex less than once a month versus once a week than between those who earned $15,000-$25,000 a year versus $50,000-$75,000 a year:

Screen Shot 2015 11 23 at 9.01.45 AM

The researchers note in the paper that "it is important for couples to engage in sexual intimacy to maintain satisfying romantic relationships but also to hold realistic expectations about their sex life."

Indeed, "sex may be like money," they conclude: "Only too little is bad."

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: Scientists grew a pair of vocal cords that produce sound — a huge medical advance

Scientists studied thousands of people to figure out the 'ideal' amount of sex

$
0
0

love couple kissing sex rain nyc

Spend any time reading grocery checkout line magazines or watching TV, and a ubiquitous theme emerges: More sex is better. Too little sex leads to sadness and desperation, and is a condition that must quickly corrected.

Oversimplification aside, is there any truth to this? How much sex is "too little," and do we have any idea how much sex is ideal for most people?

A team of psychologists at the University of Toronto-Mississauga analyzed data from more than 30,000 people in a series of three studies and came up with an answer: People are happier when they have more sex, but only up to a point, and only if they are in a relationship.

The magic amount of sex — after which no additional happiness was observed — is once per week.

Screen Shot 2015 11 23 at 9.06.10 AM

The results were published Nov. 18 in the journal Social, Psychological, and Personality Science.

Previous research has found that the average American has sex slightly less than this ideal, approximately 2-3 times per month (though that includes single people).

"It's important to maintain an intimate connection with your partner, but you don’t need to have sex every day as long as you're maintaining that connection,"Amy Muise, a post-doctoral fellow who led the study, said in a statement.

The once-a-week finding is pretty inclusive, too, being true "for men and women, younger and older people, and couples who had been married for a few years or decades," Muise noted in the statement.

The researchers suspect that since people who have sex at least once a week are happier in their relationships, and since relationship satisfaction is strongly linked to overall happiness, relationship satisfaction could be what's behind the link between sex and happiness.

Screen Shot 2015 11 23 at 9.12.28 AM

The new study can't say whether having sex at least once a week maximizes happiness, or if people who are already the happiest tend to be the ones having sex at least once a week. It's also based on people's self-reported answers, and it's widely known that survey respondents aren't always honest when dishing about personal topics, like their happiness and their sex life. People also don't always remember accurately when asked to recall their behavior throughout the previous year.

Finally, the study, while large, generalizes across a large number of people: Mileage will vary, often significantly, between individuals — some of whom, for example, may be happiest with no sex at all.

The idea that more of something good increases your happiness, but only up to a point, is not new though. Nobel Prize winners Angus Deaton and Daniel Kahneman found that more money is associated with more day-to-day happiness, but only up to $75,000 a year. More money can make people feel better about their lives, but it won't really change their mood on a daily basis.

Interestingly, however, Muise found that the happiness gap was greater with sex than with money. In particular, she found the difference was greater between people who had sex less than once a month versus once a week than between those who earned $15,000-$25,000 a year versus $50,000-$75,000 a year:

Screen Shot 2015 11 23 at 9.01.45 AM

The researchers note in the paper that "it is important for couples to engage in sexual intimacy to maintain satisfying romantic relationships but also to hold realistic expectations about their sex life."

Indeed, "sex may be like money," they conclude: "Only too little is bad."

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: Scientists grew a pair of vocal cords that produce sound — a huge medical advance

Researchers created a computer program that can predict if your relationship will last

$
0
0

brad pitt jennifer aniston

Researchers have created a computer program that can predict relationship success with better accuracy than therapists.

The program is capable of predicting whether you and your spouse will have an improved or worsened relationship over time with 79% accuracy. It even fared better than relationship experts, who kept comments on married couples' therapy sessions.

The program works by analyzing the tone of voice used when couples spoke to each other. It was designed by a team hailing from University of Southern California's school of engineering and the University of Utah.

“What you say is not the only thing that matters, it’s very important how you say it," Md Nasir, a doctoral student at USC and author on the study, wrote in a press release.

To create the program, researchers recorded hundreds of conversations from 100 couples in marital therapy sessions over a two-year span. They then tracked each couples' martial status for five years.

The researchers broke each of the recordings down into acoustic features and looked at factors like pitch and voice intensity. It was important to analyze multiple conversations between couples so the researchers could fine-tune the program to see how the couples' vocal acoustic features changed over time, and what that said about the relationship.

Eventually, the researchers hope to analyze body language and the actual words spoken to predict relationship outcomes.

“Looking at multiple points in time and looking at both the individuals and the dynamics of the (duo) can help identify trajectories of the their relationship," Panayiotis Georgiou, an assistant professor of electrical engineering who co-led the study, wrote in the press release.

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: This surprising word could ruin your relationship

Scientists say this surprising trait could make men more attractive to women

$
0
0

first date couple smiling laughingBusiness Insider recently published a list of ways to make yourself more attractive while doing virtually nothing to alter your physical appearance.

One of the most intriguing pieces of research we came across was a recent small study that found women tend to be more attracted to men who are high in mindfulness, which is the ability to be fully present without judging the difficult thoughts and emotions that arise.

For the study, a team of Australian researchers analyzed the results of a speed-dating experiment involving 91 undergrads. As the students arrived, researchers took their photos and independent raters decided how physically attractive each person was.

Before the speed-dating session, all participants completed a questionnaire designed to measure mindfulness. They indicated how much they agreed with statements like, "I perceive my inner feelings and emotions without having to react to them," and "I drive on 'automatic pilot' without paying attention to what I'm doing."

The speed-dating session itself was pretty standard: Participants rotated until all the men had the chance to speak individually with all the women. Immediately after each interaction, they indicated privately how attractive they had found their partner — how "sexy" that person was, how much they'd like to date that person, and whether they'd like to get to know that person better.

Results revealed a stark gender difference: While men were more drawn to physically attractive women, women were more attracted to mindful men.

These findings jibe with other research that suggests mindfulness is a key predictor of relationship satisfaction. Individuals high in mindfulness are generally less angry when they fight with their partners and more empathetic in general. So the women may have been picking up on the fact that the mindful men might make better partners — although the researchers can't say that for certain.

The researchers also suggest that men high in mindfulness may have been more attentive to their partners, and better able to manage any anxiety that would otherwise interfere with their communication.

The takeaway here isn't that men having trouble finding a mate should sign up for an emergency meditation retreat. Future research needs to examine what exactly mindful men are doing that makes them more appealing to women.

In the meantime, it might pay to adopt the communication habits of mindful people — like listening carefully and showing empathy for the other person. Those habits could not only make you more attractive when you first meet someone, but could also help you sustain the relationship if sparks fly.

SEE ALSO: Why men may be more likely to tolerate unfairness from attractive women

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: Navy SEALs explain how your ego can destroy everything


What you need to know before going into business with family

$
0
0

Going into business with family is an often appealing and convenient option. However, there always exists the risk that something business-related could negatively impact the relationship.

We talked to Shep and Ian Murray — the two brothers that founded the successful clothing company Vineyard Vines in 1998. They talked about the lessons they've learned from navigating the tricky landscape associated with mixing business and family.

Produced by Graham Flanagan

Follow BI Video:On Facebook

Join the conversation about this story »

Where you should never touch friends, relatives, and strangers

$
0
0

kristen bell veronica mars cast touching reuters RTR3GUXW

Physical touch can strengthen our emotional bonds with other people, but it's easy to cross the line and come off as a touchy-feely creep.

Luckily, a new study published this week in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences has defined our unspoken social conventions.

The study surveyed 1,368 people and found that the closer a person feels to someone, the more likely they'd feel comfortable being touched on a larger area of their bodies.

Scroll down to see where and by whom the respondents drew the lines — quite literally — of a touch being OK or downright weird.

Researchers asked 1,368 people from Finland, France, Italy, Russia, and the United Kingdom to color in a human outline to show where they didn't mind being touched by different relations.



Then the scientists averaged all the drawings. White and yellow areas indicate a comfortable area to touch, while red and dark red areas indicate discomfort.



Black areas indicate a "taboo zone," where a person with that relationship "is not allowed to touch."



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

Take these 4 steps to make any argument productive

$
0
0

couple arguing old 1950s

The way most people argue is all messed up.

Instead of exploring a topic — be it a moral dilemma or a transgression committed by a spouse — and kicking it around like a soccer ball, as relationship expert John Gottman says we should do, a lot of folks go straight for the jugular.

They try to "win" the argument.

In his most recent book, "Intuition Pumps and Other Tools for Thinking," philosopher Daniel Dennett explains that arguments can still be civilized discussions if people don't let their egos get in the way.

Dennet offers these four steps:

1. Re-phrase the person's argument in a new way

Your goal should be to hear what your opponent has to say and echo it back in a way that causes them to say "Hey, I'd never thought of it that way," Dennett advises.

The tactic helps show the other person that you understand where they're coming from. Or, if you don't, it will at least become clear once you put the argument into your own words.

2. When you agree with one of their points, say so

Since the goal of a discussion is to move closer toward the truth, it's not a sign of weakness to agree that some things the other person said are valid.

Fair points should be acknowledged. It shows you're capable of considering new perspectives and sets a more helpful tone for moving the conversation in a productive direction.

3. Mention what you've learned from the other person

As Bill Nye likes to say, everyone you will ever meet knows something you don't.

This insight is especially valuable during arguments because it puts you in the mental position to respect what the other person is saying. If you enter a conversation thinking your side is impenetrable and all-knowing, you won't be able to take advantage of new information.

Vocalizing what you learn helps disarm the other person from thinking they know everything, too.

4. Offer your critique

We may like to jump right into countering their point with ours, but staying patient actually makes your argument better once it's time to deliver it. It will be more well-informed and more defensible.

Dennett admits not everyone will be receptive to the approach. Some people just like to argue for arguing's sake. But if given the choice between skewering your opponent and taking the high road, he says the superior choice is clear — at least for him.

"It is worth reminding yourself that a heroic attempt to find a defensible interpretation of an author, if it comes up empty, can be even more devastating than an angry hatchet job," Dennett writes. "I recommend it."

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: How to win any argument

Here's how a computer knows if you're heading for a breakup

$
0
0

Most of the time, you get a gut feeling right before the demise of a relationship.

But sometimes, breakups come out of the blue, or at least faster than expected.

taylor swift blank space video

There's no sure way to ever know if your relationship will last, but researchers at USC have created a computer algorithm that can analyze certain aspects of what a couple says and does and determine the healthiness of a relationship. Shrikanth Narayanan, one of the lead researchers on the project, has also determined other factors he's found that can hint whether or not a relationship is doomed to fail.

Here's what he found:

Couples whose movements aren't in synch may be falling out of synch.

If you and your significant other have similar movements when you're together, that's a sign of a healthy relationship.

"A more positive interaction will show increased coordination (also often called behavior synchrony or entrainment) and vice versa," Narayanan, a USC professor of computer science, linguistics, and psychology, told Tech Insider.

"So a friendly interaction would show more coordination than one with conflict." 



How you and your partner move your heads while talking can speak to your relationship's healthiness.

Narayanan and his research team took their research into relationships and coordinated movements a step further when looking at head movement.

"How people move their heads together tells us something about the richness of their interactions," Narayanan explained in an interview with Tech Insider.

A study Narayanan was a co-author of found that"the more animated the couple, the more likely they are to exhibit similar motion events."

The study looked at how wives and husbands moved their heads when one was discussing an issue in therapy. 

The researchers assigned four codes that measured the emotional component of the relationship — acceptance, blame, positive, and negative. It found that similar head movements between couples were correlated with healthier relationship codes, like positive and acceptance.

 



Couples in positive relationships tend to speak similarly.

Turns out there's some merit to the idea that people who jive well together tend to speak similarly.

Couples exhibiting positive interactions tend to speak with the same intonation and rhythm, according to another USC study.

"When applied to married couple interactions, it was shown that interactions rated by experts to be more positive had greater similarity than ones rated to be negative," Narayanan, an author on the study, said.



See the rest of the story at Business Insider

This chart shows what people want in a spouse now compared to 70 years ago — and the differences are striking

$
0
0

cute happy couple young

There's more to marital bliss than finding someone who texts back quickly.

We also want our partners to be loving, financially secure, and maybe have a college education (or two).

It wasn't always this way.

Before we had modern medicine and casual attitudes toward sex, people held far different opinions about what constituted a worthy spouse. According to a 2013 study, people in 1939 focused more on maturity, good health, and chastity compared to people in 2008.

The results of that study, which compared data across both time periods for 18 different traits, recently made its way to University of Oxford data visualization expert Max Roser, who runs the research website Our World In Data.

Here's the full breakdown:

Factors like emotional stability and religious background have held mostly steady. But certain traits stand out as stark reminders of the time each group lived in.

The 1939 respondents cared very little about their partner's political affiliation, education level, or financial status. More important was the quality of the person's character, whether they were dependable, neat, and well-suited for starting a family.

By 2008, those preferences were more or less turned on their head. People said they cared less about whether someone was a kind and reliable person and more about whether they matched their spouse's education level, political bent, and intelligence.

That kind of change squares well with all the data that finds younger generations are working longer hours than their parents and are more often sharing household duties in marriage.

Romance is becoming less about how people act, and more about how they think. 

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: Psychiatrist reveals 5 ways to have healthy and meaningful relationships

Viewing all 3141 articles
Browse latest View live


<script src="https://jsc.adskeeper.com/r/s/rssing.com.1596347.js" async> </script>