Wanted: a charming plus-one for a cocktail party or wedding.

Sound familiar? It's a regular refrain for single ladies. Sometimes you can rustle up a friend, or find a date. But when that fails, we can now look to options like Rent A Gent, a site that sets you up with a professional platonic date.

No funny business, it claims, just a dependable (and dependably attractive) companion for a few hours.

"We provide a service that's not on the market," Rent A Gent's creative director, Jon, told Business Insider. "It's something different and classy. These are more GQ-type guys."

Unlike the escort options you may be thinking of, the Rent A Gent service is about "empowering women." Rent A Gent prioritizes meaningful conversation, and the service costs $200 an hour.

You may be surprised to hear it isn't the only startup of its kind either. ManServants is a similar service that lets people rent men to wait on them hand and foot, and it costs $125 an hour.

On New York's coldest day of the year so far, I took Rent A Gent for a spin. Our date: The Metropolitan Museum of Art, where people flock to find beauty.

SEE ALSO: We spent a night out on the town with Tablelist, the app that can get you into your city's hottest clubs

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The company, founded three years ago by entrepreneur Sara Shikhman, employs a simple process: They have a listing of available "gents" across many major metropolitan areas in the US, to whom they will match you based on your mutual interests, needs, and availability. Then they'll put you in touch with him, and let everything progress from there.

They have about 150 regular gents across the country, with many hundreds of applicants to sift through. A public voting process helps them choose which ones are worthy of the gig, and each is vetted intensively for quality control. Right now, it's not a huge business; they facilitate a handful of dates a week, with New York and Los Angeles being the most consistent markets.

I had been matched with Aaron, who I knew from the photos on the site would be tall, dark, and handsome. It wasn't hard to find him: Even in the mobbed entrance of the Met Museum, he stood head and shoulders above the crowd.

Comedian Aziz Ansari teamed up with sociologist and author Eric Klinenberg to write "Modern Romance," an in-depth investigation into the reality of what it's like to date and look for love in the digital era. 

Since so much communication occurs through text messaging, we asked Klinenberg — who interviewed hundreds of people in focus groups for the book — what he found to be some of the biggest mistakes people make when texting someone they're interested in dating.

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This post from LinkedIn Influencer Travis Bradberry appeared originally on LinkedIn.

Too many people succumb to the mistaken belief that the ability to connect with others is a natural, unteachable trait that belongs to only a lucky few.

It’s easy to fall prey to this misconception. In reality, this ability is under your control, and it’s a matter of emotional intelligence (EQ).

Research conducted by Matthew Lieberman at UCLA shows that being social and connecting with others is as fundamental a human need as food, shelter, and water. For example, Lieberman discovered that we feel social pain, such as the loss of a relationship, in the same part of the brain that we feel physical pain.

The primary function of this brain area is to alert us to threats to our survival. It makes you realize how powerful and important social connection is. We’re hard wired to be social creatures.

“The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood.” – Ralph Nichols

MRIs of the brain show that social thinking and analytical thinking involve entirely different neural networks and that they operate something like a seesaw. When you engage in analytical thinking, the social part of your brain quiets down, but as soon as you’re finished, the social network springs back to life.

The social brain is the end of the seesaw where the fat kid sits; it’s our brain’s default setting.

Given that social connection is such a fundamental human need, you’d think that it would be easy to connect with everyone we meet. Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Against our own self-interest, we get bogged down by shyness, self-consciousness, cynicism, pride, competitiveness, jealousy, and arrogance.

If you can get that baggage out of the way, you can connect with anyone — even those who are still holding on to their own. Here are some tips that will help you to connect instantly with everyone you meet.

SEE ALSO: 10 habits of chronically unhappy people

Leave a strong first impression.

Research shows that most people decide whether or not they like you within the first seven seconds of meeting you. They then spend the rest of the conversation internally justifying their initial reaction. This may sound terrifying, but by knowing this, you can take advantage of it to connect with anyone.

First impressions are tied intimately to positive body language. Becoming cognizant of your gestures, expressions, and tone of voice (and making certain they’re positive) will draw people to you like ants to a picnic.

Using an enthusiastic tone, uncrossing your arms, maintaining eye contact, and leaning towards the person who’s speaking are all forms of positive body language that high-EQ people use to draw others in. Positive body language can make all the difference in a conversation. It’s true that how you say something can be more important than what you say.

Be the first to venture beyond the superficial.

Our first conversation or two with a new acquaintance tends to be pretty superficial. We portray a careful picture of ourselves, and we stick to nice, safe topics. We talk about the weather and people we know in common and share the most basic details about ourselves. But if you really want to connect with somebody, try upping the ante and revealing the real you.

You don’t need to get too personal, but it’s important to let the other person know what you’re passionate about. Most of the time, if you open up, the other person will follow your lead and do the same.

Ask good questions.

If the other person seems hesitant to open up, encourage them to do so by asking substantial questions. “What do you do?” doesn’t further the relationship nearly as much as, “Why did you choose your profession?”

Search for questions that will help you to understand what makes the other person tick, without getting too personal.

It's not easy getting people to like you. However, there are a few science-backed hacks that could make you more liked by the people you want to notice you.

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If sitting in a room full of people chanting the syllable "om" sounds a little too New Agey for your taste, here's some good news: There's a simple, practical alternative that can give you some of the same health benefits as yoga or meditation.

It's forgiveness.

We get it: The idea of forgiving someone else to prevent a heart attack sounds just about as beneficial as licking a steering wheel to prevent a car crash.

But decades of research have linked the regular practice of forgiving those who've wronged us with a handful of health benefits, from a boost in overall heart health, to less psychological stress, improved physical ability, and even a longer life.

Since the concept was first studied in the 1980s, medical organizations including the American Psychology Association and the Mayo Clinic have embraced the idea of forgiveness as a legitimate health-improvement tool.

From what we know so far, the research suggests that forgiveness works in two key ways:

1. It helps us let go emotionally

Forgiving someone else gives us the chance to let go.

It also lets us recover from the physical and emotional hangover that is long-term stress.

A University of Denver study of college and middle school students 3-6 weeks after the Sept. 11, 2001 attacks found that students who said they'd forgiven (or were at least trying to forgive) the perpetrators of the attacks experienced significantly less psychological stress than those who had not.

The forgivers reported struggling less with their own emotions, and ruminating and dwelling less frequently. They also said they were able to employ more coping tactics, like positive thinking, to help them process the event.

In comparison, the non-forgivers reported more intrusive thoughts about 9/11 and said they continued to feel more stressed out about it than the forgivers. 

Still, one remaining group of students fared worse psychologically than either the forgivers or the non-forgivers: Those who said they felt ambivalent about forgiveness.

The researchers think this finding suggests that being "undecided" in matters of forgiveness could actually be worse for us than resolving to address an issue because it leads us to spend more time thinking about (and dwelling on) an issue.

Of course, there's no indication in the study that being more forgiving caused less stress; it merely found a relationship between forgiveness and stress. In other words, it could be that people who tend to be more forgiving overall also tend to be less stressed.

2. It helps us let go physically

In one study, researchers asked two groups of people to remember and write about different moments in their lives. The first group recalled a time when they recently forgave someone, while the second group remembered a situation where they didn't forgive someone.

Then, people in both groups were asked to walk separately to the same point at the bottom of a hill and estimate how steep it was. 

The people who'd recalled forgiving someone tended to say the hill was less steep than the volunteers who'd remembered a time they didn't forgive someone.

In another similar experiment published in the same study, the researchers had three groups of people recall the following three scenarios: 1) a time when they forgave someone who'd offended them, 2) a time when they did not forgive someone who offended them, and 3) a neutral experience, like catching up with a friend over coffee.

Then they had the volunteers jump as high as they could without bending their knees. On average, those who'd written about the forgiveness or neutral scenarios jumped physically higher than those who'd written about not forgiving.

The takeaway

Forgiving other people appears to offer us a chance at letting go of burdens — whether they're physical or emotional. So try it out yourself. Your mind and body (not to mention the person you're forgiving) will probably thank you.

READ NEXT: Scientists say these 25 habits can help you feel happier and healthier

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As so many couples do these days, Jack* and I met online, about six years ago.

I was drawn to him partially because of our shared interests — we both loved to travel, staying fit and having fun in New York City — but I also liked that we seemed to be at similar stages in our lives. When we met we were both in our late 30s, had gone through divorces and were raising teens.

It was nice to have someone who could relate to my experiences as a parent and a busy professional. I was, and still am, an attorney; he was a business consultant. Because we both had good careers it didn’t seem like money would ever be an issue for us. Plus, our hectic schedules made it hard to find time for each other, and it’s not like I needed someone to support me — so why spend that time talking money?

Looking back, though, I wish I had, because over the course of our four-year relationship money grew from a nonissue to one that ultimately split us apart.

The warning signs

In the beginning of our relationship, we spent money on dates pretty evenly. I’d grab a check here, he’d grab a check there. There was no weirdness or “oh, I forgot my wallet” moments. And when we’d go on weekend getaways to places like Florida or Montauk, New York, we’d each pay our own way.

As our relationship progressed, however, I realized I didn’t know the basics about his money — not even a ballpark of how much he made. What we did talk about was the fact that his divorce had financially drained him and that it might take a while to rebuild his assets. I also realized that things were not all they seemed at his work. He complained about not making enough, disliked his role at the company and felt that his job was ultimately a dead end.

Whenever I would try to bring up questions about anything money-related — his bills, his salary or even whether he was a spender or a saver — he would suddenly get evasive. Yet I saw a disconnect between what little he said about his finances and what he was actually doing with his money. For example, we started eating in more and more because he’d complain about how dining out was draining his wallet. But then days later, he’d show me a new guitar he’d just bought — not to mention that he had a Porsche sitting in his driveway.

About two years into our relationship, we planned a vacation together to Europe. I booked the full amount on my credit card and then told him how much he owed me for his portion. It took about a month for him to pay me back because he never seemed to have the money whenever I brought it up (and he never seemed to broach the topic himself).

At that point, I’d started feeling a tinge of resentment: Why wasn’t he quicker to foot the bill for our quality time together, yet seemingly perfectly content to spend on clothes and home renovations?

I was even more irked when he started spending four to five nights a week at my house but gave me push-back when I suggested he contribute something to the household bills. His response was, “But you don’t need the money.” It’s true, I didn’t — to me, it was more about fairness. I wanted him to consider my home his home but that included pitching in to cover the costs of living there. Clearly, he felt differently.

Despite these incidents, I always gave him the benefit of the doubt. I chalked them up to him still piecing his finances together post-divorce. Or, I figured, maybe I just wasn’t aware of how large his expenses were. Plus, the one thing I did figure out was that I made more than him, so I never pushed these issues further — until we got engaged three years into our relationship.

RELATED: How My Divorce Set Me Financially Free

Getting serious ... and serious about money

Despite his reticence about money, I was looking forward to spending my life with Jack. He was funny and fun to be with and by now our lives were intertwined. We went on family vacations with our kids, he was spending the majority of his time at my home and we were starting to look at houses together where we could start our new life.

At this point, I knew I had to wrestle his financial information out of him, because once we said ‘I do,’ our money lives would be intertwined. I tried to casually drop in questions about his salary and bonus or what his major expenses were. But I got more of the hemming and hawing: “I don’t know what my bonus is because I get it throughout the year. I don’t know my expenses. My bank statements haven’t come in yet.”

I mostly let this slide — but I had a major light-bulb moment when his parents gave us a check as an engagement gift. I don’t even recall the amount because I never saw it. He held onto the check, never even suggesting that we use it jointly in any way. I’m not sure what he did with that money.

That’s when I finally made it clear there could be no more putting this off. We were engaged, and I needed to know why money was always so tight for him. I asked him to document his income and expenses for me on paper so we could review them together.

RELATED: Love & Money: 5 Tips for Couples Tackling “The Talk”

That’s when it really started to get absurd. When he’d say he didn’t have time to track down the information, I’d pepper him with questions: Why can’t you look it up online? Don’t your bills come every day? You tell me you get paid once a month — what’s in that paycheck? Your child support payment and your mortgage are the same every month, so how much are they? What exactly is your budget?

He complained that I was treating our relationship like a business plan, that it wasn’t right and that I was asking too much of him. I finally explained that if he was going to continue withholding financial details, I wasn’t comfortable getting married. His lack of transparency was, to my mind, the same as being dishonest, and I couldn’t move forward in a relationship where there was a lack of trust.

So I ended the relationship. To be sure, his reticence about money was just one of our issues — but it was a big one. He was shocked, but that still didn’t motivate him to share anything with me. Many months later, he wanted to get back together. But guess what he didn’t bring? His budget. I told him that I didn’t think anything would change, and to this day, I’m still not sure exactly how much he makes or how large his expenses were.

The story has a happy ending: I’m dating someone now who is very forthright about every detail of his finances. He knows about my previous relationship and is making sure he assuages my concerns — not because I need his money, but because I need to know he isn’t hiding anything.

Love & money lessons learned

One thing I am grateful for about my experience is that it showed me just how crucial it is to get the money talks taken care of before things get too serious — advice that I now heed as well as impart to my clients. Issues like income disparity, past debt or even having differing money personalities can all become elephants in the room if you don’t tackle them as a couple sooner rather than later.

Here are some quick tips I often share when it comes to broaching money in a dating relationship:

Get to know your partner’s spending habits. You don’t need to figure this all out in one sitting; you may even be able to glean insight simply by shopping with your partner at the mall and seeing how easy or hard it is to spend cash. The important thing is understanding what his or her relationship is with money so you can see how it jibes with yours.

Don’t be afraid to share your numbers. This can include your salary, expenses, debt, credit score, etc. The more serious you are, the more important these details will become, as they affect your financial future together. But even just knowing your partner’s income can help you early on, since it can help manage expectations for what your partner can actually afford to do, whether that’s fancy dinners or weekend getaways.

Talk about your financial dreams and goals. Do you want to travel, buy real estate or save for some other big goal? If so, tell your partner about that, and figure out whether you have a joint goal you could work toward together — for instance, that big tropical vacation. Your objective, ultimately, is to create a healthy, harmonious and long-lasting relationship — which is dependent on putting everything, including your financial details, on the table.

*Names and certain identifying details have been changed.

Leslie Tayne is a financial attorney and founder of Tayne Law Group in New York. She is also the author of “Life & Debt: A Fresh Approach to Achieving Financial Wellness.”

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Charlie Smith, a 29-year-old model, and her fiancé, "Captain," 34, were renovating homes in the Channel Islands when they decided to give up life as they knew it and sail the high seas instead.

The couple quit their jobs, postponed their wedding, and bought a boat.

Story by Aly Weisman and editing by Kristen Griffin

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Simon Sinek has spent the better part of his career teaching business leaders the importance of a single word: "Why."

As a leader, it's up to you to find and communicate your organization's Why — your greater purpose in the world. How are you changing people's lives with the product or service you offer?

If instead you get caught up in the trappings of wealth and fame, Sinek says you'll never truly be successful.

Sinek, who wrote the 2009 book "Start With Why," recently partnered with professional services firm EY in an initiative called "The Why Effect." The goal is to help organizations improve their performance by tapping into their greater purpose and putting people before numbers.

Finding your Why — and eschewing materialism — is certainly an inspiring idea. But we're all human beings, and it's only natural to want to be rich, famous, and powerful.

Sinek fully acknowledges this, and says there's one key way to prevent greediness from obscuring your sense of purpose: Find a leadership buddy.

"I always tell people, if you want to go on a leadership journey, you have to go with someone," Sinek told Business Insider. "You commit to helping somebody become a great leader, and they commit to helping you."

Sinek said your leadership buddy can be a colleague, but doesn't necessarily have to be. A friend or a mentor who aspires to leadership works just as well, as long as it's someone you believe in and you're willing to sacrifice your own interests to help. Maybe, for example, you spend your weekends working with them on a problem they're struggling with.

Sinek explained that leadership is a lot like parenting — your greatest happiness comes from seeing your child or your team do well and achieve more than you thought they were capable of. That in turn inspires you to go out and fulfill your own potential.

Sinek has multiple leadership buddies, he said. They talk on the phone regularly to share advice, stories, and new ideas, and stay humble by reminding each other that they're always learning.

"The best leaders are ones that don't consider themselves experts; they consider themselves students," Sinek said.

Ultimately, a leadership buddy will help you maintain your integrity as you move forward in your career because you'll constantly feel how fulfilling it is to serve other people.

"I find it ironic that if we go to the bookstore, there's a whole section called 'self help,'" Sinek said. "The thing that leads to the greatest joy is helping others."

SEE ALSO: Why effective managers act like military leaders

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At the next happy hour with a date or brunch with a friend, what will you talk about?

The weather? Your cat? Damn Daniel?

Small talk like this is fine, but it rarely leads to real connection with people, says author and activist Glennon Melton Doyle.

On "The One You Feed," a podcast about how to find happiness, host Eric Zimmer read a passage from Doyle's memoir, "Love Warrior," which explores how she formed more authentic relationships with friends, lovers, and strangers.

Doyle talks about why surface-level conversations often make people feel lonely:

"The problem with surface conversations is that you stay lonely all the time, because everybody's surface is different," she writes. "But if you take the chance, a leap of faith, and you go deeper, you'll find at those deeper levels, we're all the same."

Meaningful connection happens when people speak honestly and let down whatever facades they hold up, Doyle says. Something magical happens when people tell their story honestly and allow themselves to be vulnerable.

MIT psychologist Sherry Turkle has made a similar argument based on her own research. In her latest book, "Reclaiming Conversation," she says the best conversations usually have two components: they happen face-to-face — without phones — and both people allow the conversation to unfold spontaneously.

"It is in this type of conversation — where we learn to make eye contact, to become aware of another person’s posture and tone, to comfort one another and respectfully challenge one another — that empathy and intimacy flourish," Turkle wrote in The New York Times. "In these conversations, we learn who we are."

SEE ALSO: A couples therapist reveals the most important quality to look for in a partner

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A romantic comedy board game has reached over twice its fundraising goal on Kickstarter.

Called the Fog of Love, the game was developed by Copenhagen-based Jacob Jaskov and his company Hush Hush Projects and takes two players through a full relationship from the beginning sparks to the happy — or bitter — end.

The game has already been fully funded with over 1,300 backers on Kickstarter and has raised over $57,000, more than twice it’s pledged goal of $25,000 with 26 days left to go.

Jaskov said the idea came to him because he loved to play games and his wife would rather watch romantic movies together.

“There is no section for ‘Romance’ (or just Drama) in any game shop or game database,” Jaskov said about the project. “This got me thinking and I decided to create a game we could play.”

Fog of Love is part role playing and part guessing what your partner’s secret personality traits are and using them to your own or your relationship’s advantage. Both sides are also given a profession and three physical features before they start playing.

As the story unfolds, you learn more and more about how your partner reacts to situations within the game until you can guess how the relationship is going to end.

The whole point of the game is to compromise, just like in a real relatisonhip. But as the game continues, if you don’t see compromise as an option, the game lets you find happiness in other ways, whether that’s to change your character’s personality to better suit your partner or prepare to leave the relationship.

Though the idea seems complicated at first, the relationship cards you draw on every turn keep the game moving forward. They play out like a story, complete with having players agree or disagree on how they first met or reveal their reactions when they attend a mutual friend’s wedding.

The winner or winners of the two-player game is ultimately decided by who guesses the end result of the relationship. While you’re also encouraged to try and make the relationship last, that can be hard when things like secret love children and previous marriages get in the way.

“Fog of Love is about finding out how to achieve a happy ending in the love story you create together,” the Fog of Love Kickstarter page says.

The game will cost $35 if you can pick it up in Copenhagen or $39 with added cost for shipping. Estimated delivery is currently January 2017.

Click here to see the Kickstarter page for the game or see the full rule book here.

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We all have those coworkers …

The people we avoid at the water cooler. The people who take credit for everything. The "negative Nancys." People you don’t want to spend time with.

We complain about them regularly, but how can you ensure people aren’t saying those things about you? How do you become "likable?"

1. Be reliable.

Don’t say one thing and then do another. When you offer to do something, commit to it.

Don’t be late to an early morning meeting. Don’t agree to come in and help on a project over the weekend and then back out at the last minute. Hold yourself accountable. People like people they know they can count on.

2. Be a doer.

Don’t just talk about big ideas … figure out a way to make them happen. Take initiative and get things done. Be confident and execute on your own; don’t ask a manager or coworker to hold your hand. Mistakes can (and probably will) happen along the way.

That’s OK. Learn from them and grow. Leadership, management, and peers see right through someone who promises the world but never executes. When you commit to something, see it through.

3. Recognize others.

One of the best ways to create a positive work environment is to acknowledge when others within your company or team have done something great. When someone hits a goal, closes a deal, or finishes an important presentation, congratulate them.

Go to a happy hour and buy him or her a drink after work. Don’t be so consumed with your own work that you forget about everyone around you. People like to be noticed. When you’re genuine and pay attention to others in the office, it goes a long way.

4. Smile.

This one may seem obvious, but a smile is one of the first things to go during busy or stressful situations at the office. You’re not going to love your job all the time. You’re not going to be happy all the time.

But the fact of the matter is people want to be around people who are pleasant and positive. Smile and say good morning when you get into the office. Smile at coworkers in the hallway. Walk into a meeting looking happy.

5. Get to know people.

Don’t just clock in and clock out; make it a point to get to know your coworkers on a personal and professional level. It’s important to ask people about more than their career progression or a day-to-day life in the office.

Ask how their weekend was. Ask them what college they went to. Find out what their hobbies are and talk to them about their spouse or kids. Spend time together at a happy hour or game night outside of the office. Build real connections and have real conversations with people.

6. Know how others like to work.

Ask your manager and coworkers how they like to communicate and how you can work best with them. If someone prefers having phone calls over sending emails, pick up the phone. If someone prefers having meetings in the morning, try to avoid scheduling ones in the afternoon.

Show coworkers you care not only about your work, but theirs as well.

Tom Gimbel, founder & CEO of LaSalle Network, a staffing and recruiting firm headquartered in Chicago, and a 9-time Inc. 5000 winner. Gimbel is an expert on career management and company culture, speaking at universities and conferences across the country.

SEE ALSO: 17 communication habits of highly likable people

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I've never seen my coworker Allen use a phone. I know he has one; I've called and texted him, and he asked my opinion on the iPhone 6 versus the Plus.

But those are my only clues to its existence, because Allen has a strict no-phones-around-others policy.

That means he will not touch his phone, under any conditions, unless he's alone.

When Allen first revealed his boycott, I thought he was crazy. I check my phone all the time, whether I'm with other people or not — out of necessity. How else am I supposed to stay on top of a constant flood of emails, social media updates, texts, and calls?

However, when I started watching Allen interact with the other people in our office, I thought maybe he was onto something. No matter who Allen was talking to — a client, our boss, another professional — that person seemed really engaged in the conversation.

So I decided to (literally) pocket my phone for a week. Here's what happened.

1. People copied me.

I spent four hours straight with one of my colleagues finishing an extremely important project. It was incredibly difficult, but I kept my phone in my pocket the whole time. And for the most part, so did she.

This particular coworker is a pretty active social media user, so I was really surprised to see her be so hands-off. However, over the course of the week, I saw this effect again and again — when people pull out their devices and you don't, not only do they feel pressured to put them away again more quickly, but they're also far less likely to re-check them.

We ended up finishing our project sooner than anticipated, in part because without the interruptions of our screens, we were able to find a flow and maintain it. The productivity boost was totally worth responding to emails a few hours later than I would have normally.

The take-away: Putting away your phone makes everyone more efficient.

2. People liked talking to me more.

I didn't tell anyone about my phone ban, and no one said anything. Whether or not they consciously noticed, however, people really seemed to respond.

They could tell they had my undivided attention — not only was I not doing that half-nod, half-scroll thing, but I wasn't even thinking about checking my phone. My listening skills went through the roof.

As a result, people were much more engaged. When we were discussing something light-hearted, they smiled and laughed more. When we were talking about something serious, they were more honest and thoughtful.

I even noticed people initiating conversations with me more. Instead of just saying, "How's it going?" as they passed by me in the hall, they'd stop and ask what project I was working on or what my plans were the weekend were.

The take-away: Putting away your phone makes people feel appreciated and respected.

3. People trusted me more.

Well, according to the research. Studies show using your phone around someone else makes you seem less trustworthy and less empathetic.

In addition, even having a phone in view hurts our relationships — whether you check it or not.

According to the scientists who conducted the study, "Cell phones may serve as a reminder of the wider network to which we could connect," which leads to "lower relationship quality and less closeness."

The take-away: Putting away your phone will help deepen your relationships.

Since discovering these benefits, I've decided to follow Allen's lead all the time. I'm not going to lie, it's challenging!

These strategies make it a little easier:

• I turn my phone off if I know I'm about to be with other people.
• I stow my phone in my bag, rather than my pocket, so it's harder to access.
• I pretend I'm playing a game in which I get money for every phone-free interaction.
• I remind myself of the long-term gratification of building better relationships.

If I know someone is waiting to hear back from me (or vice versa), while I'm still alone, I'll send a quick email explaining how long I'll be unavailable. If something is really urgent, I'll keep my phone in my pocket, excuse myself to the restroom, and check it in there. It's not ideal, but at least the people I'm with don't see me using it.

Occasionally, I'll miss an important email or return a call a little late. However, nothing has happened that's made me regret not checking my phone. I may be a little harder to reach virtually, but in-person? I'm all yours — and my personal and professional relationships have never been better.

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Here at Business Insider, we talk a lot about leadership strategies and how to manage the people who report to you.

Yet, as most workers know, it's just as important to learn how to manage the people above you. That doesn't mean giving your boss deadlines or letting them know when they're wrong — instead, it's about learning what they really care about and then making sure you deliver on that.

The term is "managing up," and Dave Kerpen, founder and CEO of Likeable Local, knows a lot about it. In his new book, "The Art of People," Kerpen explains how he learned to manage up early in his career, and how he expects his team to do the same today.

While working at Radio Disney, Kerpen infuriated his manager, Sam, when he consistently showed up late to work. Sam explained that it was disrespectful to him and to the rest of the staff when Kerpen showed up late.

Once Kerpen realized that it was respect that was important to Sam, he came up with a plan that would make his life and Sam's life easier.

Here's what he said: "I'm just not a morning person, Sam. But I have a lot of respect for you and want to do right by you. I'm happy to work late every night, so instead of staying until 5, I can stay until 6 or 6:30."

Immediately, Sam came up with an idea: Kerpen would start at 9:30 and work until 6, instead of showing up at 9 and working until 5:30.

After that conversation, Kerpen would still sometimes show up late. But apparently, Sam didn't mind. Kerpen writes that it was because he took the focus off himself and put it on Sam, and he let Sam come up with an idea to solve the problem.

Essentially, Kerpen had gotten inside Sam's head to figure out what he really wanted from Kerpen.

"Think of managing up as the 'Platinum Rule' for organizations," Kerpen writes. "Think like your manager and you will reap the benefits of getting your way when you need it most."

In an interview with Business Insider, Kerpen said managing up isn't at all about kissing up to your manager: "It's about helping your manager look great to his or her manager. And ultimately by doing that you're going to position yourself better for success."

He recommends either asking your boss directly what's important to them or subtly trying to figure it out on your own.

Today, Kerpen said he expects his team at Likeable Local to manage up to him.

Kerpen cares a lot about making sure his employees look polished and come prepared when they present at Monday morning company-wide meetings.

"I have my head of marketing show up late Tuesday through Friday and I don't really care, honestly, as long as Monday morning she's there and delivering a great report."

The point is that, often, to perform well at work, you have to first figure out what performing well really means to the person evaluating you.

"It's not just about doing your job," Kerpen said. "It's about doing your job in a way that'll help your manager feel really good about his or her job and that he or she is doing really well."

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Women who believe the man should be the one to make the first move might want to rethink their dating strategy — especially online.

New data from OKCupid, cited by The New York Times, reveals that women fare a lot better when they take the initiative to message a man.

Based on an analysis of 70,000 users who logged on at least three times in a month, OKCupid found that women are 2.5 times more likely to receive a response to their messages than men are.

Moreover, women who send the first message wind up meeting more attractive men than women who wait for a man to ping them, the report finds. That's because women generally message men who are five points more attractive (as rated by OKCupid users) than they are, while they typically receive messages from men who are seven points less attractive than they are.

At the same time, OKCupid found that men currently send 3.5 times the number of messages women send, suggesting that few women are aware of the advantages of stepping up to the plate.

This new data supports a theory popularized by Hannah Fry, a mathematician at the UCL Centre for Advanced Spatial Analysis in London and author of the 2015 book "The Mathematics of Love."

In the book, Fry describes the "stable marriage problem," or the challenge of matching two entities so that neither would be better off in another match, and explains the Gale-Shapley matching algorithm often used to solve it. Exploiting this algorithm can be a great strategy for successful online dating.

Here's how it works: Fry uses the example of three boys talking to three girls at a party. Each participant has an ordered list of who is most suitable to go home with.

If this was a 1950s-style dating scenario in which the boys approached the girls, each boy would hit on his top-choice girl, Fry says. If a girl has multiple offers, she would choose the boy she preferred most, and if a boy were rejected, he would approach his second-choice girl.

The result is pretty great for the boys. Each gets his first- or second-choice partner, and there is no way the boys could improve, because their top choices have said yes or already rejected them.

The girls fare relatively worse, however, having paired up with their second- or third-choice partners.

Fry writes:

Regardless of how many boys and girls there are, it turns out that whenever the boys do the approaching, there are four outcomes that will be true:

1. Everyone will find a partner.

2. Once all partners are determined, no man and woman in different couples could both improve their happiness by running off together.

3. Once all partners are determined, every man will have the best partner available to him.

4. Once all partners are determined, every woman will end up with the least bad of all the men who approach her.

Essentially, whoever does the asking (and is willing to face rejection until achieving the best available option) is better off. Meanwhile, the person who sits back and waits for advances settles for the least bad option on the table. 

Bottom line: If you're a woman waiting to be chosen by a man, try mustering the courage to do the choosing yourself. There's a much better chance you'll find someone you actually like, instead of settling for what's available.

Watch Fry's TED Talk on the mathematics of love:

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Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist and author of "Anatomy of Love," says sex triggers the brain regions linked to love and attachment. For her, there is no such thing as casual sex.

Produced by Kevin Reilly. Camera by Grace Raver.

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Ever been in the middle of a heated argument when suddenly the other person pulls out their phone and starts texting?

If the answer is yes, and if you find it happening constantly, we hope that person isn't your significant other.

This behavior, known as stonewalling, is one of four reactions that John Gottman, a psychologist at the University of Washington and the founder of the Gottman Institute, has identified as a telltale sign that all is not well with a married couple.

In fact, when Gottman and University of California at Berkeley psychologist Robert Levenson lumped stonewalling together with three other behaviors — contempt, criticism, and defensiveness — and measured how often they occurred within the span of a 15-minute conversation, they found they could predict which marriages would end in divorce with striking precision.

When the psychologists added questions about things like relationship satisfaction and how many times the research subjects had thoughts about separating to the mix, they could predict which marriages would end in divorce 93% of the time.

The figure, which comes from a 14-year study of 79 couples living across the US Midwest (21 of whom divorced during the study period), was so striking it spurred the researchers to label the four behaviors "the four horsemen of the apocalypse."

While that initial study, published in 2002, was small and focused on a specific population, a decade of research into marriage and divorce has lent further support to the idea that divorce is associated with specific negative behaviors.

One recent study of 373 newlywed couples, for example, found that couples who yelled at each other, showed contempt for each other, or shut off conversation about an issue within the first year of marriage were more likely to divorce as far as 16 years down the road.

So what do these four "apocalyptic" behaviors actually look like in a relationship?

1. Contempt

Contempt, a virulent mix of anger and disgust, is far more toxic than simple frustration or negativity. It involves seeing your partner as beneath you, rather than as an equal.

This behavior alone, Gottman told Business Insider, is "the kiss of death" for a relationship.

Take an everyday argument about buying groceries, for example. When you come home and realize your significant other has picked up habanero peppers rather than bell peppers for tonight's stir-fry dinner, do you listen while he explains that perhaps you didn't ever tell him what type of pepper you wanted? Do you think this over, and, when you realize that maybe he's right, do you apologize? Or do you adopt an attitude and think to yourself, What kind of an idiot doesn't know that bell peppers are for stir-fry and habaneros are for salsa?

The reason contempt is so powerful is because it means you've closed yourself off to your partner's needs and emotions.

If you constantly feel smarter than, better than, or more sensitive than your significant other, you're not only less likely see his or her opinions as valid, but, more important, you're far less willing to try to put yourself in his or her shoes to try to see a situation from his or her perspective.

2. Criticism

Like contempt, criticism involves turning a behavior (something your partner did) into a statement about his or her character (the type of person he or she is).

Say your partner has a nasty habit of leaving his or her used cereal bowl — calcified, uneaten cereal-and-milk remnants and all — around the house.

Do you wait until he or she gets home to mention that the behavior bothers you, and gently suggest that he or she put the emptied bowl in the sink or dishwasher instead? Or do you think to yourself, "Why am I dating the type of person who abandons half-eaten cereal bowls around the house?"

Over time, these personal detractions can add up, feeding darker feelings of resentment and contempt.

3. Defensiveness

If you find yourself regularly playing the victim in tough situations with your partner, you might be guilty of being defensive.

Take being late to a cousin's wedding, for example. Are you the first to say, "It wasn't my fault!" when you finally arrive? Or do you think it over before you accuse the other person, realizing you probably shouldn't have taken a two-hour shower when you only had an hour to get ready?

Taking responsibility for your role in a tough situation can be uncomfortable, but it's often what keeps a bad situation from escalating, says Gottman.

He's found that for couples who divorce within the first several years of their marriage — one of the times when divorce rates are highest — "entering negativity is like stepping into a quicksand bog. It’s easy to enter but hard to exit."

4. Stonewalling

You know when an argument is about to start. You can feel your heart rate increase and your voice get just a tiny bit louder. But the moment things start to get heated, do you pull out your phone, walk away, or simply ignore your partner?

Blocking off conversation can be just as toxic for a relationship as contempt because it keeps you from addressing an underlying issue.

We know: Getting into arguments with your partner is the opposite of a good time. But these temporarily uncomfortable situations are oftentimes the place where you can start to come to big realizations about your own behavior and solve potentially damaging problems.

Don't panic

It's important to keep in mind that occasionally displaying any one of these behaviors — or all of them, even — is completely normal.

It's when these negative behaviors happen so frequently that they replace more positive interactions with your partner that can be cause for concern.

Simply recognizing that you're doing something that could be hurting your relationship is the first step to actively combating it. If you can figure out how to avoid the behavior or replace it with a more positive one, you'll probably make the relationship even stronger.

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We've all been there. We're minding our own business when we get a call, an email, or a "whaaaat's happening?" Office Space-style cubicle visit, and that other f-word gets lobbed at us: favor.

Sometimes, of course, we say yes. We're delighted to help out — it's fun, rewarding, or win-win. But sometimes we feel anything but delighted: we feel bad, obligated, resentful, or pressured. And it's almost guaranteed: we feel guilty.

So today, let's talk about why not to feel guilty when you say no to coming in on Saturday, coordinating the preschool fun fair for the third year in a row, or loaning your pickup truck to your friend who's moving this weekend. That, plus seven concrete ways to say no, from beginner to ninja.  

Let's start with why you shouldn't feel guilty about saying no. First, guilt is an emotion reserved for when you do something wrong. If you hurt someone, it's appropriate to feel guilty. Now, saying no might create a little extra work for the person you're declining because now they have to ask someone else or otherwise rethink, but it falls well short of hurtful.  

To make this more visual, picture a flowchart — saying no simply sends someone in a different direction. People are scrappy and creative. If you say no, they'll recalibrate and take another path. You're no Obi Wan Kenobi—seldom it is true that you're really someone's only hope. There are almost always other options out there for them and the favor they need.

Second, we often feel guilty because not only do we with think we're hurting the other person, but we expect retaliation. We think, "She's going to hate me,""He'll get mad," or "I'll get fired." Our brains jump to the worst-case scenario. So instead, let's take a step back and look at all the other, much more likely possibilities that our brains leap-frogged over on the way to the worst.

Ask yourself instead, what's a more likely scenario? Maybe your requestor will be momentarily disappointed, but understand and then get help elsewhere. Or, let's generate a most likely scenario this way: what happens when someone says no to you? Do you fly into a rage, burst blood vessels, and froth at the mouth? I'm assuming you don't. So why the double standard? Expect reasonable others to react as you do—that is to say, reasonably.

OK, now on to seven ways to say no!

1. Offer an alternative. 

This is the easiest way to say no. Decline the request, but offer a consolation prize. "My schedule just doesn't allow me to proofread your dissertation before your deadline, but here's a link to a great article on the five biggest dissertation errors to watch out for."

Just make sure you're not offering an alternative solely out of guilt — your goal is to actually be helpful to the requestor, not just to make yourself feel less guilty.

2. Connect with empathy as well as saying no. 

Demonstrating that you've truly heard and understood the person's request can make them feel good, even if you ultimately can't take on the task. Affirm that they're working hard, or that they're dealing with a challenging task. For instance, "You're working so hard to make your sister's wedding a success; I wish I could take organizing the shower off your hands, but I just can't right now."

3. Blame something objective.

Make your unavailability the fault of your schedule, your workload, other duties, or another external, objective circumstance that's out of your control. And avoid the awkwardness of hearing "You're busy this week?  Then how about next week?" by adding, "I'll let you know if anything changes."

4. Blame something subjective.

Along the same lines as blaming an external circumstance, you can blame something internal and individual to you.  For instance, blame your taste, your skills, your style.  For example, "I'm going to have to say no to emcee-ing the recital; being onstage just isn't my style." 

5. Turn it into a compliment.

Say no to the request, but turn it into a compliment for the requestor. "Thanks so much for thinking of me! That's so nice of you." Or, "I appreciate the opportunity—it was so lovely of you to ask me first." Personally, I always try to do this when fundraisers stop me on the street—I won't always donate, but I always tell them they're doing important work and wish them the best of luck.  

6. Stick to your guns.

Now we're getting more advanced. Some folks will push you and ask more than once, or will pester you to try to wear you down. (Some of these people may have an age in the single digits; two of them live in my house).  

In this scenario, it's OK to use the classic Broken Record Technique — just give the same answer again and again when they ask again and again. You don't have to be soulless about it — you can empathize with them and give them a hug, but don't let your answer morph from "no" to "maybe" to "well, ok just one" to "fine go ahead." Just stick to your original "no."

7. Say no without apologizing. 

This is graduation from ‘no' school. Just like guilt, apologizing is for when you've done something wrong. It may seem like a fine line between not apologizing and being rude, but done well, "no" can be gracious and polite. Your requestor won't even miss the "I'm so sorry."

For instance, "What a lovely idea to make handmade decorations for the reunion! I have to admit I'm just not the woman for that job. But I can make a mean sangria." Tah-dah! No apologies needed.  

A final tip

Make your "no" swift and clear. Don't delay your answer, say you'll think about it, say maybe, or say yes and then back out. It may feel wrong to say "no," but in the long run a clear, timely answer is more polite and in your requestor's best interest.

For those of us who like to think we can do it all, starting to say "no" may come with a cost. We may not be the super mom, jack-of-all-trades, or I-can-always-count-on-you friend we've come to see ourselves as. But when we stop trying to do it all, oddly, we gain time, energy, and, best of all, respect.

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Dating is hard. The goalposts seem to be moving constantly: When should you stop seeing other people? When do you move in together? When is it time to call it quits?

Researchers recently released an analysis of how relationships progressed after a couple's first sexual encounter, based on surveys of 2,744 American men and women between the ages of 18 and 39 whose last relationship was with someone of the opposite sex.

Here's the upshot: In the 12 months after the first time having sex with someone, most people either move in or move on.

Only 23% of the respondents were still seeing each other, but not cohabitating. Another 27% had started living together. Everyone else — half the respondents — had broken up.

The average length of a relationship was a little less than five months after the first time the couple had sex.

In fact, roughly a third of couples break up before the six-month mark. This is especially true of respondents under 25, who tend to to exit their relationships more quickly.

People's backgrounds seemed to matter a lot, too. Respondents whose parents had remarried were more likely to move in with their partners more quickly — though, as the study points out, parental remarriage has been linked to leaving home at a younger age. How much education someone's mother had, which is usually an indicator of an economically advantaged background, was tied to delayed cohabitation.

The report excluded those who had been in a relationship for more than a year at the time of the survey, or who had married in that time without living with their partner first. The results also might have been different if the researchers had looked at same-sex relationships, people older than 39, or people in countries other than the US. And it's impossible to know how things progress after the single year the study examined.

While looking at an analysis of a large sample can be interesting, it's hard to apply findings like this to any individual couple. Different people have different feelings about what kinds of relationships are ideal, and not every sexual encounter is expected to lead to something lasting.

Sharon Sassler, a professor at Cornell and a coauthor of the study, offered some general advice, however: Don't rush things.

"I would argue that relationships take time to develop — so try to take your time in a new sexual relationship before discussing the possibility of living together," she told Tech Insider in an email. "Make sure there are enough talks about what the expectations are"— the possibility of kids, for example, or whether marriage is equally important to you and your partner.

And if you're not cohabiting with your partner at six months? If you're happy, don't worry about it. "The relationships that I've observed that are higher quality are often the ones that unfold over time," Sassler said.

"Get to know the other person a bit," she added. "See how good they are at making coffee and cooking you breakfast."

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Esther Perel is a renowned relationship expert who has worked with hundreds of couples around the world. During her countless sessions with all different kinds of duos, Perel noticed a few key factors that happy relationships have in common.

Story by Aly Weisman and editing by Chelsea Pineda and Alana Kakoyiannis

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When women drink alcohol on dates, it makes them feel more intimate, while it makes the men they are with feel less so.

This is according to a recent study published in the Journal of Personal Relationships.

Psychologists from Australian National University rounded up some undergrads and surveyed them about their alcohol habits on dates.

The majority of the 323 participants had had alcohol on a date within the last three months.

Nearly half of these dates were at restaurants, while 28% were at bars or nightclubs, 9% were at the movies, 6% were at home, and 4% were at parties. On average, couples consumed almost six drinks together per date.

After they characterized the dates, the researchers had participants rate their feelings of intimacy on these alcohol-fueled dates.

Intimacy "is defined as a subjective feeling that is characterized by a sense of closeness, affection, and connectedness between interacting partners," the researchers wrote. "Intimacy is critical for the blossoming of romantic relationships in the early phase of courtship."

Previousresearchhasfound that drinking on dates can increase the amount of intimacy couples feel, and these researchers wanted to see if this feeling differed between the sexes.

They found that men drinking damaged the development of intimacy, while women drinking enhanced it.

"This provocative finding suggests that men may wish to limit their drinking on dates to minimize its potential disadvantageous effect on intimacy for both themselves and their partners," the researchers concluded.

Of course, this study has several limitations. It had a small sample size of young Australian students, and the results might have been different with older participants, same-sex couples, or different amounts of drinking. Plus, participants were recalling dates from the past, so they could have misremembered the events.

But if their results hold true, it may be best to hold off on the liquor if you want to cultivate a real relationship, gentlemen.

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